Four Children Are Mine

Todoroki Enji's atonement arc: observations, ramblings and speculations (Part 2)

Welcome to part 2 of my “Todoroki Enji’s atonement arc: observations, ramblings and speculations” meta. Part 2 will make more sense if you read part 1 first, so I recommend you to do so.

In case you really don't feel like going through part 1, I'll tell you in it I went through what are assumed to be the steps of Todoroki Enji’s redemption arc, and noted why they don’t seem to work so well.

Now we’re going to dig into…

IN THE END WHAT ARE WE LOOKING AT?

Most of the story so far didn’t look as if it has been set up to shows us Enji walking a redemption path in regard to his family, as originally his goal was merely to become a better hero, fitting of the title of number 1.

So I might be wrong but my guess is that what the story aimed to show us so far wasn’t his redemption path, but how Enji came to the realization he has to atone to his family not because this means he’ll be a better Hero, but because he has wronged them and he truly regrets doing so.

Long story short, STEP 2 IS THE GOAL of Enji’s arc, not the beginning.

As Shōto said:

‘Chottoshita kikkake ga hito o kaeru koto mo arutte’ 「ちょっとした切っ掛けが人を変えることもあるって」 “Sometimes a small reason can change a person.” [Chap 192]

‘Kikatte’ (切っ掛け) can mean “motive”, “Impetus” but also “chance”, “occasion”, “start”, “cue”, “excuse”.

It’s one of the themes of the story, we saw it with Twice, that became a Villain due to a small incident that caused him to spiral always lower, but, in Enji’s case, we’re meant to see him slowly rising into a better person.

And the small thing that’s meant to trigger his change, his starting line, is his wish to become a better Hero so as to be fitting of his role as Number 1.

This is what will push him to ponder on what he did, so that he’ll later, much later, will come to the realization he did something horrible to his family, something that had devastating repercussions on them and can’t be just shrugged off, and that he has to redeem himself not in order to be a better Hero… but because he regrets he has hurt his family and wants to make them better.

That small thing is meant to lead him to point 2, which is still very, very far.

ENJI’S ‘TRAVEL’ TO REALIZE HOW MUCH HE WRONGED HIS FAMILY

So, let’s watch again what happen when Enji comes to the decision he’ll become a better Hero and tries to ‘atone’ because a Hero should protect people’s future, not cut people’s future short.

When, for the first time, he tries to reach out for Shōto gently, Shōto moves away, refusing contact. This drives home it’s not enough to change the way he interact with Shōto, to get Shōto to shrug everything off and start anew with him.

He can’t do something as simple as meet Rei, meeting Rei would be bad for her, while she could meet Shōto just fine, which drives home he’s actually the problem with Rei, not Shōto, even though it was Shōto who got hurt by her.

When he’s injured, his injury makes him take true notice of Shōto’s scar. He blamed Rei for it but Shōto blamed him for it and now he might start feeling guilty for causing his son such scar.

When he tries to connect with Natsuo, Natsuo calls out on his behavior. Enji just expects them to leave the past behind and start moving forward together but Natsuo is plagued by the past and can’t leave it behind. The past comes to his mind each time he does something as simple as seeing Enji’s face. Shōto also remarks how he is a great Hero but he still can’t forgive him for what he did to his mother. This forces Enji to face with the feelings of his victims. They can’t just… start again because he wants them to.

When things fail with Natsuo and Fuyumi is so very hurt by this, he’s forced to acknowledge how his daughter worked hard to give him the chance to have a family dinner and he wasted it saying the wrong words to Natsuo so he apologizes to her.

‘Fuyumi imamade sumanakatta’ 「冬美今まですまなかった」 “Fuyumi, I’m sorry (for what happened) until now”

‘Natsuo ni kakeru kotoba o machigaeta’ 「夏雄に掛ける言葉を間違えた」 “I said the wrong words to Natsuo.” [Chap 192]

I’ll stop a moment on this apology as it’s the first apology Enji makes in the story.

Japanese people have 2.000 ways to apologize depending on what they’re apologizing for, how casual or formal is the speech, who they’re talking with, the context… you name it.

And of course, Enji uses always different ways to say ‘I’m sorry’ and the various differences between a sorry and another aren’t that easy to translate in English so almost all goes translated with an ‘I’m sorry’.

Said all this… how Enji is apologizing to Fuyumi here?

For start let’s go with the premise he usually uses casual speech to talk with his family members, which makes sense.

The word he picks now to apologize is ‘sumanakatta’ (すまなかった).

‘Sumanakatta’ is the past tense form of ‘suman’ (すまん), which is the informal/contracted version of ‘sumimasen’ (すみません) which comes from the verb ‘sumu’ (済む) “to feel unease or guilt for troubling someone”.

This is the apology you use when you do anything that might make someone else uncomfortable and, even if Enji is using the casual form, it’s generally considered a formal apology, kind of like an “Excuse me”.

It doesn’t necessarily mean what you did was small, in fact it’s also what you’ll use to apologize to your boss for a mistake because, in polite language, this is the way to apologize you’ve to use.

An interesting thing though is that you can also use it with the meaning of “thank you” when someone does something for you, so you are apologizing for the inconvenience with the purpose of thanking that person. It’s however less strong than ‘arigatō’ (ありがとう).

In this case it can have both meaning, Enji might have been apologizing Fuyumi for troubling her up until then, or thanking her for all she did even though it troubled her up until then.

The following sentence seems to imply it’s more an ‘I’m sorry’ as he mentions messing up with Natsuo, which ruined Fuyumi’s efforts for them to have a family dinner.

Is he using polite language and therefore making a formal, serious apology to Fuyumi or it’s just casual speech?

The visual helps us figuring this out.

In fact, while it’s nice Enji apologizes, the apology feels hollow, a mere formality, just an act because Fuyumi went through a lot of effort and Enji was about to leave without saying nothing. He apologizes solely when she protests he’s about to leave and the visual doesn’t even show him watching her as he does so, no, he’s looking ahead, likely focusing on his atonement plan, which is ironic as he’s thinking at atoning and yet he isn’t even watching one of the people he should atone to.

So let’s go back to Enji.

When Enji decides Shōto should let him teach him Flashfire Fist because ‘now he’ll do like a father should’, Shōto for a while ignores his calls. This leads him to experience the feeling of being ignored, his feelings dismissed after he has done it for so long with the ones of his family.

This also tells us more on how he continues doing things one sided in his ‘atonement’, he basically wants to still do what he wants (teach Shōto Flashfire Fist) but in a different, ‘better’ way. He thinks Shōto should just open up to him because he’s going to be better, because he’ll became the man he wants to be (a man worth of the position of Number 1). He’s not addressing what he did to Shōto in the past, how it impacted Shōto’s life, nor he’s asking Shōto what he could do to make up and he’s again not really caring for his feelings since he is the one who decided Shōto should learn it, this is not Shōto’s idea.

So how this becomes another lesson?

When Shōto accepts to have his Work Study in Endeavor agency Enji takes it as a win, he doesn’t even ask Shōto what he wants to learn, he has already decided for him, SAME AS BEFORE, and what’s Shōto’s response?

Shōto, who had previously told him he believes he’s a great Hero but wants to see what he can do as a father, remarks he came to his agency SOLELY BECAUSE HE’S THE NUMBER 1 HERO and doesn’t view him as a father… because Enji did nothing to show him he can be a father. Wanting him in his agency, wanting to teach him Flashfire is still because Enji is a Hero and Shōto answers in kind, accepting him as a the Number 1 Hero but rejecting him as a father. And Enji has to face and swallow this, that now that he’s trying to be a father, his son views him solely as a Hero. Enji wanted to live in the Hero world with Shōto? Now he’s doing it, but he doesn’t have his son anymore.

And we continue with the lessons.

When Fuyumi invites them to dinner and Natsuo says he also used to cook for the family but Endeavor might not have let Shōto eat it because it was rich… Enji says he didn’t know Natsuo did this but hey, why not to try again, which is Enji’s version of attempting to connect with Natsuo now.

In reply Natsuo gets upset because Enji has again acknowledged he hadn’t paid attention to Natsuo in the past but he’s not apologizing, he’s not addressing the past, he’s just saying, try again, this time I’ll see you… and so Natsuo leaves, hurt, because his past pain was dismissed and he was fundamentally asked to move on, which leaves Enji to face the fact it’s not enough TO DO BETTER NOW, to try to pay attention to his kids now.

