I’m Such A Pickme 💀

Whats the most stalkery shit you secretly got off on during your time as a content creator

Well it was other people stalking me, and people were definitely very creepy towards me, even recently someone from back then found my insta and slid in my dms and tried to dom me. I told him I don’t really like guys but he insisted. There was a LOT of that in 2022.

detrans kink blog to detrans reality blog transformation

Honestly I’m finding that I’m afraid to go out in public looking like a guy. It’s intimidating. What if someone recognizes me? I need some encouragement.

I can’t wait for your guy self to win. Do you think it’ll be long before it happens?

At the moment I’m the girl self so I can say something from kind of a different angle.

When I want to be a guy I take a lot of steps towards masculinization and try to sabotage my “girl self”

When I’m a girl I never really get more feminine. I never try to fix things. In fact I still engage in this detrans stuff.

It’s like… I’m just genuinely not in the mindset of BEING a girl ever anymore. A lot of the time I WANT to be a girl, like I used to be, but I’m just… not one. If I try to be all feminine it feels like I’m faking it. Like I’m crossdressing. I want so badly to go back to feeling comfortable as a girl, I just can’t seem to anymore.

So to answer your question, I’m not sure it will be long.

I had kind of an interesting discussion last night that made me confront some of my internalized transphobia and it made me realize that my detrans kink stems from an aversion to being considered trans. In the past I was really obsessed with being seen as a cis girl, and then since I shaved my head (which was part because of detrans kink and part just me being impulsive) I’ve been in this weird position where because I can’t pass perfectly as a cis girl anymore I feel like I need to go the opposite direction and be seen as a cis guy, and it’s made it difficult to separate the kink from reality. I really do love being a girl and it is certainly my preferred way of being, and committing to detransitioning is probably very bad for me. I put my hrt back in my pill box because I don’t wanna go bald like my dad lol. Obviously I’ll keep jacking off to it I just need to stop acting like actually detransitioning is a good idea (just wait I’ll relapse back into it in under a week). I will miss my big erections and… hm. well I was about to take my meds right now… maybe I could skip my hrt again? I mean there’s no harm in that right? I can keep being a girl and not take hrt for a bit. It’s not like there will be any permanent damage. I just want to be able to get hard. Yeah that’s it. I’m still a girl. I am still a girl. Mmhmm…

True to my promise in my detrans notes game I have bought boxers to replace my panties. As a bonus they’re all boring, manly grey and black. I’m still a little nervous to take the step of throwing all my panties out but I’ll do that soon.

Question 24, 26 and 30 💖

24. Not only do I pee standing up, I often do it into the bathtub out of laziness.

26. Blue or Green? I usually prefer green.

30. I am a confused boy! Well not even that confused anymore. The reason why is complicated and I don’t want to be the type of man that’s introspective.

Okay doubts over for now!!! I’m back to wanting to be a cis man. I went out in public today as a guy, even wearing a binder. I still sounded like a girl, unlearning voice training is harder than you’d think when you’ve sounded like a cis girl for years.

I feel like I’m really coming across as trans masc here and maybe that’s basically what I am at this point. I’m guessing most people that see me in public think I’m trans masc. My facial features are soft and feminine, I’m relatively short, if I’m not wearing a binder (which most of the time I’m not) I have noticeable breasts, my voice does not sound like a cis man at all, the small amount of facial hair I have looks like it just started growing.

I think the assumption for anyone would have to be either that I’m afab trans masc or maybe alternatively that I’m significantly younger than I am. I think add to that I’ve always been kinda afab-coded (I tone it down for this blog because of the nature of it) and trying to sell people on the idea that I’m a cis guy is probably not easy.

I would say if anything at this point I look like I haven’t aged since I started taking hrt and if anything look even younger than that because of the effects of estrogen, so even if I told someone I’m a cis guy they’d probably guess I’m like 18 or 19 (I’m about to turn 25)

This isn’t really a detrans kink post as much as it’s just a detrans post, but it’s interesting. I think pulling the curtains back on the kink stuff… a lot of this isn’t kink for me. Part of me still very much so wants to be a girl, and to be perfectly honest my personality and mannerisms and way of speaking are so naturally feminine that I would have to fundamentally change who I am as a person at my core to meet the detrans goals I have in mind. That’s not easy at all, but still it’s exciting to try and I want to see how far I can go with it.

Because of the nature of my personality my natural state is probably being female, I guess in the back of my head I’m pretty sure that if I detransition I’ll retransition eventually. That’s why I’m so tempted to ruin every chance I have at being a girl, going off hrt for a while and trying to change my personality and all that.

We’ll see how it goes :)

I love when I enter a space full of nominally supportive, also mentally ill people, but I’m too mentally ill for even them and they’re clearly uncomfortable being around me.

How do you feel about being forcefemmed into giving up any silly little notions of ever making it as a man?

honestly rn i’m begging for someone to forcefem me. Maybe that sounds crazy based on my blog but like genuinely if I had a 1 on 1 dynamic with someone very interested in making me in particular into a very feminine girl I’d be all over it. Please please please someone come into my dms and offer to turn me into a girly girl.