Cepsofcordy - Just An Idiot Trying To Make Her Way In The Galaxy

It's March 2021.

Breonna Taylor was murdered by the police on March 13, 2020.

Breonna Taylor has not received justice.

What happens once you kill yourself? Because I'm ready to go.

You wanna know what happens once you kill yourself? Your mother comes home from work and finds her baby dead and she screams and runs over to you and tries to get you to wake up but you won’t and she keeps screaming and shaking you and her tears are dripping onto your face and your dad hears all the screaming and runs into the room and he can’t even speak because the child that he loved and the child that he watched grow up is gone forever and finally your little sister runs into the room to see what all the fuss is about and she sees you dead. The person she looked up to and loved. The person she bragged about to  her friends, the person she wanted to be just like when she grew up, the person that made her feel safe. But she’s never really going to get to grow up and smile and laugh and love because she’ll always be consumed with this feeling of missing you. And now there’s something missing from your family and they can barely look at each other anymore because everything reminds them of you but you’re gone and hurts more than anything. and you think that your mom never cared because she was always busy and yelling at you to finish your homework and clean your room and forgot to say I love you sometimes but really, she loved you more than anything and she doesn’t leave the house anymore, she can’t even get out of bed and she’s getting thinner and thinner because it’s too hard to eat. Your father had to quit his job and he doesn’t sleep anymore, every time he closes his eyes he sees his baby dead, and the image never goes away no matter how much alcohol he drinks. And at school your best friend sees that your seat is empty and she gets this sick feeling in her stomach and that’s when she hears the announcement. You killed yourself. And suddenly she’s screaming and crying in the middle of class and no one even bothers comforting because they’re all  busy sitting there staring at your empty seat with tears dripping down their cheeks and all she wants is for you to hug her and tell her it’s gonna be okay like you always did, but this time, you’re not there to do it, everything is dark now that you’re gone and her grades are slipping, she barely goes to school anymore and she ended up in hospital after taking too many pills because she wanted to see you again. the girls who used to make fun of the way you dressed feel their throats get tight, they don’t talk to each other anymore, they don’t talk to anyone, they’re all in therapy trying so hard not to blame themselves but nothing works. and your teacher who always gave you a hard time stares blankly at the wall, she quits her job a few days later. And then your boyfriend hears the news and he can’t breathe, he still calls you a lot just to hear your voice and he talks to you on facebook but you never message him back, he can’t fall in love again because every girl he meets reminds him of you, he’s never going to get over you, he loved you and he cries himself to sleep every night, hating himself and slicing his skin because he couldn’t save you and he’s never going to hold you in his arms or hear you laugh again. Now everyone who knew you, whether they were a big part of your life or someone you passed in the hallway a few times a week, they carry this aching feeling around inside them because you’re gone, and they miss you, and they don’t know why you left but it must’ve been their fault and they should’ve stopped you and they should’ve told you they loved you more and that feeling is never going to go away. And so you killed yourself

but you killed everyone else around you too. 

Happy Transgender Day of Visibility! I hope every trans person has a great day, and I hope today can be a day of being proud, loud, and visible! I want every trans kid to know that there are trans people out here living amazing, happy, fulfilling lives - and that future is waiting for you too!

(Here are some of my trans pride bird designs from my (way too crowded - sorry!) Redbubble store)

To all the fic writers out there that are not currently writing. Either it's because of RL, health, writer's block or something has happened that have disheartened you. Thank you for what you've written, and don't ever feel pressured or stressed - fanfic should be something good for all of us; both reader and writer. You're more important than what you do, but thank you for what you've done!

Had a long talk with a friend about tumblr after going on hiatus. I didn't actually know if I'd ever touch my beloved hellsite again.

Because... I'd hit a breaking point. I couldn't stand it anymore.

There's so much bullshit everywhere you look.

So much goddamn drama.

I'm an observational person by nature. I watch and I pay attention. I'm always cataloging information whether I mean to or not. It's just how my brain works.

And all I saw was... Pain.

Everyone hurting each other for no reason other than a difference in opinion on FICTIONAL PEOPLE. That exist in a world that is also FICTIONAL. Or about CELEBRITIES that they will never know on a personal level.

We can all feel close to an actor or musician, etc.

But in the end?

We don't know these people.

We get shown a side of who they are.

They're actors. Some of them so mind-blowing at it that it's breathtaking. Wouldn't you think they could present a certain persona if they wanted to? Anytime they wanted to?

I'm not saying what we're seeing isn't real. That who they're presenting to us isn't true to them.

I'm not saying it isn't organic.

What I'm saying is that we don't know them on a personal everyday life level to be able to properly evaluate what kind of person they are.

Belittling and torturing someone with emotional trauma? Because of that?

That mentality is in need of a sharp hip check.

When I say that what I mean is this:

Sometimes you get so deeply immersed in a world and a way of thinking that reality slips away a little. You stop seeing things as clearly. As rationally. You stop seeing people as people.

I've personally had to hip check myself many times in the last year. Many, many, times. Because I got caught up in the euphoria of it all.

I acquired blorbo vision.

Several times I had to pull back, take those blorbo vision glasses off, and take a breath.

Reevaluate.

