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Feral McGee™

It starts with the Joker. 

His goons picked up Tim Drake. Not specifically because it was Tim Drake, he just so happened to be in the Joker’s neighborhood, and we'll, he can't pass up that opportunity now can he? 

Except Tim Drake is watching, along with the rest of Gotham, at the Batcomputer. He’s nursing a broken foot and has been put on monitor duty until he's cleared for field work again. 

The guy looks enough like him, though. Black hair, blue eyes, and bags under his eyes for days. He's also got the same lean sort of build like he does. 

It happens like this. 

The Joker is doing his monologue thing where he explains whatever twisted game he's come up with this time. He takes up the majority of the screen, so nobody can see Not-Tim behind him, not until the big reveal. Then he covers the screen again, getting up close and personal, before stepping back. In those quick few seconds, Not-Tim is no longer sitting there tied to the chair. 

Someone off camera lets the Joker know, and he whirls around, confused as the rest of Gotham. 

And then Not-Tim comes in with the steel chair. 

Or, well, a crowbar, but the reference holds up. 

He takes out one of Joker’s knees before punching him in the face. The Joker drops like a bag of stones, out cold. 

Then he looks towards the camera. 

“Hey there. I'm not really sure where I am, but also if he was after Tim Drake, he got the wrong guy. I'm not him, I'm just some dude. Anyway, I'll just-yep-” he carefully steps over the unconscious Joker, gives the camera a little wave, and then leaves. 

Batman and Nightwing enter shortly after, with the Joker and his goons out cold and tied up. The knots were complicated enough where, in the end, the police resorted to cutting the ties off of them so they could be properly cuffed and taken to Arkham. 

“A constrictor knot,” Batman tells Nightwing as they watch the villain be taken away. “Often used by sailors to temporarily tie things together to keep something in a bag, or to hold something to glue it back together.”

“Huh,” Nightwing says, scratching the back of his head. “Go figure.”

—

The next time it happens, it’s the Riddler. 

He’s laughing, giving his riddles to the Bats and recording himself to all of Gotham while his victim, one of the Wayne brats, hangs over a vat of something. From a distance, he looks like Tim Drake, or maybe a lankier Dick Grayson. And he’s not the only victim, they’re all scattered across the city, but he thought an important figure such as a Wayne should be under the Riddler’s direct supervision while he enacts his schemes. 

While the Riddler cackles and plots and waves his cane around, in the background all of Gotham can see the figure escape. Several Gothamites recognize him as the kid from before, who clocked the Joker. They all watch with bated breath as he sort of wiggles his way out of the ropes holding him up. Once he’s free, he climbs the rope and gets himself down safely. 

Gotham holds their breath as the kid casually walks up to the Riddler, who’s mid-rant. He politely taps him on the shoulder, and as the Riddler is turning around, the kid clocks him just as brutally as he had the Joker. He’s down with one punch. 

They think he’s going to say another sort of awkward goodbye, but instead he pats the Riddler down until he finds a piece of paper tucked into the inside pocket of his jacket. 

“Right,” the kid says, looking at the list. There’s a lot more static overlay now, and several wonder if it’s damage to the cameras. “Uh, the Clocktower, the Docks, and-” he squints at the page for a moment-”Mama Nacaroni’s? What the fuck is that? Anyway, uh. See you later, I guess. Oh! And we’re at the Gotham Arena. Have fun with him, I guess.”

The kid tosses the paper off to the side before the camera cuts to black. 

Just like last time, everyone is out cold and tied up. The Riddler himself is sporting a pretty bad shiner, but well deserved nonetheless. 

“Stop it,” Red Hood tells him. Batman just looks at him, and though Hood can’t see the top half of his face, he can tell that his eyebrow is raised. “You know exactly what I mean, B. Put the adoption papers away.”

“Hn.”

—

After that, it sorta becomes a game. The rogues of Gotham are no longer after a Wayne, or after anybody who holds any kind of social status like usual. They’re all going after this one kid, all determined to be the one to hold him. And each one is televised. 

