A Modern Day Hero

do you think i could cook a s’more on the really hot part of my laptop

The reason I like reading a book in one day is because I love watching people look at the size of the book in pure horror and then back at me like I just became terrifying in their eyes

i used to be a really smart kid who was “going places” but now i just cry a lot and eat all the food in the fridge

You are no longer mine to love. My mind has decided that loving you would only do harm to the both of us and if we wanted any chance at happiness I had to let you go. And I know you found it comforting to know that if he didn’t love you, at least I still did and you could just sit in the safety of my chest until you felt okay with leaving again. So I’m sorry but there are no more vacancies left for you to fit in. My heart loves another. Or at least that’s what my mind says. But it’s better this way.

“I still love you, but you can’t stay” remnant-thoughts (via remnant-thoughts)

22-03-2015

Does anybody else have one of those working days where you just want to lie on your bedroom floor and work, whilst listening to music and drinking tea/eating strawberries? Well, today has been that day for me. I wasn’t feeling the library, or venturing into town on a Sunday to be faced with reams of tourists filling the coffee shops either. So: my bedroom floor it is, where I can spread my mess (or as I like to call it, ‘thoughts’) all around me. 

Today, I would like to talk about working at your own pace.

I am just about to start writing up my second year dissertation on ‘Nature and Art in Milton & Marvell’. However, I am a lot later in doing so than most people doing 2nd year English with me, and over the past few weeks I have secretly felt very troubled by this. You probably know the feeling - when everyone discusses where they’re at with work at lunch or something, and you have a little bit of a panic as it seems everyone is so much more ahead (!) . Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve repeatedly tried to avoid ‘dissertation chat’, but its been nigh on impossible, and to be completely honest it was starting to stress me out a lot. Which is never a good thing.

Had I been Superwoman (or Hermione armed with a Time-Turner), I would have written my dissertation on top of my portfolio essays, weekly essays, and practical criticism classes last term; only I’m not, and last term didn’t happen to work out like that. Luckily I had done a substantial amount of my dissertation work previously in anticipation of this, but ultimately dissertation work was momentarily pushed aside by me due to my weekly essays, while others had some extra time last term to work on their dissertations instead. Whenever I happened to mention that I’d only met my dissertation supervisor for one out of the four hours we could have had last term, others looked at me in varying states of shock; eventually it seemed that practically everyone apart from me had a complete first draft sorted by the 15th March. I could have cried as panic began to set in. 

But then I reminded myself that dissertations are due on the 23rd April. My dissertation supervisor isn’t worried in the slightest by the time-frame we are working to: I’m meeting him next week with my first draft, which means I have 7 days to write 5000-ish words, all of which I have already meticulously planned. Things could be worse. Had I forced myself to write my dissertation last term, just to have been writing at the same time as others, I feel that it wouldn’t have been of a very good quality because I would have rushed it, and I wouldn’t have been happy with it. It ultimately wouldn’t have said what I really wanted it to say, as I wouldn’t have had the time to put as much thought into it. Moreover, had I taken the time to write my dissertation last term, my weekly work and portfolio of essays would have been drastically affected, both of which were a more pressing matter at the time. 

So:

Even though it is now technically the Easter holidays, I am at university writing my dissertation whilst also fitting in a bit of Medieval/Shakespeare revision: however I feel happy with myself. I have so much time to really think about my own work and really engage with my dissertation. I feel calmer. The thought of writing it doesn’t make me want to cry anymore. To get so caught up in what others are doing/how far others are in work is nothing but stress, and its really pointless. As long as I am content with the quality and (seemingly snail’s) pace of my own work, I need to stop measuring myself against others. Realising this today has meant that I have felt a lot less stressed about dissertations than I have done for the past two months. I only wish I had realised this sooner. 

Try not to think about how great you feel others are doing (chances are they’re actually feeling exactly the same); work at your own pace, and focus on getting the job done well when it comes to big deadlines. 

Right - this dissertation won’t write itself! 

-Sarah 

you see, my heart is beating a thunderous beat and it's aching from all the words you let them escaped from your mouth

“you pull the mental illness card too often” whoa… it’s almost like … my mental illnesses.. affect me… very often .. almost all the time… wow

and another hour wasted thinking of you, dear darling - dyngenights

conversations turned dull