Start Romanticizing Chaos…

current events

reading:song of Achillies

annotating: catching fire

watching: law and order svu

learning: Latin, photography, lace making

making: crocheting a mesh sweater

drawing: posion ivy cosplay sketchj

writing: moon, dreamer and me & riptide

I’ve recently discovered that doing self care/maintenance tasks is way easier when you personify the rambunctious/unproductive thought patterns in your brain, especially when you make them fictional characters.

example: if anyone asks, I’m not going to clean my room, I’m helping Ink clean his room because he’s having a bit of a time right now.

works wonders.

A Secret History, otherwise known as what the fuck Richard

(the last few bullet points will be talking about CSA so if that triggers you or makes you uncomfortable, don't read this)

Hi pookies, sorry for being awol, I've been prepping for finals, as well as annotating a secret history, and I had some thoughts I felt like sharing.

first of all fuck Henry

Bunny being the one to say " to live forever" is the definition of being doomed by the narritive

there is no version of the story where bunny lives, and by him being the one who says that, is in a way a challenge to Henrey

Richard opens the book by claiming to be a good liar, and in every situation where he lies he does it horribly is the funniest thing ever

Henry was a budding serial killer, and I think that by the simple fact of giving poor Charles those pills

I also don't think Bunny was as bad as the group made him out to be. Richard is obviously a self-admitted unreliable narrator, but I really don't think Bunny was as bad as they were making him out to be

sure he was probably really annoying, but the week before his death I don't think he was being purposely antagonistic but acting afraid

and in a sense when Richard found out about the murder, that was bunny signing his death certificate.

i think Henry was always going to kill Bunny, he was just waiting for a good enough excuse

when Jullian left Henry started decompensating like a serial killer, and that's why he lost control when talking to Charles

and while it is clearly the best choice to send Fransis to the police, Henry tells Charles to go because Charles is easy to manipulate

i think Fransis is obviously disalutioned by Henry from the beginning of the book, while Charles and Richard were still drinking the Kool-aid

Camilla is obviously romantisized by Richard, and I think that in all reality he probably viewed women in a simmular way Bunny did

in Camilla's descriptions she is often barefoot, and he makes note to mention that during the act of the murder she wasn't present

he also compares most women to Marion a person he thinks is too stupid and girly

people forget how physically imposing henry is, by Richard describing him it almost infantilizes him, in a way.

he is physically imposing which made him look odd, but he lifted camila with great ease, and lifts weight despite is limp

i think he hurt camilla by pulling out her hair, and hurting her wrist

i feel bad for bunny because while he was teetering over the edge he must have been so afraid

richard and henry could have been the same under slightly different circumsances

camilla is not as oblivious to things as people belive she is, obviously she is a victim, but the narrative implies that she is for lack of a better term, not completely innocent

she is a victim of her circumstances, but not completely innocent

richard clings to the group because they are every thing he wanted to

henry killed himself to achieve some fucked up version of godhood.

fransis is the most complex character because by the end of the book we feel bad for him despite taking advantage of 2 of the other characters in the book

he is also clearly in love with Charles but yk

CSA TW BELOW

okay so i think its pretty clear that Charles is a CSA victim

he very clearly has an eating disorder, and a alcohol problem which Fransis exacerbates by getting him drunk and hooking up with him frequently

not only that but he is really dependent on his friendships and is constantly paranoid that they are talking about him, but needs constant reassurance like a child

but also when bunny is making digs at the group, he starts talking about the preversions of the catholic church, i don't think that group cared, nor do i belive that any of them are particularly religious, but I do belive that Bunny was making a dig about Charles being molested by a preist

and if that's the case than his ultimate outcome makes the most sense,

that also makes sense why he would frequently sleep with camilla and fransis

feel free to message me so we can chat about it... this book has recently become my greatest obsession, or we can chat in the comments.

today i

hey guys, sorry for being flaky, i really have no excuse or reason, but last night I had the thought that I missed the little community I created on here. This blog doesn't have to be an obligation or anything at all, but what I want. I enjoyed documenting my progress works and accomplishments and enjoyed helping others do the same, so I guess I'm back

The Reader’s Four Horsemen of the Bore-Apocalypse:

This would have been a really intense scene if there had been proper build up prior to it.

This would have been a really intense scene if it wasn’t a repeat of a scene from four chapters ago.

This would have been a really intense scene if I cared about the characters more.

This would have been a really intense scene if it wasn’t an over dramatic mess of miscommunication and out of character angst. 

Bonus points if the scene includes all four at once.

"And I had to explain a lot of stuff to him." It amazed me how Johnny could get more meaning out of the stuff in there than I could— I was supposed to be the deep one."

The Outsiders, SE Hinton

[5.06]

Recently I've been shockingly productive. My last final exam is tomorrow and I am cautiously optimistic about it. For all my other exams I was kind of nervous, but for this exam I am cautiously confident. This morning I even got dressed and put on a cute outfit and styled my hair. I am going to make a personal end of year wrap up tomorrow, as well as college tips. I worked on a few writing projects and finished my crochet skirt, and am very proud of the person that I've become, even though it was a little late in the semester to change, but better late than never.

today I: studied 2 hours washed sheets write 1000 words organized my writers notebook read my book

also still looking for mutuals if anyone wants to reach out, i love talking to people!

[04.29]

hey pookie bears. i'm actually very proud of myself despite the fact that i didn't do much. I did a lot in my mind though. Little life update, I started talking to a man (Ik its gross), and I thought we made a connection but then he invited me over to 'watch a movie' so I guess not. I started lifting weights, and my thighs are sore but in a good way. I kind of want more internet friends so dm and tell me about your day if you want :)

what i did today: annotated a secret history oiled my hair finished taking notes ate lunch went to the gym played badminton drink 3 bottles of water from my nalgene wrote 1000 words

i want more friends, so if you like horses or books or anime dm or just need someone to talk to hmu

basially why i haven't been posting

a sad girl's guide to summer

if you can't get rid of it, you might as well romanticise it, right?

lying awake on hot summer nights and listening to a sad girl playlist

sitting by the ocean or lake while looking melancholic

collecting sea shells and other little trinkets to look at

reading ancient philosophy and russian literature in public

strolling around your neighbourhood and befriending stray cats

eating way too much fruit

thinking about the fig tree

watching the moon and staying up until sunrise

mourning your non-existent summer romance

wired headphones

getting really good at making iced coffees

watching sad summer movies

writing poetry on postcards that you will never send

taking lots of Polaroids of mundane things

crying

I myself have been dealing with what I like to call "the summer blues" so I felt like writing something like this, I hope it resonates with some of you!! As always, please feel free to share your own suggestions and tips in the comments! <3

love ya ･:*₊‧✩