And all those lessons lead Enji to think harder at his family, at the situation, at what he’s supposed to do.

Later, for example, he’ll thanks Fuyumi.

Remember when I said ‘sumanakatta’ could work as “Thank you” but it’s less strong than ‘arigatō’?

‘Fuyumi. Arigatō’ 「冬美ありがとう」 “Fuyumi. Thank you.” [Chap 250]

Well, to thanks Fuyumi, Enji uses ‘arigatō’ now. He still seems not able to look at her in the eyes, but this time it’s not because he’s looking ahead at his future plans, his gaze is downcast so he’s probably ashamed of himself.

Enji had been trying ‘atoning’ by a while with little to no result and yet Fuyumi had always acted supportive. Now he’s likely more aware of how this isn’t necessarily a given, he has learnt to appreciate more his daughter’s efforts, this time he doesn’t try to leave without saying anything, he stops to thank her. And, from Fuyumi’s expression, we can see this matters to her, this makes her happy.

But back to Enji.

Enji claims each night he asks himself what he can do for his family. And his subconscious in a way answers him, as he says he dreams each night his family at dinner table, they’re all happy but he’s not there. Enji first interprets this as a manifestation of how he feels now, he’s cut out of his family, they’re now ignoring him, they’re happy but he can’t partake at their happiness… even though now he’s trying to be better and wants to be there.

But there’s another way to see the dream, as his subconscious pointing out at his mistakes.

He’s the one who was never with his family, he’s the one who decided on not sitting with them and enjoying that simple happiness, he rejected it because he wanted to live in the Hero world and surpass All Might, and so he cut them out, neglected them when he didn’t outright abuse them to force them to serve his needs. He had no time for them he wouldn’t see them. Now that they’re also cutting him out, he’s merely reaping what he had sown.

The fact he had cut his family out of his Hero World, that he is focusing only on his Hero persona is always the root of his problems.

His family has told him what they wanted him to do, Shōto wants to see what he can do as a dad, Fuyumi has made clear she wants her family back, Natsuo might feel more obscure in what he wants, but in the end he too asked Enji something, for Enji to do something, to make that atonement happen so that Natsuo will stop being plagued by the past and will manage to grant his sister’s dream for them to live together. Enji hears Midoriya saying Shōto is waiting, waiting to see Enji do something as a father, but he doesn’t know what to do because Enji is still too busy on being a Hero.

It’ll turn out his plan to do something for his family was AGAIN letting his family go. He’ll give them a new house and remain in the old one. Even though Shōto and Fuyumi made clear they wanted him to step up on the role of father, he’s not trying to be a father, he’s not trying to fix the hurt he caused, he’s just pulling out. AGAIN.

To be a Hero.

And here comes again an important lesson. In regard to his family he can’t even be a Hero.

In fact we see that when Natsuo is captured by Ending DUE TO HIM as Ending is targeting ENJI or better ENDEAVOR,  even though didn’t want Natsuo to get hurt, in that moment in which his son was in danger he was so worried with his own feelings he froze. He couldn’t even be a Hero and Shōto, Bakugo and Midoriya had to step up and save the day.

We aren’t talking about him needing to be the Number 1 Hero, the strongest Hero, Ending is nowhere near a Nomu in terms of strength, we’re talking about being just as good as a Hero in training so that he can save his son. And he fails. And this for him might be the harshest lesson, that, for his family, he can’t even be a Hero, the only things that matters for him.

And this time, faced with his complete and utter failure as a Hero and the fact he was about to lose another child of his like he had lost Tōya, he apologizes to Natsuo.

He hugs his child, admits he failed where Bakugo and the others succeeded (a clearly humbling moment) and, when Natsuo forcefully breaks out of his hug, he apologizes to Natsuo, admitting he was in the wrong.

‘Warukatta…!’ 「悪かった…!」 “It was my bad…!”

‘Isshun kangaete shimatta ore ga tasuketara konosaki omae wa ore ni nani mo ienaku natte shimau node wanai ka to’ 「一瞬考えてしまった俺が助けたらこの先おまえは俺に何も言えなくなってしまうのではないかと」 “I thought for a moment that if I helped you, you might not be able to say anything to me from now on.”

‘Natsuo shinjinakute mo ī!’ 「夏雄信じなくてもいい…！」 “Natsuo, you don't have to believe me…!”

Ore wa omae-tachi o utonde ita wake janai 「俺はおまえたちを疎んでいたわけじゃない」 “It’s not like I was distancing myself from you guys”

‘Daga sekinin o nasuritsuke nigeta’ 「だが責任をなすりつけ逃げた」 “but I lay the blame/responsibility on others and ran away.”

‘Tōya mo… Ore ga koroshita mo dōzenda…!’ 「燈矢も…俺が殺したも同然だ…!」 “Tōya too…it's the same as if I killed him too…!” [Chap 252]

And here Enji apologizes again but this time the word he chooses is ‘Warukatta’ (悪かった).

‘Warukatta’ is the past tense form of ‘warui’ (悪い), which comes from the noun ‘waru’ (悪) “bad thing” (or, if you read it as ‘aku’, “evil thing”).

Technically, it isn't an actual apology but an admission of fault. Of course, if you admit you’re at fault, which is a big deal in Japan, this should imply you're sorry for what you did.

And okay, I already said Enji uses casual speech with his family but… this is a… very casual way to say ‘sorry’. Even if it imply you did something bad… it’s not something you should use, not even with your friends, for a serious matter, in fact it’s kind of like “My bad” and, what’s more, what Enji says after it, is still very much focused on defending himself and explaining himself but he’s FINALLY acknowledging some of his wrongdoing and taking responsibility for them instead than avoid the whole topic. He’s not escaping from the blame by pushing it on others anymore… even if, despite how serious they are, it seems he’s still underplaying them. There’s to say though that his head is lowered in apology so maybe he’s being super casual just because he’s Natsuo’s father and therefore socially above Natsuo, which makes him bowing his head to Natsuo matter a lot more.

However yes, he’s not really addressing Natsuo’s feelings… at least not in a way that matters. He’s not soothing the hurt he caused to Natsuo. He thinks he’s doing it when he says Natsuo doesn’t have to forgive him, but this is missing the point of what forgiving is and why it’s done.

‘Ore o yurusanakute ī’ 「俺を許さなくていい」 “You don't have to forgive me”

‘Yurushite hoshī n janai’ 「許してほしいんじゃない」 “I don't want you to forgive me”

‘Tsugunaitainda’ 「償いたいんだ」 “I want to make amends” [Chap 252]

The importance of forgiving, which often gets lost in redemption arcs as they tend to focus on the abuser and everything seems to get fixed for him when he’s forgiven, is that ‘forgiving’ isn’t done for the abuser, but for the victim.

The abuser can (and often should) continue to feel bad for what a disgusting thing he did even if he get forgiven but, at least, the victim will feel better because forgiving means to let go of all the painful/angry feelings the victim feels. That’s why, in a redemption arc, striving for being forgiven is important and is the milestone that signal the end to the arc, because finally the abuser is no more causing pain to the victim. He had paid the victim back. Which is the point of redemption. To pay the victim back, to make up to the victim.

In a roundabout way, this is what Natsuo is asking Enji to do, to soothe his hurt. It’s hinted Natsuo too wants to forgive Enji… but he doesn’t want to be the one who does the work.

Natsuo will in fact point out that when he sees Enji memories come rushing in. Those memories are painful so they clearly make him feel pain and he reacts to it with anger… so even though his sister would be happy to have them all, his father included, live together, he can’t do it. He feels like Enji is asking HIM to do the effort to let go of the past, but he wants Enji instead to make him let go of the past, to soothe the hurt he had caused.

Enji can’t atone if he doesn’t get forgiven because as long as Natsuo can’t forgive him, he’ll always feel pain seeing Enji, meaning Enji will always hurt him even when he tries not to.

‘Nande kotchi ga nōdōteki ni kawaranakya ikerunda yo!’ 「何でこっちが能動的に変わらなきゃいけるんだよ!」 “Why do I have to actively change!?”

