The Worst Thing I Ever Did At A D&D Table Was When Our DM Ran Out Of Place Name Ideas And Told Us The

The worst thing I ever did at a D&D table was when our DM ran out of place name ideas and told us the name of the port town we needed to go to was "Bar Harbor".

So I tricked him into roleplaying the slightly-too-helpful town guard into giving us directions to- Well you see, the party has been out in the wilderness for like a MONTH, we're all a mess, the dwarf's beard is out of control, so can you tell us- Where can we find the Bar Harbor Barber?

But we were not done. We each took turns, like a pack of velociraptors.

We also had Dryad in the party and a few of her branches got broken in a fight and now her whole canopy is unbalanced and it looks awful, but she really needs to see a specialist, is there a Bar Harbor Arbor Barber?

The Paladin also wanted to look in on a small church he'd heard of, that the city had a patron saint, who was boiled alive in a cauldron of ale, so where is the temple of the Bar Harbor Larger Martyr?

It was around this point that Chris started to tire of this nonsense.

The bard, naturally, wanted to go carousing, and he'd heard this town had some of the most attentive and welcoming Ladies of the Night on the continent, known by thier brightly colored stocking bands, so had he seen any of the Bar harbor Ardor Parlor Farber Garters?

Chris immediately escalated to threats of a Total Party Kill.

Unfortunately, I'd had time to prepare and-

"What do you want?"

"I just wanted to know if you'd seen my cousin."

"...Your cousin?"

"Yeah, I know it's a long shot, but he's got a pretty distinctive appearence and you might have seen him around town."

"Oh No-"

"Okay so he's Welsh and the whole family used to be in the wagon-making business but he got into clothes manufacture until there was an accident with a lamp black dye and now he's permanently stained a sooty color and that really turns heads, so now he's got a job drawing in crowds for the city funded swap meet- no, not the Drow that also works there, I mean like the inside of a fireplace- anyway, he got tired of people mixing the two of them up so he started wearing this fancy armor with a magical +1 charisma bonus-"

"Gallus I swear to God I *WILL* Summon the Tarraqsue-"

"-So have you seen my cousin, Arthur Carter, former Sartor but now he's the Darker Harker for the Charter Barter of Bar Harbor, the one with the Charmer Armor?"

Amazingly, we survived the Tarrasque.

Fall Showers

Welcome back to my random bits of sporadic inspiration

Hope y’all enjoy as I finally write some stuff about fall. (I know, I know. It’s about damn time.) Hope y’all enjoy!

I sit under an old ash tree on a secluded hill. Its leaves are a kaleidoscope of yellows and oranges, sunlight dancing to and fro in the small crevices their fallen comrades have left behind. I take a deep sip from my thermos of hot tea, inhaling the steam and earthy smell of the leaves. I look out at the small town I’ve known all my life. Small wooden houses with different hues of red and blue roofs surrounded by the early dusk fog. It’s coming. I grab my things and race from my perch to town. To shelter. I don’t want it to find me. I can’t let it find me. Once I reach the bottom of the hill, I hear a deep, rough growl rumble. I freeze, knowing I should be running, screaming, fighting, or anything other than standing still. I shake myself out of my fear but I’m too late. I feel a cold, sharp edge run into my abdomen and I see my legs run out from under me. I fall to the ground, desperately clawing myself away from it. The world goes black as I notice the leaves falling around me. At least I think- I hope they’re leaves. Let me have this calm fall day as I leave this earthly plain. . . .

Tags

fall season aesthetically pleasing random prompt spooky time b/c I say so

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clockworkpog

5 months ago

An Ode To My Womb

I could never love you like a mother should

I can’t pour out all the love I can into you

You scream and kick and twist me into knots

I can’t love like that, so devoted and unyielding

I am selfish and distant, I need time for myself

Not the constant love a child needs, unabashed and overflowing

I know I want to love others the way I was never loved

I don’t shudder at the name of “mother” like I claim to

I want to be split upon an altar, to sacrifice my soul

But I know I’d tremble as the blade rises

That it’d cleave the edges of a hole

A hole so deep, a hole so wide, that filling it is impossible

An abyss cannot love a child

A hole cannot fill a hole

And so I cleave you from me

So some other bitch can love the terrible burden you contain

And I’ll stick to loving grown up things

Who become children with my claim

Tags

poetry angst seasonal depression gender dysphoria Mild body horror

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clockworkpog

5 months ago

Happy Trans Day of Remembrance. I know it’s a hard to live as trans people, but I hope that this brings you some comfort. Because we deserve to live and be who we are.

Cleansing Tears

Today the sky weeps for those taken too soon

She weeps for children who claw at their skin

The youth that scream in fear and agony at world that wants them dead

The arrogant prophets claim their gods rule her

That their tyrannical, merciful, and judgmental gods scream curses at the children of Caeneus

Their propaganda laced sermons stain her like smog and ash

For that is all they bring: filth and destruction

Weep with our sky, Caeneus, for her tears will germinate our revolution

Tags

greek mythology poetry transgender trans pride trans day of remembrance

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clockworkpog

1 year ago

faeries are not real but i wish thwy were so i could spray one with raid

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clockworkpog

9 months ago

verified ways to donate to gaza directly

Donate to a Palestinian family directly:

gazafunds.com - Donate directly to a Palestinian family in urgent need of evacuation, medical treatment, daily necessities or more. Site run by Palestinians, all GFMs verified (full list here). Spotlights 1 stagnant GFM at a time. (*If you can't decide who/where to donate, just go to gazafunds.com & donate to the 1 GFM they show you!)

masterlist of 200+ verified Palestinian families' GFMs: Operation Olive Branch

Help provide tents:

