20 | She/Her | Psych major | Star gazer | Astro enthusiast | Culinary explorer
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Latest Posts by lunarlullabyy - Page 2
What’s a piece of media (book, movie, song, etc.) that completely changed your perspective on life? How did it impact you?
Mind Programming
Beyond mind programming there’s nothing but space. Why this is difficult to see is because life isn’t about what you think it is. In fact life is everything you think it isn’t, but it’s not seen because of trying to figure it out with a programmed mind… Round and round the mind goes and where it stops nobody knows; this is a perfect example of the mind programming in place for most people. One…
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some fucking resources for all ur writing fuckin needs
body language masterlist
a translator that doesn’t eat ass like google translate does
a reverse dictionary for when ur brain freezes
550 words to say instead of fuckin said
638 character traits for when ur brain freezes again
some more body language help
𝐂𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐨𝐧 - 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐦𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐞 ❃°•
Masterlist - YouTube (subliminals)
Chiron in astrology represents the deepest wounds we carry, often rooted in past experiences or emotional traumas. These wounds are not merely physical but are connected to our sense of identity, self-worth, and ability to heal. Chiron shows us where we feel the most vulnerable and where we often face repeated challenges. However, these wounds are also the key to our greatest healing and transformation. By confronting and working through the pain associated with Chiron, we can access profound wisdom and inner strength. The journey with Chiron is not just about healing ourselves but also about learning how to use that healing to help others. As we move through the discomfort and pain, we discover that what once wounded us can become the very thing that empowers us, leading to greater compassion, self-awareness, and personal growth.
𝐀𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐂𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐨𝐧
Chiron in Aries highlights wounds related to self-identity, personal courage, and asserting oneself. Individuals with this placement often face challenges around self-confidence, experiencing self-doubt or fearing failure. You may believe you don’t deserve recognition or find it difficult to take initiative and assert your individuality, which creates a deep-seated wound around personal power and self-assurance. Healing occurs by embracing your inherent worth and developing the confidence to lead, assert yourself, and go after what you desire. It involves learning to take bold actions without fear of rejection and affirming your right to be seen, heard, and appreciated.
Through the Houses
1st House:Wound: You may struggle with asserting your identity and feel uneasy taking the lead, often worrying about how others view you. Healing: Embrace your uniqueness and express yourself boldly without seeking approval. Healing comes from owning your presence and taking initiative with confidence.
2nd House:Wound: The wound is linked to self-worth and value, creating insecurities about your ability to provide for yourself or assert your values. Healing: Recognize your worth beyond material wealth or external validation. Build confidence in your personal values and take charge of creating your own sense of security.
3rd House:Wound: You might doubt your communication abilities, feeling insecure about expressing your ideas or asserting your opinions. Healing: Practice speaking up and trust in your intellect. Healing comes from expressing your thoughts with confidence, knowing that your voice matters.
4th House:Wound: You may struggle with feeling emotionally secure or connected to your family, leading to discomfort when asserting yourself in your home environment. Healing: Create emotional stability by affirming your right to feel supported and safe. Healing comes from standing up for your needs within your family and fostering your own sense of belonging.
5th House:Wound: You might fear expressing your creativity or worry about rejection in your love life or when showcasing your talents. Healing: Allow yourself to embrace creativity without fearing judgment. Take risks in love and self-expression, knowing your talents are valid and worthy of appreciation.
6th House:Wound: You may feel undervalued in your work or struggle to assert your needs in daily routines, leading to feelings of inadequacy or being overwhelmed. Healing: Stand up for your worth in the workplace and assert boundaries in your daily life. Healing comes from taking control and recognizing the value you bring to your work and routine.
7th House:Wound: You may hesitate to assert your needs in relationships, fearing rejection or conflict, which can lead to suppressing your desires. Healing: Learn to assert yourself in partnerships without fear. Healing comes from valuing your individuality within relationships and establishing healthy boundaries based on mutual respect.
8th House:Wound: You might fear vulnerability and struggle to assert control over shared resources, intimacy, or emotional depth, leading to feelings of powerlessness. Healing: Embrace vulnerability as a strength and assert your right to equal power in shared situations. Healing comes from allowing deep emotional connections and standing confidently in joint endeavors.
9th House:Wound: You may feel insecure about asserting your philosophical or spiritual beliefs, fearing judgment or alienation. Healing: Stand firm in your beliefs and pursue your vision of the world with confidence. Healing comes from embracing your own truth and expanding your horizons without fear.
10th House:Wound: You might feel insecure about asserting yourself in your career or public life, fearing failure or judgment in professional aspirations. Healing: Take bold steps in your career, knowing that success comes from embracing responsibility and asserting your talents. Healing comes from trusting your ability to thrive in public roles.
11th House:Wound: You may feel out of place in group settings, struggling to assert your individuality in social circles or communities. Healing: Embrace your unique contributions and take leadership roles within groups confidently. Healing comes from finding your place in social settings without conforming to others' expectations.
12th House:Wound: This wound relates to unconscious fears, making it difficult to assert yourself in spiritual or solitary pursuits, or creating a fear of being overlooked. Healing: Embrace solitude and your spiritual journey, learning to assert your inner strength without relying on external validation. Healing comes from recognizing your deep inner power and connection to the universe.
𝐓𝐚𝐮𝐫𝐮𝐬 𝐂𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐨𝐧
Chiron in Taurus highlights wounds around self-worth, stability, and security, especially in the material and physical realms. Individuals with this placement may struggle with feeling valued or secure, often fearing scarcity or instability in their lives. You may find it difficult to feel satisfied with what you have or struggle with body image and physical comfort, leading to feelings of inadequacy. Healing for Chiron in Taurus comes from building a sense of self-worth that doesn’t rely on external validation or material possessions. It’s about cultivating inner security, learning to enjoy life’s pleasures without guilt, and trusting that your needs will be met. Developing a deeper connection to your self-worth is key to this healing journey.
Through the Houses
1st House:Wound: You may struggle with insecurity about your physical appearance or self-worth, fearing that you aren’t enough or aren’t desirable. Healing: Focus on building a healthy relationship with your body and appearance. Healing comes from self-acceptance and developing confidence that transcends the physical.
2nd House:Wound: The wound centers around financial insecurity and feeling like you never have enough. You may fear scarcity or place your self-worth on material possessions. Healing: Cultivate a sense of value that goes beyond material things. Healing comes from building inner security and trusting that you can meet your needs without relying on external measures of success.
3rd House:Wound: You may feel inadequate when communicating your values or ideas, struggling with expressing yourself or doubting the importance of your voice. Healing: Healing comes from learning to communicate with confidence and trusting that your thoughts and opinions are valuable, even if they differ from others’.
4th House:Wound: Your wound may revolve around emotional or material instability in your home life. You may feel ungrounded or disconnected from your family environment. Healing: Create emotional security within yourself and build a space, physical or emotional, where you feel safe and nurtured. Healing comes from finding a sense of stability and comfort in your personal environment.
5th House:Wound: You may fear expressing your creativity or feel undeserving of life’s pleasures, struggling with self-doubt in creative or romantic pursuits. Healing: Embrace your creative and romantic sides without needing external validation. Allow yourself to experience joy and pleasure freely, knowing that your expressions are worthy and valuable.
6th House:Wound: You may feel undervalued in your work or struggle with health and body image issues, leading to feelings of inadequacy in your daily routines. Healing: Focus on creating a balanced routine that nurtures both your mind and body. Healing comes from recognizing the value of your work and caring for your physical and mental well-being.
7th House:Wound: The wound centers around relationships, particularly feeling valued by partners. You may struggle with self-worth in partnerships, fearing rejection or inadequacy. Healing: Build a sense of self-worth that isn’t dependent on a partner’s validation. Healing comes from setting healthy boundaries and fostering relationships that are based on mutual respect and value.
8th House:Wound: You may fear vulnerability or struggle with issues of trust in intimacy and shared resources, feeling a need to maintain control. Healing: Embrace vulnerability as a strength and trust in your ability to navigate intimate connections. Healing comes from building trust in shared resources and learning to let go of the need for control in emotionally charged situations.
9th House:Wound: You may feel insecure about your beliefs or struggle to find a sense of meaning or purpose in life, fearing judgment or rejection for your philosophical views. Healing: Embrace your unique perspective and trust in your personal journey. Healing comes from exploring new ideas and trusting that your beliefs and worldview are valuable.
10th House:Wound: You may feel insecure about your career, public image, or professional success, worrying about being undervalued or judged by society. Healing: Define success on your own terms and focus on building a career that aligns with your true values, not just societal expectations. Healing comes from trusting in your long-term achievements and feeling proud of the path you choose.
11th House:Wound: You may feel like an outsider in social groups or fear that you don’t contribute enough to society or group efforts, leading to feelings of disconnection. Healing: Find communities that resonate with your values and contribute meaningfully to collective goals. Healing comes from trusting that your unique qualities are valuable and that you have a meaningful role in group settings.
12th House:Wound: This wound is tied to feelings of isolation or spiritual disconnection, possibly manifesting as fear of losing touch with reality or struggling to trust life’s flow. Healing: Embrace solitude as a path to self-awareness and inner peace. Healing comes from developing spiritual practices that help you feel connected to the universe and trusting in the natural flow of life.
𝐆𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐢 𝐂𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐨𝐧
Chiron in Gemini highlights wounds around communication, intellect, and self-expression. Individuals with this placement may struggle with feeling misunderstood or doubt their ability to communicate effectively. You may have experienced criticism or rejection when sharing your ideas, leading to insecurities about your intelligence and your capacity to connect with others through words. Healing involves embracing your unique voice and trusting your ability to communicate meaningfully. It’s essential to express yourself without fearing judgment and to recognize the inherent value of your ideas and words. Building confidence in your intellect and trusting that your voice matters are critical to the healing process.
Through the Houses
1st House:Wound: You may struggle with expressing your identity, feeling misunderstood or overlooked when trying to communicate who you are. Healing: Embrace your personal voice and assert your identity with confidence. Healing comes from expressing yourself without fear of being judged or misunderstood.
