The 100 Doesnt Deserve To Have Clarke Griffin

If you hate on Iris West/Candice Patton you’re a loser.

  i. i never fucking loved you. i told you i did, told you i did so much and i never meant it. told you i’d die without you / didn’t know what to do without you / couldn’t live without you. i lied through my teeth. gritted teeth, red lips, & me, lying to you. making you feel good. me, leaving. making you feel so, so bad.

  ii. i loved seeing you break like that. so willing, so pretty – so desperate to fall in love. so i turned myself pretty for you / nice for you / perfect for you. and then i cracked your spine. sticky, wet tear trails on your rosebud cheeks, gasps as your heart shattered. i never loved you but seeing you wrecked, torn in half? perfect.

  iii. here is the truth: i am a heartless murderer and i get off to destruction. you, wondering: why? asking, don’t you miss me? begging, please? a ballet dancer, spinning around in this web of lies. this web of i love yous. the truth hurts, doesn’t it? here, listen closely, let me whisper this in your ear: i never loved you, but there, when you were lying on the bathroom floor, sobbing—there, i almost did.

CONFESSIONS, by esther liv

Hey, if we can get through this–

Gilmore Girls 1.16 | "Star-Crossed Lovers and Other Strangers"

#that smirk

#married

for twenty-year-olds who have never been loved

All of a sudden two decades have passed and you still have not kissed anyone with tongue, or kissed anyone at all for that matter, or had a 3 AM conversation with someone who would rather look into your eyes for ten minutes straight than talk. You have never worn a lover’s sweater or “forgotten” it at home in your bedroom just so you would have an excuse to see them again. You have never even stood face-to-face with someone who makes your hands shake so hard it feels like they’re both having a separate anxiety attack.

This causes you much guilt and self-blame and sadness but above all, an overwhelming curiosity. Are you really that ugly, that unwanted, that uninteresting, that boring, that no one, absolutely no one, has ever looked at you like the only thing on earth?

The answer is no. The better answer is that someone out there, somewhere in the world, is “wondering what it’s like to meet someone like you,” and they have two decades worth of love stored in their veins like a shoot-‘em-up drug, and they’re just about ready to inject it into someone else’s bloodstream. All you have to do is roll up your sleeves and wait for it to happen.

At times you felt so lonely you could stand at the edge of a cliff with nothing beneath you but air and grass and a long, long way down, and you’d still feel emptier than that canyon itself. Maybe you even danced with yourself alone in your room a few times, arms outstretched around a ghost, pretending someone else’s hands were on your waist, someone else’s eyes boring into yours.

Or maybe you fell temporarily in love with strangers on public transportation, fell in love with anybody who so much as accidentally brushed your hand on the way past. For you, falling in love with dozens of people a day was a coping mechanism for not having anyone to love you in return. But people are not eggs and falling in love with a dozen of them does not mean your shell will remain uncracked. One day you’re going to hit the point where you’re so desperate for human contact that you’re going to snap in half and all your love will bleed out like egg yolk.

But someone out there is eating a bowl of Ramen noodles right now, or putting on slippers, or settling into bed. They are doing all the normal things that you’ve done in your own life. They are just like you. They have cellulite and extra fat in all the wrong places and goals and fears and doubts and bad handwriting.

The truth is that they are just like you, and being just like you, they’re looking for a lover too. They’re what you might call a soulmate.

They think they’re all alone in feeling the way they do, but you’re really both two halves of a whole.

And one day you’ll meet them, bump into them on the street, and your two halves will be put together, and you’ll make one.

Zoey Clarke + Quarantine Moods  🛌 🥡 🍷 🙇‍♀️