‘Tsugunautte anta ni nani ga dekirunda yo’ 「償うってあんたに何ができるんだよ」 “What can you do to make amends?” [Chap 252]

And what is Enji going to do?

He’s again removing himself from Natsuo’s life. Yeah, if you want to face palm that’s the moment.

He will gift Natsuo and Fuyumi with a new, more comfortable house in which they can go live with their mother. Because Rei can’t see him without feeling fear, because Natsuo can’t see him without feeling pain and rage, he thinks the solution is for them to not see him, to avoid him, the way he has done with them.

He doesn’t try to fix the problem, he wants them to avoid it.

Mind you, he’s not doing this to be a jerk. Now he wants to be part of his family, he was thinking he could start again, so giving up on it feels painful to him… and avoiding him seems on the surface what Rei and Natsuo wanted, what they needed (Natsuo was trying to avoid him and Rei’s doctor said she’s not supposed to meet Enji). But this goes against what Fuyumi wants, for him too to be also part of the family, and shift the blame for this not happening on them.

Because they can’t stand to the sight of him, he has to pull back and Fuyumi won’t get her wish to live together and Shōto won’t get to see him acting like a father. And Natsuo made clear he wanted to fulfill his sister’s wish, he just didn’t know how to do it and wanted Enji to do something in that regard and Enji… didn’t.

Enji chose the easy way out of the problem, like he admitted he always did.

While the consequence he has to face is that he has ‘lost’ his family, turning into reality the dream he kept having, the family now that he’s no more plagued by his envy he has discovered he wanted to be with… building a new house for his family is no big deal for him as he has the money to do so and he can still hope things will eventually get fixed and that they’ll move over.

If this didn’t happen… well, he’ll remain without his family but, since he kept away from it though most of his life prioritizing his Hero career… to us readers it doesn’t really seem a big deal. After all it’s not like he wants to stop being a Hero, and he’s Number 1 and so we reach the Paranormal Liberation War with Enji still having been forced to face unpleasant consequences for what he did but, fundamentally, nothing earth shattering, nothing that pushed him to fight with all he had to make up to his family.

He still needs a push.

Enters Dabi, who’s more than willing to give him a giant size shove.

TŌYA OR WHEN GENTLY NUDGING YOU DOESN’T WORK, LET’S TRY WITH KICKING YOU

Redemption and revenge aim at the same thing, refunding the victim of an abuse. The difference is that in redemption the abuser decides on the refunding on his own, in revenge it’s the victim that take matters in his hands and extract refunding from the abuser, often believing they’re done in an ‘oculum pro oculo’ manner… but actually going way too overboard because they often want revenge for something that’s intangible and long lasting, the pain they suffered and keep suffering.

But back with Enji.

Up to this point Enji has interacted with his victims… but they were all what you call ‘good victims’ victims who wouldn’t try to return back the wrongdoing they have received. Even in Shōto and Natsuo’s case, despite them being angry with him, the most they do is tell him why they’re angry and avoid him or reject him as a father, they don’t really try to make Enji’s life as miserable as he made their own.

In fact, while Rei and Fuyumi are of the ‘forgive and forget’ type, Natsuo and Shōto are more of the ‘forgive but NOT forget’ kind (and, to be honest, they aren’t even fully done with the forgiving part) as they’re slowly letting go of their anger but they aren’t willing to shrug off what Enji did.

However Tōya, at the moment, is fully of the ‘NOT forgive and NOT forget’ type. His father ruined his life and he CAN’T get over this. What he suffered destroyed him psychologically, he’s suicidal and he chose anger as a way to cope with pain which leads him to pursue revenge as a way to get even with his father. If Enji made him miserable, he’ll make him miserable in return. If he destroyed him, he’ll destroy him back. If he’s in hell due to his father, he’ll drag Enji in hell as well.

‘Jigōjitoku da ze’ 「自業自得だぜ」 “You reap what you sow!”

‘Saa issho ni ochiyou Todoroki Enji!!’ 「さァ一緒に堕ちよう轟炎司！！」 “Well, let’s fall together, Todoroki Enji”

‘Jigoku (read: kotchi) de musuko (read: ore) to odorou ze!!!’ 「地獄(こっち)で息子(おれ)と踊ろうぜ！！！」 “Dance with your son (read: me) in hell (read: here)!!!” [Chap 290]

Tōya wants revenge which makes him aggressive as hell and causes him to do plenty of wrong things, but this doesn’t change the fact he’s also Enji’s victim, he’s also a family member Enji horribly wronged and Enji should atone to him too.

Now, a note on Tōya.

Differently from the rest of his family, who just blames Enji for the pain they suffered, Tōya is not just blaming Enji for what he went through, he’s blaming his family, who didn’t help him, and society, which enabled Enji.

So he doesn’t want to be paid back SOLELY by Enji, but by the rest of his family and society as well, and part of his actions aren’t aimed merely at hurting Enji but also all the others he views responsible, even if he thinks the biggest part of the blame rests on his father’s shoulders and extracting revenge from him is his main goal.

It’s what the other Todorokis, who set the blame solely on Enji, don’t quite get, but it’s also why Tōya has no problems hurting people who aren’t Enji. Because he sees them as co-responsible. To him it’s not ALL ABOUT ENJI, though Enji is the BIGGEST REASON of why all this happened and his main focus.

“Boku no Hero Academia” is a story that criticize/analyzes/promotes change in society as well so of course it has to be also about society… but this is about Enji and his redemption arc, so I won’t focus much on society and its problems and Tōya’s attempt to get revenge out of society as well. That’s for another post.

But, back on Enji.

Tōya’s role in this part of Enji’s arc is to FORCE HIM to come face to face with all that he is still trying to not see, the consequences of his actions and how they can’t just be erased, how not everyone will content himself with just moving out of his life and go on living because some can’t. Their future is a barren land, it doesn’t exist, they’re in hell and their only way out is dying.

Tōya’s whole speech is about forcing him to see.

Tōya doesn’t need to be prompted to speak his mind like Natsuo, he immediately makes clear his father ignored him, hurt him, stripped him of what gave his existence a meaning, made him miserable, he made clear the pain Enji put him through, and why he did so, which were the extremely selfish and egotistical reasons which moved Enji… and now he wants payback, or better he wants to return everything he received. He won’t set aside the past. Not only the past made him what he is now, keeps hurting him like an open wound, but it’s basically all he has, as he believed he has been stripped of his future.

‘Kako wa kienai za!!’ 「過去は消えないザ!!」 “The past doesn’t disappear!” [Chap 290]

Tōya also nails what had been Enji’s thoughts, Enji really thought ‘As long as I face the future, I can be better’, now that he was Number 1 he really tried to stare to his kids in the eyes longing to feel the warmness of his family.

‘Mirai ni me o mukete ireba tadashiku areru to omottadarou! ! ? 「未来に目を向けていれば正しくあれると思っただろう！！？」 “You should have thought if you turn your attention to the future, you’ll be able to follow the right path!!?”

‘Shira nē yōdakara oshiete yaru yo! !’ 「知らねエようだから教えてやるよ！！！」 “Since you don’t seem to know it, I’ll tell you!!” [Chap 290]

It didn’t went as easy as Tōya seems to think it went, as the others weren’t as accommodating and forgiving as he seems to believe they were, but those were Enji’s thoughts, he believed by walking toward the future he could leave the past behind.

And Tōya is there to remind him he can’t, that the past would never die. He dehumanizes himself so that he can present himself as the embodiment of such past, of Enji’s mistakes. He’s no more a person, he’s the result, the consequence of all of them.

Not only Tōya won’t forget what Enji did, he won’t forgive him and he’ll extract revenge from him.

Tōya won’t stay quiet in a mental hospital or go on with his life away from him, no, Tōya will expose everything Enji did, as well as the fact he’s his son and that his villainous actions are a direct consequence of Enji’s actions, an answer to them. He destroys Enji’s reputation as a Hero and as a man… and destroys the faith in Heroes the Hero society in which they lived thrives upon.

It was ‘easy’ for Enji to leave the past behind because he wasn’t the one who got hurt by his own actions, he wasn’t the one who had to face the consequences, who has to live with the psychological scarring.

