Barbie (2023) ✦ Dir. Greta Gerwig

Today is the day, the day we’ve all been waiting for.

Today

We descend into

🔥THE VULTURE DIMENSION 🔥

i know people make these kinds of posts with fictional characters a lot but like. hank green truly is one of The Most Guys Ever. like. he's one of the earliest youtubers who is still on there. he's a 43-year-old tiktok star. he's a science educator. he got cancer and his response was to make a tier list of the press's coverage of his cancer announcement. the president of the united states sent him a message of support and he told the president that he was pissing out the cancer. years earlier he was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis and his response was to write a polka song about it. he created vidcon. he's the ceo of a company that produces a shitton of educational series (well, not acting ceo at the moment due to the aforementioned cancer). his guitar says "this machine pwns n00bs" on it. he invented 2D glasses. one of his earliest videos to get popular was about animal sex. between him and his brother, he was known as "the science one" (or "the music one") while his brother was "the writer one," and then he wrote two new york times bestselling novels. his most controversial opinion is that butt is legs. he's done so many things that there is a website dedicated to counting the number of days since he started a new thing. he and his brother use their internet following to (among other things) fight maternal/infant mortality in sierra leone. he has a baked bean furby. hes even bisexual

What is the actual original episode that Ice Feast is brought up in? All I can find is references to it

Baron is returning?! Absolutely horrifying. Cannot wait

Refuse to believe that Sandra Lynn dated Bobby Dawn. Has to be that she dated his wife, Pam. On the other hand, she is not known for her good choices.

I support women’s rights and wrongs.

Never say that Lou Wilson doesn’t commit to the bit. He could have had Fabian vomit in front of his friends. Instead he shit his pants so hard that it flew at the teacher in front of his whole class. Commitment to the bit

Let’s play a game called “how many times am I gonna check that I’m not missing my Spanish final?” featuring the fact that I haven’t taken Spanish since high school and am already home for the semester

I started crying about here and then continued for the rest of the movie

“It is literally impossible to be a woman. You’re so beautiful and so smart. And it kills me you don’t think you’re good enough. Like we have to always be extraordinary. But somehow we’re always doing it wrong. You have to be thin, but not too thin, and you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin! You have to have money, but you can’t ask for money, because that’s crass. You have to be a boss, but you can’t be mean. You have to lead, but you can’t squash other people’s ideas. You’re supposed to love being a mother, but don’t talk about you kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman but also always be looking out for other people. You have to answer for men’s bad behavior which is insane but if you point that out you’re accused of complaining. You’re supposed to stay pretty for men but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you’re supposed to be a part of the sisterhood but always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged so find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful. You have to never get old. Never be rude. And never show off. Never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line. It’s too hard! It’s too contradictory! And nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out in fact that not only are you doing everything wrong but also everything is your fault! I’m just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie ourselves into knots so that people will like us.” -Gloria (America Ferrera, BARBIE)

That moment when you qualify for Mensa but have a 9th grade reading level

I don’t understand what I just watched. I just know it was fucking awesome