Batblob But He’s Just The Whole Dsm5

A little Stephanie Brown comic

I've always wondered how Jason would be publicly integrated back into the family without it seeming suspicious as fuck (because let's be real, legally reviving your son who turns out to not actually be dead is gonna be real hard to explain to the public)

So instead of going through all the hassle of paperwork and a cover story, what if Jason just sorta...popped back into the family without any explanation whatsoever?

But instead of explaining his reappearance, Jason just doesn't fucking say anything and acts like the once dead Wayne kid suddenly being alive isn't the biggest fucking deal in Gotham right now

and when someone tries to approach him he just looks at them wide-eyed and says in his most startled voice "...you can SEE me?"

and then the second the person takes their eyes off him he just ✨disappears✨ (because bat powers obviously) and it freaks everyone the fuck out

and when the other batkids get interviewed they just put up their best act of pretending they have no idea what anyone's talking about

Reporter: Mr. Drake, what do you have to say about the impossible return of your late brother?"

Tim: Who?

Reporter: ...

their performances range from straight up ignorance to dramatically bursting into tears whenever someone brings up the topic

Reporter: Do you have anything to say about the recent events surrounding Jason Todd?"

[Cue Dick letting out the most obnoxious wail possible and crying all over the reporter]

Reporter: Oh-I didn't mean to upse-

Dick: I just wish I was there for him more when he was alive, yknow?

Reporter: Ah, well-

Dick: And sometimes I wonder what he would've been like now...All grown up and going to college...[more fucking sobbing]

Reporter whispering under their breath: What the fuck is going on

everyone stopped asking Dick after that.

these shenanigans get so ridiculous to the point where Jason's even started standing RIGHT NEXT to his siblings whenever they're in public and they just pretend like he isn't even fucking there

it's come to the point where ghost!Jason (?) even has his own wiki page where people just talk about his weird ass appearances and the possibilities of him being a cryptid

and oh yeah this all happens during the span of one week while Bruce is (conveniently) off world

when he comes back he's just met with half of Gotham in hysterics over his dead son and theorizing if the Waynes are being haunted and he has absolutely zero clue about what the fuck is going on

he first finds out from an interviewer asking him how he feels about his ghost son and how any of this is even possible

but I imagine that Bruce's brain kinda short circuits and the only thing he's processing right now is that Jason is back in the family and he just starts tearing up like, "My son is back in the family? He loves me? 🥺"

and everyone in Gotham is like Mr. Wayne did you miss the fucking part where your DEAD son is just ALIVE again and just chilling around the city??

anyways you CANNOT tell me Jason wouldn't use this opportunity to pull the biggest prank in Gotham history like that boy LIVES for drama

“Jonathan, dear, he’s brooding out on the tractor with that awful music on again — are you sure it’s just a phase?”

Amethyst points and Rose Quartz chunks!!!

If you asked the guys, they’d say they hated the parties. They had a point, she guessed, because really— if Steph had to pose for the cameras like they did, she’d probably hate it too. It was bad enough that she had to explain over and over again that she and Tim weren’t dating anymore, (“We’re actually just friends now… good friends. Please get the microphone out of my face.”) but they had to put up with a lot more than that. 

Anyway, Steph liked Wayne parties. They had nice food. She’d be the first to admit though, they could get a little crazy, which is how this one was turning out.

It all went downhill while she was helping herself to a slice of cake—her phone rang: Dick calling from across the room. So that was suspicious.

“Um, hello?”

“Hey! Listen, I need a favor.”

Steph glanced around the foyer until she saw him by the front door, clutching onto Damian’s shoulders for dear life. It didn’t look good. “Okay, shoot.”

“One of the board members had too much champagne. He’s been saying some, uh, kind of impolite things about Damian and his mom, so…”

“Oh lord. Any casualties?”

“Yeah, not yet, but that’s kind of what I’m worried about. I was wondering if maybe you could take him home? Probably better if— yes you are— he leaves before— child, no— somebody gets hurt— stop struggling I told you NO— or worse. Oh, for the love of— Damian!”