Tōya forced him to see the past wouldn’t die, that the past actions have consequences that live on, that who’s hurt can’t just move on as easily as who had hurt people. He forces him to see this by hurting him, by giving him pain and psychological scars he won’t be able to shrug off and leave behind.

His father fails at empathy, he won’t get into someone else’s shoes willingly so Tōya forces him to do so in order to lead him to understand how much harm he did to him.

Tōya rips to shreds his father’s Hero persona, which was his father’s reason of existence, Enji now might stay Number 1 but he’s clearly no more a HERO in people’s eyes, no Hero is a HERO in their eyes. Because since Tōya was banned from entering in the Hero world by his father, he did his best to destroy such world in which his father thrived and which society enabled, refusing to see the wrong things Heroes were making.

What’s more, Enji, with Natsuo and Rei, thought he could fix things with them simply by pulling himself out of the equation. They won’t see him, and therefore won’t get hurt by seeing him, he won’t see them, and therefore won’t get hurt by seeing the consequences of his actions.

They all will not look at each other so that nobody will get hurt, or so he tells himself.

Tōya doesn’t let him do the same with him. Tōya wants Enji to look at him, to look at him and see all the harm he had done to him, he wants Enji to face consequences, to realize how he destroyed him for his beloved Hero world, for his selfish dream, for his ego.

Tōya is in pain and wants his father to see such pain and feel it on himself because Tōya is unable to move on, he can’t stop seeing Enji, he’s at a stage where he always feels pain inside himself. He doesn’t expect to be healed from his pain by his father, he’s more in a ‘commune naufragium, omnibus solarium’ mindset.

And Tōya does a pretty good job at making Enji face consequences, in fact, when Enji wakes up in the hospital he cries, saying Endeavor is dead. Tōya has succeeded in making him feel as miserable as he felt, he has ripped from him the reason why he existed, his Endeavor persona and Enji crumbles under the pain. He can’t just shrug it off like he expected his family to do.

He apologizes to his kids, this time using ‘suman’ (すまん).

‘Suman… hontō ni… sumanai. Suman…tsu.’ 「すまん…本当に…すまないすまん…つ」 “I’m sorry… I’m really… sorry. Sorry…”

‘Oso sugitanda… kōkai ga… zaiaku-kan ga… ima ni natte…! Kokoro ga mō’ 「遅すぎたんだ…後悔が…罪悪感が…今になって…!心がもう」 “It's too late… I feel regret… I feel guilty… now…! My heart is already…” [Chap 300]

Previously Enji has used ‘sumanakatta’, which was the past tense form of ‘suman’ (すまん).

So back at this are we? Is he just offering a formal apology because he “feel unease or guilt for troubling someone” in this specific case his family?

The visual helps us figuring this out.

This time the apology is more heartfelt. Enji is crying rather badly, his head lowered in shame, and he doesn’t say just ‘suman’ but also ‘hontō ni sumanai’ (本当にすまない).

‘Sumanai’ in this case should be the negative form of ‘suman’. The implication should be “he’ll never stop feeling unease or guilt for troubling someone”, so it’s a bit stronger than ‘suman’ even if still just casual (in fact some dictionary translate it as “I did something inexcusable”) and, to it, he adds ‘hontō ni’ (本当に), “really”, so he means “he really never stop feeling unease or guilt for troubling someone”.

This time the apology is clearly more serious, more heartfelt than with Fuyumi. It drives better home this time he’s more aware he didn’t just ‘troubled’ his family.

Now Enji is better grasping why he should be sorry about it, he’s crying, although he’s still very much focused on himself. His concerns are for his heart, which is broken (and possibly for how ‘Endeavor is dead’), not for how his family is feeling. He calls them there likely because he also wants them to comfort him, to make him feel better, not because he wants to make them feel better.

And this time it’s Rei to give him a wake up call, pointing out they had it much worse than him. And when he asks her if she’s okay, she points out she’s not.

Rei is another result of the past not dying, even though she’s moving on, now she’s capable to look straight at him… but it’s not like all the hurt went away.

Then Enji is forced to look back at the past and at his past actions as they, as a family, go through them.

Enji refused to look at Tōya, escaping responsibility, caused him to keep burning himself in an attempt to regain his affection and had two more kids with the excuse this would make Tōya stop burning himself but, in truth, because he was the one who couldn’t get over the fact he couldn’t surpass All Might. He drove Tōya so desperate that, in order to have him look at him, he attacked Shōto, because negative attention is better than no attention.

In response Enji isolated Shōto from his siblings, continued to refuse to look at Tōya even when it was made clear to him that this was what Tōya wanted, what Tōya needed, and not a sibling that could surpass All Might as Enji claimed Tōya needed… but that, in truth, was what Enji wanted.

Then Enji drove Rei to insanity and, even though he saw Tōya’s desperation and how his supposed idea to stop him from training by having Shōto didn’t work, continued to refuse to look at him to the point he knew Tōya would go to Sekoto Peak and would get burned if he were to use his Quirk but didn’t go to face him… and Tōya ended up with more than just new fresh burns, he burned down the whole place and himself as well.

As if this wasn’t bad enough Enji continued to put Shōto through hellish training, excusing his actions and insisting in his impressive sunk cost fallacy.

His family makes clear he can’t escape responsibility anymore and has to face Tōya.

Now, there is a problem in this if we look at the story as Enji’s redemption arc toward his WHOLE family (and therefore include Tōya too in it).

From now on, Enji will be pressured into focusing not on atoning to Tōya (or the rest of his family), but on focusing on doing his duty as Endeavor to protect and atone to society (which is tied to his responsibility toward society as Tōya’s father) which requires him to fight/stop Tōya/Dabi.

Yes, Tōya absolutely needs to be stopped, stopping him is the most logical thing to do but, if Enji is focusing on this and not on his atonement, stopping Tōya becomes a side quest that distracts him from his real quest… and stops him from seeing which is the fire he should truly stop, not the one his son creates with his Quirk, but the one burning inside Tōya, a fire he had light with his mistakes.

It’s a repeat of his past mistakes, where the family has focused on the fire of Tōya’s Quirk which burned him, and not on the one burning inside Tōya which made him miserable.

So, even though all the family is now taking responsibility for the situation, at the end of the day what they tell Enji to do is go face Tōya not as his father who needs to atone to him, but as the one who needs to stop him, likely wanting to encourage him to take up the mantle of Endeavor again, in fact Rei says ‘he has to fight Dabi’, using her son’s Villain name.

‘Sekinin wa anata dake no mono janai’ 「責任はあなただけのものじゃない」 “The responsibility is not just yours.”

‘Konkai no koto wa watashitachi zen'in no sekinin’ 「今回のことは私たち全員の責任」 “We are all responsible for this time.”

‘Kokoro ga kudakete mo watashitachi ga tata semasu’ 「心が砕けても私たちが立たせます」 “Even if your heart is broken, we will make you stand up”

‘Anata wa Dabi to tatakau shika nai no’ 「あなたは荼毘と戦うしかないの」 “You have no choice but to fight Dabi” [Chap 302]

Shōto also will remark they have to stop Tōya and then Hawks and Best Jeanist will insist on this as well. It’s irony at his finest, when Enji was finally willing to declare Endeavor dead, everyone wanted him to be Endeavor.

We could make another meta talking of his family and why they want this and why they don’t ask this because they don’t care about Tōya (they all love him), but that’s a Meta for another time.

Let’s stick to Enji.

The conclusion of all this is that he has to remain Endeavor and prioritize apologizing to society, atoning to it so he has to take part to a press conference and apologize.

‘Owabi no mōshiageyō mo gosaimasen’ 「お詫びの申し上げようもごさいません」 “There is no way for me to apologize enough/I have no excuses.” [Chap 306]

This is what he says to the press and this time the apology is as formal as you can get. It’s a sentence used to apologize to customers or superiors about really big mistakes. It’s fitting the context since he’s apologizing to the press and to society itself.

It makes sense he’s being formal here, he even shaved for the occasion.

It’s also worth to mention openly admitting his wrongdoing is a big deal in Japan. While he won’t face penal consequences for his sins, socially speaking he’s destroyed (as well as his family).

Hawks also will go with a formal apology.

