#humble

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requested by shippingfanatically

I just need to talk about the mosaic kiss for a minute, okay? I was encouraged to do so by @coldwaughtersquentin​ (who blessedly made these gifs for me to include and is actually the best)  and @ahundredloveboats​ sooo, buckle up ladies and gents, let’s take a walk down adorable, mushy, emotional memory lane together, shall we? 

Here’s the thing. I love everything about this kiss, from Quentin’s and Eliot’s perspectives. I’ll probably focus a little more on Eliot here because he’s my child and I adore him endlessly, but you’re crazy if you think I’m not also going to go bonkers over the sweet bravery that is Q making this first move. 

The way Quentin talks himself up, mentally, to do things he wants has always been adorable to me, but here you can see him just thinking, Do it, Coldwater. Do it before you don’t, and spend the next six months wondering why the hell you didn’t do it. And don’t even get me STARTED in “Hey. Hey.” Because “Hey” has never sounded more like “I think I might love you” in my entire life than it does when those two exchange it softly, like a casual greeting even though they’ve been sitting next to each other and chatting for probably a couple of hours. 

And then he nervously starts to try and explain himself. “I, um -” and he realizes, if I try to talk about it, I’m not going to do it. So instead of waiting, or overanalyzing or making some stuttery, beautiful, heartfelt speech about how he didn’t expect the last year to mean so much to him, and how he didn’t expect Eliot to mean so much to him when they started, but now he does, and so, would it be okay if he, you know, kissed him?? He just does it. He goes in, like Now or never, Coldwater. And never’s not an option. 

And then Eliot. God, sweet, “confident” Eliot. The way he looks so dazed when Quentin pulls away. The softness in his face (don’t get me STARTED on those eyelashes, folks), the slowest blink in the history of blinks. Eliot wasn’t expecting this. He probably made jokes about it, about it being just the two of them, about getting stir-crazy, about falling into bed with each other, the kind of flippant, sexual jokes he always makes, especially when he doesn’t want to be seen, but he never really expected anything to come of it. I mean look at the way his eyebrows shoot up into his hairline. El is so clearly taken aback, in the best way. He takes a minute, with half-open eyes, to internalize the feeling of Quentin’s lips against his own, realizing in this exact moment how many times he’s thought about this without really letting himself think about it. And then, when he lets himself think about it, it’s a revelation. It’s Oh. OH. Oh, Finally. 

And Quentin pulls away, maintaining eye contact, being brave. But he doesn’t say anything - words have never really been his strong suit, anyway. He just looks at him, purses his lips in this little self-conscious smile that says Your move, Waugh. But he’s not defeated. He’s hopeful, he has the feeling of that quick kiss to lean on, the way Eliot looks like he’s actually been affected by something, for once in his life, to sink into. He has reasons to believe that this move might just work out in his favor. And after a quest that has sent them in a thousand directions, only half of which seem to yield the desired result, that feels pretty damn good. 

This. Two things about this. The first, which I know has been discussed at length but is WORTH mentioning again, is the little hand flip that Q does, the tiny, nervous gesture that speaks to the fact that even with those reasons to believe, he’s still insecure, still unsure. Well, I did that, it says. It’s out there. I kissed you and I can’t un-kiss you, so what’s next? And then there’s Eliot. Eliot, who immediately leans in, reassuring, to cover Quentin’s hand with his own. And I have a theory about this, about why he’s so quick to tell Q, in a physical way, that hey, it’s ok. Because he grew up in small town Indiana. He was ridiculed, constantly, for who he was, shouted at and told he was worthless by his own father. But here’s the thing about being visibly queer in a small, rural community like that - you become a magnet, for anyone else questioning their sexuality. So I have a headcanon that Eliot, well, he’s done this before. He’s been “the experiment” for the “straight guy.” It’s familiar territory. (And YES, Quentin is bisexual, but as we all know Eliot has some internalize biphobia he needs to work through so if we’re talking about Eliot’s POV here, which we are, I think that’s worth mentioning.) 

