SPIDERWEEK THEME DAY 5 ! ! @anonymous-dentist

this was fun to draw!! it was originally for a school project but i decided to turn it into a digital piece.

anyway, cucurucho making cellbit the horror movie protagonist was the best thing to come out of the qsmp so far!!

pov: charlie’s a bamf and stops the box by being hench 💪

Two Ways to Adjust the Egg Life System

So, since the Eggs ran away in September and lived for weeks free of tasks and lives, and after they survived Purgatory while doing zero tasks, and after the three newer eggs survived for seemingly their entire lives without tasks or lives, a lot of people- both fans and creators and egg admins- have been complaining about the Egg Life System and how bullshit it is in terms of both player experience and the island’s established lore. It’s an outdated system that isn’t fun for anybody involved, and it should be properly updated for the new year.

Eggs have been the QSMP’s lifeblood since when they were first introduced in April. They were initially an event then, but they soon developed into actual people with actual personalities that both the audience and the players all became ridiculously attached to.

Eggs are given to new players to give them someone to hang out with when they’re alone on the server, and they exist for that purpose for everybody else, too.

So, if that’s the case… why the fuck can they still permadie? When lore itself showed that they don’t need to do tasks, and when players like the Korean members or like Roier or Bad would be completely alone on the server without the eggs keeping them company, it really begs the question of whether or not it’s possible to still have the eggs at risk while not explicitly killing them.

And so I present a couple of ways to adapt the Egg System to the QSMP 2024 while still allowing the eggs to be put at risk and while still having consequences for risky behavior and while still keeping the cookie system in place because, really, that’s a decent way of doing the tasks.

1. Hospitalization

Post-Purgatory, it was revealed that there’s an Egg Hospital. And it really would make sense for the server’s hyper capitalist second season to keep the hospital, and to use it the American Way.

When an egg goes down and “dies”, the egg respawns like a player would. But the egg respawns in the Egg Hospital at Spawn, and the parents have to pay a hefty fee for their eggs’ health.

The server already makes everybody collect coins and go into debt, so why not apply that to the eggs?

The fee the parents would have to pay would be ridiculous, like maybe 10k coins. Any coins they get from bounties would go to that and not to their own pockets, but the egg would still be alive. Every time the egg dies, the fee would increase regardless of whether or not the parents paid it off the last time.

So an egg has infinite lives, but the eggs and their parents are still punished for deaths. It keeps the parents from being able to buy necessities like warps or things from the Spawn Shops.

Egg Tasks are completed in exchange for Cookie Coupons, which allow the purchase of one cookie per coupon free of any monetary charge. In an emergency, parents can add to their debt by buying cookies outright. This way, eggs still get to do tasks while the parents are paying their debt.

Is this system harsh? Yeah, but so are permadeaths. This system just switches the deaths out for American-style medical debt that will ruin the parents financially should they ‘allow’ their eggs to die.

2. Repossession

Since the start of QSMP2024, the bunny employees have been trying to buy the eggs from their parents. Why not adapt that?

If an egg dies under this system, the parents receive a Strike from the Federation. After two Strikes, the egg is taken from their parents by a bunny social worker to live with the Federation until the parents can prove they’re a “good parent.”

The parents do this by taking paid parenthood classes taught by the Federation that would cost maybe 500 coins per class (coming to a total cost of 3,500 coins.) After a week of classes, the parents get their kids back.

The classes would basically be a bunny worker showing up at the parent’s home and making them do egg tasks for the bunny instead, maybe for ten minutes per day, showing that the parents can still take care of their eggs and that they aren’t neglectful or anything.

Furthermore, before the parents get their eggs back, they have to build a room specifically for their eggs if they don’t have one built already, and that room must be inspected by the bunny social worker. Parents have to show that they have food prepared for the egg. They have to have a set of armor prepared for the egg, and a sword and pickax. They have to have at least one toy or egg cosmetic purchased and waiting for the egg in the egg’s new room.

Once all this is done, after a week, the eggs get to come back, and their Strikes are reset.

This isn’t too bad, but 3,500 coins is a lot of money for a lot of players, and having to do all these chores and not having their eggs around punishes both the players and the eggs the same way a permadeath would. It’s just that this doesn’t include the egg dying, it includes a new form of Egg Trauma.

-

If you have any other ideas of new systems, I’d be curious to hear them. And feel free to screenshot and share this post to Twitter if you want, that’s cool.

I just think there are ways to mess with the players and the audience without killing the eggs off, that’s all.

These systems I have proposed accommodate for server lag and general unpreparedness, such as not having good enough armor or going into a dungeon without backup.

he's going at it :0

The Jaidens™ my beloved

A VERY quick c!Roier/f!Cell oneshot because I can't stop thinking about them

-

Roier’s day starts normally:

Wake up, check Sally’s crib, make sure Sally’s favorite toys are ready and waiting for when he comes home. Shower, brush teeth, floss. Wash face, eat breakfast, rearrange the fridge so he doesn’t have to reach past Natalan’s heart every time he wants to get the eggs out. Do dishes, check Sally’s crib, make the bed. Check Sally’s crib. Turn on the news, apply eyeliner as he listens to it. 

