Latest Posts by apollortaylor - Page 2

How we write a 350 word essay.

1. Write 250 words in five minutes.

2. Scroll on tumblr for thirty minutes.

3. Write 50 more words in thirty seconds.

4 Scroll on tumbler for twenty more minutes.

5. Make a stupid post about how it’s taken you almost AN HOUR to write a 350 word essay and you aren’t even FUCKING DONE YET

6. Cry

Isn’t it great when you have chest pain and whatnot? And because you have all sorts of undiagnosed physical issues AND you’re afab you just kinda have to deal with it and not let your anxiety eat you alive? Great right?

It is so fricken annoying when you are the only alter who has good posture, and because of all the time shrimping it hurts your back to sit/stand straight.

-Loki

Fictive culture is the host never actually sitting through your entire source, so you have very little idea of who you’re supposed to be.

It’s also seeing a lot of fan art of you shipped with someone from source that you know nothing about and being both curious to learn more but wary of finding something you don’t want to know anything about.

-Varian

Just realized I have a sensory issue with sweat running down my face/neck. So whenever I have to mow the lawn and it’s like 90 degrees out (not an exaggeration) I always have a mental breakdown because of the sensory issues of sweat and bugs and having pots making the whole fucking experience miserable. And to top it all off, I get inside and my parents yell at me for taking more than one day to do it cause our yard is big and I always want to cry the entire time I do it. Like come on, if you want it done faster go fucking do it yourself, this is how I have to do it, if you have a problem with how it happens then find someone else who will do it your way.

Random person to my system friend: you like boba?

My system friend: it depends on my mood

Me: is that what we’re calling them now? Moods?

Me: proceeds to cry laughing

-Apollo

Hello mutual of mine! I saw ya in m notes and wanted to say hello! How are you?

(You liked my some of my Percy Jackson reblogs and thus being the autism i am I have to ask if you like pjo)

- @crow-collective15

Hey mutual! I’m doing pretty well, thanks for checking in!

And yes, I love pjo, I really need to finish trial of Apollo though, I’m almost done and have the last two books just sitting on my shelf because I havnt been motivated enough to read anything 😭

Me and my one irl system friend are tuned into the same microwave frequency, trying to push the buttons and make it work when it’s not even plugged in.

-Apollo

GUESS WHAT FINALLY FUCKING HAPPENED?

-I think you know who it is

Me: goes through trauma

My alters: split just to hide it from me

Me: finds it again

Me and my alters:

Oh how I wish I would just split a Loki fictive already

-Apollo

I hate that. Especially when their reason is “it’s rare” I always say:

The number of diagnoses should dictate the statistic. Not the statistic dictate the number of diagnoses.

I hate how psych professionals will not diagnose DID even if somebody meets the criteria because its abnormal psych condition, finding a mental health professional willing to diagnose DID is hard.

its unfair just because i have an abnormal psych condition that mental health professionals don't want to diagnose me

Random question, is it possible, or really does it happen to you guys, where you will split a new alter, and then a couple days later they will attach themselves to an identity and become a fictive? Because we might have a new fictive, from a source we didn’t know existed until today, but if we did split it’s from about 5 days ago cause something traumatic happened.

!Endos DNI please!

-Angelo

Power trip: push someone’s buttons.

Ultimate power trip: push your own buttons

-this has been a PSA from God knows who I am.

Wow time flies when you can’t remember shit.

I hate this body that I am chained to. This life I live and name I must react to. I hate the way our jaw clicks when we chew, I hate that I have the wrong genitalia, I hate that I am now three inches too short I hate that our feet hurt after standing for all of a minute, I hate these eyes that stare at me with no sense of recognition, I hate that my hair is so much darker than it should be, I hate how unpointed my ears are, I hate how uncrooked my nose is, I hate my lack of scars that I used to carry with pride, where is my reminder to keep fighting?

I hate the reflection that looks nothing like me any more. I wish I could just go back

-Hunter.

This is very true, though I would like to add that you don’t have to have DID for your symptoms to be valid. You can still feel things and have symptoms even if they don’t fit the diagnostic criteria. Does that mean you have DID? No. But you are still entitled to your emotions and feelings, especially if those feelings are a result of trauma.