2nd House:Wound: The wound revolves around expressing your values and self-worth. You may feel insecure about your ability to communicate what you believe is valuable, both within yourself and materially. Healing: Build confidence in your values and express them clearly. Trust that your voice is essential in matters of worth, and that your contributions are meaningful.
3rd House:Wound: This wound directly affects communication. You may feel anxious about speaking up or fear that your ideas aren’t worthy of attention or respect. Healing: Trust your intellect and embrace your ability to communicate effectively. Practice speaking with confidence, knowing that your thoughts and ideas are valuable and deserving of attention.
4th House:Wound: You may have faced challenges communicating within your family, leading to feelings of isolation or not being heard in your home environment. Healing: Focus on improving communication in your family and creating emotional security. Healing comes from establishing an open, honest dialogue where you feel safe expressing yourself.
5th House:Wound: You may feel insecure about expressing your creativity or worry that your talents won’t be appreciated or recognized. Healing: Embrace your creative voice and allow yourself to share your passions without fear of judgment. Healing comes from realizing that your self-expression is valid and valuable, regardless of external validation.
6th House:Wound: This wound may manifest in the workplace or daily routines, where you feel misunderstood or underappreciated for your efforts or ideas. Healing: Improve communication in your work life by asserting yourself more confidently in daily interactions. Healing comes from expressing your needs and ideas with clarity, especially in service roles.
7th House:Wound: You may struggle with communication in partnerships, fearing that your thoughts and feelings are not heard or valued by your partner. Healing: Work on expressing yourself openly in relationships. Healing comes from building trust in your ability to communicate effectively and being confident that your voice is valued in partnerships.
8th House:Wound: You may find it challenging to communicate about deep emotional issues, fearing vulnerability or that your emotions won’t be understood. Healing: Learn to express your deeper feelings and fears openly. Healing comes from trusting that vulnerability in communication can strengthen intimacy and foster transformation in relationships.
9th House:Wound: You may feel insecure about sharing your beliefs or ideas, fearing they will be misunderstood or dismissed. Healing: Embrace your intellectual and spiritual voice, and trust that your beliefs are valid. Healing comes from confidently sharing your worldview and exploring new perspectives with an open heart.
10th House:Wound: You may feel insecure about communicating your career goals or expressing yourself in professional settings, fearing judgment or failure. Healing: Work on clearly expressing your ambitions in your career. Healing comes from building confidence in your professional voice and trusting that your ideas hold value in your field.
11th House:Wound: You may feel like an outsider in group settings, fearing that your ideas are not accepted or that you can’t express yourself freely within social circles. Healing: Find communities that resonate with your interests and values. Healing comes from trusting that your voice contributes meaningfully to the collective and that your unique perspective enhances the group.
12th House:Wound: You may feel silenced or invisible, especially in spiritual or unconscious realms, fearing that your deeper thoughts or insights will be dismissed. Healing: Embrace spiritual practices that allow for self-expression and inner reflection. Healing comes from trusting your intuition and sharing your spiritual insights with confidence, even if it means expressing yourself in solitude.
𝐂𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫 𝐂𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐨𝐧
Chiron in Cancer signifies wounds related to emotional security, family, nurturing, and belonging. Those with this placement may feel emotionally vulnerable, struggle with feelings of abandonment, or wrestle with a deep sense of being unloved or unsupported. These wounds can lead to difficulties in expressing or receiving emotional care, forming close relationships, and feeling at home within themselves or their family structures. Healing begins by developing emotional resilience and creating a strong inner sense of security. Embracing your sensitivity as a strength and learning to nurture yourself are crucial steps. Building emotional foundations that aren’t reliant on external validation and setting healthy boundaries within family or relationships will allow you to receive love and care without guilt.
Through the Houses
1st House:Wound: You may feel insecure about your emotional sensitivity and how others perceive you, fearing rejection for your vulnerability. Healing: Embrace your emotional depth as part of your identity. Healing comes from accepting your sensitivity as a guiding strength rather than something to hide.
2nd House:Wound: The wound relates to insecurity around emotional and financial stability, often tied to feelings of unworthiness or a lack of nurturing. Healing: Develop a sense of self-worth that is not dependent on material security. Healing comes from trusting in your ability to provide emotional and financial support for yourself.
3rd House:Wound: You may feel insecure about sharing your emotions or experience misunderstandings in family communication. Healing: Practice expressing your feelings openly and trust your voice. Healing comes from learning to communicate your emotional needs confidently and feeling heard.
4th House:Wound: The wound is deeply connected to family and home life, often manifesting as feelings of abandonment or emotional neglect. Healing: Create your own sense of emotional security by nurturing yourself. Building a home environment that supports your emotional well-being is key to healing.
5th House:Wound: You may fear rejection in love and romance or struggle with expressing your emotions creatively. Healing: Allow yourself to express emotions in creative endeavors and personal relationships. Healing comes from embracing vulnerability and being open to love without the fear of rejection.
6th House:Wound: You might feel emotionally drained by work or daily routines, often feeling unappreciated for your emotional contributions. Healing: Set boundaries and prioritize self-care in your daily life. Healing comes from recognizing and honoring your emotional needs in both work and routine.
7th House:Wound: The wound revolves around close relationships, where you may feel emotionally insecure or fear abandonment. Healing: Build healthy emotional boundaries in partnerships and practice emotional openness without fear. Healing comes from trusting that emotional reciprocity is possible within relationships.
8th House:Wound: You may fear emotional intimacy or have trust issues in deep relationships, leading to difficulties in bonding emotionally with others. Healing: Embrace vulnerability and trust your ability to navigate deep emotional connections. Healing comes from allowing others to share your emotional world and fostering trust.
9th House:Wound: Emotional insecurity may arise around your beliefs or spiritual path, making you feel disconnected from a larger sense of belonging. Healing: Embrace your unique emotional and spiritual journey. Healing comes from trusting in your emotional wisdom and allowing your beliefs to guide you with confidence.
10th House:Wound: You may feel insecure about your public image or career, struggling to balance emotional needs with professional success. Healing: Integrate emotional care into your public and professional life. Healing comes from acknowledging your emotional needs while pursuing your ambitions and career goals.
11th House:Wound: You may feel emotionally disconnected or unsupported in social circles or larger community groups. Healing: Seek out or create communities where you feel emotionally safe and valued. Healing comes from embracing your emotional uniqueness and finding your place within a collective.
12th House:Wound: You may feel emotionally isolated or overwhelmed by unconscious fears, struggling to find inner peace. Healing: Embrace solitude as a source of emotional strength and develop spiritual practices that nurture your emotional world. Healing comes from finding peace within and trusting your connection to the greater whole.
𝐋𝐞𝐨 𝐂𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐨𝐧
Chiron in Leo represents wounds around self-expression, creativity, and the need to be seen and appreciated for who you truly are. Individuals with this placement may feel inadequate or unworthy of recognition and validation, often struggling with fears of rejection, criticism, or failure when expressing creativity or stepping into leadership roles. These wounds can manifest as insecurity about personal talents, a fear of being overlooked, or hesitance to take the spotlight. Healing involves embracing your inner light and expressing yourself authentically, without relying on external validation. It’s essential to build self-confidence in your creative abilities, talents, and leadership potential. Taking risks in self-expression, creativity, and personal leadership without fearing rejection is key. Recognizing your inherent worth and cultivating joy in your unique contributions will help heal wounds of feeling unseen or unworthy.
Through the Houses
1st House:Wound: You may feel insecure about your identity and how others perceive your self-expression, leading to a fear of standing out. Healing: Embrace your individuality and confidently take charge of your life. Healing comes from shining without needing others’ approval.
2nd House:Wound: You may struggle with self-worth, feeling as though your talents or creative abilities are undervalued or unrecognized. Healing: Develop a sense of inner worth that doesn’t depend on external praise. Healing comes from appreciating the intrinsic value of your creative talents and personal resources.
3rd House:Wound: You may feel insecure about expressing your ideas or creativity in everyday conversations and interactions. Healing: Trust in your voice and communicate your thoughts with confidence. Healing comes from recognizing that your ideas are valuable and deserve to be shared.
4th House:Wound: Emotional insecurity in the home or family may have left you feeling overlooked or unappreciated as a child. Healing: Create a nurturing environment where your personal expression is valued. Healing comes from embracing your creativity within your family and home life.
5th House:Wound: You may struggle to express your creativity, talents, or passions, fearing rejection or failure in artistic or romantic endeavors. Healing: Take creative and emotional risks without worrying about judgment. Healing comes from finding joy in self-expression and pursuing your passions with confidence.
6th House:Wound: You may feel unappreciated in your work or daily routines, especially when it comes to your creative contributions. Healing: Integrate creativity into your everyday life and work. Healing comes from recognizing and valuing your unique talents and contributions in your daily routine and workplace.
7th House:Wound: You may feel unrecognized or overshadowed in relationships, fearing that your individuality gets lost in partnerships. Healing: Assert your creative self in relationships and allow your individuality to shine. Healing comes from balancing personal expression with meaningful connections.
8th House:Wound: You may fear vulnerability in intimate relationships, especially when it comes to expressing your deepest creative desires or talents. Healing: Embrace vulnerability in emotional and creative connections. Healing comes from trusting in your creativity’s transformative power for both yourself and others.
9th House:Wound: You may feel insecure about expressing your beliefs, worldview, or creative philosophies, fearing judgment or dismissal. Healing: Stand confidently in your personal beliefs and express your creative visions without fear. Healing comes from embracing and sharing your unique perspective with others.
10th House:Wound: You may feel insecure about expressing yourself in your career or public life, fearing that your creative talents will not be acknowledged. Healing: Boldly express your creative self in your professional life and public roles. Success comes from owning your leadership and talents in your career.
11th House:Wound: You may feel like you don’t belong or that your creative contributions are undervalued within group settings or communities. Healing: Embrace your unique contributions in social and collective settings. Healing comes from finding a place where your creativity is appreciated and valued.