“I can do that, I guess,” Steph told him, regarding her cake regretfully. She supposed she could steal some from the kitchen later. “Yo, Tim, I’m leaving.”

He nodded at her, so she swept through the dance floor. Damn, though, she looked good. That was another nice thing about Wayne parties— they usually came with really sweet dresses. Oh man, she was totally going to… focus. She was going to focus now, before Damian shanked a WASP with half a cake platter. 

Stephanie brushed past a few party goers on her way to the door. She was almost there when she heard him. “I’m just saying, the little bastard doesn’t belong in a boardroom at all, and I— Well hey there, honey, where are you going in such a hurry?”

Seriously? Did that really just happen? Wow, that was so not gonna fly. Steph swung around.

“I was just… you know, maybe I don’t have to leave just yet.” She smiled at him. “What’s your name?”

“Anthony,” he told her. She didn’t like the way he was looking her over. Gross. 

“Prescott, isn’t it? You’re on the board?”

“That I am.”

“Listen, Anthony, can I ask you a favor? My phone just died, and I need to send a couple of texts. Would you mind…?”

“Oh, not at all.” He dug into his pocket and fished out an iPhone, which he unlocked and handed to her. Oh hell yes this was about to get awesome. Stephanie grinned. 

“Thanks! Now let’s see… I want… contacts! There we are. Now what have we got to work with here…?” 

“What are you doing?”

“Oh, I’m just trying to decide who to call about your manners. Let’s see we’ve got… Dad… Mom… Ooh! Grandma. Now how what would your grandma think about the way you’ve been behaving?”

“Oh my god, please don’t—”

“Well now I just have to find out, don’t I? Let’s give her a call!” Stephanie pushed the button. “Ringing, ringing— oh sir, you do not want to do that.” He’d lunged for the phone.

“Give me back my phone you little—”

“Honey, that isn’t helping your case. Hey! Is this Anthony’s grandmother?”

Anthony panicked. He grabbed her arm, so she flipped him— he fell on the floor, and she planted one of her wonderfully glittery heels on his chest and kept right on talking. “Fantastic! It’s great to meet you. My name is Stephanie, and I just met your grandson at a party. Yes, he is very good looking.” She rolled her eyes so Anthony knew he wasn’t. 

“Listen, I’m calling because he’s been very rude to me. Yeah, Mrs. Prescott, you know how they are. I really don’t appreciate it. I should probably mention that I’m a teenager. Yes ma’am. Eighteen. He’s what, at least forty? It made me uncomfortable.”

Stephanie was really liking Mrs. Prescott. “There’s actually one other thing. I have this friend, and your grandson called him a little bastard. I mean, if we’re being completely fair, that’s what he is, but it’s the tone, you know? My friend is ten years old, and he’s very upset. Thank you so much, Mrs. Prescott! I was hoping you would say that.” Stephanie leaned down so Anthony could hear her. 

“Your grandmother wants to talk to you.” She handed him back his phone. “You know, I was just thinking— it’s a pity you’re so old because she probably can’t cut your allowance anymore. Then I remembered that they—” she pointed to the Waynes— “control your salary. So great job, dumbass. You absolutely just insulted the wrong ten year old. Have fun with grandma.” 

And she waltzed away like the badass she knew she was. People were staring at her, but hey, she had caused a scene. And she was gorgeous. She really couldn’t blame them. Even Dick and Tim were gawking at her with their mouths hanging open. Damian actually looked impressed. 

“Good enough?” she asked him.

“Good enough.”

“Awesome. Let’s hit the road. We both have better things we could be doing.”

Damn, she loved Wayne parties.

after – savannah brown.

and you better watch out when he steps in

stephanie brown is worth any wrist pain <3

I love Alfred and Tim’s reaction to Dick and Bruce about to fight.

Comic: “Batman: Gotham Knights #1”