A Bunch Of Kymans Before My Brain Gets Fried Up

cartman uses voice messages all of the time. sometimes kyle gets tons of notifications to see that cartman has sent him, like, twenty voice messages, each is at least two minutes long, and there’s literally ZERO useful or even remooootely informative in them

and yes, kyle hates it, but he always listens to them anyway, sometimes he even gets distracted and listens to cartman’s voice for an hour while cleaning up his room or doing homework. he chuckles when cartman there says something funny, and rolls his eyes every time cartman says something dumb, though he rarely actually says anything back.

sometimes cartman mentions something serious or genuine, and it catches kyle off guard literally every damn time. cartman is like

“*ten minutes of absolutely horrific fucked up shit* Btw u sounded pretty kewl at school today at the history lesson lol i guess sometimes ur nerdiness can be an advantage. You’re pretty smart, I mean… *another ten minutes of meaningless bs*

and every time kyle gets surprised like

k: did u just compliment me?

c: what no i didnt

k: no u totally did! 8:46 see?? i even re-listened it!

c: DID U LISTEN TO IT TWICE??

k: I HAD TO MAKE SURE.

perhaps making my whole personality about two cartoon ten years old boys was a mistake

i continue with clyde & kenny headcanons because they’re so horribly funny i can’t even–

so they both can’t flirt normally and that’s kinda the reason why girls don’t really like them so much. their pickup lines always either have sexual subtext or just are extremely cheesy. ESPECIALLY CLYDE he has no idea how to do romance and kenny’s advice makes things worse.

clyde, desperately, on the verge of tears: Craig, do you think girls like dickpics? Cartman said they do but I’m uncertain and Red just texted me–

craig, very monotonous: First of all: why of all people you’re asking me about flirting with girls? Secondly: why on Earth would you ever listen to Cartman’s romantic advice? And finally: you do know that Red is my cousin, right?

tweek: And girls do not like dickpics, Clyde.

kenny: But I do. You can send it to me, sweetheart.

and clyde is so desperate he actually considers sending it to kenny for a moment, while kenny tries to tell him a tutorial on how to do great pictures of yourself and craig and tweek just in sync give him a smack upside his head

(bonus: they’re both canonically confirmed (s20e6) to use 😏 most in their chats and idk why but i find this funny af)

guys

piners keep winning

I'M WEAK. https://twitter.com/ToonHive/status/1712169927124103221

so i’ve been thinking A LOT about kyman love languages recently and here’s what i’ve come up with:

kyle’s love language is definitely help.

he’s pretty used to helping those in need and that is how he usually shows affection. he doesn’t say “i love you” or hugs cartman often, but when he has a chance to stay at cartman’s room he will subconsciously clean up everything here and there; he keeps an eye on whether cartman is taking his meds; he will casually tuck him in at a sleepover, help cartman with his homework (constantly grumbling about cartman’s laziness), buy his favourite chocolate bar at the store… but he will never admit he actually cares about cartman, neither will he accept the same help from eric. he will deny it and make excuses although everyone understands how much he really protects cartman.

in response he loves to get affection with quality time!

he won’t admit it but he loves dates for just the two of them.

what about cartman, uh, he mostly expresses his love with physical touching.

and it’s so. so. terrible. cartman knows how much kyle hates pda so he usually tries to embarrass kyle with unexpected kisses in public :D cartman’s the type to intervene kyle’s conversation to demonstratively hug him from the back and kiss his neck and then just go away without any explanation leaving kyle all blushing and distracted. kyle is seriously pissed off every time so they have the same dialogue every goddamn week:

kyle: Did you really have to kiss me in front of everyone?

cartman: That Mexican dude was obviously hitting on you.

kyle: I don’t even know his name, asshole!

cartman: What’s the problem, Kyle? Can’t I just kiss my boyfriend when I feel like it? Is it prohibited? Or are you just homophobic?

kyle: I can’t even tell how tired of your bullcrap I am.

cartman: Because, Kyle, last time I checked America was a free country! Where people like me could kiss people like you whenever they want!!

kyle: Do you even hear yourself?

cartman: Anyway, didn’t you like it though?

kyle, blushing: It was… fine, I guess…

and in response cartman loves to get attention with words of affirmation or praise.

he’s so desperate to get praised by kyle :( i mean nobody really says nice things to him except for his own mother so every time kyle says something like “wow, cartman, you did a great job, huh… that’s surprising…” and cartman can’t hide these happy sparkles in his eyes. also it’s the highest reward for him to be called “eric” by kyle.

every once in a while someone asks me what my main fandom is and i want to answer but then i just freeze realising that. fuck. no way south park is my main fandom. how cringe is that. how did i even end up here.

was thinkin' because of a tumblr post i saw

so i doodled a quick thing... i haven't rly thought through how i'd draw adult cartman in my style so take this with a grain of salt

Got this from @hatsunevitu post I laugh my ass off reading you two @peppered-saltine

just saying that stan marsh is definitely most likely to enjoy pride month but hide it (un)successfully. he’d be fighting his urge to participate in it because he still considers himself to be straight (which he is clearly not) so he would be just, like, secretly supporting other non-het people but not too obviously so it wouldn’t seem like he’s not heterosexual himself.

he’d watch a gay couple kiss proudly and he’d be really happy for them with “yeah, good for you!!”-look in his eyes and a big smile on his lips, but then he’d notice concerned expression on kyle’s face and got extremely embarrassed and mumble something like “im just happy for other people’s tolerance, that’s all…”

So glad ur back i missed ur headcannons and writing so bad^^ ( ´▽` )

OMFG IM SO HAPPY TO HEAR THAT!!!!! i hope u won’t be disappointed by the new stuff i’ll post heheeee <3 🫶