Mr. Freeze freezes him in a block of ice, but due to the cameras glitching out, nobody can really see how he got free. They do, however, see the kid suplex Mr. Freeze. It should seem impossible, given his lanky figure, but he evidently has more muscle than he’s originally let on. 

Two-Face gets a hold of him, using chains and some power-dampening cuffs just on the off-chance that he’s a meta. They all watch as the kid leans down, pulls a bobby pin out of his hair, and picks the locks on his cuffs. One punch, and Two-Face is down. 

Gothamites are going wild for the kid. They’ve dubbed him Feral McGee™ (an online poll, of course), because every time he goes in for the punch he gets this feral look in his eyes. Also, just the fact that he casually goes up to these rogues and takes them out with all the casualness of doing something incredibly mundane? Incredible. The Gothamites are eating it up. However, despite the video evidence, nobody has been able to properly identify the kid. They know he has black hair and bright eyes, but any time he gets near a camera, it’s like there’s this weird, sort of warped quality the camera takes on. It doesn’t usually calm down until the fight is done-as one sided as they usually are-before he awkwardly skedaddles away.  

He gets kidnapped by the Penguin, Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy (though that was more just a friendly chat than anything), Mad Hatter, and the Riddler again. 

And then the Joker escapes. 

It’s no surprise as to who he’s going to go after. 

Due to one too many careless goons, they manage to find their way to the Joker’s hideout pretty quickly. This time, it’s all Bats on deck, and they all hide away in the rafters as Feral McGee™ is hung over a vat of acid. His whole body is tied up, hardly a single inch of exposed skin to be seen except for the neck up. 

They watch the goons, they watch the Joker, and they watch Feral McGee™. 

The Joker is monologuing, practically begging the bats to come find him before the timer runs out. When it does, the kid gets dumped into the vat of acid. 

Despite these stakes, the kid seems to be only mildly annoyed. 

“Fuck this, I have homework I still need to finish,” they hear him say. 

They all watch, amazed and confused, as the kid starts gnawing through the ropes. Human teeth shouldn’t be able to do that so easily, but one bit after the other, and soon enough the kid’s got himself freed enough to just climb up the rest of the rope. When he’s at the top of the crane holding him up, Batman lets down a rope and pulls the kid up and out of danger. 

“Oh, cool, you’re all here,” the kid says casually, as if meeting the entire Bat Clan is just a normal Tuesday. And then he pulls out a notepad and pen and hands it to Red Hood. 

“Can I get an autograph? You’re dope as fuck, dude.”

Red Hood has to look away and hide his face in his arms for a few moments to not give away their location with his laughter before signing. And then, one by one, the others do as well. They pass along the kid’s notebook with shit-eating grins and barely contained snickers despite the fact that the Joker is still right below them. Even Batman signs it, after his children don’t stop hounding him about it. 

In their distraction, they didn’t see the kid sneak away. He’s far away from them now, nearly right over the Joker. Danny waits, though, until the Joker has turned around as the timer almost runs out. They watch as he snickers at Joker’s flabbergasted look. The Joker comically looks back and forth and under objects the kid obviously isn’t under. However, before he can do or say anything else, the kid drops from the rafters and right on top of the Joker. He crumples to the ground, unconscious. The kid, however, just brushes the dust off of himself. Despite the fall he took, there isn’t a scratch on him. 

When the bats join him, they give his notepad back to him, barely able to contain their laughter at the absurdity of it all. The kid, too, joins in the camaraderie, laughing and joking along with them as Batman secures the Joker. 

“Okay, okay, but I gotta ask, dude,” Red Hood says at one point, looking at the kid. “How do you keep getting kidnapped?”

The kid just shrugs. “I get distracted easily. And I’m sleep deprived, so you know. Social awareness is kind of at an all time low right now.”