I would take time to consider if the things that were upsetting me were something that merited it. If it was something of any actual consequence.

And every time?

It wasn't.

It didn't matter in the face of human decency.

It didn't matter because fandom is make believe.

Every inch of it is fiction. Even the ones that revolve around real people. It's all fiction.

But what isn't fiction?

The person behind your favorite blog isn't fiction.

The person behind the blog that makes you feel like screaming and cursing isn't fiction.

But the arguments?

That goes back into fiction land.

There's dissecting a film because it's fascinating or vile.

Then there's thinking that moment of fiction is worth someone taking their life. That we need to argue over the merits of something that happens in fiction like it's on our own front porch. That something happening in fiction has any bearing on real life ideals.

I have been in fandom for over twenty years.

I am a card carrying elder at this point.

And this shit? This new wave of toxic mental warfare?

Fuck that shit.

All of it.

I would say that fandom in it's current form can go to hell but, it already is hell.

My friend did talk sense into me about the situation, though.

Going forward it's gonna be idgaf land:

I'm tried of censoring my opinions.

I'm tired of fandoms bullshit politics.

I'm tired of the drama.

I'm tired of being told what I should think and who I should be and what is acceptable for me to feel.

That shit? Can get fucked. I'm done with it.

Fandom is for fun.

Fandom is for screaming yourself hoarse to your friends about how much you love a character, a show, a book, a graphic novel, a band; anything and everything that makes you feel like a four year old with your brain all lit up like it's fucking Christmas morning.

It is not about being pushed into a goddamn box and being told to behave.

It's not about being shunned for having your own opinions and emotions.

It's not about being told you'll have your privileges removed if you step out of line.

A line that someone else has drawn with invisible ink.

That shit? Can also get fucked.

Say goodbye to censoring and hello to idgaf I'm here to enjoy my blorbos and be stupid. 👋👋👋

Fandom is for fun.

Princess

Boba fett x bounty hunter reader

Request: Could I request you something Boba Fett x Female!Reader... some very tender, fluffy? But still, I would very love a real tender Boba for maybe his long time partner ? Like his precious little princess, even if not official but his only one... See ?

Warnings: soft boba fett, but still the grumpy stubborn ass we all love

👉👈🥺💕 FLUFF EXTRAVAGANZA!!!! language. Short(I'm sorry it's short)

Tags: @anilynworlds I'm sorry if it sucks it was a bit rushed because every time I try and write everyone around me decides to make my life a living hell😣

The green and lush planet was by far the most peaceful planet you've been to yet, it was calm, nature making its own soothing melody as you sit by the crackling fire, watching the dancing flames, the Amber's wafting into the night air and dissappearing. You was seated on the ground, back leaned on a log as your partner in crime cleans his blaster pistol. Dark eye's focused on the thing while he was still wearing his beskar armor, his helmet discarded beside him. You couldn't help but admire how the dancing flames casts a beautiful glow on the man, highlighting his features as he concentrated on the blaster, brows furrowed as he cleaned every crevice of it.

The orange hues made his tan skin glow, he looked ethereal under the moon and fires light. The mere sight of him sending your heart into a fluttering mess.

It was merely hours ago when you and him returned to the remote area you had landed Slave I, you having talked the man into building a small fire and joining you outside for the night. For this planet was beautiful and you dread going back to tatooine to return the quarry to jabba. So with much begging and pleading, you convinced boba to sit outside with you.

"you're staring..." he muttered while his gaze was still on the blaster, a smug grin slightly tugging at the corners of his mouth. Boba fett was no fool, he knew that your feelings ran deeply for him, it always left him baffled that someone as gorgeous as yourself could love a ruthless, merciless bounty hunter like himself.

"no... I'm admiring" you correct him with a smile, his eyes finally looking over at you. His blaster now laying with his helmet as he stands up. Walking closer to you. You watch how he plops down beside you, his back leaned against the log now.

"so you're not mad anymore?" he asked with a lifted brow, referring to today's events. Ah, the ever lingering annoyance of how boba flirted the information he needed to find the bounty out of a rather pretty worker at the cantina you both stopped by in search of the quarry that laid prisoner in your shared ship. Although boba refused to label whatever it was you both had in fear of putting you in danger, because everyone he ever loved was taken from him...you knew you was in love with the bounty hunter. And with his tender actions and displays of affection, you knew he felt the same. Especially when you laid in his arms at night drifting to sleep, or when you'd awake to the taste of his soft lips against your own, muttered words of affection.

You scoff at his word's and shake your head, "why would I be mad?" you spoke bitterly, more harsher then intended. Boba simply gives you a amused smirk.

"you tell me princess, I'm not a mind reader" he said, his voice more melodic then the sounds of nature around you. Sighing you simply give him a side glance and almost melt at his damned amused expression, it was cute. And here you was calling the most feared bounty hunter in the galaxy cute.

"I don't see how flirting with that woman was the right way to go about getting information" you let the words slip before you could think them over, but it was to late now. For they tumbled out.

Boba, although wanted to laugh at the fact you was feeling a little envious, found himself staring at you blankly. For you shouldn't ever feel that way, his heart belonged to one person in the galaxy and she was sitting beside him.

