Just A Handy Little Info Chart On The Spectrums Of Sexuality.

((The ability to appreciate and evaluate human aesthetic is not determined by your sexuality))

the funniest thing about conclave is the photocopier not working at a pivotal moment. that’s the kind of realism we need in film

I think a lot about how we as a culture have turned “forever” into the only acceptable definition of success.

Like… if you open a coffee shop and run it for a while and it makes you happy but then stuff gets too expensive and stressful and you want to do something else so you close it, it’s a “failed” business. If you write a book or two, then decide that you don’t actually want to keep doing that, you’re a “failed” writer. If you marry someone, and that marriage is good for a while, and then stops working and you get divorced, it’s a “failed” marriage.

The only acceptable “win condition” is “you keep doing that thing forever”. A friendship that lasts for a few years but then its time is done and you move on is considered less valuable or not a “real” friendship. A hobby that you do for a while and then are done with is a “phase” - or, alternatively, a “pity” that you don’t do that thing any more. A fandom is “dying” because people have had a lot of fun with it but are now moving on to other things.

I just think that something can be good, and also end, and that thing was still good. And it’s okay to be sad that it ended, too. But the idea that anything that ends is automatically less than this hypothetical eternal state of success… I don’t think that’s doing us any good at all.

Watched Conclave last night. The emotional journey I went through thinking "oh this is just like Mean Girls haha" to "this is just Mean Girls" was insane

bonus:

BBC Two: The only message you need for #International WomensDay!

@grabyourpillow

i'll reach you

The best thing I ever learned about queerness after I came out as bi is that you don't need to apply the same rigid structure of straightness to it. Like, heterosexuality is pretty narrowly defined as "this not that" so when you come to terms with your queerness it's very easy to get caught up in the same paradigm but with different genders. You can get trapped in this lens of feeling like your sexuality has to be based on exclusion, and has to follow certain rules like your straightness did.

Queerness is about rejecting those rules! Not about tying yourself up in new rules. When you think you might be less-than-straight try not to rush to find a label. You might end up with a new set of rules you box yourself into.

People get really hung up on the labels side of things- "Wait, am I still a lesbian if I only like dating girls but I have liked one guy and I have crushes on fictional men?" "am I bisexual if I'm a guy who only likes girls who look like boys or am I gay if I like that and I like anal sex??"

Just experience for a moment, the freedom to see yourself as you are. Go through the world with an openness to your feelings. Gradually you can unlearn the "this not that" strict mentality and learn what you actually like. You'll start to see the world with fresh eyes. Maybe you find someone attractive who you had never considered before. Maybe you notice, as I did, that you find certain traits attractive regardless of gender or sexuality. The way someone speaks, the way they move, the way they treat others. In time you'll start to define your unique sexuality.

Try on labels like clothes. They're not who you are. They're just tools to speed up communication between you and others. Eventually you may find one that fits well enough to tell others about, and remember you can always change it later. Queerness is about the freedom to be yourself, and to take time to experiment and learn what that really means to you. That's kind of the beauty of 'queerness' that those in the community are always going on about. The freedom of getting to know yourself without restrictions.

It’s wild to me to see transvestigator conspiracy theories online that could be so easily explained by natural human variation. That woman has a deep voice? Yeah, sometimes they do. A woman has broad shoulders?? Maybe she plays rugby or hits the gym a fuckton. There’s a “bulge” in her tight pants?? Maybe her vulva is just fat. All the “markers” of trans woman that transvestigators use to harass any woman aren’t even things unique to trans women.