Don’t Make Me Put Your Ass In The Sealbarrow

Writing Grief Without Romanticizing It

Grief is raw, messy, and deeply personal. It doesn’t follow a neat arc or fit into tidy narrative beats. While stories often use grief as a dramatic device, romanticizing it can cheapen the emotional reality. Writing grief authentically means embracing its discomfort and unpredictability, not sanitizing or idealizing it. 

What Romanticizing Grief Looks Like

Characters who seem emotionally wrecked but always manage to look graceful in their suffering.

Overly articulate monologues that sound more like a eulogy than a real moment of loss.

Depictions of grief as a singular, cathartic event instead of a long, jagged process.

Romanticized Grief:

“Every day without you is like a piece of me fading away into a tragic, beautiful void. I’ll carry this pain forever, for it’s all I have left of you.”

This might be poetic, but it lacks the authenticity of how most people actually process grief.

Realistic Grief:

“I forgot your birthday. I didn’t mean to, but when I remembered, it was already too late. And then I hated myself because forgetting felt like erasing you.”

Writing Grief Authentically

1. Show the Physical Toll

Grief isn’t just emotional—it’s physical. Insomnia, headaches, exhaustion, or even the inability to move can be part of the experience.

“She woke up in the middle of the night again, choking on the air. Her chest felt like a cinderblock had been wedged inside, heavy and unmoving. It was three days since the funeral, and she still hadn’t slept longer than an hour.”

2. Let Grief Be Messy

Grief isn’t a perfectly linear journey. There’s no logical progression from denial to acceptance—there are setbacks, breakdowns, and even moments of denial long after healing has started.

“He yelled at his mother for throwing out the cereal box. ‘It was his favorite,’ he said. She didn’t remind him that it had been expired for months. She just handed him the trash bag and walked away.”

3. Avoid Glossy Sentimentality

Sometimes grief isn’t poetic; it’s ugly, blunt, and devoid of grandeur. Characters might lash out, shut down, or isolate themselves.

Romanticized: “I’ll cry every day, but I’ll keep going because you’d want me to.”

Realistic: “They said time would heal it. But it didn’t. Time just put more space between me and the life I knew before.”

4. Let Grief Manifest in Small, Unexpected Ways

Grief isn’t always about sobbing—it can show up in mundane moments: hesitating to delete a voicemail, holding onto an old sweater, or instinctively setting the table for someone who’s gone.

“She turned to tell him the joke, the one about the broken lamp, and stopped halfway through. The silence hit harder than the punchline ever would.”

5. Highlight the Absurdity of It

Grief can be absurd and disorienting. Characters might laugh inappropriately, obsess over trivial details, or feel disconnected from reality.

“At the funeral, all she could focus on was how crooked the flowers were arranged. She kept wanting to fix them. If she didn’t, she thought, none of this would feel real.”

6. Explore How Grief Changes Relationships

Grief doesn’t happen in isolation—it affects relationships, often in unexpected ways. Some people pull closer, others drift apart.

“Her friends stopped asking how she was doing after the first few weeks. She didn’t blame them; she didn’t have an answer. ‘Fine’ wasn’t a lie—it was just easier than saying, ‘I still can’t breathe when I see his empty chair.’”

7. Show the Longevity of Grief

Grief doesn’t end when the funeral does. Let it linger in your story, showing how it ebbs and flows over time.

“It had been five years, but she still called his number when something exciting happened. She didn’t know why. Maybe it was just habit. Or maybe it was hope.”

8. Allow for Moments of Respite

Grief isn’t constant agony. People still laugh, find joy, and go about their lives—sometimes feeling guilty for it.

“She smiled for the first time in weeks, and then immediately hated herself for it. It felt like betrayal, like forgetting.”

I am living for the Eeyore type vibes in her face and posture <3

I need you guys to know that my sister thought tamarin was orange until I showed her my art and she was confused because she didn't picture her as blue 🤧

this is my favorite design so far,,,,

genuinely how it feels trying not to be mean to people who leave stupid shit on my posts

this clip is horrible i hate it

hi look it's two stupid skeletons and their once stolen car collab with @suschaxx

They changed the meds my doctor gave me to help sleep two weeks ago because apparently one of the side effects of it is more vivid dreams which I already struggled with. Cause of it though, I slept like shit last night and woke up at 4 in the morning. I missed dinner because I fell asleep at 2 and didn’t wake up until 6…

I keep getting this urge to text people dumb things. Not dumb things, but apologies and such that I won't have actually thought through. I feel very bad for putting my roommates through so much shit, especially at the end of the semester. I have no idea what they think of me right now. 2/3 of them haven't bothered to send me so much as a message or even a post on insta. I'm very scared that they are upset with me.

My sister said that she thought one of them, the one who came to ask what was happening and to say we'd need to talk at some point, was just extremely worried about me when we saw them, but all I could see was disappointment and anger. Like they are disappointed in how I've turned out as a person and as a friend.

I think I'm a little fucked in the head.

Me: Gets an ad on YouTube from betterhelp that starts with “Let me guess, you’re thinking about going to therapy”

Also me: looks around slowly… “yeah.. thinking about going to therapy…” takes in the fact that I’m currently in a psych ward…

Ok I thought the DBT book was dating itself with how it was talking about the internet, but now it’s introduced a gay guy as its tiny example saying he had a fight with his boyfriend.

So that’s cool!