I Need A Fightbuddy, Which Is Like A Fuckbuddy But Instead Of Banging You Fight. No Strings Attached

stcrliqhts‌:

there he was, gorging on his third funnel cake with absolutely no regret. the mix of his body issues and manon’s death had brought out his emotional eating side – strong. “delicious.” he hummed, licking the powdered sugar from his fingertips before his gaze rose, locking on someone quite familiar. “oh, uh, hey.” he muttered, quickly grabbing a napkin to wipe himself off before he moved further down the bench to make room for them. “enjoying yourself?”

“not really.” he sighs, slipping into the seat next to jisun with ease. the bench is large enough for the both of them to fit comfortably, but kian still settles up right next to him, their thighs pressed together. he likes to call it a test to see other people’s boundaries. “what about you?” he asks, not even asking for permission as he snatches a piece of the funnel cake from the plate. is it rude? yes. does kian care? not even a little bit. “why do you think these things are so good?” he suddenly questions, curiosity lacing his words. “i mean... it’s just bread and powdered sugar, right? it’s nothing.” he explains.

☆ — who : @seojvns ☆ — when : february of 2019 ☆ — where : the campus library

“just trust me.” kian whispers, placing the flashlight between his teeth. he shifts his weight from one leg to the other in his crouched position and continues moving the bobby pin around in the lock. it’s not the best tool but, when he hears the faint click, he relishes in the fact that it gets the job done. standing to his full height, he plucks the flashlight from his lips and smiles. “after you.” he says, ushering his roommate inside. it seems kind of dumb, and probably confusing, to be breaking into a place that’s open all the time, but he has his reasons. “i figured, before we set out on our little mini road trip, that we could come here first. and, before you say anything—” he cuts in, making the trek through each of the aisles separating the different shelves, “i know i can technically come here whenever i want.” he says, finally stopping to grab a book.

“but it’s always so busy, it’s frustrating. plus, it’s kinda cool being somewhere you’re not supposed to be, yeah?” he quirks a brow, a small smile on his face that he isn’t sure seojun can even make out in the dark. tucking the book under his arm, kian steps around the corner and begins pushing two of the tables together. once he’s satisfied, he climbs on top of them and lays down on his back. “come.” he instructs, patting the space next to him. “let’s find some shit to do, places to go.” he says as he opens the travel book in his hands. “need you to hold the flashlight for me.” he says, turning his own off.

SEOJUN: very tempting SEOJUN: but you should study!!  SEOJUN: i can give you a few of my tips if you think it’ll help!! SEOJUN: like listening to classical music!! cause music w lyrics… distracting SEOJUN: and writing things over and over helps me remember things SEOJUN: do you need me to bring you coffee?? 

KIAN: ur too much of a good influence KIAN: i’m lit fallin asleep over here KIAN: ur suppose to encourage my bad behavior KIAN: good tips tho thanks ur the best 😘 KIAN: i would say yes but i have to say no KIAN: ur too distracting lmao KIAN: if you come over then nothin will get done

☆ — ❛ snap : kian ▶ seojun. ❜

MOONSU: a LAME start. if anyone wanted to come close to me, they should’ve started with that PLUS a giant teddy bear, and a specialized playlist of at least twenty songs that perfectly represent their feelings for you. duh! amateurs, really. MOONSU: hm… i’ll see what i can do. i’ve been saving up a lot, and i can’t think of a single thing more important to spend my money on than you. 😘 food? what’s that? i just need sunshine and water and your love to survive. 😊 MOONSU: me? just practicing a monologue for tomorrow. nothing super important. i always miss you when you’re not with me. MOONSU: WAIT. or do you mean… MISS me? because in that case… yeah, i MISS you, too. especially now that i know people are trying to steal you from me :(

KIAN: thats why i’m dating you & not them KIAN: damn you make me wish i was more creative KIAN: gonna have to step up my game if i wanna keep up KIAN: otherwise someone else might sweep YOU off your feet KIAN: can’t have em stealin you away from me KIAN: ur so cute lol..... just missin you in general KIAN: can i see you tonight? or are you busy? 😟

☆ — ❛ snap : kian ▶ moonsu. ❜

anvya‌:

“hey now, don’t make fun of my board games,” she giggles before poking his nose. grabbing a few pieces of popcorn, she tosses one in her mouth before feeding one to kian as well. “my dad always talked about the game nights he had with his parents and siblings and how he really enjoyed them, so he kind of passed that tradition down to me and my sibling. i’m sure most teenagers would rather do anything than play boardgames with their parents, but…i dunno, call me crazy, but i actually really enjoyed it.” of course, her feelings for why she enjoyed it ran much deeper than kian would understand. all she ever wanted was for her birth parents to acknowledge her, to simply say hi or i love you, and never got that. with her adoptive parents, they gave her that and more. they made time for her and her sibling, always making sure they reminded the both of them how important they were. because of that, game nights were her favorite time of the week. 