12th House:Wound: You may feel disconnected from your creativity or have unconscious fears of being unrecognized, leading you to hide your talents. Healing: Embrace your creative power, allowing it to flow through private or spiritual practices. Healing comes from trusting that your talents are valuable, even if not always visible to others.
𝐕𝐢𝐫𝐠𝐨 𝐂𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐨𝐧
Chiron in Virgo is associated with wounds surrounding perfectionism, service, and health. Those with this placement often feel a deep sense of inadequacy, coupled with the pressure to meet impossibly high standards. There’s frequently a fear of not being good enough or failing in their duties—whether in work, health, or service to others. These wounds manifest as self-criticism, fear of mistakes, and a belief that they need to "fix" themselves or others to be worthy. Healing comes from accepting your imperfections and recognizing that your worth isn’t defined by your ability to serve or be perfect. Developing self-compassion and embracing the idea of “good enough” are key. It’s important to release the need to control or fix everything and to find balance between work, self-care, and emotional well-being. Accepting that healing involves both yourself and others is essential.
Through the Houses
1st House:Wound: You may feel insecure about your self-image or how you present yourself, often obsessing over perceived flaws. Healing: Heal by accepting yourself fully, flaws included. Self-compassion and embracing your worth beyond appearances will quiet your inner critic.
2nd House:Wound: You may struggle with self-worth, tying your value to how useful or productive you are, often feeling you're not "enough." Healing: Build self-worth that isn’t tied to achievements or material success. Healing comes from recognizing your inherent value beyond what you produce.
3rd House:Wound: You may feel inadequate in communication, fearing that your thoughts aren’t good enough or that you’re not smart enough. Healing: Trust in your intellect and embrace the learning process. Healing comes from letting go of the need to be perfect in communication and focusing on expressing yourself authentically.
4th House:Wound: You may have felt unappreciated or inadequate within your family or home, often believing your efforts were unnoticed. Healing: Focus on creating a home environment that doesn’t demand perfection. Healing comes from accepting and being at peace with the imperfections of family life and emotional connections.
5th House:Wound: You may feel insecure about your creativity or find it hard to enjoy life’s pleasures, fearing you're not good enough creatively or romantically. Healing: Embrace your creative and playful side without the need for perfection. Healing comes from allowing yourself to express and enjoy without judgment or the pressure to be flawless.
6th House:Wound: You may feel inadequate in your work or health routines, constantly feeling like you’re not doing enough. Healing: Healing comes from embracing balance in your work and health. Learn that your best is enough, and overworking or overthinking won’t bring you the peace you seek.
7th House:Wound: You may feel inadequate in relationships, constantly worrying about not being the perfect partner or feeling like you have to fix your partner. Healing: Accept imperfection in both yourself and your partner. Healing comes from appreciating relationships for what they are, without trying to perfect or control them.
8th House:Wound: You may fear vulnerability in intimacy, worrying that you are flawed in deep emotional or sexual connections. Healing: Embrace vulnerability and trust that true intimacy involves imperfection. Healing comes from accepting your deeper self as enough without the need to hide or fix anything.
9th House:Wound: You may feel inadequate in your beliefs or philosophical views, constantly doubting if your ideas are good enough. Healing: Embrace curiosity and lifelong learning without needing all the answers. Healing comes from letting go of the need for perfection in your pursuit of knowledge.
10th House:Wound: You may feel insecure about your career, fearing that your efforts are never enough or that you’ll fail in the eyes of society. Healing: Accept your career path as a journey, not a reflection of your worth. Healing comes from doing your best without striving for unattainable perfection and trusting in your abilities.
11th House:Wound: You may feel out of place in social or group settings, believing you don’t fit in or that your contributions aren’t valuable. Healing: Embrace your unique contributions to groups and trust that your imperfections are what make you valuable. Healing comes from finding comfort in your own authenticity within a community.
12th House:Wound: You may feel inadequate in your spiritual life, fearing that you’ll never reach the “perfect” state of enlightenment or spiritual fulfillment. Healing: Embrace your spiritual journey as an evolving process, not a race to perfection. Healing comes from trusting that your spiritual path, with all its imperfections, is part of a greater whole.
𝐋𝐢𝐛𝐫𝐚 𝐂𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐨𝐧
Chiron in Libra brings wounds around relationships, balance, and fairness. People with this placement may struggle with feelings of inadequacy in partnerships, fearing rejection or conflict. There is often a deep wound tied to the need for harmony, where individuals feel responsible for maintaining peace but have difficulty asserting their own needs. This can lead to challenges in balancing self-care with care for others, as well as a fear of abandonment or being unloved if they don't keep the peace. Healing requires establishing healthy boundaries and learning to assert yourself in relationships without the fear of rejection or conflict. It's essential to recognize that maintaining harmony doesn’t mean sacrificing your own needs. Cultivating self-love and understanding that you deserve fairness and balance in relationships is key to healing codependency, insecurity, and the fear of conflict.
Through the Houses
1st House:Wound: You may feel insecure about how you are perceived in relationships, often feeling like you need to change yourself to be loved or accepted. Healing: Embrace your individuality and learn to assert your needs without fear. Healing comes from balancing your own desires with the needs of others, without losing yourself.
2nd House:Wound: You may struggle with self-worth, feeling that your value in relationships depends on how much others appreciate you. Healing: Build a sense of self-worth that doesn’t rely on external approval. Healing comes from recognizing your intrinsic value and knowing you don’t need others to validate it.
3rd House:Wound: You may feel insecure about sharing your thoughts or opinions in relationships, fearing disagreement or conflict. Healing: Learn to communicate your ideas confidently, even if it leads to disagreement. Healing comes from trusting that your voice matters and contributes to healthy relationships.
4th House:Wound: The wound may arise from instability or imbalance in your family life, where relationships may have lacked harmony or emotional security. Healing: Focus on creating emotional security within your home. Healing comes from finding balance in family dynamics and asserting your emotional needs without fear.
5th House:Wound: You may struggle with expressing your creativity or romance, often fearing rejection or imbalance in your love life. Healing: Embrace your creative self-expression and love without striving for perfection. Healing comes from trusting that passion and balance can coexist in romantic relationships.
6th House:Wound: The wound may manifest in your work relationships or daily routines, where you feel pressured to keep the peace at the expense of your own well-being. Healing: Set healthy boundaries in your work life and daily routines. Healing comes from recognizing that you don’t have to overextend yourself to be valued.
7th House:Wound: You may fear abandonment or conflict in close partnerships, often suppressing your own needs to maintain harmony. Healing: Learn to assert your needs in relationships without fearing the loss of connection. Healing comes from creating partnerships that respect both your needs and the other person’s.
8th House:Wound: You may fear emotional or financial vulnerability, feeling the need to control situations to avoid conflict or loss in relationships. Healing: Embrace vulnerability and learn to share emotional and material resources in a balanced way. Healing comes from trusting that mutual respect can foster deep emotional bonds.
9th House:Wound: You may feel insecure about expressing your beliefs or ideals in relationships, fearing judgment or rejection. Healing: Stand firm in your beliefs while being open to others’ perspectives. Healing comes from recognizing that differing viewpoints can exist harmoniously within relationships.
10th House:Wound: You may feel insecure about asserting yourself in your public life or career, fearing that doing so could disrupt professional relationships. Healing: Learn to assert your needs and ambitions in your career without fearing conflict. Healing comes from trusting that you can achieve success without sacrificing harmony in professional relationships.
11th House:Wound: You may feel disconnected or unappreciated in social groups or communities, often feeling pressure to conform to be accepted. Healing: Embrace your unique contributions within group settings. Healing comes from trusting that you can maintain your individuality while being a valued part of a balanced community.
12th House:Wound: You may feel isolated or disconnected in relationships, often struggling with unconscious fears of abandonment or a lack of balance in spiritual connections. Healing: Develop a deep connection with yourself and your spiritual side. Healing comes from trusting the natural flow of relationships and allowing emotional and spiritual connections to form without fear of loss.
𝐒𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐩𝐢𝐨 𝐂𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐨𝐧
Chiron in Scorpio signifies deep emotional wounds connected to power, control, intimacy, and transformation. Those with this placement often experience fears surrounding vulnerability, trust, and the potential for betrayal or abandonment. There can be an overwhelming desire to maintain control in relationships or life situations, leading to difficulty in allowing emotional intimacy or surrendering to change. These wounds may manifest as challenges in trusting others, resistance to transformation, and an intense fear of losing emotional or material power. Healing begins by embracing vulnerability and recognizing that true power stems from within, not from controlling external situations or people. Trusting in the process of transformation and letting go of the need for constant control is essential. Healing also involves forming deep emotional connections without fearing betrayal or loss, and understanding that emotional intimacy is a strength rather than a weakness.
Through the Houses
1st House:Wound: You may feel insecure about your personal power or worry about how others perceive your intensity, fearing rejection if you reveal your true self. Healing: Embrace your emotional depth and intensity as assets. Healing comes from trusting that you can be vulnerable and authentic without losing control or being rejected.
2nd House:Wound: Insecurity around material resources or fear of losing control over personal security may dominate, causing anxiety about stability. Healing: Develop inner security that isn’t dependent on external resources. Healing comes from trusting your ability to rebuild and regenerate, even after loss or financial setbacks.
3rd House:Wound: You may feel uncomfortable expressing your deeper emotions or thoughts, fearing that others will misunderstand or judge you. Healing: Learn to communicate your emotional truths confidently. Healing comes from trusting in the power of your words and allowing yourself to be vulnerable in your communication with others.
4th House:Wound: Deep emotional pain or issues of control may have been present in your family or home life, leading to feelings of betrayal or insecurity. Healing: Create a safe emotional space within your home and family. Healing comes from letting go of the need to control family dynamics and trusting in the power of emotional vulnerability.
