💜✨

good responses to getting stabbed with a sword

rude

that’s fair

not again

are you gonna want this back or can i keep it

Today's Adventure is that I, after an unintentional 13-hour power nap,

Got woken up at 6AM by a phone call from a friend stranded in Montana because of the heat wave and almost no cell service because of their crap provider.

OhSoThat'sHowIt'sGonnaBe.jpg

Ok.

I somehow summon a week's worth of spoons and in less than 30 minutes and 5 phone calls, get them

A hotel

An appointment with a mechanic from 2 states away

A perscription refilled from 2 states away

and A Pizza

Go me.

But then it's 8AM and there are unscheduled live humans at the door and while EVERGENCY MODE is still on, I have already blown through a ton of spoons, and also probably shouldn't meet whoever it is wearing just a pair of bootyshorts that say "CRYPTID" in Gothic Font on my ass.

So I greet them in those shorts and a T-shirt that I manage to put on both inside out and backwards

#nailedit

It is, Fortunately, not the mormons.

it is, Unfortunately, two UPS guys trying to deliver my other in-house friend's new phone except the new guy doesn't know how to operate the "sign for package" device, and the old guy that's supposed to be mentoring him is like, 92, deaf as a post, and doesn't actually know how to operate the device either.

by the way

it is already

over 100 out

it takes almost 30 minutes to sign for the phone

when i get back inside, i discover that apparently the Corgi has learned how to open his kennel from the inside because he is now out of the kennel and waiting for me to come in.

he also has cat litter all over his face because while he was waiting for me he also learned how to open the baby gate to the cat's room and help himself to a cat shit breakfast.

He'll be fine

He's a cattle dog, they're legally required to have at least 1 really disgusting snack they love.

but

more to the point

i have no idea at what point he learned to open his kennel from the inside

has he been staying there out of politeness this whole time??

And

I got other shit to do today.

namely.

I'm seeing a realator

The Devils most pathetic yet effective demons

I get a reminder text that I have an appointment with her

at least

I think that's what it is because what she sends me is: "🏡⏰12:00 ❔"

With the time typed in the middle like that.

She is, according to her profile, at least 80.

so I reply "😎👍"

and then she sends me a string of GODDAMN POST-MODERN EMOJI HEIROGLYPHICS THAT TAKE UP MY ENTIRE SCREEN.

She's on an iPhone so half of them don't even translate across platforms

It takes me half an hour and three different software programs and goddamn wingdings to translate, but she has sent me the address and rules about masking and not wearing shoes inside.

in emoji

instead of like

literally any other format

I am

FASCINATED

and simply must meet the woman so if I don't come back to update I got stolen by the fairies but I'm taking the Corgi with me as protection so I'll see y'all later.

when hozier wrote “there is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin” was he intending to make every gay person on the planet weep? because if so, good job pal

I pretend to be complex and clever but in reality, nothing has ever made me laugh harder than those bad Chinese subtitles from the bootleg Lord of the Rings DVDs. Tears streaming down my face, core aching, slowly suffocating because I’m laughing too hard.

Same 🌈

I’m Pansexual and Gender Fluid

This

I think cis people who don't have gender dysphoria but just want to mess around with gender and are fully informed about all that hormones do should be able to easily get hrt if they want it. I think cis women that hate their chest and feel like its stressing them out quite a bit should be able to get top surgery and get it covered if they want to. I think cis men who hate or just dislike their body hair and want it removed, should be able to get it removed and that should be covered. I think anyone who wants bottom surgery should have access to it.

Like it's your body. You get to make these decisions. Not a doctor or a psychiatrist. The way transition is something that in many doctor's eyes only binary trans people should get access to just reinforces that we should all try being as close to the cis ideal as we can.

I've been seeing a lot of posts about how, yes cis people can also use whatever pronouns they like, but honestly? Cis people can have whatever access to any part of "transition" they desire.

No harm to any religion. It’s just a lamp ads by an Australian company. However, it’s funny!

How are we the villains?

When you fight for hate and we fight for love?

You fight for death.

We fight for life.

You fight for hurt.

We fight for health.

You fight for discrimination.

We fight for inclusion.

You fight for elitism.

We fight for equality.

How are we the villains?

do me a solid and just reblog this saying what time it is where you are and what you’re thinking about in the tags.