Wow…

i mean it’s not like i spend every hour consciously saying “i hate myself.” it’s just that when things go wrong my first response is “of course” “i deserve this” “this is because i suck.” if someone asked me “do you like who you are” i’d be stuck. i don’t feel like i’m 13 and emo anymore, but i kept the sidebangs. i feel weird saying things like “i’m a burden and waste of space” but i feel like that. just maybe not in those words. it’s just like i swell too big for the area. like i splash over the sides, a party foul, the spilled drink. i mean how extra would it be to say something like “i don’t like myself enough to keep living”. doesn’t that just cause other people pain. doesn’t that just make people worry. but on the other hand i’m stuck because i feel numb, vague, blurry. like i should evaporate. like i do nothing but cause people distress when i should be helping. like okay. i don’t hate hate myself. but if the car was coming i wouldn’t get out of the way in a hurry.

Mood rn

Nobody ever talks about how selfless it is to choose, over and over again, to not commit suicide. Nobody ever acknowledges the tremendous sacrifice suicidal people make every time we choose not to kill ourselves. When a person who is suffering so horribly that death seems like their best option decides not to take their one way out, and to instead remain in hell, day after day, month after month, year after year, because they don’t want to hurt the people they love, they are doing something extraordinary. Not killing yourself when it’s all you want to do is the purest act of love I can imagine. Dying for someone is easy - you don’t have to deal with any of the consequences, you have your moment of nobility and then it’s all over. But living for someone, when the simple fact of consciousness is literal torture for you? Every single suicidal person who ever made a choice to not kill themselves in a moment of misery is a goddamn hero in my eyes. Wanting to die and still surviving is an act of titanic courage and self-sacrifice. We deserve more credit for it.

How to spot signs and symptoms of Breast Cancer 

but i let you in. that was the problem. i told you from the start that i chew my own heart, that i don’t trust love, that i can’t watch a trainwreck. that i don’t open up because the inside is too soft and i’m not good at getting the thorns unstuck. you brought my hand to your lips and promised you would be different. i knew better but i still believed it. look at us now. you’re growing out and i’m rotting. look at us now. i can’t stop thinking about you and you’re only thinking about him. look at us and look at where we could have been. but i let you in. i knew better and i let you in.

me showing up at the theater for infinity war:

me, five minutes into the movie:

I’M NO GOOD

Only Angels Have Wings, Nicole Dollanganger / Jennifer’s Body (2009) / The Last Days of Judas Iscariot, Stephen Adly Guirgis / Cellophane, FKA twigs / You Know I’m No Good, Amy Winehouse / Skeleton & Demon, Brian Luong / The Picture of Dorian Gray, Oscar Wilde / 1x09 “Horse Majeure”, Bojack Horseman / Helter Skelter (2012)

I don’t mean to be a downer but I can’t think of a single scene that wouldn’t have been made better if Loki had lived to be a part of it.

Imagine him making rude comments about Thor when the guardians are admiring him.

Imagine him having some sort of ‘who can be the most sarcastic?’ battle with Rocket.

Imagine him meeting Groot, and maybe being able to speak to him too.

Imagine Loki being a shoulder to cry on for Thor as they both mourn the loss of half their people.

Imagine him going with Thor to help forge his new weapon, and maybe even getting one himself, or for once not being jealous of Thor for something he doesn’t have, but being truly proud of him.

Imagine him entering Wakanda with him to the Avengers theme, ready to totally commit himself to the fight, and driving himself to the other Avengers that he was worthy of their trust.

And finally, imagine him running at Thanos, ready to do whatever he could to help his brother, even if it meant sacrificing himself.

Even if he had ‘died’ at the end with the other half of the universe, we would have got that incredible moment in Avengers 4 when the remaining Avengers would bring them all back, and Thor and Loki would finally get the hug we have been waiting for.

So much possible character development wasted. We can only dream.

My reaction if rihanna was doing my makeup.