5th House:Wound: You may struggle with expressing your creative passions or fears of rejection in romance, hesitating to open up or be vulnerable. Healing: Allow yourself to take risks in both creativity and love. Healing comes from embracing your passions without fear of betrayal, knowing that your self-expression is powerful and transformative.
6th House:Wound: Feelings of inadequacy may arise in your work or health, with fears of losing control over your body or daily routines. Healing: Trust in your body’s natural ability to heal and regenerate. Healing comes from finding balance in your routines and letting go of perfectionism or the need to control every detail in your work.
7th House:Wound: You may fear emotional vulnerability in close partnerships, feeling a need to maintain control to prevent betrayal or abandonment. Healing: Healing comes from trusting the emotional depth of your partnerships. Allow yourself to be vulnerable, understanding that true intimacy requires letting go of control.
8th House:Wound: Fear of losing control in matters of intimacy, shared resources, or personal transformation can lead to issues with trust and power dynamics. Healing: Embrace vulnerability and trust in the power of shared emotional and material resources. Healing comes from allowing deep emotional connections without fearing betrayal or loss.
9th House:Wound: You may feel insecure about exploring deeper philosophical or spiritual truths, fearing judgment or losing control over your belief systems. Healing: Trust in the transformative power of your spiritual and philosophical journey. Healing comes from embracing change and allowing your beliefs to evolve as you grow.
10th House:Wound: Fear of losing control or being betrayed in your career or public life may lead to challenges with trust and power dynamics in professional settings. Healing: Learn to trust in your resilience and ability to rise, even after career setbacks. Healing comes from embracing vulnerability in your professional life and using it to fuel growth.
11th House:Wound: You may feel powerless or betrayed in group settings, social circles, or communities, leading to fears of rejection or manipulation. Healing: Embrace your role and power in group dynamics. Healing comes from trusting that you can contribute meaningfully to the collective and allowing yourself to be vulnerable in friendships and social connections.
12th House:Wound: Fears of losing control to unconscious emotions, spiritual crises, or the unknown may leave you feeling powerless or overwhelmed. Healing: Embrace the transformative power of the subconscious and trust in the spiritual journey. Healing comes from surrendering control and allowing the natural flow of emotional and spiritual growth to guide you.
𝐒𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐮𝐬 𝐂𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐨𝐧
Chiron in Sagittarius represents wounds tied to beliefs, freedom, and the search for truth. Individuals with this placement may struggle with feelings of inadequacy in their understanding of life’s purpose, personal freedom, and their own philosophical or spiritual beliefs. They may fear not having the "right" answers or feel limited in their ability to live authentically. These wounds can manifest as insecurity about one’s worldview, fear of being judged for one’s beliefs, or difficulty in feeling free to explore new ideas and experiences. Healing comes from embracing your personal truth and realizing that there is no singular path to wisdom or freedom. Trusting your own spiritual or philosophical journey, rather than seeking external validation, is essential. You heal by accepting that life’s meaning is subjective, embracing diverse perspectives, and allowing yourself the freedom to explore without fear of judgment or failure.
Through the Houses
1st House:Wound: You may feel insecure about your identity, especially when expressing your beliefs or personal truth, fearing that others will judge or reject you. Healing: Embrace your unique perspective and trust in your personal truth. Healing comes from confidently expressing your authentic self without seeking external validation.
2nd House:Wound: Insecurity may revolve around personal values or the fear of not being "enough" in terms of what you believe or possess. Healing: Develop a sense of inner worth that isn’t tied to material success or societal approval. Healing comes from trusting your personal values and believing in your inner abundance.
3rd House:Wound: You may feel insecure about communicating your beliefs or ideas, fearing they are not valid or worthy of being heard. Healing: Trust in your intellect and share your ideas openly. Healing comes from learning to communicate your beliefs with confidence and embracing the value of your thoughts.
4th House:Wound: You may feel disconnected from your family’s belief systems or struggle to find your place within your home’s philosophical or cultural framework. Healing: Create your own sense of spiritual or philosophical belonging. Healing comes from building a home environment that reflects your truth and supports emotional security.
5th House:Wound: You may fear expressing your beliefs or philosophies through creative endeavors, worrying about being judged for your passions. Healing: Allow yourself to express your beliefs through creativity without fear of rejection. Healing comes from embracing the joy of exploring your passions and trusting that your unique perspective can inspire others.
6th House:Wound: You may feel restricted in your work or daily routines, believing they limit your ability to explore new ideas or personal freedom. Healing: Integrate your need for freedom into your daily life and work. Healing comes from balancing routine with exploration and finding growth and learning opportunities in everyday tasks.
7th House:Wound: In relationships, you may feel insecure about your beliefs or philosophical outlook, fearing they will not be accepted by your partner. Healing: Embrace your personal truth in relationships. Healing comes from trusting that you can find partners who honor your beliefs while respecting theirs, allowing room for mutual growth.
8th House:Wound: You may fear sharing your deeper spiritual or philosophical beliefs in intimate relationships, worrying about betrayal or judgment. Healing: Healing comes from trusting in the transformative power of shared beliefs. Embrace vulnerability in your intimate connections, allowing for deep emotional and spiritual bonding.
9th House:Wound: You may feel insecure about your philosophical, spiritual, or religious beliefs, worrying that your worldview is flawed or that you don’t have the "right" answers. Healing: Embrace the diversity of belief systems and trust your spiritual journey. Healing comes from allowing yourself the freedom to explore new philosophies and accepting that wisdom is an evolving process.
10th House:Wound: You may feel insecure about expressing your beliefs or philosophy in your career or public life, fearing that others will judge your values. Healing: Boldly embrace your beliefs in your professional life. Healing comes from trusting that your worldview can guide your career and shape your public success.
11th House:Wound: You may feel disconnected from social groups or communities because of differences in beliefs or a sense of not fitting in. Healing: Find or create communities that resonate with your philosophical or spiritual ideals. Healing comes from trusting that your unique perspective can contribute meaningfully to the collective.
12th House:Wound: You may experience existential crises or feel disconnected from your spiritual path, fearing that you will never find true meaning or wisdom. Healing: Embrace the mysteries of life and trust your spiritual journey, even when it’s unclear. Healing comes from allowing yourself to explore the unknown with faith in the process.
𝐂𝐚𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐧 𝐂𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐨𝐧
Chiron in Capricorn represents wounds related to authority, responsibility, success, and structure. Individuals with this placement may struggle with feelings of inadequacy in their ability to meet responsibilities or achieve goals. There may be a fear of failure, judgment from society, or not being able to live up to high standards. These wounds can manifest as an overwhelming pressure to succeed, insecurity in leadership roles, or difficulty balancing personal ambitions with emotional needs. Healing comes from redefining success on your own terms and releasing the need for external validation. Learning to balance personal and professional life, and understanding that your worth isn’t tied to achievements or societal approval, is crucial. Developing a sense of inner authority and trusting your ability to take responsibility without self-criticism will help heal wounds related to control, status, and success.
Through the Houses
1st House:Wound: You may feel insecure about how others perceive your competence or authority, often fearing that you won’t be respected. Healing: Embrace your unique leadership style and trust that you don’t need to be perfect to command respect. Healing comes from knowing that your presence is enough to be seen as an authority.
2nd House:Wound: You may feel insecure about material security or fear that you aren’t seen as stable or successful enough by others. Healing: Build inner security by trusting in your ability to create abundance without needing to prove your worth through material achievements. Healing comes from valuing yourself beyond external measures of success.
3rd House:Wound: You may struggle with feeling inadequate in communicating your ideas or feel judged for how you express yourself in intellectual or social situations. Healing: Trust in your voice and wisdom, knowing that success doesn’t require perfection. Healing comes from embracing communication without fear of judgment and recognizing your ideas as valuable.
4th House:Wound: Feelings of inadequacy in your home life or family dynamics may lead to a fear of emotional or material instability. Healing: Focus on creating emotional and material stability for yourself. Healing comes from trusting that you can build a nurturing home environment without the need for perfection or control.
5th House:Wound: You may fear that your creative talents or passions won’t lead to recognition or success, causing you to hold back. Healing: Allow yourself to express your creativity without needing external validation. Healing comes from recognizing that your passions and creativity are valuable, even if they don’t conform to traditional ideas of success.
6th House:Wound: You may feel overwhelmed by responsibilities in your work or daily routines, fearing that you’re not managing them well enough. Healing: Healing comes from finding balance between work and self-care. Trust that you can handle your responsibilities without overburdening yourself, and recognize that success includes taking care of your well-being.
7th House:Wound: Insecurity in relationships may lead you to fear failure in partnerships or feel that you can’t maintain balanced, successful relationships. Healing: Heal by accepting that relationships don’t need to be perfect to succeed. Trust that balance in partnerships comes from emotional harmony and understanding, not control.
8th House:Wound: You may fear losing control in intimate relationships or shared resources, leading to insecurity in trusting others deeply. Healing: Embrace the power of vulnerability in relationships. Healing comes from trusting that you can navigate shared emotional and material responsibilities without fear of betrayal or loss of control.
9th House:Wound: You may feel insecure about your beliefs or spiritual journey, fearing that you’re not on the “right” path to success or enlightenment. Healing: Trust in your unique spiritual or philosophical journey. Healing comes from embracing your personal path, even if it doesn’t align with societal or traditional expectations.
10th House:Wound: You may feel insecure about your career or public image, fearing that you’ll never achieve the success or respect you desire. Healing: Define success on your own terms and trust in the value of your efforts. Healing comes from allowing yourself to take on leadership roles without fear of failure or judgment.
11th House:Wound: You may feel like an outsider in social or group settings, fearing that you won’t find success or acceptance in communities or networks. Healing: Trust in your ability to contribute to social groups. Healing comes from finding communities that appreciate your unique talents and collaborating without striving for perfection.
12th House:Wound: You may feel disconnected from your spiritual or inner life, fearing that you’ll never find peace or success in these realms. Healing: Surrender to the natural flow of life and trust in your spiritual journey. Healing comes from letting go of control and embracing the process of spiritual and emotional growth.