‘Shazai mōshiagemasu’ 「謝罪申し上げます」 “I would like to apologize” [Chap 306]

It’s worth to mention that, while society thinks very poorly of Enji now… the way the manga presents it seems to imply society didn’t give a damn he abused of his family, their problem is such abuse resulted in them being ‘troubled’ and while not caring about Tōya can be in response to what Tōya did… what about poor Shōto? Tōya made clear he also was abused.

Enji’s arc likely is meant to parallel society’s arc. Because society was selfish, set in motion the chain of events that lead people like Tenko, Himiko, Jin and Tōya became Villains and now society is also paying the price and trying to deflect the blame solely on the Heroes. But again, that’s something for another meta.

Again to Enji we go and to how he gets here comes another wake up call.

A journalist also makes a point of how the past never dies.

She tells them than saying sorry doesn’t change the situation they’re in and that they can’t just stand there and pretend like it’s all over, that while Villains are to blame, they too share a responsibility.

‘“Subete jijitsudejita sumimasen” ja torikaeshinotsukanai jitaina ndesu yo’ 「『全て事実でじたすみません』じゃ取り返しのつかないじたいなんですよ」 “You just saying ‘It’s all true, sorry’ isn’t going to make it undone” [Chap 306]

Yes, she downgraded his formal apology to a mere ‘sumimasen’ to better drive home how little heartfelt it felt to her, how it just felt like a formality.

Enji asks her if, were they to show their pain, exhaustion and tears, this would fix things, which only enrage the journalist because of course it wouldn’t be enough.

Remember the whole atonement path?

Step 2 is realizing you did something wrong, step 3 is to regret it but then there’s a step 4. Step 4 is to start working on fixing things.

The journalist was accusing Enji to be at step 2, he’s aware he has done something bad and had wronged ‘society’ (as said before society don’t give a damn about how Enji has wronged his family), if he had also shown regret he would have been at step 3 but, according to her, he’s not, which meant he won’t move to step 4, which is the one in which he fixes things. Only with step 4 he can atone, just feeling sorry is mandatory but nowhere near enough.

And here however comes a problem, Horikoshi subtly remarks how this is bringing Enji away from atoning to his family.

The journalist starts to point out what he should do to atone to the people, only to pause in mid sentence as she realizes that, by asking him to take down every Villain, she’s asking him to take down his son.

‘Teki (read: Villain) o zenbu katadzukeru sore ga…’ 「敵 (ヴィラン)を全部片付けるそれが…」 “Get rid of all the enemies (read: Villains), that’s how…” [Chap 306]

‘Katadzukeru’ (片付ける) can imply that, in order to get rid of the Villains, Enji has to kill all the Villains. Note that in the past it was said that Heroes shouldn’t kill, and Hawks had to apologize for killing Twice… but now the public rage feels they’re entitled to be above such rules. They were wronged and they want blood… same as the Villains.

It was the point that Shigaraki made when he fought against Endeavor. Because he was rejected, he rejects. Because he was hurt, he hurts. It’s a vicious cycle. It’s what Tōya is doing. It’s what society wants to do. Again, on this too, we could write meta.

For now let’s only remark that, if Enji were to take down his son, he wouldn’t get to atone to him.

So the narrative calls Enji to a choice… but he doesn’t even realize it.

In fact, here he should decide if he wants to atone to Tōya, whom he had wronged, or society, whom he also had wronged.

Enji chose to be Endeavor and atone to society… but it’s not really a choice because he hadn’t truly grasped yet Tōya is HIS VICTIM and he has to atone to him too.

In fact later, fighting All for One, Enji will say his mistakes took form of Tōya… but Tōya isn’t a personification for his mistakes, he’s a real person he hurts and who’s now trying to retaliate.

His wish to look at Tōya after the war has ended, isn’t related to finally give his son the attention he emotionally always needed and asked, but to look after him to stop him from making mistakes/causing harm to the people. He’s planning to look after Tōya, not at Tōya.

Doing so is still part of his atoning to society, to make sure his son won’t cause further harm to it. And he’ll do this later, because he still first prioritize his Hero work… because his regret is very much focused on what his actions had caused to befall on society on how his son is a mass murderer now, which causes harm to society.

Let’s make clear Enji doesn’t want to kill Tōya, he has made clear he can’t when he woke up in the hospital, Tōya, to him, is not like Shigaraki whom he wanted to kill (despite how Heroes shouldn’t kill) and for whom he had no sympathy whatsoever. Tōya is still his son.

But he’s still not at the point in which he has realized he has to apologize to Tōya because he has hurt him, for now he’s just thinking he mismanaged the situation and seeing Tōya as an extension of himself same way as he saw Shōto. To him, they’re both his creations, Shōto exists to defeat All Might, Tōya exists as personification of his mistakes.

Ironically the chapters in which the Todoroki family past was told were called “The wrong way to put out a fire” in English, but in Japanese they are ‘Hi no fushimatsu’ (火の不始末) which can be more literally translated as “mismanagement/careless handling of fire” (it generally implied in ‘putting it out’) with ‘fushimatsu’ meaning “omission”, “failure”, “incompleteness”, “irregularity”, “mismanagement”. “misconduct”, “malpractice”, “carelessness”, “wastefulness”.

And this is what Enji felt he did, he messed up, he handled things badly. He’s not quite thinking at the hurt he caused to his son, he’ll still need some time to figure that out.

Due to all this, Enji’s redemption to society take priority, in Enji’s eyes, to his redemption to his family. Enji has to put society at ease, he has to redeem himself in society’s eyes by saving society… society needs to be saved for them to live… and everyone, his family, the other Heroes, are pressuring him to do just that… and so, in a way, his redemption arc to his family stagnate. He returns to prioritizing his Hero job… and doesn’t even realize that his redemption arc toward his family is being postponed. He isn’t yet at step 2 of his redemption to his family yet. Even Tōya realizes it (and it's interesting how we aren't shown his eyes as he speaks).

‘…Ijime tarinakatta ka a kuku…’ 「…虐め足りなかったかあクク…」 “…the bullying/tormenting wasn’t enough? Heh heh…” [Chap 306]

No, it wasn’t enough to make him empathize with the pain Tōya (or his family) went through.

Enji is sorry. For himself. Really, really sorry. But he’s not yet sorry for his son, for his family… possibly not even for society. He knows he messed up. But he’s still doing this because it’s his duty.

But we’re getting close because now he’s left experiencing what it feels like to be miserable, to be rejected, to be cut out from society, to have failed completely and utterly.

“Boku no hero academia” doesn’t explore it much, possibly because for Japanese people this is a given or because this is an optimistic story aimed at young audience, or because the editor just didn’t want to show one of the Heroes having it too bad, but I can recommend you a good SEINEN manga (remember, seinen manga are targeted at male audiences aged 18 to 40, if you’re younger they’re not for you!) “Theseus no fune” (テセウスの船 ‘Theseus’ ship’) which will show you how ‘kind’ Japanese society is with the family of a man who’s accused of having poisoned 20 people.

His family, his children included, is forced to live in shame, they can’t show happiness or pain in public, they’ve to live hiding their identity, if people find out who they are, they’re bashed, hated, avoided, bullied, they’ve to move away from their house and workplace/school, constantly apologizing. One of the man’s child, who wasn’t even born yet when the crime was committed, managed to get married but his wife’s family refuses to see him. He can’t become a teacher, he has to wear a mask to hide his face at work and avoid people the best he can so they won’t discover his identity and he learns from his mother that when she had to give birth to him hospitals didn’t want to take her in because she was the wife of a murderer.

So yeah, Enji and his family supposedly aren’t really having a nice time, which is hinted also when Tōya asked Shōto how was he when he was being holed up in U.A. after the truth about Endeavor was revealed. Tōya expected people to reject him as he were Endeavor’s son and Dabi’s brother.

However supposedly people in the shelter at U.A. and Shōto’s classmates are all nice with him and no one apparently harassed Rei, Fuyumi and Natsuo… or if they did it was never shown.

We see Enji has it a little worse as, while he’s on work, the people he just protected rejects him but again, the manga doesn’t focus much on this and he has his family’s support as well as the one of all the other Heroes so… he’s not having it as bad as one would expect, at least not visually.

Logically he should have it really bad… but the story prefers to focus on how nice people at U.A. and Heroes are which is… a choice.

