Latest Posts by 7fff00 - Page 2

unrelatedly changing seasons is always kind of a brutal renegotiation with the mysterious rules of dysphoria but i WISH i understood why like. the exact same tank tops will have been totally fine with certain bottoms and then with others it's suddenly like 'agh nooooo we're doing a bad job of Man AND of Woman, time for death 💀💀💀'

OH my god i just spent. literal HOURS cleaning out the fridge and dutifully emptying out even the extremely gross forgotten containers of things into the compost instead of just trashing them unopened. (i have adhd. i don't want to talk about the chicken. it was a bad time.)

anyway yes any other approach would have eaten at me so do i really deserve praise when ultimately i was just saving myself from the bitter reproaches of my own conscience. probably not. however i still want one gajillion neon star stickers because like. HOW conscientious of me. HOW viscerally gross a task. ugh. augh. etc.

AND then i changed the slipcovers on my armchair and started a load of laundry before flopping so. in conclusion i am positively WREATHED with the odor of sanctity atm and i'm making a post about it bc unfortunately due to the aforementioned faulty brain wiring i have a hard time accessing the appropriate Triumphantly Accomplished reward-feeling, so. public self-praise it is!

the biggest epistemological gap between me & 95% the rest of the world is literally just how much i love to look things up on the internet and how much it baffles me when other people don't like to do this. we live in the information age. like i'll google anything i'll read this bmj paper on the toilet i'll look up words i don't know i'll append pdf free to any possible phrase. i don't know how anybody is voluntarily turning this down. sometimes i get so tired of searchinf for something physically inside a store i pull out my phone and google like silken tofu aldi what fucking aisle while im standing right there. otherwise what is even the point

and this is where i'm reminded of an unrelated conversation i had a while back, in which i was expressing a desire for better data on things like the actual correlation of pelvic width to assigned gender (coming as i do from a narrow-hipped mother and wide-hipped father), and the friend i was talking to was like, why even cede that ground, though? like, even if wide hips are generally a Woman Thing, well, (a) there's nothing wrong with Woman Things and (b) i thought we'd established that gender isn't sited in the body? and at the time i was like, fair enough! and let it go, because i agree with both those points—but i was never entirely satisfied with how the conversation had gone, and my thought process today helped clarify for me why: because wanting better data about actual quantifiable things that we tend to just handwave with (cis)gendered assumptions isn't, actually, about wanting to validate my gender by establishing that i got my hips from my dad or whatever; it's about the fact that letting gendered stereotypes gaslight you about the actual reality of the world we inhabit makes you—me—a sloppy, stupid thinker!! and like. i aspire to be compassionate. i aspire to be consistent. but—by the god i don't believe in—i aspire, maybe above all else, to be precise.

so i’m friends on strava with Baby Sister’s extremely sweet, extremely earnest nerd-jock boyfriend, right, because i’m trying to Behave Welcomingly towards the partners of important women in my life despite being, if we’re being honest, the world’s most defensively shriveled social prune, and today that normally-very-incidental fact rubbed my nose hard in how much sexism i still gotta unlearn—

so i went for my stupid dinky little run, right, and dutifully logged it, and found myself looking at my dash or activity feed or whatever they call it over there, and realized Baby Sister’s bf had also just been for a run, which had taken him about the same amount of time; but the thing was, i’d actually run, like, 15% longer than he had, it was just that my pace per mile had also been, like, a minute and a half faster than his. which was really startling to me, because i absolutely reflexively assumed that a tall mid-twenties cis guy, who i know for a fact cycles and rock-climbs on the reg, was going to be a faster runner than me, a medium-height estrogenized couch potato!

and like, obviously i have no idea what relationship this kid's pace today had to his actual capacity, and also quite frankly in my experience running is a sport where, sure, your fitness matters or whatever, but it’s also just radically easier the less you weigh?? so i’m not particularly priding myself on a (decidedly non-elite) pace that has a lot less to do with my current fitness level (rusty) and a lot more to do with currently being underweight bc i’m bad at feeding myself bc adhd. but it just feels like. pretty fuckin telling that i was so taken aback!!

so i’m friends on strava with Baby Sister’s extremely sweet, extremely earnest nerd-jock boyfriend, right, because i’m trying to Behave Welcomingly towards the partners of important women in my life despite being, if we’re being honest, the world’s most defensively shriveled social prune, and today that normally-very-incidental fact rubbed my nose hard in how much sexism i still gotta unlearn—

so i went for my stupid dinky little run, right, and dutifully logged it, and found myself looking at my dash or activity feed or whatever they call it over there, and realized Baby Sister’s bf had also just been for a run, which had taken him about the same amount of time; but the thing was, i’d actually run, like, 15% longer than he had, it was just that my pace per mile had also been, like, a minute and a half faster than his. which was really startling to me, because i absolutely reflexively assumed that a tall mid-twenties cis guy, who i know for a fact cycles and rock-climbs on the reg, was going to be a faster runner than me, a medium-height estrogenized couch potato!

and like, obviously i have no idea what relationship this kid's pace today had to his actual capacity, and also quite frankly in my experience running is a sport where, sure, your fitness matters or whatever, but it’s also just radically easier the less you weigh?? so i’m not particularly priding myself on a (decidedly non-elite) pace that has a lot less to do with my current fitness level (rusty) and a lot more to do with currently being underweight bc i’m bad at feeding myself bc adhd. but it just feels like. pretty fuckin telling that i was so taken aback!!

saw a family tree template were you marked family members as male, female, or deceased. so glad we're finally recognizing a third gender (corpse)

Window bench with wood work that matches the exposed ceiling. Bench aligned with adjacent steps.

