I Don't Remember If I Already Sent You One So Erm

Cleaned up my room— it seems like everyone is enjoying it ☆☆☆

Shenanigans

Taking a break from the drab and depressing subjects about growing up for a while. I've made a new friend at school, and she helps me take my mind of a lot of stressful stuff I've had sticking to my mind. We can talk for hours, and she even taught me how to make flower crowns, too!

After noticing how much happier I felt when spending time with her and working with my hands, I've started to feel a lot better. Maybe things are looking up?

In other news, I've recently come across an old scout troop activities book that I remember finding in a box that said "free books"- looking at the stamp on the inner cover, it seems to have belonged to an actual scout troop!

I've found their contact and will hopefully be seeing if they're still around or want the book. :)

- Caramel

Fresh air

I'm not sure if it's just the maturity and thoughts that come with growing up, but recently so much of my mind has been taken up with thoughts and plans for the future- finally being able to accomplish goals and dreams I've had forever. Opportunities opening up to fulfill empty wishes and feelings I've had for as long as I remember, and finally being old enough to work on them- yet somehow still young enough to keep my dreams alive. Feels like I've stepped above the clouds.

Is anyone else feeling like this? Is this how growing up feels like?

There's so much I want to do and so little time, but maybe I can prioritize and ration myself to each and every thing I'd like to accomplish, maybe I can live more than I've ever thought I could.

When I'm all old and grey, I'm going to miss this feeling of growing up. It's alright, though- I'll make sure to treasure it as it passes.

<3 Caramel

Build me up

Another one of my packages arrived today! There’s just a few more that I’m waiting for. Though it didn’t make me feel the motivation and determination for my new life that I had earlier, it felt wonderful to dress up and look nice. :)

I walked up to a hill with some friends today and watched the sunset- average teenage things, yes, but it was pretty to see the lit city skylines and the stars hanging up in the sky.

I feel like I’ve kind of lost my energy for my new life, but that doesn’t mean I can't still make it to the finish line- I’m still willing to put in all the effort I need. By the weekend, I should be able to move in a desk and mirror into my room!

Going to visit my tài pó on Sunday, I’ll figure out what flowers to bring by then. For now, though- I should definitely sleep. Sorry for the poorly written post, I’m exhausted.

<3 Caramel

When I lose my extra weight and get a work habit and rearrange my room and get energy and work more it's over for everybody

MEW WELCOME BACK MISSED UUUUUU >⩊< CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR ABOUT UR PROJECT♡♡

Thank you picopico!!! Also, thank you for your wonderful messages, they made me feel so remembered and loved (⁠｡⁠ﾉ⁠ω⁠＼⁠｡⁠)

I need to clean up a few things and do a little drawing but hopefully will have something to show in... Two weeks? But from now until then, I'll be posting regularly!!!

Aughhh I can't focus any longer!!

Studying is hard, but the midterm on Wednesday will be harder... Hopefully, I'll be okay. For now, I'm going to take a rest with some dessert...

Lazy

Ahhhhh

Spring break has really made me lazy. I thought I had the capability to laze around day after day if undisturbed, but it seems I do end up getting restless from time to time. Can't believe I'm even allowed to lie in my bed for eleven more days. Hopefully, I'll take this time to clean up, draw, and study instead.

Overall, it's nice to see myself actually want to do something instead of feeling content doing nothing at all. Glad I'm not completely devoid of energy- can't wait to see what the break brings!

Not sure if this helps but I don't really believe that knowing we'll die in the end changes anything.

Do you listen to a song just because it ends?

Do you read a book just to close the cover in a few days?

Look, I'm no fully grown adult with a grip on life or a real job or anything, but I'm a bit of a believer in just trying to make the best of things while we're here. The time limit isn't really the end goal per se, but it's something to give our lives value.

What's the point in living forever anyways? With an ~80 year lifespan, these days matter!

Or at least, that's what I believe in theory. Might want to consult @aletheia-mou for more thoughts on life, since I've kind of reached a point in this line of thought that satisfied my need for knowledge in this area.

Hang in there<3

Caramel

☆ Meaningless? ☆

What's the meaning of life? I need an answer--not something along the lines of "it's all about self-discovery!" Discovering one's life is part of the journey, but if that's all there is to life, I don't want any part of it. If it's truly the case, then I discovered that my life is full of wrath and meaningless things. I use too much oxygen and produce too much carbon dioxide. My presence is negative even on an environmental level. My life is all about academics I swear. Although I love academia, it kinda sucks that I am 2 dimensional outside of school. Why should I even pity myself? Maybe everything happens for a reason. I'm gonna die anyway sooner or later.

I hope it's sooner rather than later.

(o´∀`o)

The train station is so beautiful when everything's in bloom...

Ah... I'm tired. Finals are over, and I'm worried about my marks now— but at least there's time to sit in bed and stare at the wall for a while.

I want to disappear...