Boba leans closer to you and cups your face, making you look over at him. "you've basically ignored me the whole day because of that? Mesh'la..." he trailed off, admiration sparkling in his dark eye's. You sigh and feel like an idiot for hating how his gloved hand left a fleeting touch on the woman's face, modulated voice spewing compliments at her. But why should that have made you feel like you did, annoyed and upset.

Especially when you have the privilege of hearing his raw, natural voice, feeling his warm skin on every inch of your own. The feeling of His lips engraved in your memory. You was the luckiest woman in the galaxy, for you heard sweet words roll of his tongue every morning when you woke in his arms. Eye's looking at you with pure love.

You smile at boba and avoid his gaze, feeling like a fool for acting like you did when all he was trying to do was make this hunt quick.

"you do realize that you're the only person in the galaxy I can tolerate right?" he said, adding humor to his loving words. "you're the only one for me princess, I know I may not show it that much but... I care about you mesh'la" he muttered, eye's flickering from your eyes down to your lips that slowly lift up in a smile.

"you show it boba... I'm just an idiot sometimes and get annoyed when you flirt with other people, even though I know you really don't mean a word you throw at the them" you say and Lean into his warm touch. Heart melting at the way his eye's look over you with adoration.

"you're not an idiot" he chuckles, placing a kiss on your forehead before leaning his own forehead on yours. Eye's closed as yours flutter closed. "if it was the other way around I'd kill the person you flirted with... So it's understandable that you was annoyed with me" he muttered, you snort at his words and pull back to smile at him.

"trust me boba I know you would, you nearly killed that man who looked at me in that damned place" you muse, remembering how his hand twitched to grasp his blaster pistol and shoot the man who sent a wink your way.

"I know I've never said this out loud princess, but I - I think i love you" he whispers and his eyes gaze into yours with a sparkle you've never seen before.

You felt your heart do a flip and a smile spread across your face, "I love you too boba" you say, placing a hand on the back of his neck, fingers slowly running through the dark curls, his hair soft as silk.

Boba pulls you in for a soft slow kiss, his lips fitting perfectly against your own as he takes his precious time. This kiss wasn't like the usual rough paced lustful kisses he usually gifted you, his movements wasn't rushed. The kiss was gentle, delicate. Languid as he slowly trailed his hand that rests against your cheek to the back of your neck, causing you to hum into the kiss.

But boba fett was ever the tease and pulls away all to quickly for your liking and smiles at the pout on your face. "we should probably get some sleep, we have to leave early in the morning" he reminds you, causing the pout to deepen.

"do we have too?" you whine, and whenever he gives you a stern look you know you wasn't getting your way.

"unless you want to deal with a very pissed jabba, I'd suggest you get ready for bed" he said while standing up, scooping his helmet into his arms and picking up the blaster he had discarded. "be sure to put the fire out" he gives you a nod and heads to the ship. You watch him walk away with a fond smile.

After putting the fire out and making your way to the ship, you walk inside your sleeping area and spot boba in the cot and already under the furs. His beskar neatly set aside by the foot of the cot while he looks up at you, arms opening beckoning you to join him. So after taking your weapons off and uncomfortable pants you quickly crawl in bed and into his awaiting arms.

You snuggled into his warmth, head rested on his chest while your palm was pressed to his heart, feeling its beating. His arms wrapped around you tightly, cradling you against his chest as if he was afraid if he didn't you somehow drift away.

Though boba fett was a man who never showed emotion, he always displayed affection and love for you. His precious love, his princess.

And just as you was drifting off to sleep his words of sweet little things was the last thing you heard.

I made it

Ooh, may I have # 18 on the soulmate prompt list with Marcus Pike, please? I'm very curious as to what sort of animals show up and where it's gonna happen! 💕

Thanks so much for the request! I really love the idea of this universe, and there are so many possibilities! I had to think long and hard about what kind of animal Marcus might have, before I settled on the bloodhound - loyal, gentle, determined, it's ability to sniff out leads... that ones a bit of a stretch but I stand by it lol Also how can you say no to either of their faces?! I hope you enjoy it! Soulmate AU prompt list here can be found here!

Marcus Pike x Reader, Soulmate AU where everyone has a "soul animal" that only they and their soulmate can see

The hallway outside your apartment was littered with boxes and furniture, a team of movers working to get everything inside and placed. They nodded apologetically at you as you maneuvered through the maze they had created but you waved off their worries. You had heard someone was moving into the vacant apartment across the hall and apparently today was the day. You hovered near the open door to the apartment, considering popping in to introduce yourself to the new tenant. From the doorway, you tried to watch for someone who didn’t have the same uniform as the other movers, but no one passed your field of view.

One of the movers was hanging a large piece of art on the far wall. The painting took up the majority of the open space, a swirl of colours but mostly red and yellow. It was more abstract than anything, and you wondered if it had any particular meaning. A dog sat a few feet behind the mover, watching intently as he worked. It was nearly comical that the dog seemed to be supervising the mover, like he was worried something would happen to the painting.

Almost like it sensed a new presence, the dog turned over its shoulder to spot you. It stood right away, his long jowls and wrinkles swaying as he faced you. Before you could greet the dog, he barked one low woof at you.

