Ok But Like- Imagine Bruce Wayne Deciding To Become Batman At Like Mother Fucking 15??? It Would Be The

Why have I never heard of this before?

best moments in gaming journalism

journalist gets real yakuza members to play yakuza 3 and asks for their opinions on its authenticity

that’s it

just looked over to find my cat had somehow crawled into the sleeve of my jacket ???? fucking wheezing. the baleful worm

I love how Clark’s entire internal monologue in this scene appears to boil down to, “Don’t drop the baby. Do not drop the baby. Batman will kill you if you drop the baby.”

Source - Batman/Superman: World’s Finest

jason: *turns corner after stopping a mugging and sees he's actively getting tire-jacked*

jason:

street kid:

jason: *getting prepared to just let the kid have the tire* any chance you're gonna put that back on?

kid: *eyes narrow* maybe. your name red hood?

jason: uh . . . yeah? *gestures to hood* i'm decently sure

kid: *screws tire back on* here ya go then, mister. sorry about that. i didn't know this was your bike.

jason:

kid:

jason: *hands her a flier for a shelter* ya can go here, kid. they'll help. call me if you ever get into any trouble, okay?

later:

jason: dickie i'll tell ya, in that moment i gave up, ya know? i fully accepted it. i looked down at the kid and i thought, "ive been runnin from bein bruce my whole life, maybe its time to give in". i was fully ready to take the kid to the nearest adoption agency by tomorrow. i was plannin' out the kids room in my apartment, stuffed animals and obnoxious night light an all. an then the little gremlin REJECTED ME

dick . . . by giving you back the tire he stole

jason: *crying* exactly

dick: did it ever cross your mind that she did that because she liked you? not the other way around?

jason: of course not! if she really liked me she would have hit me with the tire iron, not given me back the tire! what kind of backward thinking is that???

dick:

The plight of a father of four boys

Batman (shouting, adopting an angry father voice): Why do you constantly make me angry and embarrass me?!

Nightwing looked at his brothers, who wore equally confused expressions. Batman groaned, his frustration evident, as he knew where this was heading.

Nightwing (waving his hands, exasperated): Batman, which one of us are you talking to?! Is it Red Hood?

Red Robin (pointing at the angry man, eager to deflect): It’s Red Hood, right?

Red Hood (denying, arms crossed): No, I don’t embarrass him. I annoy him! So it’s Red Robin, right? Because nobody likes him.

Robin (joining Red Hood's side, smirking): I agree!

Red Robin (spiteful tone, glaring): Oh, no, I know who it is. It’s the unwanted child, isn’t it?!

Robin (innocent, eyes wide): Why would you say that about Nightwing?

Nightwing (confused and defensive): What?!

Red Robin (pointing, voice escalating): No, I was talking about Robin Jr.! He knows I was!

Robin (shouting, angrily): Robin Jr.! Those are fighting words you knock off Timothée Chalamet!

Without warning, Robin pounced onto Red Robin's back, and they both tumbled to the ground in a flurry of limbs. Meanwhile, Nightwing and Red Hood started arguing, their verbal sparring quickly escalating into a physical altercation. Nightwing skillfully gained the upper hand, wrapping his arm around Red Hood’s neck in a headlock.

Batman sighed, feeling defeated, as he and Jim Gordon watched the bickering brothers. Jim couldn’t hide his amusement, much to Batman’s chagrin, a migraine already forming at his temples.

Jim (smirking): Hm, you know, I often forget you have like four or five kids. Which one were you referring to?

Batman (deadpan, rubbing his temples): All of them… All of them.

Jim (nodding, chuckling): Yeah, that tracks. Let them work it out of their system.

Batman (walking away, shaking his head): I usually do.

Jim (intentionally annoying the man): Hey, be thankful one of them isn’t a serial killer.

Batman (groaning, exasperated): Oh my god, it’s not a contest!

Tim Drake is Argentinian. He’s white so everyone thinks he’s American (+ that white ass name) but one day Jason starts cursing in Spanish and he responds even more violently with that perfect accent.

Janet was born and raised in Buenos Aires and met Jack in Misiones. They hit it off and got married years later. They moved to Gotham and got a son. Young Timothy Jackson Drake. Janet’s family made fun of her for ages for naming her son something so gringo, but they love him nonetheless.

WAIT WHAT IF ALFRED WAS A SOLDIER IN THE WAR FOR THE MALVINAS ???? Timothy learns about this and the rest of the family doesn’t understand why Tim moved from loving Alfred with all his being to side eyeing him the little times they cross paths or simply avoid him.