But then he covers his hand completely, brushes the back of Q’s so tenderly I could die about that alone. It’s this silent reminder that Hey, I’m here, Q. It’s just you and me. And it’s an allowance, too, a door Eliot lets himself open, to be okay with this, at least in this moment, meaning what it means to him, as he brings his hand up to Quentin’s face. And the microexpressions here, how Quentin adjusts his body, leaning in ever so slightly, already positioning his head in anticipation of Eliot kissing him back. Their bodies are so in tune here it’s like this gorgeous, tiny dance. 

Eliot leans in, wrapping his hand around the back of Quentin’s neck. And you all KNOW he did the thumb swipe across Quentin’s cheek approximately .2 seconds after this shot ended. There is this open vulnerability in Eliot’s face here, this quiet sensuality, in the small smile on his face. The tiny lower lip bite that likely murders Q as much as it murders me. The way his eyes flit down to Quentin’s lips as he leans in. It’s so soft, and sweet, and beautiful. It’s You bet your ass we’re doing this, Coldwater. It’s I’ve been waiting for this. It’s Me, too. 

And the kiss. THE KISS. The way Eliot’s eyes stay open for a half a second and then they slide shut, and he sinks into it, holding Q close. Eliot knows, that they aren’t planning on being here much longer. He said it himself when he offered the toast: “To our first, and last, year at this thing.” But that doesn’t matter. Because even if they figure it out tomorrow, Eliot wants this moment to have happened between them. He wants to remember the feeling of losing himself in Quentin’s kiss, he wants to memorize the way Quentin’s hair feels brushing against the back of his hand, the way he tastes like bad Fillorian wine and sunshine from a day spent working hard at the mosaic and a tiny bit of smoke from the torches they light every night. He never wants to forget exactly what it felt like when, for even just a moment, Quentin Coldwater was his. Quentin wanted him, and Eliot wanted him, too, and they both let themselves, for once, hold the thing they really wanted in their hands without being terrified of breaking it. 

A Tribute To Jules Bianchi

“Everyone loved him, he was just a great human being, a very humble guy…He will be remembered forever.” Ciao Jules.

“The Formula One equivalence of Bambi on Ice”

Funny when @CroftyF1 says this about Monza weather, but Charles Leclerc be like a BAMF like 🤫

“I am the new Master of Wet and Straight.” 😆👇

👏👏👏

Here it goes for a good Quali Round at Monza!

#DagheCharles

Yeah, but can you imagine Season 4 summed up in this scene, all of us being Mike and the Duffers being Hopper? They’d be watching like👇🤣 I’m just saying. I’m undone forever and ever but how hilarious this would be.

Okay, back to my regular schedule of F1, Alien, and Badlands, Boys and Girls.😭👏😉

#there’s funny and then there’s this scene 

Get pumped. Hassle the Hoff! David hasselhoff.

The loves of my life!

A Neutron Star Merger, The Fall of A Formula One Hero, and a Maiden Grand Prix Win

The LIGO/Virgo collaboration teams, observed a gravitational wave event of a Neutron Star merger "with the probability that the source may have at least one object in between 3 and five solar masses" said LIGO, on September 1st.

📸: LIGO Twitter

Kilonovae observations are extraordinarily rare, for when Neutron stars merge, the remnants left are planets, and these formations bring forth platinum and gold like the metals found on Earth.

Elements beneficial to our very existence.

Who would have imagined that to the world of Formula One, that same rip to the fabric of space and time of a binary system hundreds of millions of years in the making, could have different consequences in the racing track.

It would arrive the same day that Charles Leclerc would make his Maiden Grand Prix Win.

While one can’t be certain what Einstein meant when he said, "God does not play dice with the universe,” we can only think of this moment. The Universe may be 14 billion years old, and with that, heroes and legends can be made because heroes are not born. Through pain and tears, downforce and minimal drag, Gravity much like F=ma, can be good friends, but in one wrong lap, all can become the enemy, to Formula One drivers.

They are made, on the track and in moments such as these.

Racing For Anthoine

Like the great Carl Sagan once said, “For small creatures such as we, the vastness is bearable only through love.”

Anthoine Hubert, 22, of France, lost his life at the Belgian Grand Prix on August 31st.

The Renault French driver, was involved in a major accident with American Sauber driver, Juan Manuel Correa, at the Spa-Francorchamps. Hubert's car hit the bars then collided with Correa’s.