𝐀𝐪𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐮𝐬 𝐂𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐨𝐧
Chiron in Aquarius represents wounds around individuality, community, and belonging. People with this placement often struggle with feeling different or out of place within groups, social circles, or society as a whole. There is a deep fear of rejection or alienation, rooted in feeling misunderstood or not fitting in. These wounds can lead to insecurity about expressing one’s uniqueness or ideas, feeling disconnected from social groups, or fearing judgment for having unconventional beliefs or behaviors. Healing comes from embracing your individuality and recognizing that your uniqueness is a source of strength. Trust that you can contribute meaningfully to communities and social groups without needing to conform. By valuing your vision and understanding that being different is not a flaw but a gift, you begin to heal. Finding or creating spaces where your ideas and values are appreciated, and where you can connect with like-minded people, is also essential.
Through the Houses
1st House:Wound: You may feel insecure about how you present yourself to the world, fearing that your individuality will lead to rejection or alienation. Healing: Embrace your uniqueness and trust that it is a gift. Healing comes from confidently showing the world your true self without seeking approval from others.
2nd House:Wound: You may struggle with feelings of inadequacy related to self-worth, particularly around your unconventional values or unique way of thinking. Healing: Develop a sense of self-worth that isn’t tied to societal expectations or material success. Healing comes from trusting in the value of your perspective and ideas.
3rd House:Wound: You may feel insecure about expressing unconventional ideas or fear that your thoughts will be misunderstood or dismissed. Healing: Embrace your unique intellect and communicate your ideas freely. Healing comes from trusting that your thoughts can inspire others and are valuable.
4th House:Wound: Feelings of being different or disconnected from your family or home environment may have left you feeling like you didn’t belong. Healing: Create your own sense of belonging and build a home that reflects your individuality. Healing comes from forming an emotional foundation where you feel supported and accepted.
5th House:Wound: You may struggle with expressing your creative or romantic side, fearing rejection for your unconventional approach to love or self-expression. Healing: Allow yourself to express creativity and passion without fear of judgment. Healing comes from trusting that your unique expressions of love and creativity are valuable and worthy of acceptance.
6th House:Wound: You may feel out of place in work or daily routines, struggling to fit into conventional environments or feeling that your individuality is not appreciated. Healing: Create work environments and routines that honor your individuality. Healing comes from recognizing that your unconventional approach can bring innovation and value to any work setting.
7th House:Wound: You may feel insecure about your ability to maintain balanced relationships, fearing that your individuality may be too much for others. Healing: Embrace your uniqueness in relationships and trust that you can find partners who honor and appreciate your individuality. Healing comes from building relationships where both partners’ uniqueness is celebrated.
8th House:Wound: You may fear vulnerability or intimacy, especially when it comes to sharing your unconventional ideas or emotions. Healing: Embrace the power of vulnerability in emotional and intellectual connections. Healing comes from trusting that meaningful relationships can be built on sharing your true self, even when it feels unconventional.
9th House:Wound: You may feel insecure about your beliefs or ideals, particularly if they are unconventional or differ from mainstream views. Healing: Embrace your unique philosophical or spiritual journey. Healing comes from trusting that your beliefs, no matter how unconventional, are valid and can lead to personal growth.
10th House:Wound: You may feel insecure about your career or public image, fearing that your unconventional approach will not be accepted or respected by society. Healing: Embrace your originality in your professional life. Healing comes from trusting that your unique vision can lead to success and contribute something new and valuable to the world.
11th House:Wound: You may feel disconnected from social groups or communities, fearing that you don’t fit in or aren’t appreciated for your individuality. Healing: Find or create communities that appreciate your uniqueness. Healing comes from trusting that you can form meaningful connections with those who share your values and vision.
12th House:Wound: You may feel isolated or disconnected from the collective unconscious or spiritual realm, fearing that your unique spiritual insights are not valid or accepted. Healing: Trust in your intuitive and spiritual journey. Healing comes from exploring life’s mysteries with confidence, knowing that your unique insights can bring valuable wisdom to others.
𝐏𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐬 𝐂𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐨𝐧
Chiron in Pisces reflects deep wounds related to spirituality, compassion, and the connection to the collective unconscious. Individuals with this placement may feel a profound sense of spiritual or emotional disconnection, yearning for unity but struggling with feelings of isolation, confusion, or helplessness. They may also experience wounds surrounding sensitivity, compassion, and the ability to trust in the flow of life. These wounds often manifest as difficulty setting boundaries, fear of being overwhelmed by emotions, or feeling that they must always sacrifice themselves for others. Healing for Chiron in Pisces comes through embracing your spiritual path, learning to trust in the unseen, and developing healthy boundaries. Recognizing that your sensitivity and compassion are powerful strengths, not weaknesses, is vital. You must learn to accept that you don’t need to carry the burdens of the world. Healing involves surrendering to the flow of life while also prioritizing your emotional and spiritual needs, allowing for balance between self-care and compassion for others.
Through the Houses
1st House:Wound: You may feel insecure about your identity, overwhelmed by your sensitivity, and unsure of how to assert yourself in a world that feels overwhelming. Healing: Embrace your sensitivity as a unique gift and ground yourself in your spiritual identity. Healing comes from trusting your intuition and allowing your inner wisdom to guide you.
2nd House:Wound: You may feel that your worth is tied to your ability to sacrifice or serve others, often questioning your value. Healing: Develop a sense of inner worth that is not reliant on external validation or self-sacrifice. Healing comes from trusting in your inherent value and allowing yourself to receive as well as give.
3rd House:Wound: You may struggle to express your thoughts or spiritual insights, feeling misunderstood or unable to communicate your deeper emotions. Healing: Trust in your voice and allow yourself to share your compassionate and intuitive thoughts. Healing comes from learning to communicate your spiritual truth with clarity and confidence.
4th House:Wound: You may feel emotionally disconnected or unstable within your home or family life, often sacrificing your own needs for the sake of others. Healing: Create a foundation that nurtures your emotional and spiritual needs. Healing comes from finding inner peace and emotional security within yourself rather than relying on external sources.
5th House:Wound: You may feel overwhelmed by fear of rejection or inadequacy when it comes to expressing your creativity or romantic feelings. Healing: Allow yourself to express creativity and love without fear of judgment. Healing comes from trusting that your artistic and romantic expressions are valid and deserving of appreciation.
6th House:Wound: You may feel burdened by daily responsibilities or work, often sacrificing your well-being for the sake of others. Healing: Create balanced routines that nurture your emotional and spiritual renewal. Healing comes from learning to care for yourself while maintaining compassion and service for others, without overextending yourself.
7th House:Wound: You may feel insecure in relationships, often sacrificing your needs or boundaries to maintain peace and connection. Healing: Develop healthy boundaries in relationships and trust in your ability to maintain deep connections without losing yourself. Healing comes from allowing vulnerability without feeling the need for self-sacrifice.
8th House:Wound: You may fear deep emotional or spiritual vulnerability, worrying about betrayal, loss, or transformation. Healing: Embrace the transformative power of emotional and spiritual intimacy. Healing comes from trusting in the process of emotional depth and transformation, allowing vulnerability without fear of dissolution.
9th House:Wound: You may feel insecure about your spiritual or philosophical beliefs, fearing that your worldview is too unconventional or emotionally charged. Healing: Embrace your unique spiritual path and trust in your inner wisdom. Healing comes from allowing yourself the freedom to explore your beliefs without fear of being misunderstood.
10th House:Wound: You may feel insecure about your ability to succeed in your career, fearing that your spiritual or compassionate nature won’t be valued in professional settings. Healing: Trust in the value of your compassionate and intuitive gifts. Healing comes from integrating your spiritual self into your career and recognizing that sensitivity can lead to meaningful success.
11th House:Wound: You may feel disconnected from social groups or communities, fearing that your emotional sensitivity makes you too different to fit in. Healing: Find or create communities that honor your spiritual and emotional sensitivity. Healing comes from forming meaningful connections with like-minded individuals who appreciate your compassionate ideals.
12th House:Wound: You may feel overwhelmed by unconscious fears, spiritual disconnection, or existential confusion, struggling with feelings of isolation. Healing: Healing comes from surrendering to the flow of life and trusting in a deeper spiritual connection. Embrace spiritual practices that bring you peace and help you connect to the collective unconscious.
Masterlist - YouTube (subliminals)
One of the things I magically manifested in November 2019 was $300 with a citrine necklace I bought in Venice beach in LA
I was thoroughly looking through my belongings multiple times for something that was missing, and when I checked my purse later, I found $300 inside of it and didn’t go to work or receive money from anywhere
Citrine is connected to your solar plexus chakra which is connected in Sun in Vedic Astrology and Venice is connected to Venus
Sun rules my 11th house of financial gains and Venus rules my 8th house of sudden windfalls and both are placed in my 1st house in Libra
Buying this citrine necklace in Venice Beach unintentionally casted a spell and activated houses related to money
Not to mention I had a flight that week which activated my 11th lord Sun in Swati of Libra as Swati is connected to flying and aviation
November is also the 11th month of year when the 11th house activates
Mercury Nakshatras & Manipulation
Manipulation (n) 1. “to manage or utilize skillfully.”
Mercury represents skill, precision, accuracy and overall the ability to craft one thing into another.
In Tarot, the Magician card is closely tied to the planet Mercury. Depicted on the card is a man fully supplied with the tools he needs to create infinitely.
Without Mercury, the material world would not exist as it does now. Mercury Nakshatra Natives often function as the “Magician” archetype becoming extremely skillful & successful at the material world.