The stoat on your shoulder startled at the bark. You felt it uncurl itself from where it was happily laying, perking up on its hind legs to stare at the dog. It started chirping angrily at the large, wrinkly bloodhound. You learned over the years to follow the instincts your soul animal had, so you backed out of the apartment, leaving the dog alone. You wondered why the slow-moving creature had aggravated your little stoat, trying to get it to settle down as you made your way to the elevator. Aspen, as you had named it when your family had gone skiing when you were young, eventually stopped chirping and squeaking, but it seemed on edge for the rest of the day. You wondered if the dog was mean, or if your stoat was picking up on the energy of its owner. You hoped your new neighbor wasn’t going to be hard to live near.

You didn’t see the newest occupant of your floor for a few days afterwards. The movers and clutter were gone, so you assumed they were settling in, possibly even sorting out their routine. Things like commuting to work, where the nearest stores were. Moving somewhere new was a lot of work. Despite not seeing them, Aspen still seemed extra on alert anytime you passed their door.

You were standing in the hallway, unlocking the door to your apartment, when you heard the sounds of another lock being opened. Before you could turn towards the sound, wondering if you were finally going to meet your new neighbor, your soul animal had skittered down off your shoulder. You watched as it bounded towards the opening door, stopping only when a man stepped into the hallway.

“Hi there,” you called over to catch his attention.

He looked up at you, seemingly startled but he quickly recovered with a polite smile. “Hello.” He greeted, adjusting the hamper on his hip. He was wearing a plain t-shirt and sweatpants, clearly on his way down to do laundry.

“You must be the new neighbor.” You pointed out before giving him your name.

“Marcus.” He introduced himself, closing the door now that the bloodhound had toddled out beside him.

“What’s your dog’s name?” You asked, curious.

Marcus seemed to freeze on the spot, looking at you with wide eyes. You faltered under his spooked gaze, almost wondering if you had said something other than what you had meant to.

The stoat on the floor started chirping at the dog, kicking it’s little feet. You had never seen it get this worked up before. You frowned, worried that this man and his dog really meant trouble. His bloodhound looked at your stoat, tilting its head curiously before letting out a lone bark.

Your own eyes widened as you watched the stoat move closer, the bloodhound sniffing at the ground as it took cautious steps forward. You had never seen an animal react to your stoat before, you thought only you could see your soul animal-

“You can see Silver?” Marcus gaped, slowly setting down his hamper.

It took a second for you to catch up. The dog could see your stoat, your stoat could see the dog, you shouldn’t be able to see the dog-

“Silver is your soul animal?” You breathed.

The bloodhound had lowered it’s head to the ground, showing submission to the stoat. Apparently pleased, your stoat closed the gap, sniffing directly at Silver’s nose. Silver’s tail began wagging as he patiently let the smaller creature examine him.

“And that…” Marcus pointed, apparently having not seen your animal until he was no longer holding the hamper.

“Aspen,” you filled him in on the name you had given your soul animal as a child.

“Aspen is your soul animal.” Marcus stated.

You watched in disbelief as Aspen climbed up on top of Silver, sniffing at the dog’s fur on it’s back once it was there. Silver looked over one shoulder then the other, trying to keep an eye on the tiny creature. His tail kept wagging even as he tried to locate it.

You looked away from the animals, meeting Marcus’ eyes properly for the first time. He was looking at you with soft, brown eyes. Even in the short distance between the two of you, you could see the shine of hope and affection he wore on his sleeve. You’d never been looked at quite like that before.

You smiled shyly under the attention. Marcus was attractive, and you could tell under his lounge clothes that he was fit. You had just returned from running errands, sunglasses pushed on top of your head, lazy sandals on… You wondered what Marcus thought of you.

“I, uh…” You started nervously. “If I knew I was meeting my soulmate today, I would have dressed up.” You joked, trying to ease the tension.

Marcus smiled brightly, a dimple showing on his right cheek. It was absolutely adorable. “No, that’s a perfect outfit to wear to dinner.”

“Dinner?” You frowned, quirking an eyebrow in confusion.

“Unless you already ate…” Marcus backtracked, starting to look a bit like a wounded puppy. You had to grin, already beginning to understand his soul animal. Even if you had, how could you say no? Those eyes were going to get you into all kinds of trouble, you could tell.

“Dinner sounds great.”

Marcus’ smile shone once more, relieved you'd accepted his invitation, although it fell quickly only a moment later. “Any recommendations? I don’t really know the area yet.” He chuckled, running a hand through his hair.

“I’ll take care of it.” You nodded. “Meet me back here in 5?”

He picked up his hamper, resting it on his hip as he opened his door once more. “Make it 3.”

Having noticed Marcus opening the door, Silver stood up. He shook his head, his jowls wagging back and forth. Aspen jumped ship, choosing to jump off instead of being thrown off the larger dog. It chirped in annoyance of being dislodged from the bloodhound’s back. The stoat seemed to already be pretty attached to the slow, lazy dog.

“See you in three.”

Tagging @wickedfrsgrl​ @din-damn-djarin​ @seasonschange-butpeopledont @kesskirata @phoenixhalliwell @vonschweetz​ @insideafictionaluniverse​ @driedgreentomatoes​ @computeringturtle​ @spideysimpossiblegirl

High As The Stars

I do not own the GIF.