Anyway, back to Enji, that’s why he comes to the battlefield completely unprepared to face his son, why he hadn’t thought of anything to say to him. Because he still hadn’t grasped Tōya is also a victim to whom he should atone… nor he has really grasped his family’s feelings.

In fact we saw how, although Shōto has agreed to work with him to stop Tōya, prior to the start of the war, Enji cuts communications with him and goes with Midoriya and Hawks on a Team Up mission.

When confronted by Shōto, he claims that Shōto wanting to help him to stop Tōya meant a lot TO HIM and that FOR HIM is enough, and Shōto is forced to point out Enji is again cutting him from the equation and focusing to himself. To Shōto the whole thing means nothing if Enji doesn’t act on it, if Enji ignores him. Enji has again not considered his feelings, has again ignored his family.

Shōto has to remind him again they’ve to stop Tōya TOGETHER.

And then the Heroes are ready for the war to start… and it’s decided Endeavor will be put against All for One while Shōto will have to face his brother... which isn’t exactly how many expected them to stop Tōya TOGETHER, even if yes, putting an end to All for One can be seen as a way to stop Tōya too as he could end up being affected by the consequences of All for One’s fall… but well… it’s a huge stretch.

More than them stopping Tōya together it’s just they happen to be together in the war.

Credits when it’s due, Enji will phone to Shōto suggesting they should switch, that he should be the one to face Tōya but Shōto refuses and encourages him again to act as the Hero Endeavor and stop All for One, not as Todoroki Enji, while he’ll act as the Hero Shōto and stop Dabi.

Now no, I’m not saying this to blame Shōto.

Shōto’s situation is very different from Enji’s, he did nothing wrong, he’s a victim and he’s trying to do his best and help people as well as doing his duty as Hero. He doesn’t have to atone to his brother.

Sending his father to face his brother would have been psychologically much easier for Shōto, because it pains him a lot to face his brother. All for One calls this cruel against Shōto and abuse against Tōya.

'Soreni mottomo zankoku na saihaida to omou ze?' 「それに…最も残酷な采配だと思うぜ？」 "In addition… Don’t you think this is the most cruel arrangement?"

'Tsurai tachiba no masshi ni shirinugui o oshitsuke' 「辛い立場の末子に尻拭いを押し付け」 "You forced your youngest son, who was in a difficult situation, to wipe your butt."

'Kare (read: chōnan) e no gyakutai o tsudzukeru to wa!' 「彼（長男）への虐待を続けるとは！」 "And continued to abuse that person (read: your eldest son)!" [Chap 345]

‘Zankoku’ (残酷) which means “cruel” should be a well known word due to the famous song theme “Zankoku na tenshi no these” (残酷な天使のテーゼ)

‘Shirinugui’ (尻拭い) litterally means “to wipe your butt” but yes, it can be used to mean “clean up for someone else’s mistakes”.

‘Gyakutai’ (虐待) can mean “Abuse”, “mistreatment”, “Cruelty”. “Child abuse” in Japanese is ‘Jidō gyakutai’ (児童虐待), just to give you an idea of how serious the accuse is.

Long story short, what Tōya is doing is the result of Enji’s actions so Enji should have been the one to deal with it, not again push the work on Shōto.

But from a Hero’s point of view, this is the best plan, they pin the strongest Hero against the strongest Villain. Putting Endeavor against Dabi, after seeing how he froze the last time and how he declares he wants to atone to his family, risks for that battle to get lost, Hawks can see this, can see there’s the risk Enji will figure out he should atone to his son too and therefore wouldn’t be able to fight him.

Shōto, on the other side, in addition to being strong and having a move that supposedly can counter Dabi’s fire, has no debts toward him. The way the Heroes see it, Shōto did nothing wrong against Dabi because he basically didn’t even interact with him and also, due to this, his family ties with Dabi feel weak. He can fight him without freezing up, especially since, from Shōto and the Heroes’ perspective, it’s Dabi who’s wronging him, making Shōto Dabi’s victim and therefore giving Shōto an incentive to fight back.

It’s a good battle strategy but it grabs Enji’s atonement arc and throws it into the recycle bin for the sake of winning the battle.

It asks Enji to prioritize being a Hero in the Hero world and neglect both his children. Shōto accepts it as his duty as Hero but this doesn’t make the matter less unfair to him as a son. Tōya of course, has no duty to accept it, it only makes him more enraged.

And so, instead than focusing on his atonement arc toward his family, Enji focuses on his atonement arc toward the people as Endeavor and fights All for One.

It’s not all lost though, there’s conflict in him, sadly it’s not Luke Skywalker who tells him “Search your feelings, father. You can't do this. I feel the conflict within you. Let go of your hate,” but All for One and let’s make it clear, All for One isn’t interested in helping Enji to atone… All for One is the palptine, the Emperor of the story, he’s interested in leading Enji to step 2, for the mere fact that this would shift Enji’s attention on the pain and regret for what he did and make easier for him to defeat Enji.

So All for One continues on hammering on it, on how Enji hurt his children, and reveals another of Enji’s failures, because Enji didn’t go to Sekoto Peak it was him who found Tōya.

What happens later is interesting.

All for One manages to deliver a good blow and Enji has an inner monologue with his younger self who… basically tells him he’ll never improve but that has to go on doing what he has always done, what has kept him alive, struggling against his weakness, to keep on raging.

It sets Enji in full Endeavor’s mode as the first thing he says is that putting an end to the fight is his duty.

He acknowledges some unpleasant truth like how, as Tōya said, the past never dies. He can’t just tell hurt people to move on.

He acknowledges that he’s the cause of many stolen futures… but he’s still not really focusing to his family in this. He thinks that his mistakes took form as Tōya and this lead to so many stolen futures, because he now acknowledges he’s the cause why Tōya did that…

‘Ore no ayamachi ga Tōya no sugata to nari’ 俺の過ちが燈矢の姿となり “My mistakes took the appearance of Tōya”

‘Ooku no hito no mirai wo ubatta’ 多くの人の未来を奪った “And stole many people’s futures.” [Chap 357]

… but he’s more focused on playing penance to society than to his son and it’s in this vein he claims he’ll continue watching Tōya.

‘Batsu wa ore ga uke tsudzukeru…!’ 「罰は俺が受け続ける…！」 “I will continue take punishment/being punished…!”

‘Katte Tōya wo mi tsudzukeru!’ 「勝って燈矢を見続ける！」 “I will win, and I will continue watching Tōya!” [Chap 357]

His idea that he’ll win this and after will keep his eyes on Tōya is not something he plans to do for Tōya. It’s for society so that it will have a path toward the future. It’s Endeavor’s atonement to society.

His keeping his eyes on Tōya doesn’t mean finally giving his son the attention he demanded, means to finally taking responsibility for him, keeping him from harming himself or the others as he hadn’t done when Tōya was younger.

It misses the part of the point of why he’s to blame for not watching Tōya when Tōya was a kid, not just because as a result Tōya got physically hurt, but because he got emotionally hurt by his neglect. Tōya isn’t doing all this because he got burnt, but because he got neglected.

However Enji hasn’t realized this yet and, in fact, when Enji finds himself face to face with Tōya and tells himself this time he’ll look at him…

‘Shimei…’ 使命… “My mission…”

‘Kondo wa ore ga miru’ 今度は俺が見る “This time I will watch you.” [Chap 376]

…and what he does after?

He doesn’t confront him on the hurt he caused him, he doesn’t apologize, he worries Tōya might have hurt Shōto and then drags him away so that Tōya won’t manage to hurt others.

And yeah, he’s clearly not trying to atone to him.

However, while many saw this as Enji saying one thing and doing another because it seemed he was escaping from the duty of looking at his son, this is actually what he’s doing, he’s making sure his son won’t hurt people. He’s trying to look after him… but he’s not looking at him.

He’s taking care of his mission, protecting people. And yes, he’s also doing one of his duties as a father, not taking care of his child but being responsible for his child’s actions, making sure they won’t hurt anyone. That’s why the tagline of that chapter in the magazine version says:

‘Chichi ni kasareta no wa…’ 父に課されたのは… “What the father was tasked/imposed with…” [Chap 376]

In a redemption arc atonement and redemption aren’t the task of the day, something others push on you. They’re your choice, your decision. No one can force you to redeem. You either decide for it or don’t.