Tim meets Santiago Vargas “El gaucho” (Argentinian Batman!!! ITS CANON) in a mission with other Batman and quickly leaves Bruce and becomes el gaucho’s Sidekick for the rest of the mission

OMG THE NAME COULD BE “Tero” EL GAUCHO Y EL TERO

-at a justice league meeting in the midst of a very very stressful few weeks for Batman where everything has gone wrong, alfred is on vacation, and Bruce has not slept in days-

Batman: -outstandingly still coherent, lays out an extremely detailed plan on how to take down the Villain Of The Week- Any questions?

Nightwing: -slowly raising his hand from across the table-

Batman: Yes?

Nightwing: So... in all of this planning did you block out time to go pick up Robin from school like you said you would, or do you want me to do that?

Batman: ...

Nightwing: I'd say we could just let walk home alone, but the last time you did that, we found him trying to dismantle a section of the Russian mafia about two hours after he was supposed to get home.

Batman: ...

Nightwing: And he gets out of school in -checks wrist like he's wearing a watch- ten minutes, so you might want to make a decision soon.

Batman: ...Fuck.

Damian pressed an ice pack to his swollen eye, the aftermath of a dodgeball incident at school earlier that day. The gym teacher had thrown the ball at him for "asking too many questions"—except they weren't even playing dodgeball! Frustrated, he stewed over his options, realizing he couldn’t handle this alone; if he involved his brothers, they might end up getting arrested.

Damian (talking to himself, realization dawning): Wait a minute, my parents don’t even know how awful this gym teacher is! I’ve never told them, but that’s… not right. They should know, or this failed track star nut case will keep getting away with it. I can’t let this swollen eye be for nothing!

With a sigh, Damian removed the ice pack and pulled out his phone.

Damian (while snapping a picture of his injury): I hope they’re not disappointed in me for not fighting back.

He quickly sent the picture to both his mother and father in separate texts, captioned: Look what the gym teacher, Coach Marley did to me.

Talia, upon seeing the picture, spluttered tea all over her living room couch in shock. Her face turned an irate shade of red as she trembled with rage.

Talia: Oh, hell no!

Without a moment’s hesitation, she bolted from her seat, hopped onto a jet, and flew toward Gotham. Meanwhile, Bruce’s reaction was more restrained, though he nearly crushed his phone with his grip.

Tim (calmly, carefully taking the phone from Bruce): Bruce… Bruce, you need to breathe. Give me the phone; let’s keep this evidence.

Bruce growled in frustration but managed to take a deep breath, clearing his throat to contain his fury. School was closed, and it was too soon to go storming in.

Bruce: I need a night to work through this rage. If I go to the school now, I am going to shout a lot of hurtful things in her face because I can't hit a them!

Tim: That’s probably for the best. Do you need any of us to step in?

Bruce: No, I’ll handle this… but I have to call Talia. Damn it.

Tim: Do what you gotta do.

The next morning in her office, Principal Lynn sipped her coffee, reviewing reports, when she heard the sharp clacking of heels approaching. Suddenly, her door was kicked in, and Talia stormed inside, dragging the gym teacher along with her and tossing her onto the floor. The teacher barely appeared conscious and was crying heavily, bruised and battered.

Talia (pointing fiercely at the gym teacher): Explain to me why this harlot has been abusing my child and getting away with it!

Principal Lynn: I—

Talia (raising her voice): I paid you a significant amount to keep my son at this school, and you allowed her to throw dodgeballs at my child for talking?! Explain yourself, knavess!

Principal Lynn: Um, I can explain—

Just then, Bruce arrived, catching his breath as he took in the chaotic scene before him: the gym teacher on the floor, Talia standing over her, and Principal Lynn looking terrified.

Bruce: That… that harlot needs to be fired and arrested!

Talia: Thank you!

Principal Lynn: Right, on it. I’ll call the cops. Just don’t hurt me like you hurt her!

Talia: Call the cops, then!

Nervously, Principal Lynn grabbed the landline phone and dialed 911 while the gym teacher attempted to scramble to her feet. Talia, quick as a flash, delivered a punch to the teacher’s head, sending her crashing down again.

Mark Hamill - The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978)

Damian, visibly distressed: Has Grayson always had a habit of running headlong into certain death?

Tim: Well sometimes he walks. Occasionally, he shuffles. Periodically, he ambles.

Jason: Once, I'm pretty sure I saw him trip into certain death.