To Add To This, Because I Realized I Hadn't Said It, This Sort Of 'non-aversion' Applies To Depictions

some food art !!

Zeph 🐇⚠️ [ character sold ]

late Halloween post. Boyfriends carving pumpkins 🎃

Something I've noticed in recent years is my habit of rationing out the things I enjoy. I take each bite carefully of the meals I really love, just make sure I don't miss them. I rotate the games I play and the books I read so I don't end up too deep in one when it runs out. Hell, there are some fanfics that I've had sitting in the wings for a rainy day.

I'm not sure where it comes from exactly, but there's a real sense that there's simply not enough of the things I truly like for me to consume. Webnovels, even with thousands of chapters, run out, either because it's ongoing and I've caught up or because that's all that there will ever be. It's part of the reason I read them. They last long enough to fulfill my ability to hyperfixate.

But the better the thing the stronger the fixation, and I still find myself hungry for some games, webnovels, or fanfics, even years later, and a part of me wishes I'd taken more time to savor the meal. I'm the media equivalent of a broke 22 year old dude kicking himself for buying a pizza when he was 16, I know, but you can't experience anything for the first time twice.

No matter how much you enjoyed it the first time.

One of the worst feelings in the world has to be the feeling like you've run out of what you love.

Like, genuinely, I think that one of the reasons I read webnovel so often is due to it's usually interminable lengths. As a genre, I'm not sure many things run much longer.

Like, don't get me wrong, I love the art form, but at a certain point all of the art that hits your sweet spot of like, 3 things you love, runs out. And then you move on to 2 things. 1 and a half. 1 thing. And you start expanding definitions but the love you had for the medium feels strained. You're not really getting what you wanted, and the new stuff isn't scratching your itches and isn't as well written.

It's depressing, and it happens anytime you find an art form. I remembered thinking 'i'll never run out of porn to my preference, it's the internet!' and that might've been true at the time, but over the years I've discovered more about myself and found interests I never knew I'd had. And I could never go back to not knowing it.

It's like eating food from a fairy court. People always talk about how it imposes a magical brand on your soul that assigns you to be owned by the court but I've never thought of it like that. I always figured it was just otherworldly cuisine, so mind-breakingly delicious that, assuming you don't fall apart right then and there, all food from the human world turns to ash in your mouth. nothing is sweet or savory or good any more, you're ruined and can never be who you were before.

So now that I've tasted the best that life has to offer, what point lies in eating another bite beyond base sustenance? A lot of the pornography and webnovel I consume nowadays feels like eating packing peanuts, lacking the punch and sweetness of earlier meals, only filling space. Novels that are just mindless fighting and static characters. Pornography that fulfills the basic requirements and nothing more. It's hard to live on knowing that the best of your hobbies is behind you.

Therein lies a crossroads many come to.

Become an artist and be the change you want to see in the world for people with your interests,

Or find something else to do while you wait for someone else to pick up that mantle.

and as someone without writing or illustrating skill or desire, that's a nauseating choice. You'll never be able to write a story you can read for the first time, and I think that's heartbreaking.

...

...Or I guess commission someone to make it but do I look like a STEM furry? ...don't answer that.

fanart of my friend's onion that inadvertently sprouted in a dark cupboard. dark cupboard onion the beauty that you are.....

Okay, you know the whole 'that emoji fuckin' works' bit that makes the rounds from someone's standup show?

The BDSM quiz is a game changer, because if you answer honestly, it gives results that work, dude.

I took the BDSM quiz today after hearing about it on a JAnderson Stream Vod. I thought it'd be fun to plunk around and take it while slacking at work.

And here I am, looking at the results. They're accurate to what I answered but seeing it all laid out like that is. Uncomfy.

I thought I had reached a threshold of shamelessness that I would be able to send this to my friends but the results are ones I'm feeling weird about posting to my Kink Diary Tumblr that has No Connection to my Real Name.

I gotta work on my shamelessness. Shame is for the Catholics, man.

Idk. If you got questions, concerns, or criticisms about my kink preferences, send an ask or message and I'll answer it.

I have tweaked my shoulder.

A monstrous transformation into unrecognizable flesh would be so good for my back right now.

Grillt cheese