I Don't Know What To Do Anymore

My hairs stand tall from the thought of you

You fill the empty space once filled with tears

This burdened soul can not house another

My heart is heavy and stained with pain

You look at me with bleeding eyes, mine colder than ice

Emotionless but you make me feel alive

But I'm still distant in confined solitude

I want to see your point of view

Maybe then I could love me too

You're crescent moon eyes and crooked front teeth are my favourite

Never hide that beautiful smile

It brings light to my day

My Muse

@rbhvleo // roberto ferri // mothering by ainslie hogarth // rainer maria rilke // ? // planet of love by richard siken // a self portrait in letters by anne sexton // indian summer by ron hicks

I am going to eat 400-500 cals a day omad diet and keto diet .

then fast for 19-24 hrs .

then repeat everyday.

then I am going to walk 2-3 hours a day .

this should help me lose 2 lbs a day or more .

Thats what happened last time I did this diet .

“Why not?” Iykyk

My blouse is stained

I haven't changed it since yesterday

Not stained with dirt

But the tears that you steer

Till I'm broken and can't see clear

Are you satisfied?

Stuck on my phone

its getting late

And my eyes a sore

From the bright light, it emits

Like my burning desire for all of this to end

I can't fall asleep

I won't fall asleep again to your voice

Or dream of you again

Will you hold me like a child

Till the thunder quiets done

Till the darkness becomes light

It's Sunday but its still not the end of my pain

You're stained in my heart

I'm bleeding out on my blouse

Again.

Cries in degradation you were my separation I don’t know were to go from here.

A new year begins yet nothing has ended.

A new year begins and I’m still in love with you.

It’s beginning to feel like deja vu.

I’m still here were you left me waiting for you to come get me.

Untouched ready for you to devour me.

Undoubtedly I’ll surrender to your touch.

Words just aren’t enough I need to melt in your embrace and never leave your place.

I go to sleep to the thought of you. One day we will meet, and I will love you forever. My one and only. My other half. My Muse. My love.

you deserve the love you dream of. the one that lingers in the night. vulnerable. pure. the one that rises to meet the daylight. the one that tilts your chin to meet it's gaze. the touch that makes you feel electric-grounded. you deserve the eyes that wander reverently over your form. the mouth that longs to taste the dangerous curves of your mind. you deserve a love that keeps you wild, but lets you fall asleep on it's chest. the tender words that heal the wounds abandoned by time. the arms that pull you from the wreck, lifting you from the shore. a mind that never stops studying what magic you hold. the steady voice that makes you forget why it never worked out before. love doesn't have to be a grey mess. settling for convenience. that delicious love you crave is alive. it's yours if you've got the courage to believe in it.

Crashing parties but all I’m crashing is my soul

I lie to myself and say that I’m doing fine but in reality, I’d kill myself to hold you one more time

Where did all the time go?

Morning to night I'm locked up in my room far from life

I feel so alone out here

I feel so alone out here

Without you

But there’s no way to reach you

So I go back to our home that never was

I still call you home

Cause you were the only one I could tell I hurt

You were the only one that could put me to sleep like a baby

You made me feel so safe

I've never felt such a level of love before

More than I ever got from those I call family

Am I no good?

Do I not deserve your love?

Then why can't you be mine cause I'll be yours till the end of time and thereafter

Can I be yours?

Please tell me I'm yours

I'm tired

Lonely

In love

Drunk in my love

For you, my love.

Dear Guardian Angel,

My gums are bleeding

I still haven't eaten

Do you pity me?

Please don't

I do this to myself

I self sabotage when things get better and act like it's the end of the world

I dug my own grave

Do you feel anything at all…

You were assigned to me

I'm sorry

My observer

For all the things you've seen

For all my thoughts you hear

For all the words I utter

And still I hope you can see that this is not truly me

I am is whatever I've seen on tv

I'm a chameleon

I put on a new mask and change it when it cracks

I'm lost

Who am I?

I’m gone

Or am I just done

Sitting with my thoughts alone

In this empty home

Father ignores and mothers on the other side of the world

I'm sure you already know

I mean you know me better than me

Stuck in my apocalypse

Hollow, dark, empty, incomplete, disguised, loveless

Distorted with the painful echo of my screams and cries.

Begging for an escape from my capturer

Me.