Does anyone realize that the "everyone is valid" thing has actual diagnostic implications?

Yes, every case of DID will have differences from another. But all DID cases must meet diagnostic criteria in order to actually be DID. You can't say "everyone is valid" and "DID can look like anything" because really, it can't. At the end of the day, there are still diagnostic criteria that must be met. If anything goes and anything is valid and anything can be DID, then DID is nothing and we might as well not even classify it as a disorder at all.

Same thing as people who say that "everyone has a little bit of DID" or "everyone has parts". Yes, you act differently at work than you do at home. This does not mean that you have dissociated parts of a fragmented self, and if it did, then DID would be a redundant diagnosis and there would be no need to have it in the ICD or DSM if "everyone" had it.

Our friend is so good at telling us apart, sometimes he catches on before we even realize we’re switching.

We have the right to pretend to be the host don’t take that from us.

-Angelo

Hi! Just wanted to let you know you're doing awesome and I'm proud of you!

Thank you so much. 😊 we appreciate you!

I hate it when the host wears a skirt and then I switch in and have to deal with it. Like come on, I don’t want to see my legs, what do you take me as?

-Hunter

Rant below the cut. Tw for parental abuse and gaslighting.

Incredibly depressed and not sure what to do about it. Can’t reach out to others. I don’t want to come off as needy. Not to mention I’ve isolated myself pretty well and just about everyone I used to call a friend I can’t really talk to. And it’s my own fault.

I’m on the edge of a panic attack. My parents are coming home soon and I don’t want to pretend it’s okay. But that’s all I can do.

Fuck, why won’t anyone switch out with me. Isn’t that the whole point? I hate them so much. I hate that they refuse to acknowledge just how terribly they hurt me. That they STILL gaslight me into believing that my childhood was fine. I hate that I believe them when they say that. I hate that after all of it they still expect me to do anything more than keep my distance.

Why do I have to get over all the crap that THEY put ME through? Why is it my responsibility to move on and not theirs to apologize and try to help.

Fuck. I hate them, I hate me, I hate everything.

I don’t want to be here.

Waves!!

I see you in our notes on @crow-collective15 a lot and wanted to say hello!!!

Hi! Hope you are doing well.

-Apollo

Say hello, to the overwhelming gay presence that is me.

-Angelo

I love that my freind is so accepting of our system that he almost likes one of my alters more than me. It’s increasingly funny how much Hunter and him vibe.

Now to introduce him to the overwhelmingly gay presence that is Angelo.

-Apollo

I love that my freind is so accepting of our system that he almost likes one of my alters more than me. It’s increasingly funny how much Hunter and him vibe.

Now to introduce him to the overwhelmingly gay presence that is Angelo.

-Apollo

Anyone else have a host that loves their source and consumes startling amounts of media of it until they’re pulled to the front?

No one?

Cool.

-Varian

Feel lucky, I can never get our voice to work right

-Hunter

Voice dysphoria is the literal worst. Like, it’s easy enough to avoid our reflection, but damn is it hard to avoid talking when most people don’t know American Sign Language.

Fuck this and me.

-Hunter

I’ve been having a lot of doubts recently. A lot of wondering if I’m just making it up because I wanted to. I don’t know right now. Maybe I just wanted to be broken so that my pain was finally valid.

I don’t know.

Moral of the story. If I delete my blog or go quiet for a while, it’s cause I’m rethinking everything.

-Apollo

I can’t tell if I want to change my name because I hate my old one, if I’m questions my gender again, or if there’s a new alter who needs a name.

-Apollo (for now)

It’s always funny to see how different alters change the clothes I put on in the morning. I’ll pick the outfit but they’ll choose how they wear it.

As a male alter, I am much too comfortable in an afab body…

- Angelo

That system feeling when you’re an alter with a popular source and you don’t tell people and go by a name that isn’t actually yours so that no one can judge you for existing or the host for splitting you.

-Angelo

Please, shower me with your questions.

Reblog if you’re bored and you want anons.