— V, From “excerpt From A Book I Will Never Write” (via Letsbelonelytogetherr)

You have many thoughts that could be well perceived by few ( I count myself, idk i might be wrong most of the times) and those are truly magical. But don't you get scared living in your world of esoteric concepts an notions.

I seem to have missed this question earlier.

See, life is such that uncertainty is structurally inherent.

Do I sometimes have self doubts? Am I uncertain of things? - I certainly am. But life is a play. I am not very conversant with the deeper theories of quantum mechanics, but it is fascinating enough that an electron behaves both as a particle and wave, its velocity precarious and unquantifiable except in probabilities. Many ways, this is true about our lives too.

Perhaps the point of being alive is just being alive. We are cursed to make abstract theories about life, afterlife, before life, in the middle of the life life and so on. I am no exception. There are times when I am foolish enough to make theories and life invariably always quashes those beliefs. I have been humbled by life over and over again.

I am scared. Sometimes. Such is life.

But when I am in deep harmony with life, surrendering myself to its rhythm, joyfully ebbing on the undulating waves of highs and lows, I am deeply fulfilled. Grateful to be alive. To see and feel this miracle called world. It is so beautiful. So mysterious. And we are here for such short period of time. There is so much to marvel at. Let's devote ourselves to curiosity and gratitude. We will certainly grow old and die. What is there to lose? Just rejoice.

I grow so weary of being alive

My feet are aching, I just long for rest

& I count the reasons now to survive

They are all fleeting, I feel like a guest

The blue sky is bleeding, fading to gray

The flowers have all grown wilted and torn

There is no softness that begs me to stay

My smile becomes dim, so faded and worn

There's no advice in the heavens for me

& the stars are all just looking away

I'm a blackened branch in a burning tree

A faded novel with nothing to say

I have lost everything I loved the most

I am a person that's shaped like a ghost

— Virginia Woolf, from “Carlyle’s House and Other Sketches.”

-August.

The Letter to Nobody

Dearest,

It is cold today. After a week-long heat wave, the bay area has cooled down. It even rained the other day - what a treat!

The rain has clarified the skies. I didn’t know the blue of the Californian skies could be any bluer. But they could. They have: And they remind me of home.

I am inundated with assignments. I read most of the afternoons. I don’t remember my eyelids being tired this way. This tiredness is new to me, as are the golden sycamore leaves, the souvenirs of autumn. My first fall in the US, tired from reading stories all day long.

Fall.

Such a terse, poetic name for a weather.

You were startled by my admiration when I first admitted it to you. I suspect it struck you as incorrect. In a way, you were right.

Why should the spring buds admire the fall? Why should they indulge in the promise of death, decay, falling?

Fall. 

It is relaxing just to even pronounce it out loud. My muscles groan. In the distant skies, the clouds have thinned out into round patches that look like doily. I smile. I always wanted to learn crocheting. I know I never will. But I will look at doilies and I will look at doily-looking clouds and tell myself I wanted to learn crocheting. Why do I do this? Who am I lying? And I am not even lying. I would like to learn crocheting but only if life was a little longer than it is. I shift my gaze back to my screen. Words. I love them. 

Rustle. Why do I have to be distracted like this?

A swarm of desiccated sycamore leaves. It is cute that they always travel in a band. My windowsill is their nestling place. The specters of autumn. 

Is this a goodbye? Are you here to say goodbye? 

I say goodbye out loud. The leaves receive my idiocy with solemn indifference. 

Indifference. You pretended but you couldn’t be half as indifferent as these leaves. 

I never understood why you, with all your appetite for the unknown, should be threatened by the admiration. But admiration is threatening. In old french, it means to regard the person in awe.

It is threatening to be regarded with awe. What if we couldn’t live up to it? What if our existence contaminates someone’s pool of awe? Will we be able to live with so much guilt?

I understand you better now. Now that you are gone.

You indeed disappointed me. You faltered when it mattered the most. You betrayed my trust more than once.

Strangely enough, life is setting up a reverse drama for me. I have a far younger boy approach me with the admiration I had for you. And I feel burdened. I try to tell him that this is stupid. And it is. I know it is, because I have been stupid. But he persists. He brings me tea and chocolates.

I am waiting to break his heart. But that is the only way forward. Doesn’t mean I didn’t care for him. I want him to fly higher.

You are dead. Every day, life teaches me how/why to forgive you. I forgive you. One carelessness a day. You were also petty. Just like me. None of us can rise higher than our fears. At least, not all at once.

I forgave you this today - your suspicion of me. 

- bhushita

Claudia Rankine, Citizen

he tortures me with his gaze, i am so stupid to fall for him.

-august/fictionflaws

poetry, painting and pain.

when i turn off the lights

I'll not run but stand there

so the ghosts can take me

and wipe away my tear

oh how i dare to be that

i should be scared instead

but that's not me

and i will rather choose be dead

when the ghost comes near

i will ask it something

are you real.?

or are you too pretending.?

"i am too heartless", I'll say

but with skin and bones

and you're void darkness

like everyone knows

yet i could feel you shivering

just as frightened as me

you and i are no different

we are tied, even when we're free

~august/fictionflaws

To anyone who needs it, this is Your good luck post

Your heres to a new job post

The money Is coming your way post

The like to charge reblog to cast

You. Are. Going to. Make it. Post

Today I start the job that will never make me cry because the schedule came out and I can already see which weeks I won't be able to pay bills. Today I go to a place where I can see sunlight, am encouraged to move and learn and grow. Im sending good vibes, good luck and godspeed to whever needs this.

A bouqet, for you.