Ok, But My Favorite Wednesday Headcanon Is Autistic Aroace Wednesday, And It Has Nothing To Do With The

"why are people who do cool things always so weird"

i have a startling truth to keep from you... about the relationship between cool and weird

When you figure out a plot twist before it happens

i was walking to class and turned a corner and stopped in my tracks because there was a dachshund and i did not know how to respond

German Christmas Gothic -make it TV

Messages from the otherside 🌱

Things that make me (autistic and goth) a vampire:

Sun? No, thank you. Instant kill.

Counting everything. Please don't throw rice at me.

Invite me directly. "You're always invited". No, I have to stand at your door and you have to say "Come in", else I can't physically enter.

Did someone eat garlic like 5 days ago? I can tell.

You don't want to be informed for three hours about the different sounds bats make?

Black cloths. Everything else is too overstimulating.

Very formal and rigid way of speaking and behaving, almost like a dark lord in 1894.

"I've recently started this hobby... wait, this was a decade ago?"

I wish octopus could learn how to read. They could be pen pals with middle schoolers.

As a kid, I wasn't taught any concept that there's a difference between wanting to do something, and enjoying it. I was a largely unsupervised kid with undiagnosed ADHD and parents who expected their kids to just raise themselves on their own. So when I was capable of spending hours drawing or reading a fun book, but couldn't even remember that I had homework, ever, I was told that I simply didn't want to do well in school. And who was I to question that, I'm eight years old.

Enjoyment and passion were the only forms of motivation I knew, and if I couldn't make myself either love doing boring math homework as much as I loved my hobbies, or force myself to push through things I hated with sheer willpower alone because I want to succeed so bad, then clearly I was simply not as good as all the other kids, who could do that. And that attitude carried onto adulthood. Every time I struggled to muster genuine love and passion into something, I thought that I just don't want it badly enough. Not to enough to love it, or to suffer through it.

Being medicated for the first time was a game changer. Like holy shit, so this is your brain on dopamine. And suddenly I wanted to do things, turned my life around, took up the passion career I had never dared to try. And when the first "honeymoon phase" of the meds wore down, the same fear came back - I don't like this anymore, do I not want it bad enough? What else could I possibly want?

And I shit you not I was literally 30 years old when I understood that life isn't just either loving every minute of pursuing a passion that you love, or joylessly dragging yourself through things that you don't even want to do. I can just tell myself "just because I don't like doing this doesn't mean I don't want to be doing it." It's not a mark of failure, weakness or lack of motivation, if sometimes the career you want to be doing just feels like having a job.