The Sameer Project: Currently providing tents & transport for families in Rafah who urgently need to evacuate to Deir Al Balah. Has a team on the ground in Gaza who have supplied tents to 1% of the displaced population in Rafah. Run by Palestinians. (paypal) (gfm)

@helpgazachildren: Currently helping Palestinians in a refugee camp in Rafah flee the Rafah invasion to Khan Younis. Funds go directly to Hussam, a Palestinian in Rafah who hosts a refugee camp. Funds will cover the cost of tents & transport fuel. Managed by a Palestinian @.fairuzfan. (gfm)

Food:

Care for Gaza: Palestinian charity on the ground in Gaza distributing food, cash, medicine & other essentials to displaced families. Proof of their work found on their Twitter. (paypal) (gfm)

We Feed Gaza: Team of Palestinian volunteers in the heart of Gaza distributing food & water to 344+ families. More details & proof in their gfm. Vetted & promoted by LetsTalkPalestine on IG. (gfm)

Direct Aid for Gaza: A Palestinian activist on the ground in Gaza distributing food, cash & other essential supplies to displaced families. Proof of their work found on their twitter. (paypal) (gfm)

Water (*urgent and crucial!)

Gaza Municipality: The official Municipality of Gaza is doing vital, life-saving work to rebuild the water pipes in Gaza City to restore access to clean water & waste management services for the people of Gaza.

eSIMs (highly needed):

guide to buy & send esims to gaza

Crips for eSims for Gaza: donate any amount to this team of volunteers who pool funds to buy & maintain gaza esims regularly (see their financial accountability document).

Medical Aid:

Gaza Wound Care (urgent): Palestinian doctors in central Gaza treating injured/sick children & mothers in neglected displacement camps far from hospitals. Facing a severe shortage of medicines, equipment, and medical supplies. Currently raising funds to support their efforts to battle infectious diseases in refugee camps. (gfm) (paypal) (gogetfunding)

international charities: Palestine Red Crescent Society, Palestine Children's Relief Fund, Medical Aid for Palestinians

How to help if you can't donate:

Share & amplify Palestinian fundraisers in your irl & online circles

Organize or help to run an online/irl event to raise funds for Palestine

Boycott

Get involved with a protest/strike/direct action in your area

Contact your reps

Educate yourself & others both irl & online

Daily clicks on Arab.org

(you can even adopt 1 fundraiser campaign to regularly boost it & make materials promoting it online, or print posters/flyers about Palestinian fundraisers to encourage others to donate. (poster/graphic about gazafunds.com: here, flyers about esims: here, flyers about gazafamilyfunds: here)

(longer masterpost of all ways you can help)

updated 3/6/2024 with Gaza Wound Care & We Feed Gaza. I wanted to focus on Palestinian-run grassroots initiatives that will actually reach Gazans on the ground, so all of these except eSIMs, PCRF, MAP are by Palestinians. i have verified them but please feel free to do your own vets for your peace of mind.

Remember small donations really do add up. Any amount counts, even $1!

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clockworkpog

1 year ago

Free Palestine

melissa barrera (the actress who got fired from the scream franchise for being pro palestine) has started a fundraiser with unrwa!

screenshot of a fundraiser with the title "in honor of all the martyrs in gaza and the west bank" in black text on a white background. it had $3,301 raised of a $100,000 goal. to the left of the title is a photo of a child wearing a jersey and a keffiyeh tied on his head holding a flag yelling and riding on the shoulders of a man with short hair wearing a mask and a red long sleeved shirt. in the background people are standing or walking on the sand and there is smoke in the air with a fire on the right side of the picture. the header is a photo of two kids playing in front of a couple cars parked in front of a light blue building. under the awning of the building are three adults and a kid sitting. there are paintings on the wall depicting a doctor or a scientist and a schoolgirl pulling a small cart that has a globe in it among other things obstructed from view. in the left foreground of the photo is the front of a blue vehicle. /end id

Tags

free gaza free palestine unrwa

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clockworkpog

3 years ago

GC characters as random fuckin lyrics from songs I like because I make QUALITY CONTENT on this here blog and don't just milk the same 'x as y' format over and over again no siree

Andrey: "There will come a soldier, who carries a mighty sword. He will tear your city down, oh lei, oh lai, oh lord." -Soldier, Poet, King, The Oh Hellos

Natasha: "My youth is yours, trippin' on skies, sippin' waterfalls. My youth is yours, run away now, and forever more." -YOUTH, Troye Sivan

Sonya: "As the world comes to an end, I'll be there to hold your hand." -King and Lionheart, Of Monsters And Men

Marya: "I chIMED IN WITH A 'HAVEN'T YOU PEOPLE EVER HEARD OF CLOSING A GODDAMN DOOR?" -I Write Sins Not Tragedies, Panic! At The Disco

Anatole: "if 'I love you' was a promise, would you break it, if you're honest?" -idontwannabeyouanymore, Billie Eilish

Helene: "We're lost somewhere in outer space, in a hotel room where demons play. They run around beneath our feet, we roll around beneath these sheets." -Coming Down, Halsey

Dolokhov: "This is for the snakes and the people they bite. For the friends I've made, for the sleepless nights. For the warning signs I've completely ignored, there's an amount to take, reasons to take more." -Twin Size Mattress, The Front Bottoms

Bolkonsky: *screaming* -Every Twenty One Pilots song ever

Mary: "Saint Calvin told me not to worry about you, but he's got his own things to deal with. There's really just one thing that we have in common; neither of us will be missed." -Saint Bernard, Lincoln

Pierre: "she's a lady, and I am just a line without a hook." -Line Without A Hook, Ricky Montgomery

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clockworkpog

3 years ago