Word Count: 1239

This hasn't been the first time Din has returned with more wounds than you could count. With each lucky bounty that took less than one day stacked up the slow amount of karma waiting for Din the next time. And here you were, hovering over the Mandalorian as he bled out.

"Hey! Just keep your eyes open. Squeeze my hand."

You shout, one hand busily tearing the beskar from his torso as the other was faintly gripped in his bloody leather hand.

"C-Cyare."

You press a small kiss against the helmet, pulling out antiseptic wipes to clean the heavy gashes. You grimaced at his moan of pain, his grip becoming unbearable as you cleaned sand and other bits from the nasty wounds.

"Don't speak. Just... stay with me Din." He began to wrestle against you.

"Kriffing stop moving!" Din stills, his grasp a butterfly's touch on your hand as you pull it back. You needed both hands to administer the bacta shots. Another grunt followed the injection of the syringe, and you sighed in relief as you slowly watched the major wounds close together. Disposing of several wipes and bloodied rags, you turn back to face Din, who's out cold on the floor.

"What would you do without me." You muttered before completely striping him of his armour and weapons. It was a terrible idea to drag him up the ramp of the Razor Crest when he had stumbled outside, and you doubted you could do it again.

With what little strength you had, you pressed him against a makeshift bed. Soft blankets and pillows surrounded him as you tucked him in. He would need all his energy back once he woke up, no doubt wanting to jump straight back to Nevarro to collect the credits.

You sat by his side, smiling softly as you grasped his hand. At least he had come back to you in one piece. He was lucky that he had made it to the Crest, or you would've had no idea where he was.

A soft mumble escaped the modulator as Din slowly sat up, his body swaying from the sudden motion.

"Hey. Take it easy." You mutter, letting him lean his weight against your smaller form.

"How you feelin?" You ask, eyes shining with worry as Din blankly stared at you, his helmet tilting further to the side the longer he stared.

"You look fam-familiar." He slurred, wrapping his arm around your waist.

"Mhm. I am your only other crewmate. Been together for around a year." There was a moment of silence before his usually stoic and sarcastic voice had shifted to something akin to a love sick puppy.

"You look so pr-pretty mesh'la." You lay him back down with ease, squeezing his hand that was clutched to your side as you laid it down beside him.

"Is that the bacta talkin to me Din?" You tease, watching as he struggles to take off his helmet. With gentle hands, you release the Mandalorian from his beskar prison. His eyes were hazy as he stared off into the distance before looking back at you.

"You should get some rest. Sleep here. I'll be right beside you." He shoves you away with what little strength he had left in his muscles, but even wounded and delirious, he was still strong enough to push you back.

"S-Stop. I have a riduuuur." He drew out the foreign word, and you peck another kiss to his cheek. His face scrunched up as he pouted, his eyes glistening.

"I won't cheat on my riduur. Even if you look as pretty as them." A wide grin splashes over your face as you brush his messy hair out of his face.

"You think I'm pretty?" Din groans, trying to roll onto his side so he didn't have to look at you. But after the fourth attempt he huffed before flopping down on the soft blankets.

"The-The prettiest." Din nodded, his eyes roaming the features of your face as it came in and out of focus.

"Come on Din, go back to sleep." It took a few moments for the words to register in his brain before he was moaning in protest.

"Got to see my cyar'ika." His protests were firm as you sighed.

"Fine. I'll get them. Wait here." He diligently nodded his head as you disappeared from view. You chuckle to yourself. Din had always been so shy to flirt with you, but here he was, diligently keeping his promise to be with you forever. You exit the weapon lockers and smile happily as Din's face morphs into a goofy smile.

"Verd'ika!" He exclaimed, seeming to gain his strength in the short period of time you had pretended to get yourself. You coo at him as he embraces you in a clumsy hug.

"I've missed you. You so... so good to me." Din began to slowly tear up, and you gently rubbed his back as he began to sob into your shoulder. Despite being vulnerable and high as an X-Wing in the clouds, he still had a possessive grip.

"Mi-Missed you. Haven't seen you in y-years!" His words were choked and lazily pronounced.

"Love you too Din. Glad you came back to me." Din's cries began to recede as he pressed harsh kisses against the side of your neck.

"Din!" You scold, pushing him back. He gives you the sweetest puppy eyes, chocolate brown swirling at you.

"Cyare..." You roll your eyes, helping the warrior to his feet.

"You can get all the lovin' once you get cleaned up and back to our bunk." His weight wasn't as harsh in the beginning, and you were able to help him stumble his way over towards the refresher attached to the shared bunk.

Deeply inhaling the soap bar, Din gives you the softest smile.

"Aloan roses." He identifies, and you give him a small pat on the back in praise. "Come on you tin head. Let's get you cleaned up." He didn't hesitate to strip down, bare as the day he was born. Din gave you a cocky smile,

"Like what you see?" "Yeah I do. But first get clean. So I can admire you better than under all those layers of sand."

It was a hassel getting him cleaned up. He was distracting and happily pressing your body into the stream of warm water, effectively soaking you to the bone. But you couldn't be too mad. His delighted expression was too sweet for you to be mad.

Finally getting the two of you in dry clothing, you snuggled up besides Din as he pressed against you.

