Aethererebus - The Forest Of Stars

i dont know how to ask for help without feeling like a burden

i'm not ghosting you, i forgot i was real

Who up wanting to slam their head through the wall

my soul is too sensitive for this life.

BEETLE

"I wish we met sooner" is such a gentle sentiment. I love you so much I not only want you in my future, but in my past too. I want to have known you when we were small stupid kids, have held hands together as we played outside. I want to have stressed out over exams together, nudging a mug of still steaming hot chocolate against your elbow to get you to focus. I want to have told you I love you before I did anyone else. I want to have held you in my arms when all those sad memories you describe to me were still fresh wounds. I want my past to have been full of you, and full of meaningful memories with you. I want my past lives to have been spent with you, whether as two lovers, or two housecats cuddling by the fireplace on a snowy day, or two flowers that just happened to bloom on the same day, next to each other. I want to have consumed your existence and intertwined it with my own since my birth, never to be separated from you for a moment. I want to have loved you throughout it all, for all time.

sorry, I didn’t mean to wake up again today

maybe i really am just unloveable

i feel like “sometimes your self diagnosis can be wrong/disproven by a professional” and “nobody knows what goes on in your mind better than you” are sentences that can and should coexist

ive seen tons of passive aggressive posts on here saying “if your psychologist “refuses” to diagnose you with something you probably dont have it (: hope this helps (:” when thats a horrible thing to try to push without lots of nuance

minorities tend to get misdiagnosed a lot - afabs, poc, queer people, all of which ive seen have serious conditions like schizophrenia/DID/other personality disorders be brushed off as the modern day hysterical (usually just “youre bipolar, get medicated and get out of my office”). not to mention for more stigmatized disorders like cluster b disorders are insanely difficult to get diagnosed if you dont fit a very specific checklist (when doing research into npd, 99% of the articles are just “people with npd are inherently abusive and will imminently manipulate their loved ones when their feelings are hurt so beeee carefulllll!!!”)

things like DID are also under researched and theres even psychologists that think it doesnt even exist or that you have to fit one mold to count as an actual system and if you slip up once and break that mold you’re probably faking or misdiagnosing yourself.

being told “haha your therapist is omnipotent and their word is law” in our experience (with many disorders and vulnerability problems to put it lightly) can be incredibly damaging, especially to people who are trying to shine light and find communities to discuss what theyre being troubled with. yes, your symptoms arent going to magically disappear because a person with a doctorate said they dont exist, but (again, from experience) you can either consciously or subconsciously smother those symptoms because “my therapist obviously knows best and im definitely faking which makes me a horrible person”

idk it just feels shitty to say “this person you barely know outside of telling them what youre struggling with is the deciding factor and their word is LAW in your life”