ASHLESHA 🐍
These natives are skilled at manipulating the masses. Given the lunar rulership here, the Moon traditionally represents the mind and masses. It’s evident that the “hive mind” exists prominently in society, and Ashlesha natives often have a influential hand at crafting the current thoughts, ideas, trends and philosophies people follow or agree with in a mental sense. Often contributing to controlling the hive mind itself. They’re extremely persuasive and adept at verbal & non verbal communication. They can often persuade the masses to believe and listen to what they are saying, no matter what it is. Given the snake symbolism present in this Nakshatra, they tend to have hypnotic speech and articulation, usually entrancing people through communication. Their words tend to have an impact directly on other’s nervous system, which connects to the poison bite of a snake. They’re extremely skilled at psychology and prying into the minds of others. Due to this, they can manipulate even the strongest minds, hence why their intellectual influence is often seen in a global scale. It’s widely known they are skilled at manipulating the opposite sex through seduction as well. Mental strategy is one of these native’s greatest talents. Arguably one of the most popular books on mental strategy: “The 48 Laws Of Power” is written by an Ashlesha Moon native, Robert Greene. Many well known politicians, actors, speakers, authors have a primary Ashlesha placement. Since the Moon represents women, they often tend to be good at manipulating women or being influential in concepts and literature relating to women. These natives are often responsible for trendy lingo, popular terms, pop culture, and originating concepts people debate over on the internet daily. Without Ashlesha, the framework of modern media & pop culture probably wouldn’t exist as it does.
JYESTHA ☂️
Jyestha natives are skilled at manipulating the material world. They tend to be dominant, competitive and persistent. Although some natives keep these traits hidden, at their core they strive for achievement and success. They have a strong seed of desire planted within and are good at motivating themselves towards achievement. Paired with the Mars rulership of the sign Scorpio, there’s an evident ruthlessness they have with pursuing their goals. They use their sheer will power to create the reality they want for themselves, not stopping until they achieve it. They are usually seen at the top of their field or craft, dominating their competition. They’re also skilled at psychology, and can persuade and manipulate others through their words and actions. Additionally, with this Mars Rashi rulership, they’re skilled at manipulating their physical body and often excel at sports, pilates, yoga, breath work etc. They’re able to consistently push past their limit physically, mentally and psychologically. Someone known as “the greatest” in their field was NBA player, Michael Jordan, who has Jyestha Moon. We’ve also witnessed Jyestha Ascendant native, Kim Kardashian amass large wealth for herself due to her ability to manipulate her image and reputation, and consequently manipulate the masses through her impact in the media. These natives don’t quit until they win, and with the inherent dominance within them, they dominate their own weaknesses and turn them into strengths. They usually amass a lot of wealth for themselves due to their effort and insatiable appetite for success and victory. They manipulate they’re own skill set until produces results for them and in general know how to manipulate their surroundings to work in their favor.
REVATI 🥁
These natives are skilled at manipulating reality itself. If the concept of manifestation had a mascot, it would be Revati. These natives are inherently removed from reality energetically. They tend to be detached and unreachable, where they are able to see everything from an outsider’s perspective. They can often feel like aliens themselves. But it’s only from the outside perspective where we can create reality right in front of us. Being the last Nakshatra, they are adaptable and changeable to any surrounding. With the adept ability to be all things to all people. They see reality from a Birds Eye view, in a way that’s almost impossible to see without having this Nakshatra as a primary placement. Revati is the playful trickster that plays with reality for fun, testing limits and boundaries, toying with it all. To them everything in life is malleable, through this belief they do seemingly impossible things. But to the Revati native, they’re fully aware that anything is possible, and we have the power to create anything we put our minds to. Given the Jupiter rulership of the sign Pisces, these natives have a profound sense of faith and belief. Almost blindly so. But with faith being a key ingredient in the formula of manifestation, these natives use it to their advantage. Many manifestation coaches, spiritual guides, and authors/bloggers that talk about manifesting have prominent Revati in their chart. They generally have a powerful influence in spiritual and creative industries. Similar to Ashlesha, they help shape the trends of the collective consciousness.
📝In conclusion, Mercury is one of the most influential planets over the material world, and through these Nakshatras we can see Mercury’s influence manifest in various different ways. But the commonality is that these energies most prominently help to influence, shape, sculpt and manipulate reality as we know it now.
Do you ever wonder if the Idol you like is actually a misogynist because the sexism in Korea is so bad they now even have an anti-feminist president and every 1,8 days a woman dies through a sexual crime and korean women have literally formed a movement in which they boycott any kind of relationship with men regarding sex, dating, marriage and if southkorean men don't change the whole population is gonna be down by HALF by 2100 because women also refuse do procreate and have children and it's absolutely not possible that every member of every boygroup you like is unproblematic in this regard or are you ignorant?
here's an article going into detail of each color and other herbs, usages in Vedic Astrology:
𝐇𝐎𝐖 𝐓𝐎 𝐏𝐔𝐓 𝐀𝐍 𝐄𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐎 𝐉𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐔𝐒𝐘 𝐎𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐀𝐋𝐋.
"How nice is it to know that you are never ever in competition with anyone but yourself? No one could ever occupy the same space as you, emit the same energy as you, shine your exact life experience. I love knowing that the more truly me I become, the better everything becomes." - Dove Cameron
Introduction
This may be the first of a few posts related to rearranging your mindset specifically pertaining to confidence, so I won’t be covering everything in this one post about how to acquire absolute self love and whatnot. For now, we’ll just focus on jealousy and more specifically the feeling of inadequacy. Before we start, I’d like to quickly provide the definition of jealousy: Jealousy is the feeling of discontent due to the possessions, characteristics or merits of another. It comes from a place of lack because it is the understanding that you are missing something, which consequently harbors insecurity and self-doubt. I understand, it’s hard to be confident in oneself when you’re bombarded with milestone culture and beauty standards that constantly dictate what you should look like and what your life should be like; And when you’re constantly surrounded by people who embody those standards, it’s easy to believe that there’s something inherently wrong with you for not living up to them. I was once in that position, but I’ll touch on that later on. The first half will discuss changing the way you see others and the second will discuss changing how you see yourself (and my experience doing that). Without further ado, these are the mindset adjustments that I implemented into my life that helped me stop feeling inferior to anyone else.
No envy, just inspiration.
Instead of focusing on the fact that they are something you are not, start seeing people as motivation for what you aim to be. Other people are and should be seen as sources of inspiration because they are testaments to the reality of your aspirations. It doesn’t matter what the goal is, whether you want to be a top student or have your dream body, it is achievable and the decision to acquire it will always depend on you. Stop downplaying your capacity. If they can, why can’t you? What makes them more capable than you? The only difference between you and them is your mentality and the diligence to go after what you want.
People are only what we know about them.
It’s easy to be jealous of someone - such as an influencer, for example - when all you see from them is the good parts of their life. You may think to yourself that you’d give anything to switch lives with another when the truth is everyone always has something going on behind closed doors. You see people for everything you want to have, do and be but it’s also important to remember that we only see people for what they choose to share with the world.
Compare yourself to others… the right way
If you’re going to compare yourself to another person, do it in a way that puts you on the pedestal. Instead of dwelling on what somebody else has that you don’t, switch the narrative into thinking about what you have that others don’t. It’s so easy to make list of everything you wish you had, but have you ever stopped to consider what you have that they don’t? Maybe they have your dream body, but they don’t have a contagiously endearing smile like yours. You may not have a captivating relationship like they do, but you have a best friend who loves and supports you unconditionally. They’re gifted at math, but they’re not as skilled at drawing as you are. Maybe you don’t have any of the previously mentioned qualities, but there will always always be something about yourself worth appreciating that they do not have. You’re so fixated on what’s missing in your life that you tend to forget about what isn’t. Picking up this habit will take away the feeling of lack because you’re remembering all that is in your possession right now and not only will it take your mind off of that but it’ll also feel reassuring to know that you aren’t below somebody else after all. Instead of letting them be the standard, you become the standard, which brings me to my next point:
Live by your own standards
I cannot emphasize how important it is to set your own standards and live by them. Socially, you will be told that matters such as beauty and success look a certain way and any deviation from it is undesirable. Why should you live your life according to somebody else’s rules or standards? Your perception of what it means to be beautiful or successful will never be exactly the same as somebody else’s, so it’s nonsensical to force yourself into a mold that wasn’t made for you in the first place. Humanity is not a monolith. Success, fulfillment, happiness and beauty are all relative. What one person regards as success is failure to another, what someone considers to be the epitome of beauty might be completely unappealing to another. Do not allow another person to impose what their ideal definition of any of these concepts is unto you. Your perception is the only one that matters and you are the one who gets to dictate what the standard for yourself should be.
Your greatest competition and your worst enemy - yourself
This is the part where I talk about my experience with jealousy and feelings of inadequacy. I was once an incredibly anxious person who always felt like she was “behind” in comparison to everyone else. I would constantly compare my life to everyone else’s and feel guilty because I hadn’t accomplished as much as them. One day, I had the most enlightening epiphany: I realized that the only person who was imposing these expectations and pressure on myself was none other than my very self. Nobody in my life was telling me that I had to be doing this and that, it was always me who set that standard up because of what I heard elsewhere and as a result I was practically my own enemy. I never stopped to ask myself why that was a standard I chose to satisfy in the first place and because of that, I unintentionally created so much unnecessary stress for myself.
We constantly worry about what the correct way to live, be or do something is and what abiding by otherwise suggests about us but as it turns out, in the end it’s only you who will hold yourself to that. Other people are busy living in their own worlds, pursuing their goals, or even struggling mentally comparing themselves to the next person and we don’t even know it because we are too clouded by our own judgment to realize that. I was my own obstacle and my own bully. The only person who cared about what I was and wasn’t doing was myself and I wish I had realized this earlier because the moment I did I finally let go of that pressure. I learned that there is no correct way to succeed and as long as I was moving forward, the rate at which I progressed would never matter.
Sometimes you are your own worst enemy and you need to be the one to call yourself out for it. Entertaining imaginary one-sided competitions and enforcing baseless expectations will only impose frustration on yourself. If I could give my old self some words of advice, this is what I would say to her: Be more kind to yourself and make your life a little easier by not getting in your own way. You’re the one person who will always be by your side at any point in your life. Have your own back, be your biggest supporter and your own best friend. Appreciate yourself more and give yourself more credit for how far you’ve come. Take it one day at a time and trust yourself because success does not have a fixed trajectory.
