I May Have Some Ways Of Coping And Himiko Speaks To Me Somewhat Darker Than Usual

I'm rewatching Hannibal and an AU came to me… unexpectedly.

(Togachako) Hero x Serial killer!AU (feat. pro hero!Deku and Dynamight) ~☆

tw: bad English, lots of rambling, toxic relationship, we're not romanticizing tgck so proceed with caution (and after reading the disclaimer, please), any tw you can associate with Himiko Toga is here (nothing graphic though), overanalysing stuff, amateur psychology and all, dark content in general

Ochako has been unsure what she wants to do after finally starting her hero career, so she basically tries anything she can reach.

Working in the sea with Tsu, galas and interviews with Yaomomo, traveling with Deku (I feel he'd want to spend the rest of his power to see the world and his lots and lots of friends overseas). This time she finds herself getting into the world of quirk-related investigations under the tutelage of Katsuki whose solved criminal case count rapidly approaches the one of Endeavor (his character arc calls to me to be continued after Endeavor's path, please don't pay attention haha).

And with all that, she still tries to save face, knowing that she could've stopped this particular deranged story with just a word.

Why? Well, maybe she knows that no person in the world can leave DNA of people long dead and flaunt bloody confessions on the walls at the same time. No person who's not Himiko Toga.

The traps are set, the cycle starts its turn…

The very start:

° Himiko has genuine fun taunting Ochako with killing civilians while wearing her face

° She thinks she'll give Ochako the "freedom of expressing love" in a way she assumes Ochako wants but can't afford

° Himiko doesn't hide the fact she kills for Ochako and with Ochako's name on her lips

° Himiko torments her victims being transformed into whoever strikes her fancy, but the final strike is always performed so the last thing the poor prey sees is soulful, most gorgeous brown eyes in the world

° Himiko steals blood from the organization Ochako donors for (it's her way of coping with the trauma left by the Final Battle)

° Knowing the traces of her DNA are left at the crime scene even if she certainly didn't leave them there slowly corrodes Ochako's mental defenses

° She starts dreaming and hallucinating about killing those people herself until she can't tell reality from these images

° At one point she sees herself killing people wearing Himiko's face

° Himiko certainly uses it to her advantage. Who'd know when she gets into Ochako's apartment to whisper about all the ways she torments people from the shadowed corners?

° Guilt-tripping Ochako into justifying her actions too

As the madness progresses:

° Ochako can't draw the line between herself and Himiko anymore

° They complete each other in no way that is socially acceptable, but it feels right

° Ochako still tries to convince herself she's a good person and now this applies to Himiko as well because Himiko is "her" now too

° It's like they're drowning and melting into each other, minds a mingled mess of issues and fears, clinging, warping, breaking...

° Ochako's hands are bloody and Himiko hugs her from behind, cooing sweet nothings into her ear as they stare down at the newest "masterpiece" together

° Clay, warm hands and shaking fingers

° Ochako feels phantom touches on her skin all the time

° Himiko is being all giddy and "affectionate" with her victims, calling them "cute little presents" which she leaves for Ochako

The final stages:

° Ochako has a dream of killing Izuku. She fantasizes about it a lot later. There are tons of guilt and self-loathing, but she feels it would be the right thing to do. Become a way to "thank" Himiko by showing her effort isn't one-sided. She somehow knows it'd end the vicious cycle, but she just can't

° The Devil and Stockholm Syndrome (it's kinda questionable, I know, so we're taking it with a grain of salt)

° Dissociation

° Devil's advocate

° Cases named after astronomical phenomena

° Christmas, and Ochaco finds a bunch of vials filled with blood, all wrapped in a pretty thick red ribbon with a pompous bow on top. It's the legacy they've created together

Note:

I don't see the two as a healthy romantic relationship (I don't say you can't, it's just my opinion), so this scenario is relatively close to what I'd call realistic. Ochako who sees herself as a good person in any case (even if she's just too selfish to confront herself deep inside) and Himiko who takes the role of the bad part where Ochako can't.

