Caalowrites - Ca Alo Writes

Modern Commentary on Joan Didion's "On Being Unchosen By The College of One's Choice"

The previous Fall I committed to a college abroad, ran by an American university. The American school is a big name, and wanting the prestige and experience abroad, I chose it over much safer options within my state. A year later and things haven't exactly worked out; thanks to COVID, I haven't actually been to school in the entirety I have enrolled, and that also means enduring classes in a different time zone. So, naturally, I am transferring universities. Again, the rat race for prestige has taken over my life, moreso now than before because I know where my high school peers have gone.

Going to college in the Information Age is surely a dimension of hell. From Instagram to LinkedIn, everyone I know and have ever stalked has posted about their resume, selective summer programs, and even future plans. I'm an orientation advisor for first year students, and some of my kids have multiple universities in their biographies, to showcase the many schools they got into.

Maybe I'm bitter, because a lot of this college crap is very classist in nature. Transferring has made me think a lot about what prestige and early success mean to me, and truth be told, I wouldn't mind going to a little-known school in a small town, with little old buildings and professors that you can talk to. Maybe I'm just romanticizing simplicity because I am tired of the rat race, and I really just want to feel a connection to my actual studies, not to my resume.

I picked up Joan Didion's book, "Let Me Tell You What I Mean," before leaving the American campus of my school last Spring. I had dormed there while studying online, because the time zone is lesser than it is at home. In a big city university with no actual school friends, Joan Didion made me feel less isolated than even before the pandemic.

Her essay is a time capsule into college admissions past, when you could accept your peers successes, even when you didn't reach those heights yourself. (Joan mentions suicidal ideation after a Stanford rejection, but later mentions writing essays for her friends at Stanford.) I attribute this to not seeing a "I am so excited to announce..." post on her teenage feed every day. I am going to make the assumption Joan was intelligent in her earliest days, even if it took many years before she reached a mastery of writing. In today's expectations, a woman of her caliber taking community college classes after striving and failing for Stanford, is terribly uncommon.

Still, when I think of what I envy most of Joan, from aspriring-writer to writer, it's her mastery of her craft. The little community college she attended must have contributed in some way to her success, as has every small opportunity she got her hands on. These, we know, did not include Stanford or ivies or any of the dynastic, old American universities that use the money of their nepo baby student body to attract the few geniuses that roam their campuses.

In the end, I’m glad Didion went to Berkeley, because when she says she went there, we all know that means she got into Berkeley.

End of November Reflections

Hi all, I am soooo late on a new post but I guess I just sorta lost my way. Some updates from me: getting mostly As but two Cs I think (out of 5 courses). I am trying to transfer unis but American unis are so very expensive. So, I am continuing on with my applications to UK schools and possibly Sciences Po as well, where I can continue to study philosophy.

I've thought a lot about what I want this blog to be, since Tumblr is mostly dead and all. I don't find myself interested in TikTok or newer socials, so I will continue to keep this blog alive for other humanities students to mingle with me.

I'll mostly be posting product recs and just small updates on my uni journey, but if you'd like me to post different things please let me know!

See you around,

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caalowrites

2 years ago