Real

Okay first for some context: I used to sh. I did it for almost 2 years but i’ve stopped and I’m currently 4 months clean!! I have scars all over both my arms and upper thighs. I have some in other places but those are less visible.

Anyway, I’m so happy because this week I took a big step in recovery; I wore shorts and a t-shirt to school! This was my first time ever wearing a t-shirt without covering up since i started sh.

Btw my left arm looks “worse” than my right arm so when i was wearing a t-shirt I was mostly covering that side with a jacket but some times I wasn’t so i was close. But I had my right arm completely out and although it has less scars and less noticeable ones I’m still proud of myself. Right now I feel almost completely comfortable with showing my right arm maybe even without bracelets on but not my left one yet but i’ll get there soon.

And for shorts I also mostly had my scars out but since my shorts go up kinda when I sit i covered it with a jacket a bit but it’s okay. I have 1 big scar on my thigh that’s pretty low down which is probably the only reason I’m uncomfortable wearing shorts. The other ones are pretty small and less noticeable.

I think the reason I was scared to show my scars is because I thought people would judge me and say things about me or think bad things but so far no one has said anything and I also realize I can’t hear other people’s thoughts so even if they were thinking about it I wouldn’t know. Also i shouldn’t care what others think of me.

It was so random when I started being brave enough to do this. I think it’s because I have this school trip for orchestra to an amusement park coming up and we have to wear t-shirts and the past 2 years i’ve worn a long sleeve shirt under it but this year I wanted to just wear the t-shirt. So now i’m kind of like practicing wearing short sleeves until I’m comfortable enough to maybe wear it on the trip. I might even wear shorts too.

Lastly, I think another reason i feel more comfortable is because I’m starting to lose weight and rn I’m not like fat but I am a bit overweight. And the crazy thing is i’m barely even exercising and i’m still losing weight because i’m being calorie deficit. I used to think that i’d have to do these crazy daily workouts but i really don’t need to. I think I started around mid April and so far I’ve lost 9lbs!! I don’t feel that much different but I hope i start seeing the difference soon. But anyway i feel like when I lose weight i’ll be more comfortable in clothes.

Thanks for reading all the way through if you did <3. It was very relaxing and peaceful writing this. I will be updating on my progress for both weight loss and wearing shorts and short sleeves in the future.

Height: 5’ 4 (162cm)

Start weight 4/18/25: 165lbs (75Kg)

Current weight: 155lbs (70kg)

Goal weight: 130lbs (59Kg)

Under goal weight: 120lbs (54kg)

I’m probably gunna get permanently hearing damage

they're always with me 24/7

Finished the first book a while ago. I just started this one tho. I hope it’s as good!

If i got a dollar every time I watched the Ginny & Georgia trailer I’d have like $8 which isn’t that much but I’m just so exciteddddd. Just come out already!!

Ugh I really want a boyfriend

This is so random but I just want someone who loves me in a romantic way and who cares about me and doesn’t care that I have scars. Someone who’s kind and caring and accepts me for who I am. Someone who wants to hang out with me and go places together. And I want him to tell me he likes me so ik it’s real.

What makes this worse is that I think i’m aromantic so i don’t know if i’ll find someone I like but the idea of being with someone is really comforting to me.

Ik even if I do find someone we probably won’t last past high school but idc. I will still be happy as long as they’re a good person.

I’m going to a new school next year and I really hope I find someone and if I do I want us to be good friends first so i already know them. I’ve never had a bf before but hopefully will get one one day.

Update!!

I wore short sleeve again today and it went pretty well! I had my right arm completely uncovered the whole day and on my left arm I wore bracelets that covered most of my arm. I don’t know if anyone was staring because I wasn’t really paying attention but no one said anything which is good because they shouldn’t. Sometimes I felt like covering up but then realized I didn’t have to. I also had the pacer test today and I ran in short sleeves for the first time ever since starting sh and it felt so good. I got a score of 30 btw which is my lowest ever score cause I usually get around 50 but I didn’t really care abt it or try.

In 3rd period i saw this girl who was wearing shorts that showed the scars on her thighs. I didnt know that she did sh but it made me happy that she didnt care if others saw. It also gave me a little courage to know that I shouldn’t have to cover the scars on my thigh and others might not even notice.

I think the biggest insecurity I have to get over are the scars on my left arm. Although I wore bracelets, they don’t cover everything so a few scars were showing including my biggest one which I’m most insecure about. I did kind of have either a jacket covering it or have it facing away from other people most of the day but that’s okay. I know soon I won’t care about it anymore.

I know one day i’ll be able to go out without any bracelets and not feel like I have to hide. Thanks for reading again and I will update again. Below is a picture of the outfit I wore today.

My first post uhh idk what to say