How To Do The Thing? Big Test Edition

How to do the thing? Big Test Edition

Pretty much everyone has been in the position of realizing exactly how fucked they are for an exam that’s only a few days (or hours (or minutes)) away, so in honor of Finals Week I figured I’d make a post about how I deal with being in said position. DISCLAIMER: This is what works for me. I’m not guaranteeing that it’ll work for everyone. DISCLAIMER NO. 2: This is mostly relevant to concept-based exams, but a lot of it still holds for other types.

Generally we tend to realize this with at least a day or so left before the exam, and while it’s tempting to try to cram as much studying as possible into that time it’s often extremely counterproductive. I personally cannot absorb information when I feel panicked. I think that’s a fairly universal experience. However, “accepting your fate,” so to speak, isn’t a great idea either. You’re probably capable of learning something in the time between this realization and your exam, so in order to strike a balance:

Take a deep breath, get a glass of water, and shake out your hands and feet. Stretch. 

Go to your books (or other relevant materials idk) and calmly skim through, making a mental note of the areas or topics that need more work than others. Calmly.

If your teachers or professors have made practice exams available to you, get one out. Now, your intention shouldn’t be to get as good a “grade” on it as possible; this “exam” is simply a study tool. It may be slightly nerve-wracking to see problems or questions that you know you don’t understand/can’t answer, but remember that this actually works in your favor. You’re trying to figure out what to study, remember?

Once you’ve figured out your biggest weaknesses, rank them in order of importance. For math and sciences, focus on areas that form bases for other concepts before focusing on specifics.

Work through your list from most to least important using whatever materials are available to you, but don’t stress about going into detail. Don’t. Don’t do it.

Take a breather. You’ve done a lot of work and studying right up until the test won’t do you any good. Get a glass of water and a snack. Stretch. Pet a dog.

Go back and review what you learned. Don’t look at the materials; look at the topics and talk to yourself about them, like you’re giving a lecture. Writing this down can also help.

Take another breather. You’ve learned a lot and you’ll be okay.

Go kick butt

“Yeah but what about when I don’t have time to do any of this shit?” you may be saying right now. That happens a lot. Or, like, it happens to me a lot. Maybe not to you. I don’t know. Either way, you’ve got to do shit differently, and a lot of it has to do with recalibrating how you think about the situation.  The cold hard truth is this: if you don’t have time to do all the stuff up there^^^^ you won’t know everything on the exam. That’s okay. Make peace with it. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try, but don’t stress over not being able to learn literally everything in whatever time you have left. Drink enough water, eat something healthy, and remind yourself that you are absolutely not alone. Also see below:

General tips for exam bullshit:

Don’t joke about failing. Don’t joke about how fucked you are. Even if it’s 100% in jest, it’s not difficult for the sentiment to lodge itself in your brain. You know the phrase “fake it til you make it”? Yeah, that’s real. It works both ways. Don’t do this.

Replace “I don’t know anything” with “I don’t know everything (but that’s okay)”

Replace “I should have studied more” with “I’ll study more next time”

If someone’s talking about how fucked they are, call them out in a funny way. Your friend is saying they’re going to get fucked sideways in the butt by this test? Tell them that they’re fucking brilliant and that they should make sure to bring some lube for when they inevitably fuck the test right back (and for the grader who’ll be mindfucked by how AMAZINGLY BRILLIANT they are). People will laugh, but the message will stick, even if only a little.

DO NOT study right up until the test. DON’T DO IT. DON’T. 

Eat well and drink a lot of water WELL BEFORE the test (so that you’re hydrated but you have time to pee before taking it)

If you’re trying to pull an all-nighter to study, don’t do it the day before. Ideally you shouldn’t be doing it at all, but if you’re going to be stubborn about it just make sure not to do it the night before the test. Also there’s this thing called the point of diminishing returns. Observe it. Obey it.

Group studying is cool, but always do at least some practice problems alone if this test is in a STEM subject. You won’t have your friends’ input on exam day.

Poop beforehand. Seriously, just do it.

Adopt a power pose in the testing room. It has to be subtle, obviously, but it’ll help a lot.

If you find yourself staring at the words on the page and not comprehending anything, make a small mark on the page and turn to a different question. For some reason this helps people get over the initial mental block.

Remember that this test is not everything. Sure, it’s important, but it doesn’t say anything about your worth as a person. It may not even say anything about your academic abilities. Doing poorly on a test doesn’t mean you’re stupid. It means you did poorly on a test. That’s. All.

Alright I’m going to go teach myself the material from the entire second half of the quarter now so I’ll end this here, but feel free to send me any questions or comments you have and I’ll do my best to get back to them asap. Y’all rock. You’ve got this.