I Feel Sick. Again. Not In Control. Again. 

virginia woolf's 1931 new years resolutions : "to have none. not to be tied. to be free & kindly with myself. sometimes to read, sometimes not to read. to go out, yes—but stay at home in spite of being asked. as for clothes, i think to buy good ones."

regarding the röttgen pietà, elle emerson

If you feel a little crazy looking at news coverage of Gaza or any other military operations, I HIGHLY recommend looking at the Words About War guide which provides lists of misleading phrases commonly used by governments and the media to obscure the realities of war. Sitting down with a news article with this guide and replacing things like "enemy noncombatant" with "civilians" will change the entire way you look at war news and the media as an agent of the military machine. They also have a special guide on Gaza!!

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT

. TREES

A bare witness, 

A bare wilderness

Naked but not free 

Been used from time and time again 

Taken for granted 

Tossed to the side when there’s nothing 

Left  Not even a thank you.

A cis woman tells me that maybe she should transition to gain male privilege as I'm recovering from getting beaten up in the men's bathrooms.

I tell her to be my guest and give me a call when she gets her jaw broken, I always carry a first aid kit and a pepper spray.

She calls me a misogynistic asshole.

A cis man tells me that he'd sure love some T.

Gave him my prescription and best of luck with the constant shortages and getting denied.

He calls me a pussy.

I'm fighting for my life and reproductive rights. I get told to get off women's fights, that it's not about me, like I shed my womb after my first T shot.

I search for support groups for SA victims, and I'm stuck in the same “women/NBs only”. Still shooting my shot, send an application. I introduce myself. Never get a call back.

I go to a trans night. Say I go by he/him. Get told back “yeah, that's how we all start !” by a trans woman. I'm too exhausted, I get up and I leave.

I hang out with my friends, one of them drunkenly says masculinity is a prison we must learn to escape. She gets rows of applause. Back to drinking alone.

Yes I could explain it. But who'd you rather be ? A delusional girl or a man made threat ?Or it could be better, I could just not exist ! And we'd bleach my corpse and I'd become a casualty. Not an F, ot an M, a W for Wound and for Wrong.

I put a candle on a single cupcake, 2 years on HRT. I blow it in the dark. Curtains closed like casket.

JERK

NO. You haven’t heard me. 

Words don’t flow like they use to, 

Movements don’t bloom like they use to, 

Moments don’t fly like they use to. 

You don’t even know the beginning of it. 

Chances? Won’t let me take them. 

Laughter, you know it so very well. 

Mocking is second nature. 

JERK- 

Oh wait, that’s me. 

I’m sorry, was it something you thought?

You contort your body like it's written in your code, 

Come hear me hiss. Fear not, I don’t bite-  Waiting for your calculated strike.

Loop poetry from 2019

BRIGHT 

Greys, blacks, and whites 

In a world full of dull 

You are my light. 

She shines so bright 

Vivid dreams come to life 

She whispers things 

That my heart can’t 

Retain 

She sings things to my brain 

That I just can’t explain 

She makes me breathe 

Pushing the oxygen from 

Her love 

Into my lungs 

She reaches and pulls 

Down the moon and the 

Stars. 

She goes far. 

｡ﾟﾟ･｡･ﾟﾟ｡ ﾟ. September will bring blessings.

ﾟ･｡･ﾟ