At The Beginning Of Infinity War, When Loki Dies, That’s When You Die. The Rest Of The Movie Is Just

me showing up at the theater for infinity war:

me, five minutes into the movie:

“But I have seen the best of you and the worst of you, and I choose both.”

— Sarah Kay and Phil Kaye (via purplebuddhaquotes)

Top 5 wishes for Infinity War:

1. Loki lives.

2. Loki doesn’t die.

3. Loki continues breathing/all bodily functions needed for survival.

4. Loki doesn’t, at any point in the film, find himself in a position where he is no longer living.

5. When the end of the film arrives, Loki Is in fact, not dead.

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Here it is! I just had to get this after seeing infinity war.

I can never find the right words to tell people what I’m thinking. Telling them I’m tired doesn’t work, but I can’t seem to vocalize that I’m mentally exhausted and sick of existing. Telling them I’m sad doesn’t work either, but I can’t explain that I’m struggling not to kill myself and that the joy in everything in my life is gone and when I wake up to the sun in my eyes, I have to struggle to get myself out of bed because most of me didn’t even want to wake up at all. I can’t tell them I’m numb because what I’m feeling is so much more complex than numb and I don’t have the vocabulary to tell them that I feel like I’m drowning and it terrifies me that I feel nothing as it’s happening, and that my insides want to scream but I can’t even find it in me to shed a tear anymore, that every single aspect of my life feels like it’s shaded in grey because all the colors were sucked out but I can hardly even remember what colors are because I can no longer remember a time I didn’t feel like this. No, I don’t know how to say that. So I just whisper “I’m fine.”

Dear diary... (Trigger warning)

At 13, I hoped I would never turn 15.

At 15, I hoped I would never turn 18.

At 18 I thought that would be it. I thought I would be dead before I got to see another year.

I never wanted to make it this far.

Now I'm about to turn 20...

I hate the fact I'm still alive. I hate that after so many years of wanting to be dead, and actually trying to die, I made it to this point.

I feel so lost now. I never wanted to live this long. But I'm stuck in this world. I could never find a way out in all those years, and now I'm doomed to keep living a life I never wanted.

I wanted to die. But I'm so useless I couldn't even get that right.

Me trying to figure out how loki has all these powers yet decides to stab Thanos

You don’t understand, I don’t want any of it anymore. I don’t want happiness or love or success or anything. I need to stop living because that’s the only thing that can make my pain go away. So no, you telling me to wait for good things doesn’t work. Don’t you get it, no matter what happens, it’s always going to hurt.