"Love you mesh'la." You giggle, gently brushing your finger against the curve of his jaw.

"Love you too Din."

There was another moment of silence before... "You wanna hear a joke." You wack him on his side. He had done this before. When the two of you were crunched on time to rest before bounding straight into another fight. And it had both annoyed you and sent you into a fit of chuckles when he tried to break the ice. It was endearing how he had tried to cheer you up that night. You were really grumpy, and in your defense Din drank the rest of the caf that morning.

"Go to sleep Din." There was a huff of protest before he pressed his face against the smooth skin of your neck and inhaled.

Din smiled to himself as he fell asleep. You smelled like home. His home.

Seasons Change

Pairing: Javier Peña x f!reader

Summary: Miserable and lonely after Chucho drags him to the farmers' market in town, Javier's day turns around when he runs into you asking for his help.

Warnings: Javi being a little depressed/down on himself, fluff, meet-cute, tiny bit of possessiveness, flirting

WC: 3.2K

For @jolapeno & @goodwithcheese's fall challenge: I picked Javi P + Farmers' Market 🍂

thank you @saradika-graphics for the dividers ❤️

-

Javier stared out the passenger window of his father's old truck, sulking in his seat with his arms crossed. The changing leaves blurred by on the side of the road: deep reds, bright yellows and oranges, and the occasional stubborn green. Fall was certainly in the air, so much so that he had to pull on his red checkered flannel before Chucho practically dragged him out the door, muttering to him in Spanish about how he never leaves the ranch and getting a change of scenery would be good for him.

But Javier didn't like to leave the ranch. He didn't like the looks he got, the whispers he heard, and especially hated when some stranger insisted on stopping him with a firm handshake to express how proud they were of him.

He always had to bite his tongue. He politely nodded and smiled, but inevitably the ride home was always filled with distressing images of innocents caught in the crossfire, or the shady deals he felt he had to make with the wrong sort of people just to get a lead. Every time he shook one of their hands, more blood transferred to his own palm, and now he felt like he could never get them clean.

But he couldn't explain all that to his father, although Chucho likely had some inkling. He must have noticed the change in him, the shift, when he returned home. When he asked his son why he didn't want to buy a place of his own, why he didn't want privacy, Javier replied it's easier, don't have to wake up so early and drive over to help.

But Chucho wasn't stupid. He knew Javier had nightmares, he saw the clouds in his eyes the following mornings, could practically see the weight pulling his son down around his neck.

Javier didn't want to be alone, but he was too proud to say it.

"Quit pouting. Maybe you'll meet someone," he offered from the driver's seat. Javi scoffed and shook his head.

"What? You're a catch, m'hijo."

"It's not that, Pop," Javi said, although a big part of him was beginning to wonder if he really did have anything to offer a woman anymore. "I know everyone in this town. There's no one here for me."

"You don't know that," his father replied sternly. "The farmers' market brings in customers from all over. You could meet the love of your life today."

Javi tilted his head and gave Chucho an incredulous look.

"You gettin' sick of me, Pop?"

His father laughed heartily and shook his head as he turned into the parking lot.

"You know I love having you around, Javi. Just wish you'd have a reason to smile more."

Chucho abandoned him ten minutes into arriving, claiming he wanted to check in with a couple friends from neighboring farms, and encouraged his son to wander around to see if anything interesting caught his eye.

Javi was beginning to think his presence at the ranch wasn't as necessary as he thought. When he left Colombia, he had expected to arrive home to a mess, but the ranch was in surprisingly good shape. Not only that, but his father was busy. He had to give his dad credit - he had a lot of friends and a hell of a lot more night and weekend plans than himself. Chucho was even casually seeing a woman he met at the pharmacy two months ago.

Javier was wallowing in self-pity when he heard a man and woman's voices a few feet away discussing which cheeses they should buy that would best complement the crackers they had waiting for them at home.

He glanced up and saw the man and woman holding hands and gazing at one another like they were madly in love. Something sharp twisted in his chest at the display, so he tore his eyes away to focus on a package of bread he held in his hands, doing his best to ignore that familiar twitch in his fingers, the one that wanted to lead his hand to his shirt pocket for a pack of cigarettes that wasn't there.

"Hey, buddy, excuse us," the man's voice said, cutting through Javier's fog. His eyes snapped up and after a moment of confusion, realized he was in the happy couple's way. He dropped the bread and stepped back with a tight smile, then shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans and turned away.

It took all of thirty seconds to realize he was completely surrounded by happy couples picking out flowers, fresh produce, and unique trinkets sold by locals. He normally wouldn't care. His focus lately had been entirely fixed on his father and the ranch, surprising even himself that women were the furthest thing from his mind. But something Chucho said that morning must have gotten under his skin because on that particular day, he felt lonely. Out of place. Tainted.

He saw a few people doing a double take as they passed by, no doubt recognizing him and whispering to their partner about his exploits. And just like that, it all felt like too much. The sun was too bright, the scent of apples and cinnamon was too heavy, the laughter was too loud.

He didn't belong there.

Javier swiveled around on his heel, deciding in that moment he would rather wait by his father's truck for an hour than subject himself to... whatever was happening to him. He managed to take one step when a pair of arms wrapped around his bicep, surprising him when he looked down to find a pair of bright beautiful eyes staring back up at him.