annya hadn’t realized she got lost in her thoughts until she feels kian kiss her, this time a littler deeper before pulling away, causing the girl to pout for a moment before shaking her head, “mm, as fun as that sounds, i kind of like where we are right now. just…being close and talking…” she blushes, simply because they were pretty close physically, and it was the most physical she truly had gotten with anyone. sure, annya had her first kiss in high school, and even let wandering hands fool around but nothing ever went further than that. despite her relationship with kian still being somewhat new, she actually felt more comfortable around him than she did with anyone else before. it was scary, yet almost comforting at the same time. “that sounds wonderful,” she smiles as he talks about california. “sunshine and warm weather all the time? my flowers and plants could have such a better place to grow. does that mean you’ve never built a snowman before? because if you haven’t, we might have to change that asap.” 

it’s around this time in his other relationships that kian would tune out, only nodding here and there in all the right spots to make them think he was listening. but when it comes to annya, he actually is listening. he wants to know everything about her, every little detail, and experience things that no one else has. he’s treading dangerous waters, but he just doesn’t know how to stop; he doesn’t know if he even wants to. “yeah?” he raises a brow, chewing on the piece of popcorn she had fed him. “which was your favorite?” he asks. he has honestly never once in his life played a board game and can’t even begin to imagine what it would be like to sit down with his father and do something so simple. they couldn’t even be in the same house together without wanting to rip each other’s heads off. it tugs on something buried deep within him and reminds him that nothing about his upbringing was normal. and nothing about his life ever will be.

he doesn’t feel sorry for himself though because he’s worked through all that and he’s accepted it. but that doesn’t stop the what ifs from swirling around in his head. “really? i’m kinda boring.” he smiles, watching as the blush blooms across her cheeks. he finds it incredibly endearing, but it makes him wonder. he and annya have never really discussed their past sexual experiences and they also haven’t gone very far together. his endeavors paint a long list, but he’s good at reading people and he has a feeling that hers is much, much shorter. that’s why he has to be careful. he doesn’t want to push her away. he brings his right hand up and tucks a piece of hair behind her ear, chewing on the inside of his cheek. he’s used to playing the part of the perfect boyfriend, but he’s never had to worry about what messing it up might mean. “nope.” he confirms, popping the ‘p’. “i mean, i’ve built a sand snowman but never an actual one.” he explains. “to be honest, i’m not a huge fan of the cold. call me a pussy but i’d much—” he pauses to plant a kiss to the corner of her mouth, “rather—” he places another to the opposite side, “stay—” and finally captures her lips with his own, “right here.”

☆ — ❛ imessage : kian ▶ annya. ❜

ANNYA: are you in your dorm room, kian?

ANNYA: and i don't hate you

KIAN: what doews it jmatter??

KIAN: yes ybou dco

KIAN: bi can ese it in uar eyes everytime u look at me

KIAN: thalt is on the off cnhace that you acxtually do look qat me i know you trxy to avoid me on purpose

seojvns‌:

just trust me, kian whispers, and seojun does. he trusts him too deeply, willing to follow him anywhere without questioning a thing. he doesn’t voice it, but he’s nervous. even though he knows there’s no one around, he can’t help but glance as kian fiddles with the lock, his heart racing with anticipation and the fear that maybe they will get caught. doing something that felt wrong wasn’t a strong suit of his, but going along with things was. as soon as he was being ushered in first, seojun took the lead, his footsteps cautious as he entered. “you want to get some last minute studying in before we go?” seojun questions in a whisper, a brow raising as he kept his eyes on kian. “yeah, um, it’s kind of the point of a library, to let anyone come whenever they want,” he teases, a slight smile still on his lips.

“yeah,” he breathes in response, and he gets it. the thrill of being there after hours. there’s something ominous about the darkness though, something that leaves seojun unsettled. he watches, but he doesn’t touch anything - mostly because he’s afraid to make too much noise, on the off chance there’s a campus security guard somewhere nearby. it’s unlikely, but his worries get the best of him. he stares, instead of helping, as kian pushes two tables together. as soon as he’s telling jun to come, he obeys, climbing on top as well and lays beside him. “is there something you’ve always wanted to do? or somewhere you’ve wanted to see?” he questions, holding up the flashlight to shine on the book so they can plan their getaway. 

“mhm.” he hums in reply, scooting closer to seojun so the other boy can see the pages as well. “but, since this is a short trip, we won’t be able to do all the things i want. maybe some other time though.” he smiles. “like over the summer or something.” he suggests, flipping the page. his eyes scan the words and look over the pictures, but nothing is really standing out to him. he begins moving his feet back and forth, knocking against seojun’s in impatience, but his face doesn’t read the same. “god, it’s so quiet in here.” he comments. “and, yeah, i do realize how ironic that is considering we’re in a library.” he laughs lightly. he sees a few places close by that catch his eye so he mentally makes note of them before turning the page again. it’s probably rude to do so without asking his roommate because he’s more than likely looking as well, but kian’s selfishness extends to all things. “what about you?” he asks suddenly, flipping around so he’s laying on his stomach. he lets the book close, keeping his place with a finger, as he rests his chin on seojun’s chest. “something you wanna do? somewhere you wanna go?”

