Dreams

This is in the US, but similar things are happening in the UK where I live. If you do nothing, you're supporting the oppressors.

If you haven't been speaking out, speak out.

this morning NASA abandoned their mars rover Opportunity (aka Oppy) because it (she) got hit by a storm on Mars and it knocked her camera and wheels out and her last words to the team were “my battery is low and it is getting cold”. I know she’s a machine but I’m devastated. Oppy is the one who discovered water on Mars. RIP oppy ily space baby

harry potter is STILL a trending topic meanwhile trans women are not legally protected as women under gender equality in the UK, in no small part due to JKR's massive terf influence and active monetary donations to anti trans causes. if you still actively support JKR, hp, even just liking the characters, fuck you. i have absolutely no respect for you.

Rewatching the extended fellowship of the ring compelled me to make this shitpost video of Legolas and Aragorn being besties

Freshly bathed baby

hate how all these apocalyptic films show society breaking down the hot minute the grid goes down, with all the survivors banding off into tiny violent gangs that prey on each other.

bitch you are a member of one of the most social species in existence! it is actually insane the extent to which humans have evolved to use cooperation as our main survival tool. humans have been building and then rebuilding societies for as long as disasters have been bringing them down. an apocalypse would be fucking awful, but the survivors would end up building communities and networks and pooling resources and knowledge, because that's what humans do. that's what they DO!!!

Aliens doing this to me would really annoy me. I enjoy my internal jukebox and don't mind if they listen in, as long as they don't skip the songs I like.

As such, HR would definitely get involved because I would just start playing very NSFW songs! 🤣

Telepathic aliens enjoy that humans will "play music" for hours at a time. When it's too mentally quiet on deck, they just announce the catchiest song titles they know and the humans will start thinking about it automatically.

The humans hate this so, so much.

Zorf: Human Steve, can you please play that song I like, the one with all the females

Steve: what

Zorf: A little bit of Monica in my life

Steve:

Steve: mother fu--

And here's my attempt. It's the first story I've put on here, hope you like it.

The first sign something read wrong was the fuel pressure warning light. Pressure was dropping in the main tanks.

"Stax, the fuel pressure is dropping!" Shouted the pilot to the captain. Both were aliens from very dangerous death worlds, so every action was planned and contingencies planned. This was evolved into their species because failure to do so in their planet was generally fatal.

"We filled up at the last port." Freya, one of the ships humans informed the captain. She handled logistics and had overseen the purchase of fuel herself.

The captain, remained calm as they had a contingency for low fuel pressure, and that was to check the levels, and re pressurise the tanks. They were only staying on the same planet to sell the rest of their cargo on a different continent. Their plans included another refill stop if needed there.

"Follow the procedure. What are the current levels, Tovrio?".

The pilot checked the dials, but each time the number dropped so they couldn't get a reading.

This was something that wasn't planned for. They were actively losing fuel so fast they wouldn't make it to the next stop.

The pilot started to panic and yelled something incoherent at the captain. At this point, George the only other human on board walked in and asked what the fuss was. Add they were out of contingencies the captain told him what the situation was, then told them all what an honour it had been to fly with them all.

"Wait, you're giving up?!" Was the incredulous response. "Let me see what the problem is." And marched off. The captain made a final announcement telling the test of the alien crew that they were out of contingency plans and that they were losing fuel and wouldn't make it to their destination.

Freya had worked with a human logistics company back on Earth and this was not a dire emergency. Nothing that bad happened ever. She had no idea of course of the relative safety of Earth. Here there were many places where you couldn't even breath the air, and every creature was so heightened in their competitive survival instinct that they could kill you in an instant.

However, not knowing these details did the Humans a favour. George had already found the problem, sabotage by bots planted in the fuel that had gathered together and ruptured the tank after they'd left (knowing that the final checks would be done and they would be discovered if they activated before).

There was no official replacement and you needed to empty the tank before welding. So he got creative and solved the problem with some spare rubber from the bedding and air tight tape which wouldn't survive contact with the fuel but he only stuck it to the rubber.

Having stabilised the immediate problem, he informed Freya who was by then the only coherent person on the bridge. She took over flight controls and guided them gently to am unplanned stop where she'd heard fuel and propper repairs were available.

Captain Stax found this unbelievable. Thinking on their feet was not a strong point and they just stared in disbelief as the Homans just continued in the face of near certain death. Then they nearly collapsed when the problems had been solved. Both humans got a special recognition from the merchant fleet admiral and a new contingency of always having a human on board was formed.

Thus humans became one of the most well travelled species due to their adaptability and creativity in difficult situations.

Alternate take to the "earth is a death world". What if earth is one of the safest worlds out there?

This could cause the aliens to all have an extremely organised and well planned nature. If something isn't fully planned with contingencies, they just don't survive.

Humans ability to 'just wing it' is unusual and a little concerning. Similarly the human nature to attempt to make friends with local creatures is seen as near suicide to the aliens.

Story to come, just wanted to get the concept written and remembered.

Of course, multiple years is a long and normal amount of time to remember someone's brain fart.

DMing is hard. I acknowledge this. Weaving a story with words for long periods of time means you’re gonna say something silly sometimes when your brain blips. And it’s not your fault that it’s so silly that your players share it around turning it into an inside joke, immortalizing your brain fart moment forever.

My DM was narrating a scene between our tiefling rogue and the NPC she was romancing. He was trying to set the mood for their first kiss, up on a tower overlooking the city, looking into each others eyes. They’d just been on a romantic date, there was a bottle of wine between them. And this was their moment.

The NPC leaned in to kiss the rogue and the kiss was, according to our DM, “long and normal.”

The entire session went off the rails. We became ungovernable creatures of hilarity. How long is normal?

We are informed normal is six seconds and we devolve even further into chaotic paroxysm of laughter. The DM desperately tried to rein us in but for the rest of the session everything took a long and normal amount of time.

My betrothed and I would kiss each other while counting to six in our heads then declare afterward, “Ah yes! Long and normal!”

I accidentally told my school team about it, reasoning that they’d at least never meet the DM who lives out of state. They’d say we needed the scene to be the long and normal length, or hold a pose for a long and normal time.

At the end of the year I invited them to my house for a celebratory meal and was surprised when my DM joined the DnD video call early. My teammates looked at him, expressions slowly spreading into evil grins. “Long and normal!” They greeted him.

He turned a look upon me of utter betrayal while I hustled them out of my house.

“It’s been a year!” He cried at the unfairness.

“Maybe it’ll phase out by next year,” I told him.