Correa, underwent surgery and “will remain in intensive care for at least another 24 hours to ensure that his condition can continue to be monitored by his surgical team,” read the official statement released on his website.

Anthoine Hubert, succumbed to his injuries after that tragic accident at Spa-Francorchamps. A childhood friend to Charles Leclerc, someone he raced Karts with, laughed with, and joked with, perhaps looked up to race with head to head in this very track, the Monegasque now ran alone.

For Charles Leclerc, securing his maiden win at the Belgian Grand Prix, wouldn’t be the first place in his legacy, but a bequest to honor the memory of his now departed childhood friend. 

Notwithstanding, everyone was racing for Anthoine and to honor his memory.

This was no ordinary race and as challenging as it was it would become one to remember.

The morning of Charles’ race, he'd been seen by the media talking to Anthoine’s family. His mother, Nathalie, Father Victhor and brother Francois, gave him their support, as Nathalie embraced him.

That heartbreaking sight will live in the hearts of fans worldwide forever.

The Love of a Mother

📸: Kym Illman

It might have instilled love and strength in the Monegasque and a little extra push to go around with the respect of millions of fans as a reminder that Anthoine would have wanted him to get to P1.

His last race having been practically stolen in Bahrain, this time, nothing would get in his way.

Phased, and unbelieving that any of it had happened, Anthoine’s loss, and his win, Charles said: “We were four kids dreaming of getting to Formula One.”

Anthoine Hubert, Charles Leclerc, Esteban Ocon and Pierre Gasly.

“We have grown up in karting together, so to lose him is a big shock for me, and everyone in the sport.”

“It was definitely the first situation for me where I have lost someone and then raced the following day. It is obviously quite challenging to close the visor and go through the exact corner —where he died— at the same speed as I did the day before.

Pierre Gasly, the Toro Rosso driver, gave Leclerc a little fuel to win the race too, had the words “ALWAYS WITH ME #AH19,” above the open view of his chassis:

“I've grown up with this guy since I was seven in karting, we've been roommates, we've lived in the same apartment, in the same room for six years."

“We’ve been class mates, I’ve studied since I was 13 until 19 with him, with the same professor at a private school that the federation did. I’m still shocked.”

“You have to put it out of your mind because otherwise, you can’t race,” he added,

“I told Charles before the race: Please win this race for Anthoine, as we started racing in the same year, Charles, Anthoine, and myself. And Anthoine won the French Cup in 2005. We raced for many years and knew each other.”

Overtaken in Bahrain by a one-two Mercedes win, and getting wheel banged by Red Bull's, Max Verstappen in Austria, back in July, costing him-his first win, this one; means more.

“We lost a friend first of all — I would like to dedicate my first win to him. In my first race, we drove together, it's a shame what happened yesterday, I can't enjoy my victory fully.” Charles added.

"It is difficult to enjoy this victory, but hopefully, in two or three weeks, I will realize what happened.”

Everyone was cheering for Ferrari’s 16 to win it for Renault’s 19.

In the aftermath of Hubert’s passing, it’s hard to express what Leclerc must’ve felt like when he got to lap 19.

19 was Anthoine’s racing number, and the crowds paid tribute as well when the drivers came through.

it was no consequence that of all days, that Neutron Star Merger would be named S190901ap. The date that recorded the LIGO/Virgo's Neutron Stars Merger, which coincided with Anthoine's number.

And then you heard a solemn “This one is for Anthoine,” coming from Ferrari’s radio, said by Charles Leclerc upon finishing first.

Everyone burst, there was commotion everywhere, a good day and a sad day in Motorsports indeed for all the right reasons.

“It’s a good day but on the other hand losing Anthoine yesterday brings me back to 2005, my first ever French championship,” continued Leclerc during an interview.

📸: Kym Illman

A League of His Own

Seeing the Monegasque separate the Silver Arrows and keep good pace through and through, was what Formula One is all about, but is unfathomable to know how he must’ve felt while driving down Spa’s circuit or how he feels now that it’s been completed.

As youth of this new century, explorers and pioneers, one often forgets that millennials have much on their shoulders.

They’re here to make a name for themselves, and it's undeniable that on the way to greatness, they’re bound to lose those they love because this sport is ruthless.

Charles Leclerc won't be the exception, to the rule, but he's been the valid example of losing in every aspect and yet here he is. Racing and winning. Nothing deters his will to keep going.