We all were thinking now Enji would look at Tōya the way Tōya wanted, but that’s not the plan. Enji isn’t going to be there for Tōya like Tōya wanted… he’s going to act in a way that will stop Tōya from hurting others.

So Enji escapes to lead Tōya away from the others, so as to stop the incarnation of his mistakes from stealing other futures.

And it turns out this isn’t enough because Tōya is going to explode and when he’ll do… he’ll take so many lives with him. Tōya promised him he would try to take away from him what Enji tried to protect, that he’ll take away from him what Enji deemed precious in retaliation, and boy, he’s going to do it in a litteral blast.

And so Enji has to face his son… and in a way he really faces him as, although Tōya is in a terrible state, when Enji watches him all he sees is young Tōya smiling and asking him to watch him show him what he now can do.

It’s now he’s starting to reach step 2, because now he’s not seeing Tōya as a personification of his mistakes, but as his child… and tells him to stop because he doesn’t want HIM to die.

And it’s when Enji realizes Tōya has inherited Rei’s Quirk as well that Enji finally, FINALLY has his epiphany. [Chap 387]

This was what he wanted, a child with a superior fire Quirk and Rei’s Quirk to cool it down... and he got it, in a horribly warped way. The visual shows him thinking back to all he did that lead him to this moment, to have his wish fulfilled in such a distorted way, included his promise to ‘win and then watch over Tōya’.

Only now that he has finally connected all the dots and realized how much he hurt his son, he’s ready to finally watch him the way Tōya wanted.

AND YEAH! THAT’S STEP TWO! TOOK US A LOT OF TIME!

So finally…

2) Due to some circumstances Character A realizes what an horrible thing/things he did.

The visual is symbolic, Tōya had asked Enji to dance with him in hell, and now Enji is doing it. He’s with him in hell, he understands his pain and understands he’s the cause of it.

In fact it’s no more child Tōya he’s seeing, it’s the Tōya who told him to dance with him and Enji now is willing to do it

Enji finally answers to his son’s needs, takes full responsibility for what he did to Tōya. Finally he sees him, he sees the hell in which Tōya is, finally he’s with him like Tōya wanted, like Tōya needed.

‘Zenbu ore no sekinin da’ 「全部俺の責任だ」 “Everything is my fault/responsibility.” [Chap 387]

And with step 2 comes step 3.

3) Character A comes to genuinely regret his actions, they plague him, he’ll ABSOLUTELY have to either fix things or make up for them because he can’t bear living otherwise, it’ll always gnaw at him.

Enji goes through his original plan, bear the burden of the responsibility and live his life atoning (to society).

He goes on pointing out how Tōya had been watching him for all this time… even if it was painful, even if Enji wasn’t watching him back… while Enji didn’t watch him back so as to spare himself from facing responsibility, from facing pain.

‘Zenbu seotte tsugunai ni ikineba to omotte ita’ 「全部背負って償いに生きねばと思っていた」 “I thought I had to shoulder everything and live my life making amends.”

‘Demo omae wa zutto ore wo mitsudzuketetanda mon na…’ 「でもおまえはずっと俺を見続けてたんだもんな…」 “But you were always keeping on looking at me…”

‘Omae wo mite yarenakatta…’ 「おまえを見てやれなかった…」 “I couldn’t look at you…”

‘Omae ni mo tsugunawanakya ikenakattanda’ 「おまえにも償わなきゃいけなかったんだ」 “I have to make amends to you, too.” [Chap 387]

He can’t atone solely to society, he must atone to his son as well.

His dream of him never being at the table with his family comes to his mind. While in a way he accepts to make it become true… he accepts he won’t sit at the table with them… at the same time this time this time he won’t leave one of his family members alone, he won’t leave Tōya alone.

4) Character A starts to put all his efforts into atoning one way or another.

I’m not sure if, at that point, the explosion could have been avoided had Enji killed Tōya, but he’s not considering it because he won’t let his son die alone. He’ll die with him but in a way that won’t drag others with them. He thinks if they’ll go high in the sky the others won’t be caught up in the blast. Note that Tōya’s heat is so high it’s burning him but he’s not letting go of him.

Through the whole story, even when it was at his lowest, Enji has never thought to die, he always thought he would atone and keep living… this is also why Tōya said the bullying wasn’t enough, because his father never became as suicidal as him, and despite everything not even ‘Endeavor’, his Hero persona, died... but, after all, Enji’s whole start was that he didn’t want to end up like his father and die so he has a strong attachment to life… but now he’s accepting it. He’ll die with his son so as not to let him alone. It’s what Tōya asked him to do in a way.

But then Rei joins them and she immediately starts by apologizing to Tōya… as well as trying to cool him down. If Enji was ready to die with him… Rei, and then the rest of his children, will try to make their hardest to save them (and the rest of Japan from Tōya’s explosion) using their ice Quirk, a Quirk Enji always judged inferior to his fire Quirk which now is completely useless.

Enji can’t do nothing at this point, he can’t even bring Tōya up high in the sky, it’s too late for that, he can only beg Tōya, saying no one else has to die, just his life should be enough.

‘Mou… tanomu kara…ore dake ni shitekure…’ 「もう…頼むから…俺だけにしてくれ…」 “Now… I'm begging you… only me, please” [Chap 388]

Though Tōya’s mind seems to be partially gone, he’s aware enough for the first time everyone is paying him attention… and can’t understand why, if it was such a simple things, they hadn’t done it sooner. Now it’s too late, he’s about to explode and drag his whole family with himself.

But then Shōto, with the ice Quirk Enji only wanted him to have to cool down his fire Quirk, joins them and saves the day… yet he remarks in terms of sheer firepower, his own wouldn’t have been enough if he hadn’t added it to the one of his family members, rejecting the idea he was the masterpiece creation Enji wanted… remarking again how everything Enji did and believed, even in terms of Quirks and masterpieces and strength was wrong.

Meanwhile Tōya informs everyone this isn’t enough to soothe his hurt, that he still hates them all and himself as well and wants them all to die.

And, despite having to crawl to do so, Enji reaches him, rests his hand on him and apologizes to him.

‘…Tōya…! Warukatta… Sekoto-take ikanakute…gomen na…!!’ 「…燈矢…！悪かった…瀬古杜岳行かなくて…ごめんな…‼」 “…Tōya…! It was my bad... For not coming to Sekoto Peak…I’m sorry…!!” [Chap 390]

Remember Enji’s various apologies to his family?

We had an ‘imamade sumanakatta’ (今まですまなかった) said to Fuyumi, that was just a pro forma, then a ‘warukatta’ (悪かった) said to Natsuo, that was a really light way to admit it was his fault, then he went for ‘Suman… hontō ni… sumanai. Suman…’ (すまん…本当に…すまないすまん…) which better expressed how sorry he was.

Now… now he starts again with ‘warukatta’… but then he uses ‘gomen na’ (ごめんな).

‘Gomen na’ (ごめんな) is the informal/contracted version of ‘gomen nasai’ (ごめんなさい/御免なさい)” which comes from the verb ‘mensuru’ (免ずる) “To forgive” in its imperative form at which is added the honorific prefix ‘go’ (御) “Honorable”.

This is the apology you use when you really do something wrong, something you weren’t allowed to do, and asks for forgiveness, although you’re meant to use it only with people you’re close with like family and friends (for people you’re not close with use Endeavor or Hawks’ apology).

Basically Enji is begging his son and his family to forgive him with this ‘I’m sorry’ because he’s finally acknowledging he didn’t just ‘wronged them’, he is understanding how badly he wronged them and is so very sorry about it.

Basically previously Enji finally took seriously the consequences of his actions, but he still doesn’t quite grasp how much at fault he was, how much he hurt others. Now he does. He didn’t just troubled them, he hurt them and even if it happened in the past they still carry the psychological consequences of it and might carry them for the rest of their lives if he doesn’t manage to atone to them properly.

And when Tōya doesn’t just forgive him but professes his hate for him, he accepts this, he respect his son’s feelings and doesn’t try to escape to it. He tells Tōya to tell him more. This time he’ll listen, he’ll be there even if it’s painful for him, because saying all that IS GOOD FOR TŌYA.