"I need your help," you whispered, fingers digging urgently into his arm. Immediately, the hairs on the back of his neck stood up and he scanned the crowd for danger. When you realized that you sounded a little alarmist, you quickly corrected yourself.

"Not like that. My ex is standing right behind you and I need you to play along because-"

You didn't get to finish your sentence and Javi hardly had a chance to process what you just said because the next thing he knew, your eyes flickered over his shoulder and you plastered a fake smile across your face.

"Charlie, hi!" you gushed, clinging to Javi's arm.

"Hey," a shorter man with light brown hair replied slowly, followed by your name. Javier repeated your name over and over in his head while Charlie's eyes bounced between the two of you, the gears churning. Even Javi could see the look of disappointment slide across his face.

"I've been thinking about you, wondering if you changed your number, but..." Charlie trailed off weakly. Then, for some reason, Javier stood up a little straighter when a flash of annoyance shot through him. Who the hell did this guy think he was? For all Charlie knew, you were in a loving and committed relationship with him. How dare he admit to trying to contact you with your boyfriend standing right there?

"Javier," he suddenly said, deepening his voice and stretching out an arm while simultaneously giving Charlie a stern look that said back off.

"Sorry!" you exclaimed from his side. "Charlie, this is my boyfriend, Javier."

Javi puffed up his chest and shook the man's hand a little harder than he usually would, secretly enjoying the look of discomfort on his face.

"Hey, man, nice to meet you," he replied, then Javi saw it. The flash in his eyes, the double take, the familiar look of someone trying to place who he was.

Javier cleared his throat and slid his arm out of your grasp, only to drape it protectively around your shoulders instead. Much to his delight, you leaned into his side and rested your hand on his chest, your touch making his heart unexpectedly flutter.

"Is there something wrong?" you asked Charlie innocently while batting your lashes. Slowly, your ex shook his head and forced an awkward smile.

"No, just... just happy to see you. Glad you're doing well."

"We're great," you replied. Javi's lips twitched and he had to look away. For just a moment, he wasn't the pathetic single guy at the Farmers' Market. For those few minutes, he was yours.

"Alright, well, I'll see you around I guess," Charlie said as he took a single step backwards. His eyes slid to Javi and he added, "Nice to meet you."

"Take care," he called after Charlie, his arm remaining around your shoulders until he slinked back into the crowd. You let out a huge sigh of relief and stepped out from under his hold, Javi's side instantly feeling cooler from the lack of contact.

"Thank you so much," you said, gazing up at him while you readjusted the bag over your shoulder. "You're, like, the only other person here without someone so I figured you were a safe bet, I hope you don't mind."

Javi smiled. So he wasn't the only one who noticed all the adoring couples. "Not at all. Is he bothering you? I know some guys down at the station-"

"No! Oh, god, no, nothing like that," you exclaimed with a giggle. "He's harmless, he just can't accept it's over, you know?"

"Yeah," he replied, but he didn't know. Not really. Not when he filled the past several years of his life with quick trysts.

You quirked an eyebrow at him, scanning his face for something, and then he felt that familiar churning in his stomach begin. You were about to connect the dots, about to recognize him for who he really was, so he dropped his gaze to the ground. But then your next question took him by surprise.

"How do you know people at the station? Are you a cop?"

He dragged his eyes up to meet yours again, searching for any sign that you were messing with him, but he found none. Just genuine curiosity.

"No," he replied, then awkwardly cleared his throat and shifted his weight. "Well, I used to be, but not here. I work on a ranch now with my Pops."

"Oh, that sounds nice. How kind of you to help out your dad," you said with a sweet smile that held him in a trance for a moment.

"Uh, y-yeah," Javi stammered before tearing his gaze away. "Seems like he doesn't need me as much as I thought, though."

You laughed again, the sound like music to his ears.

"I'm sure that's not true. I bet you're very helpful. You helped me today, so, there's that," you reminded him, leaning forward a little bit and biting your lip playfully. Were you flirting with him?

"That was nothing," Javi replied sheepishly. His mind began to race, trying to desperately think of ideas to keep you around before it became clear his usefulness had come to an end. Then, to his delight, you came up with an answer all by yourself.

"Well, do you mind continuing to help me? Because I wanted to buy some pumpkins and a hay bale for my front porch -"

"Yes," he responded almost immediately. The eagerness in his voice made you both blush and you reached out for his hand.

"My hero."

He grinned and let his fingers lace together with yours, your warmth spreading to his palm as you walked hand in hand through the market. Javi couldn't stop smiling. He was still surrounded by couples, all the smiling and happy faces, but now he didn't feel so out of place. Now he blended right in with everyone else because he had you by his side, leading him around to different vendors to show him something you found interesting or strange. And in those ten short minutes, he realized he wanted to hear it all. He wanted to know why you wrinkled your nose when you passed by some eggplants, or smiled fondly when you saw some colorful homemade crafts.

You suggested getting some hot chocolate and finding a spot to sit down, something he felt foolish for not thinking of first, but at least he had the good sense to insist on buying while he waved you off to find an empty bench.

