Butterflybastard - UwU

When i start getting tempted to make posts about fandom and shipping discourse it’s probably time to log of, make some tea and read an actual book with paper pages and all :)

when i have a crush i dont kick my feet or twirl my hair instead i am in my kitchen at 3am pacing in circles with my hands clasped behind my back like a middle-aged divorced detective haunted by a cold case he just cant crack

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fun fact if your breasts¹ are somewhere between a 36C-36D² then they weight³ about the same as your brain⁴

if you’re above a D-cup⁵ you’ve probably got more boob than brain⁶

1. Both breasts combined. 2. UK and US bras are the same at this cup size. 3. Sourced from this blog post; a different source was found but excluded as it didn’t account for band size. If you have a better referenced source let me know. 4. An adult human brain weighs ~1.3kg (2.8lb). 5. A 36D cup, or sister size (40B, 38C, 34E, 32F, etc) 6. Both breasts combined. A single 36G/H cup breast is about brain-sized.

"Oh no, someone's attracted to the aesthetics of my -punk movement but doesn't know the praxis and history behind it like I do--"

OK. Tell them. Make it a teaching moment. Everyone who's in your movement learned the background from somewhere at some point, maybe this is that point for that person. Give them a jumping off point that they can dive into later.

"Oh but I shouldn't be responsible for teaching baby -punks about the history and the how-tos and--"

OK. Then don't tell them. You don't have to be responsible for teaching people with a budding interest in your group the ins and outs and how-tos. That's fair and valid! It can be a lot of work. Someone else will handle it

"But I'm annoyed that they would try to claim to be part of/be interested in my community without knowing all the details that I know after being in it for months/years/decades, they're dumb, they're posers, they're--"

OK. Then don't engage with them, if it's that bad. Maybe someone else will come around and tell them the history, maybe they'll pick it up on their own, maybe they'll just enjoy the fashion elements for awhile.

"But they shouldn't claim to be part of the -punk community if they don't know the--"

I feel like we have a few options here. People can either talk to them, share the history, share the values, share the praxis. Or they can just chase off anyone who even thinks about dipping a toe in their community, and then wonder why it's dying off later down the line.

I dunno, maybe I'm too naive and patient or whatever. But if people are entering your -punk spaces without knowing The Rundown of what you feel they need to know, maybe being nice about it and informing people instead of immediately assuming stupidity and malicious intent could help you make a new friend. Even the loudest voices in a space had to learn from somewhere, and not everyone has the luxury of being in the space as the History was Happening--whether it's an age thing or a not being aware of the space thing. Or maybe I just don't see what the big deal is behind people hating people who like the aesthetic of something and don't know the behind the scenes history about it yet.

Because I believe in the word 'yet.' No one comes into this world knowing everything about everything, and we're all constantly learning new things. I'm not gonna degrade someone and call them a poser for not knowing what I know. Because if it were me, interested in a scene but getting chased out and called a poser? I wouldn't hit the books and study up, I'd go 'that fuckin sucks, those people sucked' and then avoid anyone and anything having to do with it.

So chase people off and call them posers if you want. But if your community starts dwindling, don't be fucking shocked.

When I was a child, many of my sensory issues were used as the butt of jokes by my family. I had many phobias due to these issues, but they were laughed off as they were seen as "extreme" or over the top.

Examples would be I was terrified of pinecones as young as 3 because I thought they were visually disturbing and dangerous. So, at the age of 4/5, we were in a park and I handed my mum my jacket so I could use the public loo. She proceeded to fill the pockets, sleeves and hood with pinecones.

I had a meltdown in the middle of a forest. I screamed and collapsed and i was told I was overreacting.

Now, this isn't good behaviour for an adult for any child.

But when you're an undiagnosed autistic, you begin to learn that your sensory pain doesn't matter. It's too much, and needs to be ignored.

Holding the door closed whilst the toilet flushed, another sensory pain was one done to me "for laughs". I was told it wasn't that big of a deal and I needed to grow up.

So, is it any wonder that late diagnosed (and probably many early diagnosed) autistics ignore their own needs? We don't want to be too much. We don't want to rock the boat and endure being told that we're overreacting and to just shut up.

To myself, raised in an environment that glorified and romanticized restriction and suffering:

There is no victory in skipping dinner, or lunch, or breakfast, or morning coffee, or dessert.

There is no victory in refusing heaters and air conditioners and fans and heated blankets.

There is no victory in denying yourself sleep, or showers, or movement, or water, or a comfortable bed, or taking the elevator vs. the stairs.

There is no victory in refusing pain meds and heating pads and ice packs and medical help.

There is no victory in punishing yourself needlessly, in telling yourself that this pain you feel is because you are bad to the core and deserve it.

There is no victory in choking back your laughter and your tears, to keep an imagined equilibrium of safety that is really just a dry, cracked, empty, endless emotional desert.

You are here. You are in this body, and this body is yours. You deserve good things. You are alive, and that is messy and loud, and messy and loud are okay.

It’s okay to live abundantly. It’s okay to make mistakes, it’s okay to indulge. This paralysis of self-punishment, self-restriction, self-loathing is not healthy or good for you.

A dream of mine is to eventually complete an entire tarot deck - at least the major arcana. This is the very first of them - The Lovers. I experimented with creating depth by bringing the tail loops up off the ground fabric but maintaining my stitches as seamlessly as possible.

This piece is one of the largest I've made to date, measuring twenty inches tall by ten inches wide. It was so difficult!!!!

genuinely i think the hardest thing ive ever had to learn in my life is that even the relationships (platonic, familial, etc) that you thought were strongest and relied most heavily on can disintegrate in the right circumstances like yes even the one you think that could never happen to. and that's something i learned when i was already YEARS deep in aro theory and activism bc it's just that ingrained that you Should have that permanent safety net and yeah maybe you should and it doesn't mean you shouldn't invest in people and relationships and it doesn't make transitory relationships less important it literally just is a fact that the Only specific person you can Always rely on is yourself and that's okay. alexa play no one is alone from into the woods.