Latest Posts by dearftrme - Page 4

As I get older I rlly value people being honest and emotionally intelligent . The two must go hand in hand!!!!!!

Anguish.

Vicious. Demeaning. Sweet. Dotty. Antonyms that, to the average person, are simply words. The reflection of every mirror of who you are speaks to me differently. To say we suffered equal amounts is laughable. You spent your nights crying. You spent your nights in fury, pensive. I held you when allowed to, waited when you left. Soaked in every insult, every complaint. I drank the poison poured for me, to forget my miserable existence. I used devices that my parents put out on me, smoke filling my lungs and spilling through my eyes. Refusal to breathe, not as if you'd let me up anyways. I suffered in silence as your screams of betrayal echoed the halls. You displayed every knife on a wall of shame, I had to hide the fact I was bleeding. Are you aware that you dug this mess?

Several months I held you. Waiting for the truth, waiting for you to tell me the truth. Your sheer refusal, you're adamant on your innocence when everything you've touched has been tainted. You've damaged everything good that has come close to you, clawing at salvation. Praying to a God you mocked me for believing in. I prayed for my freedom, I prayed for the truth. I prayed that I wouldn't die by your hands. You have mocked my existence, and yet whispers of your crimes still linger these walls. Are you aware that those you consider close to you, don't hold you as close as you hold them?

I turn a blind eye to those you are currently hurting, guilty conscious keeping me up at night. You're in a similar boat, I can tell. You are falling apart. I waited several months quietly, waiting for you to tell me the truth. To confide in me as you said you would. You never did. You never threw a ball for me to swing at, and then call me a bad batter. All I wanted was to cater to your beck and call. Myself destroyed, it wouldn't have mattered because you'd be happy. Why was what I did for you something that made you happiest this year?

Where were you when I was soaking the carpet with salty veins of water? Where were you when I begged for the mercy of a higher being, for a listening ear? You can sit there and say I didn't do much for you, and yet the marks of your nails of desperation scar my thighs and back. I showed my all to you, revenge and forgiveness. Forget and cleanslates. Nothing was enough for you. An overwhelming need to be a king that you aren't. The chambers of your terrifying childhood never let you out, blinded by the fear instilled by the ones you were supposed to trust. Why must you mock every person I care for? Are you infuriated that they are loyal to me, with no one in your own corner?

I'm sorry they let you down. You have no reason to pray on the younger beings we are destined to protect, with the excuse of "I went through it too", however. May whatever being controls this sad life leads you to some sort of saving grace, for I can not help you. May it have mercy on your soul. You disgust me. I used to beg for some sort of solace. Now, I'm going to lead with justice. Are you ready?

on purpose. I love you on purpose.

the seven husbands of evelyn hugo / the swan no. 3 / euripides (trans. anne carson) / reassurance

Longing

The way my eyes trail you.

You're gorgeous- stunning, ravishing,

in ways that I never knew possible.

The curly frizz that entangles in ones vision,

the black hues that drip from your head.

The lights reflect on cracked glass, yet enabling sight regardless

nonsensical, nothing about this is pieced together

the way you throw your head back as you laugh, then cover your mouth

hiding away crooked smiles, teeth shifted awkwardly

an offense to the saying "a sight for sore eyes",

yet I drink you up like you're water.

I'm a man in the desert oasis, surrounded by everything Ill ever need and want.

And yet I long for the scorching sun that you provided.

It's been eons since I've last seen the light.

Do your eyes linger on me, too? The way my multi-colored hair sits on my shoulders,

I want it cut again, I want to cut again.

The way my shirt travels just a bit up, leaving much to the imagination.

Compared to sunshine, I find myself hollow of light.

I give and I give and I give, but I miss having you take.

The things I'd do to have you in my life again.

You keep your head down, I keep my head up.

Do you sense what I sense, or am I lost in the sea of sand?

Delusional, hallucinatory, craving something that I have an abundance of.

Craving you, in its wake.

I long for your arms around me again.

The warmth, sweetness you provided me.

Faux, artificial, disgusting and allergenic

But sweet regardless.

Do not be mistaken, every display is reflection of who I am

Who I've always wanted to be.

But it would be nice, to share that sincerity with you.

If that's what you longed for.

Gay people I summon thee

Psst, I got a secret.

Keep reading

I don't want to remember you poorly,

I don't want to remember you at all.

Let me ruin my eternal happiness with pointless, bitter thoughts 🫠

The little things in life remind me of you the most.

I taste you in my overly expensive pumpkin spice lattes

The soft patters of the rain ring of your calm laughter

Days where we cloudgazed, nights were never truly appreciated

I brush past strangers, scents overwhelm my senses

I cling onto what little I have of you

The limited time we had.

Sometimes I let my mind drift to what ifs

If you weren't concerned with conceited reputations

Looks from passerbys that do not matter

Actions that should've never occured

If I was into men

Letting go of what happened

Truths that echo through the chambers of my mind

Then I wake up from light slumbers and hold your sweater a little tighter

I miss you.

The fury I felt yesterday was unmatched. As a man, it's my duty to try and protect the women in my life. That's what I've been taught from a young age. So, to have a man who has done nothing but antagonize a girl I barely know- and then lie to everyone about it- is fucking ridiculous. He truly and utterly disgusts me. Scum like him don't deserve to roam the earth. They deserve nothing less of sheer loneliness and pain.

ohhh october be kind. on god be kind

Physically? I am sitting in my bedroom. Mentally? Spiritually? I AM DEAD ON THE FLOOR!!!!! THESE TWO HAVE KILLED ME!!!!