“-If you see this individual, please do not hesitate to reach out to the authorities. He is armed and dangerous. He has been described by the authorities as-”

Check Sally’s crib. Search the apartment for Sally, maybe he’s hiding. He likes to play, he’s such a playful child!! He gets it from Natalan, the little shit. 

“-Has been found guilty of ten counts of homicide, though he is currently under investigation for at least thirty more committed between the years of 2013 and 2015. I must repeat, if you see this man, notify the police immediately-”

Connect headphones to cell phone, get dressed. Lock the windows and the doors to the balcony to make sure Sally doesn’t escape and fall to his death. Go to work.

Normal day, normal life, ugh. 

The news keeps playing as Roier leaves his apartment and locks the door behind him. He tunes it out for the most part; it’s just there to keep him from thinking too much, because Natalan says that he’s annoying when he thinks too much, and Roier doesn’t want to be annoying. He wants to be married, and he won’t get that by pissing his husband off. 

“-Brown hair, blue eyes, and a muscular build-”

Roier stops at a crosswalk with a group of other people, waiting for the light to turn. It’s a bit of a walk to his bus stop, but he doesn’t usually mind it. It’s good to stay active; it’ll come in handy when Sally tries making a run for it the next time they go to the park. 

Natalan doesn’t have a job, the lazy piece of shit, so it’s up to Roier to make enough money to keep the family afloat. And it sucks, okay? Because Roier hates working. He’d much rather stay at home and take care of the kids and cook dinner for Natalan and shove it down his throat when he refuses to eat it because, oh, apparently Roier can’t cook! Apparently, Roier is useless! 

Yeah, well, maybe Natalan is the useless one. He might be handsome and strong and sexy and intelligent and… stuff… but he could at least clean the apartment every once in a while. Roier is starting to get just a little sick of coming home from work to a dirty apartment; it’s no condition to raise a child in!

The light turns, and Roier and the others cross the street. He keeps to the back of the pack and takes out his phone to switch from the news to Spotify (Natalan’s account, of course!)

He keeps his head down as he walks, mostly because he can’t stand the sight of anybody in this goddamn city. They’re all ugly. They stare at him and judge him for being a single mother and a recovering addict and they’re all assholes and Roier would just love to introduce them all to his beautiful bastard of a husband. 

Roier passes an alley. He doesn’t look up from his phone as he tries to pick out a song to listen to. He hates every song on every playlist Natalan has, but he can’t exactly change any of them, can he? He can’t risk Natalan getting angry and trying to leave again. 

He doesn’t hear the voice calling out to him. Not above the rush of the city and the beating of his own heart and the screams echoing memories in his mind. 

But he does notice the hand grabbing him around the upper arm and yanking him into the alley. 

More importantly, he notices a pair of stunning blue eyes, and his heart stops in his chest, and he smiles.

“Hello,” Roier breathes. He pulls his headphones down and rests them around his neck. “You look lost.”

The man in front of him is tall, okay, but he’s also gorgeous. Glittering eyes, scars across his face, fluffy-looking hair. He smells of rust and gore, but Roier doesn’t mind. Nobody’s perfect. 

He’s staring at Roier, wide-eyed and curious, and Roier can imagine he feels much the same as Roier does at the moment. In one word, entranced. In two, in love.

Roier clears his throat, very conscious of the hand still wrapped around his bicep. But the man’s grip only tightens, quickly growing tight enough to pinch like the blood pressure cuff at the doctor’s office. 

Oh, Roier thinks, he’s strong.

“Do you have a car?” the man asks. His Spanish is accented, but his voice is just ouagh. Deep and raspy and commanding enough for a pit to grow in Roier’s stomach. 

Roier shakes his head. “I’m not allowed to drive. Too many accidents.”

Somehow, the grip on his arm grows even tighter- oh, God, does it make his knees go weak. 

“But do you have a car?” the man growls, leaning in real close. His teeth bare into something approximating a smile, or maybe a sneer; oh, they’re pointy, that’s fascinating. 

Roier hesitates before answering, “It’s my friend’s, but I’m sure he won’t mind if I borrow it.”

Natalan won’t mind, that’s for sure. He doesn’t use it anymore, anyway, the lazy piece of shit. All he ever does is lay on the couch and insult Roier and their children, and so, really, it’s only fair that Roier borrows his car. 

It’s not like Natalan is using it at the moment, anyway. 

The man nods- a simple quick jerk of the head- and drops Roier’s arm just like that. 

(Just. Like. That.)

Roier’s arm burns from the sudden cold, but he manages a fresh smile, anyway. He’s prettier when he smiles, he thinks. 

“Come on, I live back that way,” he says, pointing to the side with his thumb towards his apartment building. “I mean, I have work in a couple minutes, but they won’t mind me being late.”

“Nah, you won’t be late,” the man assures him. “I’ll be quick.”

Roier wants him to grab his arm again. Roier wants him to touch him again. 

“Okay,” Roier agrees. 

He’s sure that Sally won’t mind another road trip.

-

A/N:

Hi!! Thanks for reading, and let me know if you got this far by leaving a comment or a reblog! And let me know if you want more, I wouldn't mind doing more of this au I think

I love this image but everywhere I post the quality dies GRRR

Day 2 - "It's the murder husbands! And they are coming for you!"

Queridinho

gengibre sitting like a little freak from lore's twitter

cellbit thinking roier didn’t miss him is my 9/11