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"Maybe we'll be different, Dean." "What kind of Kool-Aid you drinking, man?"

SUPERNATURAL 4.12 Criss Angel Is a Douchebag

CW: reference to rape, ptsd responses, an ableist slur

I’m a broken record but post-cage Sam actually having ptsd and acting like someone with ptsd is SO important to me.

Sam sitting in a diner and being unable to answer when the waitress asks what he wants so Dean just says “he’s shy sorry, he wants pancakes” and then dean cuts up the pancakes for sam and feeds it to him cuz he can’t do it himself.

Sam in the grocery store with dean trying to be helpful and get the pasta but he’s skittish and flinches whenever anybody is near and he keeps fidgeting so he seems a bit off but Dean is just proud of him cuz before he wouldn’t leave dean’s side for a second so it’s progress. Then they go to checkout and Sam’s still fidgeting and won’t look the cashier in the eye and the cashier smiles at dean and says “I’ve got a nephew like that too” and dean internally like “what??” And he doesn’t fully get it until later

They’re on a park bench and Sam is clearly a bit off but he hasn’t had a fit or breakdown today yet so Dean thinks it a pretty good day until some kid’s ball comes flying over to them and at first deans worried the fast movement will freak him out but instead he picks up the ball and the kid come over and he tries to hand the ball back but he has a tremor and drops it and apologizes but he has a hard time speaking now so it’s a bit broken up and gargled but Dean thinks it’s an improvement compared to when sam could only speak in screams and Enochian. He tries to pick the ball up again but the kid gets it before him and gives him a weird look and dean can faintly hear him whisper under his breath “retard” and just hopes Sam didn’t hear it.

Sam has serious brain fog sometimes and wanderers away from dean and then forgets where he is and thinks he’s back in the cage and freaks out. Dean finds him just in time before a shop clerk calls the police cuz the clerk tried to touch him and Sam knocked him in the jaw.

Sam has a hard time reading cuz he can’t focus and English is hard to read now because the words all swim and blur together and he’s upset about it so Dean starts reading books outloud to him.

Sam drops a glass and he freaks out and starts to cower and bends over to try and pick up the shards with his bare hands and he nicks his palms but he just dosent want Dean to be mad he can’t he can’t he can’t and Dean just softly grabs Sam’s hands to stop him and tells him he’s okay and that deans not mad

Sam sitting in a diner drinking coffee like he used to and deans happy abt it cuz he’s acting like he used to but then he spills the hot coffee on him and suddenly all he can feel is fire fire fire burning him alive and Lucifer laughing and Lucifer’s hot burning cock sinking into him and searing him from the inside— and then he comes back to himself later in a motel with dean sitting next to him. His shirt has been stripped off and dean’s already treated the burn wounds.

Sam loses himself in his mind somedays. It’s like he blinks and suddenly it’s three days later and Sam’s so scared cuz SO much time has already been taken from him. And deans so scared cuz Sam will seemingly shrink into himself for days as if he’s on autopilot.

ccaanniidd. gouache watercolor, 2019

he’s fine guys just. just give him a minute

look at these chemical romance doodles boy

Sam: I’m big and tough, you don’t scare me- go fuck yourself.. torture me all you wan-

Dean: Sammy?

Sam: dean, yes.. that’s the mean lady right there.

Essays on Wincest

For everybody who’s ever asked why people ship Wincest. Here are some of the best answers, essays, meta, critiques, and readings.

First, the famous Tosenberger essay and some reactions, along with one additional academic paper:

“The epic love story of Sam and Dean”: Supernatural, queer readings, and the romance of incestuous fan fiction by Catherine Tosenberger: http://journal.transformativeworks.org/index.php/twc/article/view/30/36

“Catherine Tosenberger on Sam and Dean’s transformative love story” by Suzette Chan: http://www.sequentialtart.com/article.php?id=1364

“Catherine Tosenberger talks about “Supernatural”” by Karen Hellekson: http://khellekson.wordpress.com/2009/04/06/catherine-tosenberger-talks-about-supernatural/

“Writing with the Winchesters: Metatextual Wincest and the provisional practice of happy endings” by Kt Torrrey: http://www.academia.edu/9268608/Writing_with_the_Winchesters_Metatextual_Wincest_and_the_provisional_practice_of_happy_endings