“Why are you sleep deprived?” Nightwing asks, barely hidden concern in his voice. 

 “Finals are kinda kicking my ass right now. Especially this dumb English homework I have. You guys wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you?”

“Oh, lucky for you,” Red Hood says, wrapping an arm around the kid’s shoulders as he walks them out of the warehouse, “I happen to know a lot about English. So, it is Shakespeare?”

“Yeah, Midsummer Night’s Dream.”

As they walk off, Batman calmly watches, though the rest of the bats can see his jaw twitching. Nightwing comes up behind him, clapping a hand on his shoulder. 

“If you don’t adopt him, I will.”

“Hn.”

Jason, showing up in Gotham a month later, ecto-smoothie in hand and Danny clinging on his back: 'Sup.

Batfam: Uh, watcha got there?

Jason: A new little brother. Congrats, B. You're a father. Again.

Johnny hits Jason with his bike ("we were supposed to go through him babe!" "But we didnt!") which knocks Jason unconscious. Kitty sees he's a ghost and is like "its a baby!" gif and refuses to leave him there.

Jason wakes up to the weirdest coddling experience of his (after)life. After many many tries he cannot successfully escape the growing group of concerned ghosts who are doing the coddling

Two days later Batman issues a search for his missing son, becoming more and more distressed when the batfam finds no leads

I just found your "Whos Old Now" fic and I A) AM IN LOVE and B) CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT THE ANGST POTENTIAL 😭😭😭 Im just imagining the justice league + Danny getting into some big boss battle and Billy getting injured but the entire league trying to stop Danny from going in after him because No One Wants To Explain To Captain Marvel Why His Kid Is Hurt™ and Danny having to fight them all off and simultaneously explain that "I'm not his kid, he's mine"

I'm glad you're enjoying it! And yes, there is a lot of angst potential. It's a fine balance between fluff and angst, and I hope I'm getting that right so far. And absolutely nothing would stop Danny from getting to his kid if Billy needed help. Probably wouldn't even explain it to the League, he'd just go. What are they gonna do about his intangibility? Nothing that will stop him from getting to his kid, that's what.

Jason: *Gets tapped on the ankle by someone underneath the gala finger food table*

Jason: *Assumes it's one of his siblings, ducks underneath the table*

Jason:... Can I help you, kid?

Danny: No, but I can help you. My parents are gonna attack this gala, more specifically you, in like, five minutes? And I'd really rather nobody get shot, so you might wanna leave in the next few minutes.

Jason: That... makes sense. Thanks?

Danny: You're welcome.

Jason:... Wait, how'd you get in here-?

I have seen the idea that the Fentons would assume that Batman and/or Red Hood are ghosts, and yeah those are fun AU ideas, but I have a different one: they believe that Jason Todd is a ghost.

So Jason legally comes back from the dead and joins the family again, except the Fentons see this on the news and are convinced that once they get rid of the ghost masquerading as Bruce Wayne's dead son he will be so thankful that he will financially back their inventions.

So they attack some events and become Gotham's newest rogues. They keep losing and getting arrested but are repeatedly released because technically attacking a ghost is legal. The bats are super not thrilled to learn that people like Jason legally have no rights???

The worst part is because they are targeting Jason, not Hood, he can't even properly defend himself without messing up his secret identity. He just has to let these "scientists" shoot at him and constantly be "rescued" by the bats.

Jazz and Danny are just trying (and failing) to avoid the bats attention while attempting to save poor "civilian" Jason from their parents.

v.2

(Just gonna put this here, hope you don't mind the addition)

The next human Danny comes across is an old man in the kitchen. He had scurried away from the random office or whatever it was when he heard the whirring of an elevator (enhanced hearing for the win. Except for when it was overwhelming) and had followed the next source of noise. The old man seemed to be cooking dinner or a late night meal depending on whatever time it was. Danny was currently just a Little Guy, he really couldn't care less after having his nap.

