Asymptotic-rage - The Void

I don’t think anyone understands how much I love Izzy Roland as Jack Manhattan.

His name is Manhattan. He’s from Brooklyn. He’s working in LA. He’s taken down more terrorists than most FBI agents. His partner was killed by the Belgian mafia. He’s a 58-year-old divorcee who is getting divorced another time. He’s a mom. He shoots his gun at doors and misses. He acts like he has a concussion. He doesn’t know how to use a gun but he wants one anyway. He makes out with his own reflection. His catchphrase is “cock-a-doodle-doo bitch.” I’m in love with him and I’m a lesbian

Making like Kristen Applebees at the doctor’s office today. “Pussy out. Tits away”

Fuck it I'm bored so here's a ranking of different Peter Parkers by how Jewish they are

Dead last, obviously, is MCU!Peter Parker. This version of Peter is the farthest from comic canon to the point of being almost unrecognizable at times. Also, Tom Holland answered the question "is peter parker Jewish" in a Wired Autocomplete Interview a while back with a very baffled "no", cementing him forever as my sworn enemy. So he's actually the only peter parker who, at least by word of God, is canonically NOT Jewish. -1000000/10

Next up is Tobey Maguire's Peter Parker. I think this Peter is... fine, at least he's much closer to comic canon than MCU!Peter, but honestly that's not saying much considering how far the MCU strayed from comic canon or even the spirit of comic canon. But like overall, Sam Raimi's movies just aren't particularly interested in presenting Peter as Jewish, so, eh. 1/10

By far the most Jewish of live action Peters is TASM!Peter, also by far the most comic accurate of live action Peters. I'd be remiss not to mention the fact that Andrew Garfield is Jewish, and he understands the character so fucking well. He stated on record that he played Peter as Jewish and that he sees Spider-Man as an inherently Jewish character:

However, the Webb movies still do not textually define him as Jewish, and the best parts of Andrew's Peter's Jewish subtext are better when viewed in light of the comics. Overall, 6.5/10

Next up is the original, our beloved comic book Peter, pictured here saying Happy Hanukkah in a panel from Matt Fraction's Hawkeye. Comic Peter is one of the most heavily Jewish coded comics characters of all time, which is saying something considering how Jewish comic books are as a medium. Obviously he was created and often written and drawn by Jewish writers and artists, but beyond that his driving ethos and values are incredibly Jewish, and as a bonus he's constantly sprinkling Yiddish and Jewish phrases into his speech, alongside things like the above panel where he outright acknowledges Jewish culture in a scene where everyone else is saying merry Christmas. However, despite the extremely heavy coding, Marvel Comics are fucking cowards, and he has yet to be confirmed Jewish, so I must give him a measly 8/10.

Finally, the cream of the crop, the most Jewish of all Peter Parkers, Into the Spider-Verse's Peter B. Parker my beloved!!! Peter B. is voiced by Jake Johnson, himself a Jewish actor, and is a phenomenally accurate representation of comic book canon - but he also has the unique quality of being canonically, textually, in the actual movie Jewish! It's a bit of a blink and you'll miss it scene, but when we get introduced to Peter B. in his "one more time" segment, we see his wedding to MJ, where he steps on a glass. This is a Jewish minhag - custom - meant to represent the destruction of our Temple and Jerusalem, as well as remind us that sorrow and joy come intertwined, and is one of my personal favorite Jewish customs. It's a phenomenal moment in the best Spider-Man movie, and while this version of Peter would have been my favorite film version regardless, his Jewishness absolutely pushes him even further up. 13/10, no complaints

So I not only googled that story but then I got interested so I started googling a bunch of bands. They’re all extremely stupid stories.

Sum 41 is because they formed their band on the 41st day of summer. Paramore is a rearranging of one of the member’s mom’s maiden names. Green Day is when you spend a whole day smoking weed.

I’m now convinced that (at least all the 2000s bands) have stories that will simply make your life worse

Therapy is just paying someone with a degree to tell you things that would be obvious if you weren’t mentally ill

I love Brennan’s “yes and-ing” this episode.

Yeah sure, fill a pool with sauce and jump into it from a motorcycle. You want a special ramp to do it from?

You wanna give a speech to the steelworkers? Sure! Just go ahead and attack the receptionist.

I think I said “what the fuck is happening?” no less than 20 times.

There’s this club at my school that are trying to do an event for autism awareness month, but they have no fucking idea what they’re talking about. Naturally, I had to get involved. I couldn’t just be like “not my monkeys. Not my circus,” cause it is my circus and they’re breaking all my shit. Now, they keep asking me about every single thing. On one hand, I’m happy that they’re taking my input seriously. On the other, it’s not my job to educate you. There’s so many autistic creators; go find them and leave me alone.

Now I’ve been roped into doing a discussion panel for my whole school. I’m happy to be able to educate people, but also I feel like it’s not fair that I have to. I’m frustrated that even people with good intentions do harm.

adaine summoning the mall cop thinking brennan would ever play law enforcement as being helpful is the biggest oversight siobhan's made in a combat episode

As soon as something good happened to Gilear my friends and I were screaming at the tv. Something is so wrong. And now Fig is getting Gilear luck. Oh my god. Poor Fig. Give her a break

Imagining trying to explain to my 12-year-old self that John Green is your favorite non-fiction author and Hank Green is your favorite fiction author