And, since he’s at it, he apologizes also to his whole family and it’s all ‘gomen na’ (ごめんな).

Yes, it’s not a great apology speech, not to Tōya nor to the rest of the family. There are plenty of ways he wronged them but he’s picking one for each of them… and my poor Shōto gets solely a sorry without him even picking a thing for Shōto.

But, credits when it’s due, he’s not in the best physical situation and the real core of the apology isn’t that it’s a literary masterpiece… it’s that this time IT’S FINALLY HEARTFELT. This time he’s genuinely sorry for causing pain TO THEM, not for himself but FOR THEM, this time he wants to soothe their hurt that’s why he’s saying he’s sorry.

He doesn’t expect them to comfort him, he is fine if they toss hurtfull words at him, acutally he asks for them, to tell him how they feel, because he wants to make them feel better.

Yes, he still has a long way to go but he’s finally there, he’s finally ready to do all he can to have his family forgive him, even if he has to crawl, even if he has to face pain physical and psychological, because he’s sorry he has hurt THEM and wants THEM to feel better and that’s exactly the whole point of atoning.

You wants to ‘save’ the others from the pain you inflicted them.

However, at this point in the manga… we might never get to see step 5 because we likely will never see the end of step 4. Enji will have to work for his atonement, to get his family to forgive him… not because it’ll make him feel better, but because it’ll make them feel better.

The story will probably end with the promise he’ll work in this direction and, since this is an optimistic story, the idea is, of course, that he’ll manage to atone eventually, that he’ll manage to do enough for his family to fix all his wrongdoing. We’ll probably be asked to just… believe he’ll do it instead than seeing it, and the most we’ll get will be at most a flash forward showing him finishing to do so, having done so.

So yes, in a way we were right and in a way we were tricked. We were right into thinking the redemption arc was unsatisfying because we were tricked into thinking we were watching a redemption arc coming to full course, when instead Enji’s arc was not about redeeming himself but about coming to the point in which he could start working to redeem himself, the point in which he would genuinely understand his wrongdoings, the consequences they had and feel sorry for someone else that’s not him.

He created his family to basically take care of his needs, but now he’s finally ready to be the one who’ll take care of his family’s needs. He’s ready to be a father. He’s ready to try to work to deserve to sit at that table with his family and be happy for simple things with them. It took him a long time but finally he managed to work in the right direction.

At least… that’s my interpretation of his arc. As I’m not Horikoshi I might, of course, be wrong.

Said all this, thank you for sitting with me in this long analysis.

Thinking about the parallels between how much red is in each Todoroki's kids hair and their opinion of the father they got it from.

It's not a direct comparison based on quantity, but that does play a factor. The more key element is the placement.

Shoto's is the most obvious. His white and red hair is literally split down the middle and after his revelations at the sports festival, he starts feeling more torn about his feelings surrounding his father. Eventually settling on seeing him as a good hero but a flawed father that hasn't been forgiven but has room to change.

Natsuo as all white hair, which makes sense. He's the one that's the most vocally critical and hostile to Enji in the household and is never shown to have fond memories of him. The red isn't there and never was, and neither is love for his father. ..or is there.

Natsu did have red in his hair, at least for a time. But I believe it is still there, hidden and tucked away in his current hairstyle. It's always been there, even if it stays a few small strands, care for his father will always be there whether he wants to acknowledge it or not.

At first glance Fuyumi is a similar way, her care about Enji being small and understated. She has less red than white afterall. But Fuyumi has red strands integrated throughout her hair. She is clear that she doesn't support what Enji has done but she has clear memories from before that point and that has colored her perspective. What she wants, more than anything, is for Enji to be integrated back into the family, for the family to be whole. Her red hair is inseparable from the rest of it because to her, more than any of her siblings, their father is an integral part of their family. And she's not ashamed to say it.

And then there's the juicey changes with Touya. He was born with a full head of red hair, very obviously symbolizing his adoration of Enji. He was eager to be the prodigy Enji wanted and their relationship was positive, at least at the start. It's not an accident that Enji commenting on the first few strands of white in Touya's hair comes right before the first time we see him burn himself.

As his relationship with Enji strains, he gets more white hair until there's nothing left, until their relationship has completely decayed and Touya sets himself on fire. It's gone further than Natsuo's aggression and dismissive attitude. And that hatred spreads to the entire family. His white hair isn't enough to show that, so he breaks from the family completely, with pitch black.

But it's not the whole truth. At the end of the day, it's still artificial dye and by removing that dye when he comes clean about his family ties, he also leaves himself open to that family coming back into his life.

I wonder if that red might come back too.

a song of ice and fire - rei & enji

bnha x game of thrones AU

BNHA 356 - Thoughts

First the leaks confused me, so I thought I'd wait for the scanlation. Then the scanlation confused me, so I waited for the official. But tbh, I'm still confused a bit with the central part of the chapter - Young Enji's appearance and what it all means.

It was a visually pleasing chapter, and I get why many people like it, but to me, it still feels a bit meh' because of how messy that middle part feels.

Tokoyami getting a big smash looked cool. And that's all it did. I wish this fight would bring back my immense love for the Hawks & Tokoyami content that I adored during the war arc, but so far, it just feels like an echo of the hype I felt then.

AFO eating the vestige. OK? I guess. AFO vestige stuff is so non-sensical at this point, that there is no point to comment.

Hawks is growing on me again. Him moving from wanting to score a killing blow to shielding the kids - this little featherless chicken certainly is pulling his weight in this fight. His expression as he turns to look back at Endeavor really got me.

He's not even surprised, because he knew that Endeavor would get back up, but also it's sad seeing Endeavor's sacrificing his arm.

4. I'm glad Endeavor is back up and trying to protect the kids who stepped in when he faltered.

5. On the one hand, his young self doesn't say anything shocking, but on the other, it reveals a deep self-hatred, that ties somehow to the loss of his own father, who died trying and failing to save a girl. We don't know much else. Whether he was a hero or a civilian. Whether he had the same quirk. Whether he was a good dad or another abusive asshole. Whether Enji watched it happen helplessly or learnt it later. It's all left open.

But what it gives us is a reason for Enji's endless thirst for power and strength, his obsession with All Might and how he turned to power to try to shield his heart.

It is tragic and sad and ironic how young Enji's loss of his family because of weakness leads to Endeavor's obsession with strength, which then leads to the destruction of his family at the first sign of his son's weakness. It gives context, but not an excuse. It doesn't lessen Endeavor's responsibility towards his family.

As the resident weakness expert said - there is more to strength than a strong quirk. Endeavor should have listened more.

I have to admit, Endeavor growing a flaming arm is a pretty cool visual - even if this is not the moment I'm waiting for. There ought to be a more emotionally resonating closure - something where it really feels like Endeavor is letting his "ugly heart" to be fully exposed and vulnerable, and fall to pieces, and where he lets himself grieve and accept and embrace both his own father's memory and his family who suffered so much on account of his "ugly heart".

The fight obviously continues, so maybe it will all makes sense in a few days. Until then, I keep believing that the story won't let Endeavor punch himself into redemption, because clearly his weakness has nothing to do with his quirk and everything to do with his heart.

(I this context also see Shouto's Phosphor coming from the center of his heart, and Touya's mystery glowing, which is also in the center of his chest.)

“Trustworthy Alliance” - Art from My Hero Ultra Impact

Todoroki: The Mountain, the Hawk, and the Haunted House Part 1

Link to the Todoroki family presentation: Part 1 | Part 2

Link to the Bakugo presentation 2.0: Part 1 | Part 2 | 1.0: Part 1 | Part 2

Link to the Kirishima presentation 1.0 | 2.0

Link to the Todoroki presentation

Link to the Deku presentation

Link to the Uraraka-Bakugo-Toga presentation

Link to the Shigaraki-All for One presentation

Link to the Spinner-Shigaraki-Bakugo-Deku presentation

Link to the BNHA presentations masterpost

In the online fandom system, domestic abuse offenses are considered especially heinous. In the My Hero Academia fandom, the dedicated fans who create the discourse around these fictitious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the So (you think these) Victims (are the most special characters) Unit, or SVU.

These aren’t their stories.

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