The old man looked down at him. He looked up. They maintained eye contact. The old man raised an eyebrow. Danny flicked his tail. The other eyebrow rose up to join the first. "I see Master Damian has a new... companion," the, apparently British, man said. He also didn't get called a pet, good. He may just be a little guy who enjoys cardboard boxes and avoids higher thinking skills, but he wasn't a pet. "And when's the last time you've been fed, little one?"

Fed? Food? Danny wagged his little tail and gave his cutest expression. Widen the eyes, furrow his little brows just so, "Mrrp?" He asked, trying to convey his utter starvation and how he was just a little guy, had never ever been fed, he mostly ceartinly didn't eat before starting his vacation. British Guy simply nodded and turned to whatever heavenly smelling thing he had in his pot.

Danny pawed at British Guy. He wanted some! British Guy gave him another raised eyebrow. "I may be unfamiliar with your species, but the general rule is no hot chocolate before allergies are ascertained,"

Danny whined pathetically. He was just a little guy! And if it wasn't for him, then who was it for?

Traffic light kid, out of his traffic light uniform, came skidding into the kitchen.

"Pennyworth! Have you seen-" Green eyes locked onto him. "You!" Yes, him, who still wasn't being fed! The rest of the family(?) chose to burst in at that moment. Danny wanted a vacation, not whatever this is!

Danny had been planning this vacation for months, and Ancients did he plan to make the most of it. His friends and parents all agreed to keep Amity safe while he’s gone for the summer, and he had Clockwork to tell him when it was time to portal back home. As he floated towards a natural portal in the ghost zone (because it’s far more fun when the destination is a surprise), he began shifting his form. He had been dealing with so much both as a human and as a ghost. School, fights, teen drama, hunters— but not this summer! This summer, it’s going to be different! He won’t have to worry about human or ghost problems, because this summer, he’s not going to be either! He’s going to be…

A Little Creature™️.

He doesn’t use his “compact” form very often, since it dampens his powers and takes away his ability to talk. But, on this vacation, he won’t need his powers. He can just wander around an unknown dimension, steal some food, sleep in a cardboard box. If he actually needs to be human for something, he can switch back no problem. But honestly? It’s fun being a little guy, even if being a little guy does make him kinda stupid. (He got stuck in a cardboard tube the first time he went into his little form. He was stuck for half an hour. Didn’t even think to phase out of it. As soon as he was pulled out of the tube, he went right back in and got stuck again). Plus, he can stay in this form for an incredibly long time— he doesn’t even switch back when he’s hurt! (Which no, it was not fun to learn that, but good to know)

Shifting into his compact form, Danny slips through the portal and finds himself wading through a big pool of stuff that seems like ectoplasm, but slightly to the left. Like yeah, it’s technically ectoplasm, the same way a carton of milk set out in the sun for three days is technically milk. Not fun to play in, horrible to eat.

As Danny pulls himself out of the gross, bubbling “ectoplasm” pool, shaking himself off, he sees some sort of big fight going down. Bunch of people with swords, some big guy dressed as a bat, some kid dressed as a traffic light. He considers stepping in for a moment, but… no. This is his vacation. Not his dimension, not his problem. Just be a Little Creature™️. He sees a bat-shaped piece of metal at his feet. He knows exactly what a Little Creature™️ would do in this scenario.

He hits it.

Then he hits it again.

Then he hits it again, and again, and again and again and again and he grabs it and bites it and rolls around with it and tail slaps it and bites it and bites it and bites it and bites it and then he almost gets stepped on.

Danny looks up from his toy to see the kid dressed as a traffic light staring down at him. The kid tries to grab the toy away from Danny only to be met by the fierce batting of his little paws. The kid moves his hand close a couple more times, and each time he’s fought off valiantly by Danny’s little paw smacks. He’s not sure why the kid looks like he’s smiling when he’s so clearly losing this battle. The kid gets distracted by the guy in the bat costume calling out to him, and Danny takes this opportunity to continue biting the bat toy, rolling with it and biting it and batting it and biting it and why is he being carried away by the kid.

