"Average Age Of Minecraft Player Is 63" Factoid Actually Just Statistical Error. The Vampire Armand,

phenomenon

LISAN AL GAIB

the beatles actually look very different from each other and are quite easy to tell apart but for some reason most fan artists who draw them can not grasp this and I think that's where the "the beatles all look the same" thing came from

Feyd Rautha, pointing to Chani: Who's that? Your pet?

Feyd Rautha pulls out his phone and opens the gallery in the same second: Look, I have three too! This picture here is of them eating a human, this one too, and this one.... They're pretty voracious. I love them.

i ordered these off etsy yesterday. i desperately didn't need anymore oversized black tees but i mean. look at them.

(they have so many great designs for horror film tees i wish i had a bigger wardrobe 🥲🥲🥲).

i would like to formally declare that geta and caracalla cannot be villains because:

big brown doe eyes (geta)

malewife tendencies (caracalla)

poor baby has syphilis (caracalla)

poor baby has to babysit and share his empire with his brother who has syphilis (geta)

slutty (both)

would kill for the people they love, even if that includes killing the people they love (both)

sexually non-discriminatory (definitely caracalla, but probably both if we’re being honest)

single dad to a very adorable monkey (caracalla)

single dad to his sick brother (geta)

big fans of watching sweaty men go at it in a huge arena (both)

just wants everyone to acknowledge his pretty rings (geta)

hot as fuck, but in a menacing kind of way (geta)

brothers by chance, besties by choice (both)

girls emperors just wanna have fun (both)

confused as to why everyone doesn’t love them as much as they love themselves, and also incredibly hurt by that fact (both)

first people to ever celebrate brat summer (both)

king of having homoerotic tension with people who genuinely hate him and want to see him dead (geta)

adorably excitable, especially when bloodshed occurs, but like, hey, we all have our quirks (both)

big himbo-in-denial energy, doesn’t know poetry, but pretends he’s still very smart boy, very brilliant emperor (geta)

they’ll work it out in the remix (both)

Inflamed Sense of Rejection: Chapter One

~~~~~~~~~~~ Author's Note: This is that Angel Face backstory I was talking about. His name is Caleb Handover because I'm not going to call him Angel Face the whole time. There will be no "spice" because I type this on a school computer and honestly I want to expand my writing abilities. ~~~~~~~~~~~

This is a horrible way to start a journal, probably the most over-done and unintriguing sentence used to start a story, but my name is Caleb Handover. I’m 16 years old, and I live in Wilmington, Delaware. I go to Mt. Pleasant High School, class of 2001. That makes me a Junior.

It’s boring. Every single day is the same. The ducks pass over the sky when I’m walking to school, and it looked cool when I was nine, but nowadays it just feels like I’m watching someone drive to work. 

Delaware duck schedule: 6 AM, wake up to the same alarm as everyone in the neighborhood. 7 AM, fly to the pond for breakfast and a bath. Pass by that blond kid again. 

My hair was born white. People on the street asked my mom while she was pushing the stroller, why do you bleach your baby’s hair? 

She never did. 

 First period is Advanced Placement Calculus. I’m thinking about ducks. Derivatives, ducks, hyperbolas, ducks, factorials, ducks, integrals…

My mom called my hair duck-fuzz.  

I like math, but I only say that because high schoolers have to like something. If you say you don’t like any subjects in school, you sound like a wannabe-dropout loser. I’m 16 years old and taking AP Calculus. I don’t think I’m a wannabe anything, but I don’t think I’m genuine, either. I’ve already done the warmup question on the board. Find 34! It’s just a factorial. Does anyone see me?

“Caleb Handover?”

Only during attendance. 

I raise my hand until my elbow is about six inches off of my table, parallel to the smooth, fake-wood surface. Not high enough to seem like a geek, but still giving effort.  

Invisibility is a science.

“Here.” 

There’s a pause. My hand stays in the air.

“Caleb Handover?” my teacher tilts his chin up and surveys the room, his pencil hovering over my name, ready to write truant. 

“I said I’m here,” I said louder as I raised my hand higher. My pen balances between my peace-sign fingers. My teacher flicks his eyes to me, and his eyebrows soften. He adjusts his glasses. The sad taste of desperation lingered in my mouth after essentially begging to be accounted for.

“Oh, hello Caleb. Sorry I didn’t see you.” My teacher laughs dryly and clears his throat. “Serena Hofstadter?” 

She has mono. 

“Gordon Jacobs?” 

That’s how Serena got mono.

For a moment I picture Serena and Gordon as Romeo and Juliet during the final act. Gordon drinks from a tall, crystal vial of mononucleosis extract and collapses. Serena, covered head-to-toe in orange spray tan and blonde highlights underneath her Shakespearean garb, discovers him on the floor and gives a tearful soliloquy before kissing him feverishly in an attempt to drink the mono from his lips. In the end, they’re both bedridden, and everyone knows. 

In fair Delaware we lay our scene.

I don’t know why, but I’m angry at them. Serena and Gordon. My knuckles turn white as I grip my pen harder, gritting my teeth and thinking about my peers who go to parties to drink and kiss and do drugs. I didn’t even think parties were a real thing until I started listening to rich kids’ conversations. 

“I got home so late last night…” quote from the boy wearing the same clothes as yesterday.

“I’m, like, so hungover.” quote from the girl wearing sunglasses indoors at 8:30 AM.

“Her house was so tacky.” quote from the girl whose locker is head-to-toe in sequins and leopard print, who uses perfume to cover the smell of anxiety pheromones. 

I’m not jealous, and I’d rather have lifelong diarrhea than be in the same boat as these kids, but it would be nice to have a life. 

It would be nice to be a part of something bigger than myself.

~~~~~~~~~~~ Author's Note: Please let me know what you think, and if I should keep writing this. It would be appreciated :)

Hannibal + text posts part 5 (part 4)

fuck it homebrew boop button. reblog this post to boop the person you reblogged from.