Second, why fans ship Wincest from their own viewpoints, along with some additional information and explanations:

“What is Wincest and How Do I Ship It: A Comprehensive Guide” by brothersintheimpala: http://brothersintheimpala.tumblr.com/post/47043171835/what-is-wincest-and-how-do-i-ship-it-a-comprehensive

“Sam/Dean Manifesto” by stickingupforsammy aka theongreyjoy, but copied to spnmonster’s account due to deletion of original account: http://spnmonster.wordpress.com/2013/09/13/for-posterity-nanas-samdean-manifesto/

“Sam & Dean: Soulmates” by spnmonster: http://spnmonster.wordpress.com/2013/07/21/sam-dean-soulmates/

“Erotically Co-Dependant: A Dean/Sam Manifesto” by slytherinblack and kissedbythegods: http://ship-manifesto.livejournal.com/122065.html

“What is Wincest?” by mergingfandoms: http://mergingfandoms.tumblr.com/whywincest

“Why Wincest is canon” by rabidbehemoth: http://rabidbehemoth.tumblr.com/post/62877362459/why-wincest-is-canon

“Psychotically, irrationally, erotically co-dependent…the obsessive bromance of Supernatural” by pinkwood: http://pinkwood.blogspot.com/2011/06/psychotically-irrationally-erotically.html

Fanlore’s Sam/Dean entry: http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sam/Dean

“Incest in my canon?” by chasingtides (general explanation of incestuous themes in SPN): http://chasingtides.livejournal.com/243165.html

Wincest essay by setissma: http://setissma.livejournal.com/567370.html

“Things That Are Completely Fantastic About Sam/Dean” by sestissma: http://setissma.livejournal.com/630095.html

“Redemption narratives and kissing” by missyjack: http://missyjack.livejournal.com/114173.html

“Wincest: transgressive taboo or conservative construct?” by missyjack: http://missyjack.livejournal.com/368771.html

“Analysis of Sam’s love/devotion for Dean” by laurificus: http://laurificus.livejournal.com/156537.html

“Wincest and Romanticism” by fannishliss: http://fannishliss.livejournal.com/3414.html?thread=6230

Last, here’s some general why Dean and Sam act the way they do essays:

“Latchkey Hero: Masculinity, Class and the Gothic in Eric Kripke’s Supernatural” by Julia M. Wright: http://www.genders.org/g47/g47_wright.html

“"Well, You Are Kind Of Butch”: The Bisexuality Of Dean Winchester" by waterofthemoon: http://waterofthemoon.livejournal.com/430230.html

“Breaking Down the Schtick: Jensen Ackles, Physical Comedy, Objectification, Consent, and Other Supernatural Topics Inspired By Three Seconds of Footage” by Shiela O'Malley: http://www.sheilaomalley.com/?p=72302

This is in no way meant to be a comprehensive list of all SPN Wincest meta available. There’s loads more, as most of you already know. However, I was recently asked yet again why I ship Wincest, and I thought why not post some of the best answers. These essays are dated all throughout SPN’s run, so please keep that in mind while perusing them.

Thanks so much to all of these writers for their time, effort, and thoughtfulness!

In my mind, Dean always reminisces based on Sam's age. So, instead of saying "when I was 15", he would say "when Sammy/my brother was 11" and Sam doesn't notice. John doesn't notice. Meanwhile, all of Dean's dates notice because it is very very bizarre but they don't know how to point it out.

Eventually, Crowley picks up on it (after that summer camp with Dean) and he brings it up and you can see both brothers staring at him in confusion because:

Sam is convinced that can't possibly be the case and he tries to trace back some instances when Dean has referred based on his own age and comes up blank and then freaks out (and feels bad, because he's Sam)

Dean is fully aware he does this and he thinks it's the most normal thing in the world and doesn't understand why Crowley is pointing it out or why Sam is suddenly freaking out.

Crowley is so done with them both.

[I have an argument for believing this is the case. Dean is pretty much Sam's parent. Parents obviously talk about events based on their children's age (except when they are talking about events before the child was born). So on this essay....]

F1 x tumblr but it's just @infectiouspiss's textposts