anatidephobia
•there are times when I am convinced I am unfit for any human relationship•
43 posts
Latest Posts by anatidephobia
guys turns out i just had undiagnosed NPD
whole life convincing yourself that you’re emotionless, cold and unbothered only to realise many years later that you created that version of yourself because in reality you couldn’t bare the thought of being vulnerable in any way
and when you finally realise that it’s not something to be proud of you also realise that it’s too late to re-learn everything
you feel great shame because you finally see that you weren’t actually strong - all of it was a weakness. the thing you hated the most. you couldn’t embrace it
and worst of all - you realise that you’ve become exactly like the person who hurt you in the beginning
I have a theory about what Henry whispered in Camilla's ear before he killed himself.
Among other things, in the first lesson with Julian, he recounts a story about Tiberius:
Think, for example of Tiberius, the ugly stepson, trying to live up to the command of his stepfather Augustus. Think of the tremendous, impossible strain he must have undergone, following in the footsteps of a saviour, a god. The people hated him. No matter how hard he tried he was never good enough, could never be rid of the hateful self, and finally the floodgates broke. He was swept away on his perversions and he died, old and mad, lost in the pleasure gardens of Capri: not even happy there, as one might hope, but miserable. Before he died he wrote a letter home to the Senate. "May all the Gods and Goddesses visit me with more utter destruction than I feel I am daily suffering."
And that is what I think he whispered to Camilla, seeing as the story of Tiberius kind of mirrors Henry's.
i want to be hugged.
i want someone to stroke my hair.
i want someone to tell me they’re proud of me.
i want someone to hold my hand in public.
i want someone to tell me everything’s gonna be okay.
i want someone to softly caress my skin.
i want someone to teach me their hobbies.
i want someone to explain to me stuff i don’t understand.
i want someone to give me forehead kisses.
i just want to feel safe, for once.
I can’t fix him but I could fuck him.
gays are like: i go to the art museum. i look at a painting. i contemplate the irreconcilable loneliness at the very core of my existence. i look at another painting.
born to be a henry winter forced to be a richard papen
do you think henry ever stayed up late unable to sleep, staring at the ceiling in his room thinking about the fact that he had killed two people and didn't hate it. thinking about the fact he might go on to kill more people just for the thrill of it; that if he killed himself he might just be saving the world from another serial killer, and how nice it would be to die the saint and not the sinner
I'm written by Donna Tartt. Not in the way that I'm ethereal and smart and well-read. But in the way that I will do anything to be perceived well by a bunch of pretentious people. In the way I never feel smart enough, worldly enough, or that I'll ever fit in, but I'll pretend that I do to a fault. In the way that despite it all, I still have a god complex regarding my intellect
more of an idea of a person rather than an actual one
oh the urge to be part of a hedonistic slightly deranged secret society
still can't get over the fact that i lost my tsh book :(
Completely sober in the club googling worst medieval executions
same bro, same
"I shall move somewhere into the woods and try to improve myself."
1914, Franz Kafka
born to always mourn the present like it’s already become a memory
i need this, this is much more dramatic than a thermos
1920′s Traveling tea case. From America in the 1920′s, FB.
"you got snap or insta?" i have a rope i can hang myself with
(yearns for a past that does not exist) (yearns for a past that does not exist) (yearns for a past that does not exist) (yearns for a past that does not exist) (yearns for a past that does not exist)
really the meaning of life is when a singer stops singing and the crowd knows every single word
Life is short. Drink another coffee. Read another book. Listen to your favourite song again. Hug your mom. Laugh. Cry. Dance in the rain. Push your friend off a cliff because of a milkshake.
Man, once a month I go to into The Secret History tag and occasionally find some amazing art, but the rest 99.9% of it every time is the same 3 quotes from the book posted for the 20000th time: "I'm nothing in my soul if not obsessive", "Forgive me for all the things that I did etc etc", "Beauty is terror", "Morbid longing for the picturesque", random completely unrelated to the book dark academia moodboards, photos of Donna Tartt, The Goldfinch posts for some reason, "THE CHARACTERS ARE HORRIBLE PEOPLE IT'S THE ENTIRE POINT OF THE BOOK!/!)", Henry Winter stans, Francis lovers and 'cubitum eamus', "The Secret History is so insane/so funny if you think about it-", cringey fake deep pseudophilosophical one liners.
this song is SO the secret history
reject booktok culture. go to the library and get a weird little novel you’ve never heard of in your life and read it all in 2 days like god intended.
this year i’m gonna attend a college while being delusional and living my dark academia knowledge superiority classicist stunning university building beauty-craving soul fantasy
how can i romanticise studying at awfully modern university? the building is fairly new and of course everything is technically advanced. but there is no soul in it
what should i do to feel very dark academia mysterious historic beautiful classical aesthetic?
i need help i ain’t agreeing with my university years being so basic
this song makes me want to run through the endless fields in the sunset
the 70s are 30 years ago and the 80s are 20 yeara ago. and the 90s are 10 years ago. and the 00s are not real. the 10s are the future. and in the 20s theyll have flying cars and time travel. hope this helps.
my grandma reading TSH pt.2
Me: so what do you think about Francis?
Grandma: awww, he’s such a sad homosexual