Danny looks around and sees that the kid is carrying him into a big plane being piloted by the guy in the bat suit. Then he’s shoved under the kid’s cape, and he doesn’t really see too much for a few minutes. He chirps at the kid, and is met with a soft yet quick “shhh!” He waits until he can feel the plane they’re in take off to peek out of the cape and look out the window.

He can see the large pool— though it’s more of a pit, now that he sees the whole thing— that he arrived through, as well as a bunch of people running away from it. Not sure why though, it’s just a bubbling—

Ah.

It blew up.

… Danny hides a bit further in the cape, clutching his bat toy a little tighter. He wound up in a very comfortable position, which made him just… a little sleepy…

Danny woke up wrapped in the cape, held by the kid, surrounded by a shocking number of people all yelling something about a “tiny pet pit demon.”

I love that identity reveals between Jim Gordon and Bruce in fic almost always go the same way. Bruce goes "How did you know? Was it my acting?" and nine times out of ten Jim says something along the lines of "No, your acting was phenomenal. You gave yourself away by caring too much, Mr. Wayne."

Because the billionaire playboy cover was perfect and damn near airtight until one Bruce Wayne leapt in front of someone else during a holdup at a gala and "accidentally" got shot. No self-involved airhead with that much money riding on his life would ever -- ever -- let himself think of someone else in that moment.

And for Danny he could be

1: Suspiciously eyeing Jason. Why is this ghost/halfa/liminal dating his teacher? Is it a plot to get to him? Spectra tried being an employee, maybe the new plan to get close and hurt people is to date an employee. Well not on his watch! This 'Jason' guy is going to be so closely watched, Danny will learn his every secret. Every. Single. One. No one hurts his class + teacher!

2: Mr. Lancer is dating a ghost/liminal/halfa? Mr. Lancer protects them all from the anti-ecto acts? Does that mean Mr. Lancer and Jason could accept him? Jason just pulled a gun on a GIW agent. Yeah, could you sign right here? No, this isn't an adoption form, what are you talking about.

Either Jason coaxes Danny in like a feral cat, or Danny 'Batman Adoption Bait' Fenton is doing his level best to get adopted, despite Jason's confusion (and deep desire to never let his siblings know).

Short DPXDC Prompts #744

Jason doesn’t want to bring Lancer anywhere near his nightlife and Lancer is perfectly fine with that. Lancer manages to convince Jason into some martial arts and combat training to defend his students if need be. It’s pretty concerning how often he has to use said training.

The same thing happened to me when I saw it a few years ago. There was this little girl in front of me, who went 'no!' and was crying.

Got to see Hadestown for the first time ever today (and it was amazing oh my god I had no idea what I was missing) and I'd just like to give a shout out to the poor soul in the audience who had clearly never heard the myth of Orpheus before, because when Orpheus turned around at the end the audience was dead silent except for this one very audible gasp of "no!" from somewhere in the crowd. And after Euridyce was gone and Orpheus dropped to his knees in grief, all anybody --cast, audience, the uncaring gods, etc -- could hear was muffled weeping from the same person

Some of the batfamily misconstrues Damian's intention. Taking him to a home cooked meal? Going on a walk together in the expansive flower garden? Geez Dami, generally first dates aren't in your own home, but good first try!

Danny is going to Gotham high which yay for him!

Problem? Right now he's in the office because he may have punched someone while defending damian and now everyone is waiting for his guardian

But clockwork can't come (humans perceive him a bit...well he just can't) and jazz has an important exam

So who's next in line?

Fright Knight! (Okay, technically he's not the Guardian OF Danny but more guarding Danny but details details)

So Fright Knight appears in all of his villain-esque glory and foaming sword

And everyone kinda freaks out because?? Danny, is your guardian a villain? What do you mean 'depends'?? What does the shrugging mean?? No we can't go back to the punch thing-