Psychobabble (I'm no professional, it's more about how I feel than anything):

I based this whole AU on the traits I found in original manga and just extrapolated/exaggerated them into whatever this is now

Ochako loses feeling of what differs saving others and saving oneself and chooses to save "herself" (aka Himiko) in the end

Ochako is outright childish. She can't let the mask of a "hero" slip only because it's her shield against the world. She's torn apart by the ideas society put in her head, she can't imagine the concepts of "protect the weak" and "everyone is valid" existing together

In the end, she just resorts to the Friend or Foe (mine/anyone else) worldview so it's easier to process. Of course, what is "hers" is always considered as right and justified

Her empathy for Himiko has gotten to the point where it starts to consume her. She projects herself, her fears and motivations on Himiko, and it only makes things worse

Although, her empathy is quite selective. She can't empathize with the families of those who are killed by Toga. She thinks she can, but it comes from the guilt brewing inside her (it's still focused on self), not actual ability to put herself in others' place

Ochako feels she can be "like Deku", that she can save and forgive "bad people" like him. She finds comfort in such thoughts and hides behind them so she doesn't need to acknowledge the drastic differences in the situations

About the character archetypes:

For Ochako I can't figure out just one, but if I name the type it'd be "Not Bad But Confused" probably. Issues come from the fact her personality is too adaptive, and her worldview has shifted severely and continues to do so. In this situation, her way of coping happened to be finding an anchor in the wrong person, it happens to people all the time in real life too after all

Himiko shows as a symbolic "Devil", her presence is more phantom/ephemeral. Yes, she poisons Ochako's thoughts greatly, but the most work is done by Ochako and her own insecurities

Deku is similar to her, more of a symbol than a character. He's needed more as a deity-like/almost religious presence. Kinda ironic that his original character is heavily under the Hero Myth's (not sure how it's called in English, sorry) influence which is connected to the Bible in some ways

Katsuki stands out a bit as he's clearly the "workaholic cop" (workaholic hero in our case), no more than that as per his role. He's here so Ochako can value herself as "above his way of thinking". Side by side she clearly comes out as more "understanding" and sympathetic (NOT EMPATHETIC, don't confuse the terms!). Well, he's the person to bring her back to earth. A stoic one without a prominent character arc (it's often considered bad, but a flat arc can also be fine when handled properly)

Dividers are created by me.

If you're willing to take this AU under your wing or do something inspired by it, please credit me (you can tag me too)

my lovelies @dailytogachako @bigclownshoes @luxkycharmz you asked me to tag you, I hope I didn't forget anyone...

If you guys were curious what are my plans

and yeah I call it having a tight schedule...

I have so many ideas they won't fit in my notes app soon...

Just look at the amount of ugly sketches I need to make decent... (yeah they're all named "no name *number*" I'm lazy af)

*stepping out of the closet*

Izutogachako!

*hiding back into the closet*

@dailytogachako I couldn't resist

She cute

She bite

She poison you (while biting)

OMG FANART OF MY SONA TYSM CINNA 🤧🤧🤧🤧🤧🤧🤧🤧

I suppose she has any name that I use online like marama or marusha hehe

JOINT PAIN HAVERS UNITE YEAH!!! ✊✊✊✊

Dammmmmmm marusha looks so cute here I just can't-

@marronje HIHIHIHI I LOVE HER MARAMA ! Does she have the same name as you? I think she's super adorable! I also think our personas hanging out would be silly. Joint pain havers unite!!!

You kidding me I live for the way you draw teeth (and eyes and hair and everything else-)

AWWWW i tell they're just such a cutie what a precious creature 🤧🤧🤧

The tongue idea hmmmmmmmm sounds cool, I haven't seen that around really, so it'll be kinda very unique 🌼🌼🌼

(you can marry me and jusa can be our sweet toothy lovechild lol ✌)

JUSA NATION GOOOOOOOO ✨✨✨✨

a thank you gift for 50 followers :3

Drawing and painting Jusaka's hair is a pain in the ass lmao though i still had fun :3

Wanted to try to draw her on ibispaint too but... Well...

I guess im still not used to draw there on tablet... haha...

@marronje :3

My pretty Togachako...

Idea from this post 💓

LMAO COMPLETELY DOOMED 🤝🤝🤝

Vampire dark magic Himiko cuz I wanted to render this for 10 hours

Hear you out, but not in october @dailytogachako

There was no time to draw, but I was think about this idea.

Therefore, I will say that now I have a small comic in development. It is close to this trope...

Someday I will end all my started arts... maybe...

I've never drawn a mermaid, but I liked it😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