seojvns‌:

“i wouldn’t wanna share such a special moment when anyone else,” he teases, but despite the playfulness in his tone, he means it. whenever kian gave seojun any bit of his attention, it felt like a privilege, and he never knew how long it’d last. he assumed that’s why kian left for days at a time. out of boredom. “must be,” he responds with a grin, listening to his words as he continued, agreeing with each word that he said. “i feel bad for the people who choose to let it stop them,” he mumbles in response, thankful that he’s not one of them. “do you ever think you’ll fall in love? like the kind of love that’s in movies?” he questions, the childish question leaving his lips before he can even think about stopping himself. “it’s just,” he feels his cheeks warm, “sometimes i wonder if it’s all made up, or if there really is love like that out there. it’s stupid, i know, but,” and now that he’s started rambling he can’t seem to stop, “i’m really afraid that i’m gonna be alone forever.” his voice is soft, his words barely above a whisper. he shifts a bit when kian questions him. “i don’t know,” he scrunches his nose, “i guess if it were late, like it is now, and no one was around…” he muses, but he shakes his head slightly. “seems risky though,” and if there was anything jun hated, it was getting in trouble. “umm,” he takes a moment to think about it before answering, “probably in a bathroom at a party?  maybe? i’m not… a very adventurous person… in that way…” his words are slow and sheepish. “but, uh, what about you? i bet you have lots of crazy places.”

kian smiles at seojun as he speaks, giving him his undivided attention. “i’m so glad we’re roommates.” he voices. “i really thought i’d end up getting stuck with someone awful, but i got lucky. more than lucky.” he says. but something sort of shifts in the air when the boy asks him about love. kian doesn’t believe in love because it’s never existed in his life and he doesn’t think it ever will. but he can’t just throw out that kind of pessimism when seojun believes him to be this optimistic, nice boy. so, as always, he just tells him what he knows he wants to hear deep down. “yeah, of course.” he whispers with a nod. “maybe it’s childish to believe in such a thing, but i do. i can’t help it.” he explains, reaching over to take seojun’s hand in his own. he gives it a gentle squeeze, sending him a soft look despite the fact that he probably can’t see it. “you don’t need to worry about being alone forever, junnie.” he assures him. “you’re amazing, truly. anyone should be honored to be with you. i mean, you’re funny, nice, cute, compassionate, attentive— you literally have all the qualities that those boys in those romantic films have. except, you know, you’re actually real.” he smiles, giving the other’s hand another gentle squeeze. he lets out a breath through his nose, rolling his eyes playfully, as he pokes seojun in the side. “that’s why it’s fun. because it’s risky.” he points out. “bathroom at a party, huh? how very nineties.” he teases. “actually, i don’t.” he lies, averting his eyes as if he were embarrassed. “i’ve spent my whole life playing it safe. guess it’s hard to get out of that.”

☆ — who : @anvya ☆ — when : november of 2017 ☆ — where : pugh hall dormitory

kian is in uncharted territory; everything is so new and unfamiliar. a part of him wants to run and never look back, but he can’t. annya keeps him grounded to the spot with some unseen magnetic force. but it’s all just so exhausting. it’s like he’s slipped into his facade, like he’s pretending, without doing so at all. the line between reality and the world he’s created is starting to blur and the cracks are starting to show. for once in his life, he’s scared of how it’s all going to end. “i’m gonna grab some more popcorn.” he says, removing his arm from behind her as he stands from the bed. he just needs a minute to breathe, to calm himself down. all they’re doing is watching a movie in her dorm, something completely normal, and he’s damn near having an existential crisis. grabbing the nearly empty bowl on the bedside table, he makes the short trek to the attached kitchenette and places it on the counter. he manages to keep his hands from shaking as he takes a bag of popcorn from the cabinet and tosses it into the microwave.

when the sound fills the room, he allows his eyes to close and lets out a breath he didn’t realize he had been holding. he and annya have been official for a couple of months now after initially meeting at freshman orientation, but it’s so incredibly different from anyone else that he’s dated that he wonders if he’ll even survive it. the most jarring revelation is that this isn’t a game to him for once. he actually doesn’t want to hurt her. and that’s terrifying, as sick as it sounds. when the microwave goes off, emitting the universal beep that signals the popcorn is ready, he pulls himself together and opens the door. his motions are robotic and even though he burns himself as he pours it into the bowl, he doesn’t even flinch. “this movie kinda sucks, huh?” he smiles as he rounds the corner back into the room. in truth, he hasn’t been watching it. he doesn’t even know what it’s about. “if there wasn’t a snowstorm outside, we could’ve actually did something fun.” he says.

he sets the bowl down in its previous place and leans over to give her a short kiss on the lips. “i guess i can deal though if it means spending time with you.” he states, internally cringing. he’s delivered that same line to a million other people, but it feels wrong doing the same to her. at least he means it this time.