Thinking About Adam Parrish As "adam" Parrish, The First Man- Not Able To Rely On Anyone Else, Needing

he loves his younger brothers so deeply he can't function without them. his entire sense of self is predicated on service to his family. he is everyone's least favorite family member. he hates his brothers. he needs to be needed by them because he's never felt wanted. he has the shape of Matthew's forehead and the texture of his curls memorized. goodbye to whatever Declan Lynch would have grown up to be. his mother isn't real and maybe that's why he doesn't love her like he should. keeps an attic full of paintings that make him feel things tucked out of sight where no one can ever see him do it. he drives a 4 hour round trip every sunday to worship a god he no longer believes in because it's the only time Ronan concedes to spend with him. he dates three girls all with the same name and knocks his mother's wedding ring down the garbage disposal. he is a perpetual motion machine, never alone but always lonely. coffee and antacids and sleeping pills so he won't dream. he misses his father so much it hurts. he curses his father's name with every breath. trained so thoroughly to lie that telling even innocuous truths feels like giving something away. "fuck, do not fall in love with this girl." he's his father's only natural-born child. his father doesn't remember his birth. he was the first to love Ronan and so Ronan lived. off the rack suits and italian leather shoes. he wakes up every day wishing he didn't have to. goes to work, goes to school, takes Matthew to organ practice. his mother isn't his mother but his mother left him behind so maybe that's for the best. he gets beaten bloody by the hitman that killed their father and neither of his brothers pick up the phone when he calls to make sure they're alive. he still drives 4 hours to share a pew with them.

it's them

There's this thing called being the cutest ever and. Well. They've gone pro

adam is austen-protagonist-coded bc he starts falling for ronan once he sees The House and walks around The Grounds with him.

TRC gangsey halloween costumes! 🎃🦇

I just love them all so so much

in a magical forest. straight up “killing it”. and by “it”, haha, well. let’s justr say. My Latin Teacher

you’re in his dms, i’m trapped with him in a tragedy where we have no control over our predetermined fates. we are not the same.

HAPPY MANWHORE MONDAY

blue sargent <333

was thinking about the dreaming tree in trb that shows you your worst nightmares and. ronan doesn’t go in—later revealed that this is because he not only knows what it does but also what he’ll see—but his worst nightmare is bringing back wasps. killing gansey. blue sees herself dangerously close to kissing gansey, fulfilling her curse, also killing gansey. richard “he imagined [finding glendower] might feel a lot like dying” gansey sees himself finding glendower. but adam. we’re never expressly told what he sees, only that gansey’s dead and it’s his fault and ronan hates him for it and he hates himself for it too. the difference is subtle but important. the others see the action. adam sees the end result. the others are afraid of killing gansey. adam is too, but that’s not his worst fear. adam’s worst fear is becoming like his father