I'm not gonna lie, after I walked around the corner and saw the stork, I was only able to express my surprise through a series of expletives.

Weißstorch (white stork) im Rosensteinpark, Bad Cannstatt.

Eurasian red squirrel/ekorre. Värmland, Sweden (May 9, 2024).

tfw a binary trans woman describes hrt as inherently feminizing because she finds that framing gender-affirming and you, a nonbinary person, are like, could we maybe not describe having breasts as an intrinsically "female configuration," actually?

[ID: Wiktionary screenshot that reads:

Etymology Borrowed from Spanish burrito, diminutive of burro (“donkey”), from burrico (“donkey”), from Latin burricus (“small horse”), from burrus (“red-brown”), from Ancient Greek πυρρός (purrhós, “flame-colored”), from πῦρ (pûr, “fire”).

/end ID]

this burrito is fire

also. as long as i'm telling you guys silly little things. look at my absurd gluttonous beast who shoved her face into my tomato-y lunch leftovers and now has. well.

anime blush only orange.

wait my range of motion in the shoulder that just. decided to be fucked up for no apparent reason, uh, years ago now is like. suddenly radically better than the last time i checked???? like i can actually reach up more or less symmetrically right now???

anyway fully braced for this to promptly become untrue again, i don’t trust like that anymore, but. sheenagh pugh sometimes emoji??

sometimes you go outside and see a stranger who smiles at you and the world feels beautiful <3

just thinking again about the difficulty of achieving actual escape velocity from the womenswear standard of Pervasive Negative Ease…

mens thighs.

on principle opposed to describing art i dislike as ‘masturbatory’ because even though it’s an alluringly contemptuous word to sneer it’s impossible to reconcile with my pro-masturbation stance

cracked open the glossaire érotique (1861) and was immediately floored by the very first word in the dictionary being "abailardiser" (verb). definition: "to leave someone in the state the canon fulbert left abailard" (castrated)

[ID: Tweet by kelsey weekman @‍kelsaywhat that reads:

me when i fall short of a goal: agony me when I meet or exceed a goal: ok

/end ID]

one of those 'extremely grateful for jarred indian sauces you can stick a protein and some veg into and eat over rice' sort of nights

[h/t @‍elodieunderglass]

i'm a big fan of the concept of using monogramming services for non-monogram purposes, as per the example (from alex mill) on the left:

and in a similar vein, i recently saw the pair of pants on the right (from urban outfitters house brand iets frans), and thought immediately to myself, wow, i really hope the butt pocket says THEN…

I made this!!

ok i put on my dorky lil light-up vest & went for a long walk with my thermos of tea in the gloaming & saw the ocean (<3) & a bat (!) & sang deh placatevi con me & nur wer die sehnsucht kennt quietly to myself, & now i'm home again & nefret cat is lying in my lap like a warm heavy sandbag & purring—

in a bit i'll probably go get in the wet box & then reheat the last of the curry mee we made earlier in the week, & all manner of things shall probably in fact be well, actually!

(god my brain is just like. yowling sad! sad!! sad!!! at me incessantly today and i gotta say: it's really unhelpful???

i'm trying to do things thru it but. oof lol)

Great Bustard (Otis tarda), males displaying, family Otididae, order Otidiformes, NE China

ENDANGERED.

At up to 40 lbs, the male is one of the world’s heaviest flying birds.

photographs by VCG

continuing my research into "what is the most bullshit thing you can call a 'book'", i present: one sheet of paper and three pinback buttons.

pretty excited by these, i've wanted to do a turkish map fold zine for a while and the little case is cut from the same sheet of paper so the whole zine can be printed on one 8.5x11 page. i'll have these at seattle art book fair at washington hall next weekend!

"Fig. 44. Butterfly" from the Priscilla Irish Crochet Book No. 2" edited by Eliza A. Taylor

genuinely wild how often i realize i’ve taken an interpersonal situation where the information i actually have is ‘i’m not having a good time’ and turned it into ‘i’m worried they’re not having a good time with me’

probably ultimately very straightforwardly traceable back to a childhood in which i wasn’t having a good time with my mother and the only variable in the situation that i actually had the power to alter was myself, so that now when as an adult i’m having a bad time with someone my instinct is still to fix myself instead of, you know, removing myself? or alternatively checking in with them about how things are feeling to them and attempting to arrive at a meeting of the minds, or at least a mutually semi-satisfactory compromise?

anyway like. this failure mode probably implies a particular menu of followup actions that i ought to be identifying and instituting, but i’d frankly settle for just ‘recognizing this particular self-abnegating reframing when i’m in the process of committing it’!

Day 8, swallow-tailed kite