The Scuderia Ferrari driver, and godson to Jules Bianchi, the last casualty to the sport before Hubert, is the living reminder that today's youth, regardless of their losses, still have plenty to look up to.

You could see him in the podium wearing a black armband with his entire Ferrari Team, as he raised his Trophy to the sky in honor of Anthoine.

He empowers generations of new drivers to not feel like outsiders. He might have lost a friend, his godfather, his father, that battle on two multifarious and defining races before, but on his third, he got his maiden trophy with a little help from above.

Lewis Hamilton of Mercedes spoke encomiums of Charles Leclerc after the race.

"It's not easy for any driver to jump into a top team like Ferrari against a four-time world champion, with much more experience, and then to continuously out-perform, out-qualify and out-drive him. But Charles’ results speak for themselves. There is a lot more greatness to come from him, and I am looking forward to racing alongside him in the future.” 

“Then once I got in the car, as I did for my father two years ago, you need to put all the emotions to one side and focus on the job.”

Said, Leclerc “I was happy to win and remember him the way he deserved to be and, yeah, happy to do it on this day.”

"They are so much faster than us and Monza is all straights ... We will do our best, but it is going to be a tough job to match them.”

He lamented his inability to master those straights like Leclerc, before. Something the Monegasque is seemingly able to do. Monza will be the place to put the five time World Champion to a test.

"So, there's a lot more greatness to come from him and I'm looking forward to seeing his growth and racing alongside him ... Today, it was fun, trying to chase him. He was just a little bit too quick.”

Maybe, Chekhov was right after all about Entropy, that beautiful chaos that makes our universe work, It does come easy, but as I wrote in my book, “Entropy comes easy, but Love outgrows the Universe,”

"I was struggling in the corners, so that allowed him to get close," said Sebastian Vettel of Ferrari and Leclerc's Team mate.

"I couldn't hold him off for a very long time. I tried to obviously make him [Hamilton] lose time in order to give Charles a cushion, and in the end it was just enough, so it did the job.

"I couldn't stay in range to look after myself, and I was sort of playing a road block to make sure that Charles was gaining some time." He did everything to help his team mate achieve his first victory.

In a statement given by Daniel Ricciardo from Team Renault, he too admitted not wanting to race following Hubert’s untimely death. “I know that, weirdly enough, the best way we can kind of show our respect was to race today,”

“But I don’t think any of us actually wanted to be here or wanted to race”

 “At least, I’m speaking for myself, but I’m sure I’m not the only one. It was certainly tough to be here and try to put on a brave face for everyone.”

 “I know a lot of people in the paddock are hurting so I think everyone’s relieved it’s done, we can move on from here, and hopefully it’s the last time that this happens.”

For the Renault fans, Ricciardo racing that day meant everything. The Tifosi and Tifosi everywhere watched, and it fueled them.

To know that a driver from his team had perished, how does one reconcile, to keep the morale high for the millions of fans aching so racing is the answer. Is the one thing the Aussie does to help the fans, and he does it well. We appreciate the effort even when we know the heartbreak he's feeling. It’s a collective effort from everyone now to help each other heed the call of the F1 neighbor even on social media. We love him for it.

It becomes a Labor of Love.

“Since I was a child I’ve been looking up to Formula 1, dreaming to be first a Formula 1 driver, which happened last year, then driving for Ferrari this year, and then the first win today.”

“It’s a good day, but on the other hand, as I said, losing Anthoine yesterday brings me back to 2005, my first ever French championship. There was him, Esteban [Ocon], Pierre [Gasly] and myself. We were four kids that were dreaming of Formula 1. We grew up in karting for many, many years, and to lose him yesterday was a big shock for me but obviously for everyone in motorsport, so it was a very sad day.” - Charles Leclerc

📸:© Reuters/ FRANCOIS LENOIR

A day filled with grief, racing, camaraderie, and the inextricable reminder that; the Universe is always at work.

Congratulations, Charles Leclerc and Team Ferrari for a well-deserved win.

We knew you had it all along.

“And when you want something, all the Universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.” Paolo Coelho

This article is still undergoing revision.

Thank You, for your patience.

Jen McCulley TM Sep 2, 2019