(Another drawing! This was originally attempt #1 at drawing stan, and then fiddleford just showed up. Kinda feels like them five minutes after the above acting like nothing happened though, so it works sdjkgkjfshj)

"I guess we doin peekaboo now"

KILL IT

Me telling my friends not to tell him it was me. Not because I think he'd be weirded out. I don't care about what he thinks about me. But because, for once in a very long time, he seems happy. Happy that someone cares. Happy that he received something so miniscule, but he needed it. I don't know if he knows that it's me but, I like it when he's happy. His joy is infectious and I can still feel my heart swell when he's like that. It's no secret that I've always admired him. I would do anything in my power to ensure his happiness. Maybe it's fake, maybe it's real. But it's infectious regardless. I don't care about anything else. I just want him happy.

I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking about you I swear

My father, arguably, abused me because he has anxiety. It made it nearly impossible for him to regulate his anger when things got even slightly out of control, and he did and said a lot of horrible things while mid-panic attack.

I'm gonna go ahead and call that "Anxiety Abuse". Everyone with anxiety could do that to me, so I think it's fair for me to say people with anxiety are dangerous across the board. They all have the potential to abuse me because of the way they're hardwired, because of the way their brains worked. They're not the same as me. They're less than human. They're scary.

Now, my dad's been in therapy and on meds for anxiety for years, been working very, very hard at it since I can remember. He still has anxiety and shows symptoms sometimes, but he doesn't abuse me any more.

But, y'know what? He's still evil. Everyone with anxiety is still evil. They could hurt me, so it's only fair that I assume each and every one of them will hurt me, and treat them accordingly. If people with anxiety or people with friends with anxiety challenge me on this belief, it's because they are either also evil or are trapped in an abusive relationship. It's my job to inform everyone who knows anyone with anxiety of this so that they can get themselves to safety, so that everyone with anxiety can have no one in the world, so that they are alone, so that they have no support, because that makes me feel a little safer.

Does this sound fucking ridiculous? It's because it is. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a disorder, like any other, that can cause distressing behaviour and that people can recover from. If you choose to treat Narcissists as inherently evil, you are actively preventing that recovery.

I don't have hot takes anymore - life is just beautiful and I am lucky

Wao! 50 posts :D

I'm 18 and my dad has dementia

I'm 18 and I'm both the youngest and oldest I've ever been

I'm 18 and I want hug from you

I'm 18. Happy birthday to me. What a joyous world.

A while back my pharmacist saw my deadname on my profile and accidentially called it out, he corrected and deleted my deadname from the system so only my preferred name shows up now. There was a crowd of people behind me, so as he hands over the pills he apologized, in equal tone and volume as when he called my deadname and lied saying it's been a long day and he didn't mean to call out -his own- name. I quietly told him it was fine and he didn't need to do that for my sake.

His response: "No, it's my name now."

I went to the pharmacist yesterday, his nametag is my deadname. He informed me he's immigrating and in the process he's changed his first name to my deadname to have an English sounding name. That's why he's now able to get a reprint of his nametag to be my deadname. And repeated, with the intense seriousness of someone who is going to die on this hill: "It's mine now. Not yours. I'm taking." His tone indicated that decision is final.

Bro literally deadnamed me once, and has committed to flat out stealing my deadname. It's his now. Legally. Officially. I over heard his co-workers call him by the name.

I'm glad to have finally figured myself out, it was a war and a half.

Happy Pride Month to everyone 💞

I'm back by unpopular demand to say thank you lesbians for existing. Happy Pride Month, my fellow lavender menaces.

T4T lesbians. GNC lesbians. BIPOC lesbians. Lesbians who knew they were always queer. Lesbians who figured it out as adults. Lesbians who are still questioning. Lesbians who came out before graduating high school. Lesbians who came out later in life. Lesbians who can't or won't come out. Baby dykes and old dykes. Arospec lesbians. Acespec lesbians. Poly lesbians. Married lesbians. Single lesbians. Long distance lesbians. Lesbians who are roommates. Lesbians that don't realise they've been in a relationship for 7 years. Uhaul lesbians.

Butches I love you. Femmes I love you. Studs I love you. Stems I love you. Futches I love you. Kikis I love you. Blue jeans I love you. Transfems I love you. Transmascs I love you. Stones I love you. Pillow princesses I love you. Dykes I love you. Lesbians I love you.

I have definitely missed some types of lesbians, and for that, I apologise. I'm always open to learning new words and ways lesbians understand themselves. Just know I love every kind of lesbian.

I'm a little sad that one of the few bars that didn't feel hostile towards lesbians and queer people who aren't a very specific type of cis gay man has closed, which is why I felt like I needed to make this post.

I should of known to stay away from you

It took me a very long time to realize that I had been in a state of mourning after my friend and I stopped talking to each other. This beautiful and heartbreaking essay on the art of loving and losing female friends was a much-needed meditation, and I wanted to share it with you, too. 

fun fact: "guy" "dude" "girl" are all gendered words. even if you use them in a gender neutral way that does not change the undeniably gendered connotations of these words. and trans people are allowed to not want to be misgendered. if a trans person asks you not to call them a word that is perhaps the most gendered a word can be, and your response is "but I use it in a gender neutral way!" i think you need to sit down for a long time and think about why you are so insensitive to other people. especially if you are also a trans person. why are we weaponizing gender neutrality to fuck with other people's dysphoria and act like they are the ones being weird !!!