"So, Javier," you began, saying his name in a way that made warmth bloom in his chest. "You said you used to be a cop and now you work on a ranch. Is there a story there or were you just looking to shake things up?"

He squinted at you over his hot chocolate, like he was trying to figure out if it was possible you really didn't know who he was. But you just kept looking at him so sweetly, your fingers curled around the paper cup, your lips blowing air over the liquid to cool it down, giving absolutely no indication you were being dishonest.

"Do you really not know who I am?" he blurted out. Your eyebrows shot up and you cocked your head to the side.

"Should I?"

Javi smirked and leaned back on the bench in disbelief.

"No. Well, not necessarily. Guess I'm just used to it."

"Used to... people recognizing you?" you asked. He nodded and figured now he was in too deep, so he told you. He told you about Escobar and the Cali Cartel while leaving out a few of the sensitive details, details that still haunted him at night. He didn't tell you why he wasn't a hero, he didn't tell you about Los Pepes. He didn't tell you how all the pain and lives lost made hardly any difference.

He didn't tell you he felt like a complete failure every time he saw those damn boats cruise by the ranch.

"Oh," you finally murmured when he stopped talking. He chewed anxiously on his lower lip, waiting for your reaction. But after you took a moment to absorb what he said, you brightened up and shrugged.

"I'm so glad you're working on a ranch, now. It sounds much safer."

He slowly nodded in agreement.

"Except when the cows get hungry, they get a little pushy."

You giggled and a wide smile stretched across his face.

"Jav! There you are," Chucho's voice called from a few feet away, putting a quick end to both your laughter. His heart sank when he realized his time with you was about to end.

"Pops," Javi said in greeting. You both stood from the bench to face him, ignoring the mischievous look on his father's face when he introduced you. Javi pulled nervously at his hair when he ran his fingers through the thick locks, scrambling to figure out what to say after Chucho announced he was ready to leave.

"Wait, I promised I'd help carry the pumpkins and hay-" he began, grateful that he thought of something to prolong your time together. Your eyes dropped shyly to the ground and you lowered your voice.

"I didn't actually come here to buy that stuff, I was just looking for a reason to keep talking to you."

His father coughed into his fist and hitched his thumb over his shoulder. "I'll meet you at the truck, m'hijo."

Javi nodded and he may have said something but for the life of him, he couldn't remember. His heart was thudding too loudly in his chest at your confession. You liked him. You wanted to keep him around.

"Well, uh, it was great meeting you," he said, thumb and forefinger swiping over his mustache. You smiled up at him, murmuring your agreement and thanking him again for saving you from Charlie.

Do it. Do it, you coward.

But he couldn't. His nerves got the best of him and he took a couple steps backwards.

"Maybe I'll see you around," he said, cringing at how stupid he sounded. You tried to hide the disappointed look on your face when you gave him a little wave, then turned back to the bench to collect your bag and hot chocolate.

Idiot. Idiot. Idiot.

He shook his head at himself as he began to slowly walk in the direction of the parking lot. His hands balled up into fists at his sides, his anger and disgust with himself growing with each heavy step. He thought he knew everyone in town, thought everyone knew him. Or, at least, of him and his reputation. If it wasn't his work in Colombia, then the rest of the town would have remembered how he left Lorraine. He thought he had to hide away on the ranch to avoid the attention and scrutiny, and he was content enough to do that. But now? The thought of going back home to his quiet little life, knowing he would spend countless days wondering about you made him suddenly stop dead in his tracks and spin around.

He spotted you walking in the opposite direction, your off-white tote back draped over your shoulder, about to disappear into the crowd. Panic clawed at his throat and he broke out into a jog, calling your name as he made his way closer and ignoring the looks he got from strangers as he went.

When you heard him, you immediately swiveled around and broke out into a smile, looking just as relieved as he felt.

"Hey," he said, slightly short of breath when he slowed his pace to a stop in front of you.

"Hi," you replied, gazing up at him with those beautiful eyes he would dream about later instead of the nightmares that usually plagued him.

"I meant to - can I get your number? I'd like to take you out sometime, if you-"

"Yes!" you cried out excitedly, making both of you laugh. He handed you his phone, then wiped his sweaty palms over the backs of his jeans and watched while you entered your number. You handed the device back to him with a dazzling smile and he felt his nerves start to settle.

"I'll call you," he promised, tucking his phone back into his pocket.

"You better, Javier," you teased with a poke to his shoulder.

It might have been the way your eyes sparkled when you looked at him or the sweet way you said his name, but before he had a chance to overthink it, he leaned down and pressed his lips lightly against yours. He felt you melt into him once the shock wore off, and his lips curved into a smile before pulling away.

"You taste like chocolate," he said softly, mouth still hovering over yours, and you giggled when you swiped the pad of your thumb over his lower lip.

"So do you."

He grinned and forced his feet to move, walking backwards a few steps so he could continue to smile at you like a fool until he finally had to turn around before he ran into someone, but not before shooting you a quick wink just to hear you laugh one more time.

As he walked through the farmers' market, already dreading all the questions Chucho would be firing his way the entire ride home, he looked around at the happy couples in a completely different light. His stomach no longer churned and his chest no longer ached when he saw them kiss or laugh, because with any luck, he might just find himself in their shoes soon enough.

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