Your new mentality
When I had my epiphany and chose to switch the comparison narrative around, I started to truly change how I saw myself and what my thoughts looked like in respects. In the present day, my mentality is that I live my life for myself only and I have zero interest in living up to anybody else’s standards and expectations but my own. I don’t care about what anyone else is doing because I am my biggest priority and my attention is exclusively directed towards my ambitions. Upon appropriating this mindset, I completely let go of that old version of me and never looked back. It’s been one of the best personal decisions I have ever made and I hope this encourages you to do the same out of love for yourself as well.
Take a deep breath and relax, this is your life. Only your goals and who you aspire to be matters. Stop living by others’ rules and start living by your own. Become so fixated on yourself that you can’t be bothered to care about what anybody else is doing or saying. Put yourself first and do whatever it takes to preserve your peace of mind. Stay away from people who actively make you feel inferior and delete social media if it’s distorting your expectations and standards. Whatever means are necessary but take yourself out of situations that make you feel less than others and start shifting your mindset into one that sees you as a winner.
Final words
Only you get to decide if you’ve had enough of feeling like you’re not enough. Implement and think about what I wrote in this post. Live by it until it feels so natural to you that the idea of being jealous of another feels unbelievably silly (because it is)! The longer you sustain this state of mind the sooner you’ll be at peace mentally. I leave you with a final reminder:
It is never too late to become the person you have always dreamt of being. Find inspiration in other people, establish your goals and do what it takes to achieve every single one of them. Do it for nobody else but you. Be so loyal to the dream version of you that it inevitably materializes before your eyes. You are infinitely greater than you think you are. The world is far too grand and your life is full of too much potential for you to allow yourself to be suppressed by the expectations of others and the fictional competition you have placed upon yourself with another. There is nothing in this world that you cannot have, do or be and the only person you should be competing with is yourself. Every day is a new opportunity to be better than who you were yesterday. You’re not running out of time because your path is your own. Nobody could ever come close to imitating the excellence that is you and nobody ever will, that will always be your greatest blessing and your greatest brag.
the male gaze distorts reality
started watching movies again (just don't like movies really) and one thing that surprised me was how the male gaze isn't just about staring at hot naked ladies, but how it distorts reality. the male gaze creates 'people' and 'situations' that simply don't exist.
the biggest example to me is the femme fatale. the devious woman using her sexuality as a weapon. whether the trope is a blonde bimbo bubblingly bouncing her boobs, or a sophisticated older brunette casually letting the strap fall off her shoulder and threatening to reveal her bust, they are different incarnations of the same concept. the women are knowingly using the sexual desire of men against them.
i watched a particularly egregious example where a group of women were sent to seduce a group of men, hanging off their shoulders, caressing their chests, with the promise of further sex if they came to another room. the true purpose was to humiliate them by getting them to disrobe in front of other people.
when i was a kid watching these scenes, i was convinced that this was a real thing women did - there were women out there who knowingly used their sexual appeal to get men to do things they otherwise wouldn't. it had to be such a recurrent trope for a reason, right? it even shows up in movies for children - remember the hot pink pegasus seducing hercules's pegasus?
but as an adult, i find myself confused watching these scenes. i've never seen anything like this happen. i've never met someone who says they do things like this. it's one thing to be flirty and dress in a sexually attractive way to get free drinks, but it's quite another to be so sexually forward to 'deceive' and 'trap' men. not to mention, it's... dangerous. if the man even believes he's being deceived, he can turn violent. it's a foolish move.
maybe the only real life example I can think of is honeypots. but honeypots are actual spies, trained by governments, and spies are selected to have less empathy than the average human being. do we really think that among untrained women there are so many seductresses with the skill of trained spies?
"what about sex workers/prostitutes?" while the honeypot spy is employed by a government agency, prostitutes are paid by the very people they are "seducing." prostitutes have to put on an act - they need to pretend to be the sexually active and perpetually horny woman men both want and fear. but most prostitutes are not like this; they are in it because they need money fast, not because they think fucking strange men for pay is a sexy and desirable career path (fun fact - read the diary of madam pompadour, the most famous courtesan and the embodiment of aristocratic seductress, and you will find she actually did not like having sex with the king and dreaded it. not even our real life courtesans can live up to our fantasies.)
the entire idea of a woman using her sexuality against men is simply a male fantasy - and the flipside is that it's a male anxiety, too.
men wish that women would approach them and find them desirable and initiate sexual intercourse with them, without the men having to do any of the work. there's nothing inherently wrong with fantasizing that a hot person finds you so special and hot that they want to have sex with you right away. men and women of all sexual orientations entertain these secret fantasies.
but then, there's the fear - "what if these hot women are actually only pretending to be interested in me, to get something from me? and i'm too horny to think straight and i actually give it to them?!" and that is the male anxiety, that for a moment, they actually end up losing the upper hand. despite the fact that such a situation is actually pretty rare in real life (I asked several male friends if they had personally or second-hand encountered such a situation in real life, and none could say they had), it is a common trope in fiction. it is especially lascivious in film, where the seduction before the fall can be portrayed in softcore porny ways.
"this is a foolish idea, everyone knows fiction and reality are separate." well, we know they are separate, but do you know which parts? if you don't already know the facts of the situation beforehand, how can you tell when fiction is lying to you and when it's drawing from reality? do you think the young, sexually inexperienced kids watching disney's hercules know that 'seductresses' aren't a common threat when we watch this scene? or will they learn and think "ok, a thing that happens in grownup life is that hot ladies seduce men, and you gotta watch out for them!" what basis does a child or even a teenager have to know this is false? especially when this is a common trope?
"women are sexually available and active - and deceitful" is a harmful trope. when you read about the ancient greeks stereotyping that women are lustful, they don't mean it in an "aww shucks, these girls just love having sex!" kinda way, they mean it in a "women are unfaithful and will use any means to get dick, including taking advantage of their hotness" way (this is why 'whore' is the ultimate insult for women). because if this trope were real, then it would be dangerous, wouldn't it? honeypot spies are dangerous for this reason. luckily for us, it is not real, but the male anxiety surrounding it continues. the male desire/anxiety around it informs porn tropes about 'punished sluts'. it informs incel tropes about the 'cock carousel'.
and this is what i mean when i say the male gaze distorts reality. it fabricates, out of whole cloth, a person that does not exist in any meaningful way - a woman who seduces men while demanding no emotional involvement, who is eager and willing at all times, who can turn the very desire for her existence against those men to get what she wants. she is not repulsed by or afraid of the men she pretends to be attracted to. before, we had to content ourselves with art and novels glorifying this false woman, but film allows her to exist in flesh and blood. cast a real woman, have her speak words and move her body in ways dictated by a man, and suddenly she appears much more real. grow up with enough of these, and even women writers can start to think these "seductresses" are real people. she can try to reclaim her and turn her into a badass boss babe, or she can condemn her as immoral and pathetic, but the deception is complete - the argument is no longer about whether this woman exists (she does not), but about whether she is justified in her ways. the female writer does not realize she was nursed on the male gaze for years, and it will take serious seeing with her own eyes to realize what is the real world and what is male fantasies and fears.
Master Of Self Realization - An Ultimate Understanding, Sri siddharameshwar maharaj, part 1 - ch. 9 (pg 126)
Self and non-self.
Anxiety accompanies desire. As long as the mind is full of desire, anxiety will be there. When desire ceases, anxiety is no more. While walking on the street many things are visible, yet we have no attachment to them. However, once the sense of “mine” is conceived, desire arises and one immediately becomes preoccupied with objects.
To feel that something is “mine” is itself bondage. What is truly ours in the physical body? For the body, the air that is inside goes out and the air outside comes in. What belongs to you in this process? In the area of about two feet around the body, there are continuous currents of air. One who can see minutely can be aware of this.
Many special days and festivals are coming and going, and you think that the things in the world are permanent and yours, but you do not see that you really exist prior to all of these objective things. When the perception of objects ends, the desire for the objects also ends, and it does not matter whether objects are existing or not. If you think that some little piece of earth is yours, you immediately become worldly. The mind when dwelling on the Self, is desireless, and when focusing on the physical body as “me” or “mine,” is full of desire.
Strange indeed, is this creation consisting of the five elements. The “One Being” that plays in all bodies is the “AllPervading Universal Self. Understand that “All is Brahman.” The example of the ring and the gold is commonly used. If you consider the ring as Gold, then only the Gold is seen as the substance, but if you look at it as a ring, it is considered as a separate object. Water is water, both in the ocean and the pitcher, but water in the pitcher is separate if you keep the pitcher separate, so do not keep it separate. Know that “All is Brahman.”
Consider all to be your friends, so that there is no duality or dislike in the mind. When you repeat the statement that “All is Brahman,” then why does your attitude not change accordingly? That is because your thinking is warped by the notions of virtue and vice, and you adopt a critical or dualistic attitude. One who pleases you is considered a good person, and the other you consider as bad. However, are there not many others who call that so-called “bad” person, as good? Moreover, to what extent are you yourself good? Are there not some people who take you to be a bad person? Even God is considered in terms of good or bad by many people.
The wise man says that since all are slaves of circumstances (living according to the destiny of the body), how can we differentiate between good and bad people. Circumstances have created the various castes such as carpenters and cobblers, etc. The labels of various occupations have made us think of people as separate. Otherwise, where is the distinction of castes, etc.? Nobody is bad or good. All bodies are subject to circumstances. The stages of childhood, youth, and old-age are there for everyone.
The young man will have not have a white moustache instead of a black one, while the old toothless man cannot gulp down morsels of hard food, etc. In short, do not ridicule others. All are subject to circumstances. One may keep long hair on the head, or wear a beard, it is all a matter of one’s preference. Why should you hate anyone because of such things? Consider the one who criticizes you, or blames you, as a kind person. Keep an open loving attitude towards those who give you a lot of trouble, and remain without enmity. Only then, will you be as Brahman.
