Madibun-blog - My Dear ღ

Am I the only one who doesn’t improve because they refuse to try.

I always say “I don’t like deep breathing”. “It doesn’t work” I say. But I don’t even try.

“I don’t like meditating” I say, “it doesn’t work” i say. But I don’t even try.

“I can’t journal” I say, “it doesn’t help” I say. but I don’t even try.

Why? Because it can’t be that simple. If it’s that simple than I’m not as traumatized, or as damaged, or as far gone as I thought I was, and it almost feels like all of this was for nothing. I feel like I don’t have it bad enough and therefore I don’t deserve help, nor do I want it because of that.

It almost feels as if when I heal, all this suffering was for nothing, all this time struggling to get better was for nothing, all those panic attacks and dangerous driving and self harm, when it was always just…that simple.

So I don’t even try. Because if it works, it’s been too simple all along and I have suffered at my own expense for nothing.

all my thoughts are consumed by you, you rot my brain and i love it♡

I was so obsessed with you that I ignored your red flags to try and make things work. I warned you about my personality disorder and struggles and you took that as an excuse to make it seem like I was the only problem.

you told me you needed space. soon enough, you'll realize how much you need me, darling.

Darling isnt it wonderful that we have met each other?! Am I not what Youve always wanted?!! I will always care about You! Ill always love You!! Youre always my priority!! Cant You see Im perfect for You?! You dont want anybody else right?? You cant belong to anyone else!! Cant You see? Nobody will ever love You as much as I do! Im the one who gives You happiness am I not? Say it. Say Im the only one You want.

Youre aware its hard for me to function when Youre away.. Even breathing becomes a task,, I constantly fear that You might leave.. I dont want us to be apart,, ever. Sometimes I worry You dont understand how much I actually need You in my life.. Without You I wouldnt exist.. Please,, just love me like You havent loved anyone before.. I need to be important to You.. Im the only one who treats You well,, right? Am I a good boyfriend? Please say yes.. Please be mine forever..

I will make sure that Im the only one You have eyes for.

i wish so deeply for someone to love me. for once, someone to love me with my best interests in mind, the same way i have been selflessly loving others my whole life. love me like a person, not a concept. love me like a person, not a toy. love me like a person, not a distraction. love me like a person, not a buffer for the in-between. love me like i love them. with all their heart.