Anxiety kills us very early. The one who worries dies with that worry, and hatred is a very heavy burden to bear. Vishwamitra, who was a bachelor and had done a great amount of spiritual practice, became ready even to murder when he went to kill the Sage Vasishtha out of envy and jealousy. It is said that the bag of saffron (a precious delicate tasting spice) become Asafoetida (a pungent spice with strong taste and odor), only because of being in its vicinity. When pride disappears, the thorn that irritates you drops away. Kill pride and then you will yourself become the “Divine Sage,” or “Brahmarishi.” Prostrate before him who hates you. If you decide that someone is bad, then you yourself become bad. One who has no enmity is himself Brahman. To quarrel indicates misunderstanding. The duality of differentiating between sense objects must end. Do not think in terms of hatred or enmity, or good and bad. It is only then that you become as Brahman. Have no enmity towards anyone.
The cost of betraying one's self
For the last three years, I've felt like I had to relearn who I was, relearn lessons that were imbued upon me from childhood (through self-reflection as an adult), I've had to relearn societal rules (through awkwardly fubbling through social interactions), and whether I even want to abide by these social rules or not. More and more, I start understanding my past self and accepting her after years of rejecting and being embarrassed of her, as I come back into myself. But I feel like I began navigating this rebirth in the wrong manner.
I approached it in a manner in which I believed there were objectively a right and wrong way of doing "life", in part due to having befriended certain people that thought that who I was, how I thought and how I sought to navigate the world were wrong because it did not make sense to them, but also by accepting and internalising their critiques instead of recognising them as very strong subjective opinions. While I could be very stubborn, I also had a porous mind. I feel like it is in my nature to be attracted to anyone who wants to bestow me with any new knowledge or different perspectives that I can mull over, being a mrigashira native. The only issue was that instead of giving me new perspectives, they belittled and ridiculed my thought processes. And I knew that they were opinions to begin with, but the more I recognised that the world around me agreed with them, the more I started to question whether how I perceived the world around me was "correct".
I watched a video by Claire Nakti that spoke about people copying you/stealing your destiny, and she gave an analogy that went along the lines of, "when you decide to take in information that someone else has discovered, instead of eating the fruits of knowledge that they consumed, you end up eating the excrement of the people who ate the fruit" (I said it in a far my crass manner but you get the gist of what I'm saying). Not only do you not take in the full knowledge or wisdom, but you will also often misinterpret what you are hearing and seeing, and subsequently impose these incorrectly understood lessons and ideas onto your life, and potentially others, because you have not made sense of these lessons from your own point of view, nor attained the wisdom, through experience, attached to these lessons. But not only that, you end up not living out your own destiny by attempting to steal another's. This is probably why incredibly wise people are usually portrayed as very old in media. Someone that has lived that long has had many many experiences but also the time to learn and wisen due to them.
I'm not going to speak on this too much because ultimately, you could always just go watch Claire's video for more information on Ketu and Rahu, and it's relation to making sense of the world with the knowledge you came into the world with, and also your own acquired wisdom that one gains as you navigate the world. Going back to my own personal story, I will not say whether my friends interpretations of the world were "correct" or "incorrect", or whether now that I'm in a different state of mind, I agree with them. What I will speak on is the danger of betraying oneself in the pursuit of really anything. For me, it was the pursuit of social acceptance and assimilation into spaces that may not have been for me and in spaces, that I myself may not have wanted to be in, if I were being honest with myself.
We all likely have friendships in which we have much in common with our friends, and also differ in many ways from. I've always wonder why I had friendship groups in which we differed in many ways, and this always fascinated me, and I could never make sense as to why our friendships worked. Maybe I enjoyed these friendships because they always had people with differing ideas to that of my own that made me really "think" and question my own view points, that's these friendships were stimulating, as I am a person that loves to question. My friendship with these two particular friends hinged on a shared love of similar music and interests as most friendships do but differed in how we perceived the world greatly. Instead of agreeing to disagree, my friends sought to change my perspective through belittling, triangulation, and bullying. I recognised that I wasn't happy in the friendship, but I stayed in that relationship, longer than I should have, due to fear of being alone. COVID came around, and I thought I would spend the year 2020 "fixing" myself, as many other people sought to do. I threw myself into a ton of psychology content so I could psycho-analyse myself and effectively learn where I needed to improve in myself and my approach to my interpersonal relationships. What made the whole process near impossible, is that I was dealing with a severe case of moral perfectionism, in which I thought that the times in my past in which I had caused harm to people, were like blemishes on my being that I could never get rid of, like they would haunt me for my entire life, and would never be able to separate myself from having been that person. You can't move on from past versions of yourself if you think you'll always be tethered to them. Also, trying to take in all this knowledge, that didn't resonate with me at the time, was also incredibly overwhelming, but also useless, and I could never incorporate what I learnt effectively into my life, because it did not come naturally to me. I honestly blame myself for having bought into the ideas surrounding cancel culture, because if you're not willing to forgive and allow someone to move on with their lives after having made past mistakes, how can you do that for yourself?
I also really got into astrology, so I could learn how to read my birth chart with the sole purpose of understanding what my flaws and shortcomings were in this lifetime so I could correct them. I had spent a great deal of my adolescence being bullied by age-mates and even past friends and I think these experiences also informed this idea that there had to be something fundamentally wrong with me to have experienced all of it, and that if I could dig into myself and expel it from my being, I could subsequently be treated better by the world.
Slight sedgeway from the video, but I want to say that once, I was speaking to my mom, and I asked her if I should change my approach on a specific situation I was experiencing, and she told me not to allow people to change who I am, meaning don't allow other people's behaviour towards you change who you are, and how you would react to a situation. By allowing someone to influence your behaviour, or "matching their energy", you're giving someone else power over yourself, and how you would actually react to a situation if you were being your authentic self, which could be a big price to pay for simply wanting to stroke your ego. Also, when you have to answer for your behaviour or words, you'd feel a lot more confident in your past actions by actually believing in what you've done and said, instead of it coming from a place of fear, in some cases, or ego.
So, getting back to trying "to fix" myself; in trying to do so, I think I experienced the actual death of my mind and soul. I should mention that I have always had a habit of ridding myself of the past to make way for who I want to be in the present (I'm not sure if this is due in part to my heavy pluto influence in my chart), example, I always liked getting rid of old art because I had discovered a different art style. And so my nature of always wanting to start completely anew or on a clean slate had ultimately bit me in the ass, because in my bid to "fix myself", I found that I had rid myself of everything about my being; my personality, my opinions, my temperaments, the things I cared about, the things that drive me.
I really didn't know who I was or what I believed in. I had no idea what kind of person I was even trying to work towards being because I sought to destroy the foundations, that I had taken years, leaving me with no real basis to start with but also leaving me an empty shell or husk.
I spent a year and a half in a state of derealisation and depersonalisation. I existed in a state of limbo. When you experience depersonalisation and derealisation, it's like being underwater. You can't process information as well. I honestly don't know how I got through my third year in that state. You're never really present, and even when you perceive things going on around you, you sense these things, but sometimes you don't really process them in your mind. It's like the saying, "going through one ear and out the other." I think it's relevant to mention that I had no hobbies and I found that I struggled listening to new music, in fact I found myself wanting to listen to music that my dad would play when we were children, almost as a form of comfort, but also (and this ties back to the whole premise of this post) as if I had regressed to being a child again. When I came out of that state, I found that I had to relearn a lot of things, that I most likely knew before but just couldn't remember, almost like I was starting over again, from the beginning.
And by the way, this is not a sob story. I knowingly betrayed myself by being in a relationship with people who I knew did not truly like or accept me for who I was but I unknowingly betrayed my soul by completely destroying the growth that I had made up until I would said my 19th year. And why I mentioned Claire Nakti's video earlier is because ultimately, what I would like you take away from this message, is that on the one side, there is a lot to learn from others, but in your pursuit of knowledge, make sure that even when you seek to learn from others, that their messages resonate with you, so as not to be led astray. Also, become comfortable with walking the path less travelled, especially when it resonates with you. I was so set on being accepted that I completely neglected the voice that told me that the ideas being imposed onto me didn't resonate with me, that I didn't actually like the people I desperately wanted to approve of me, that who they were was not who I wanted to be, nor wanted to be associated with anyway. Essentially, if you've ever been through what I've been through, my advice to all of us, actually really for anyone, is to worry less about whether you're getting it "right", and to worry more about whether it feels right to you.
Subsequently, making this discovery also made me wonder how I would raise my children, like would I act as a guide or assistant. Growing up, my parents furiously imposed their beliefs onto us as children, which I subsequently rejected, not only because it didn't make sense to me at the time, but also because I needed to gain my own understanding to really develop these beliefs for myself. And so the way I think I'll go about parenting my children, is to gently advice them, so they would be more accepting of the advice but also try to ensure that I'm giving them these lessons in a manner that they can understand and make sense of for themselves, and not be frustrated when they decide to make decisions that go against my advice because ultimately, people learn better from experience than being told what to do, especially children. Life isn't a test, it's an experience, you're allowed to fuck up, you're allowed to become a different person overnight, don't rush the process, because ultimately, the destination will be there when you finally get there.
It almost feels like I am having a similar experience to Bella Baxter from 'Poor Things', in the sense of discovering the world, one' s self, how the world reacts to me and how I subsequently react to the world, anew. The only difference being that I had a detailed understanding of my past self, that made my relearning of myself and the world staggered, as I desperately attempted to cling onto who I once was, once I realised that I had completely destroyed the version of myself that I loved and respected. In pursuit of social acceptance and really, self-acceptance, I had completely forgotten how much had gone into me being who I was and how hard I had worked to become that person. Bella Baxter had the advantage of not having any reference for who she was "meant" to be. The friends she met on the boat and in France liked her for her uniqueness. It makes me very cognisant of the saying, "When you attempt to be like someone else, you're robbing the world of yourself." It's very true. So, while I would never advocate for complete isolation, I would say, try to process things on your own, without outside opinions or potential influences.