mayfast

Latest Posts by mayfast

I always just like to tell folks I'm alive n' kickin.

You don’t think there’s ANYTHING suspicious about a white Italian crying crocodile tears after 30 seconds in the ring with an African woman, the ring of course being the fucking OLYMPIC BOXING RING, which is meant for people who are actually capable of performing well in the sport they’re there to do?

Both of them are women, one is just apparently shit at the one thing she was there to do. Can’t take a hit? Don’t go into a sport where you’re gonna get hit, overwhelmingly in the face. Euros stay seething that they can’t own Africans anymore and have to make shit up.

Greetings,

First, I want to apologize in advance for any grammar or punctuation errors. English is my first language, but I’m dyslexic. Regardless, I will do my best to make this response readable. Secondly, I apologize for getting back to you so late. I visited my siblings and left my laptop at home, knowing that if I tried to respond via my phone, the quality would suffer greatly. Thirdly, thank you for genuinely asking me a question. Don’t get me wrong—I love a good death threat as much as the next person, and I’ve already received plenty of those. But I suppose the way I see it is this: if you disagree with me on a topic, having a screaming match on the level of a presidential debate isn’t going to help either of us. Besides, I like learning and changing. I’m human, and that’s kind of what we’re meant to do. Talk with me so I can see and learn. If you show me why I’m wrong and convince me, I’ll acknowledge it and say, "I was wrong with the information previously presented to me. Thank you for correcting me; I appreciate it." As petty as it sounds, I like being right—not in terms of "my opinion trumps yours," but in knowing I have the correct information and now understand the right thing to do or say. Make sense?

Next order of business: my perspective. Normally, I keep my nose out of political and social issues for several reasons. Firstly, I don’t typically have enough information to give an informed opinion. I don’t see why I should preach my views if I lack the data or experience in the subject matter. Instead, I prefer to listen and learn. Furthermore, I strongly believe in the cookie/diet analogy. Most of the internet is familiar with this analogy, but to reiterate: me being on a diet does not mean you cannot eat a cookie. Similarly, my beliefs should not dictate how you live your life. In simpler terms, I drink water and mind my business.

However, let's adjust the analogy a bit. (I use analogies a lot, and I acknowledge that they are not always perfect, but they help get my point across.) If my diet forbids me from consuming alcohol, it doesn’t mean you can’t drink. I even hope you enjoy it because you’re doing as you please and having a good time. But if you decide to drink and then drive, you are actively impeding on my right to be safe. As stated in Article 2 of the American Declaration of Rights: “Every human being has the right to life, liberty, and the security of his person.” Yes, I am American, so perhaps this analogy only applies to Americans. Again, a limitation of the analogy. In this case, I have enough reason to get involved. It’s not about you drinking or you driving separately; it’s about the intersection of the two. (Bet you didn’t think a dumb jock knew what that was, huh?)

For those who are younger or unfamiliar, intersectionality is “a metaphor for understanding the ways that multiple forms of inequality or disadvantage sometimes compound themselves and create obstacles that are often not understood among conventional ways of thinking.” Alternatively, intersectionality is “a sociological analytical framework for understanding how groups' and individuals' social and political identities result in unique combinations of discrimination and privilege.” Basically, when two identities (like race and gender) intersect, they create a unique perspective, thus an intersection. This concept was identified by Kimberlé Crenshaw, a civil rights advocate.

One of the first examples given to me about intersectionality involved a mechanic shop. In this shop, Black male mechanics did the physical labor, while white women worked as secretaries and in the office. A Black woman faced discrimination when she was unfairly turned away for a job. When she took her case to court, the company argued they were neither racist nor sexist because they hired both Black people and women. However, all the women in the office were white, and all the Black employees were male mechanics. It's a complex situation, right? I'm not sure of the specifics or the case name, but I believe it was real, and she ultimately won her case.

Anyway, what I’m saying is that I have a unique intersectionality that gives me specific experiences. In no way am I claiming my perspective is greater than anyone else's, but it is particularly relevant to the topic of trans women in sports and high testosterone performance. My point of view comes from my intersectional identity as an AFAB cis female, a mixed-race individual (Black, White, and Native American), a former Division 1 women’s athlete, and someone with a Master’s of Science in Biochemistry and Molecular Biology, along with other degrees in Biophysics, Biochemistry and Molecular Biology, and Psychology. I am currently deciding whether to pursue a PhD, a medical doctorate, or both.

Therefore, for anyone who thinks I am ignorant about the biological aspects of this issue, I urge you to reconsider. I was an accelerated student, graduated with departmental honors, and maintained a physically demanding job. If you have an issue with my presentation of biological and genetic information, please take it up with CHEA or the U.S. Department of Education for providing me with such "ludicrous" information and expecting me to look out for the health of the U.S. population.

Additionally, while on the topic of education and biology, one key concept was emphasized from the first day of schooling: gender is not sex, and sex is not gender. These are distinct topics. Sometimes sex aligns with gender, and other times it does not. Gender is more of a spectrum, which is fine by me. I know where I fall on that spectrum and am at peace with it. I do not claim to know what a woman is definitively. However, I have lived every day of my life—over two decades—as a woman. I may not encompass everything that the title "woman" entails, but I believe I can at least identify some aspects of what it means to be a woman. Wouldn’t it be silly to tell a woman that she has no idea what is included in the title of a woman?

I've scoured the internet and cannot, for the life of me, find the name of the process where you describe things around a concept to define it, despite not having an exact definition. I learned about this in philosophy; if someone could provide the term, that would be wonderful. For example, let’s say I am an elephant, and I see red and white stripes in the tent where I perform, smell peanuts, see the ring where I strike poses, the boss with his top hat to my left, the acrobats above me, and the clowns in front of me. I may not describe everything that constitutes this concept, but you can probably guess that the topic is a circus. The elephant may not be the entire circus, but it’s part of it and knows bits of it. Could you tell the elephant that it’s not describing parts of the circus correctly? I could say, “Elephant, you’re right that those are parts of the circus, but there are different angles to it as well.” Again, I’m aware that my analogies are not all-encompassing and fall short in some details.

So, while the exact definition of "woman" is ever-changing and based on societal, emotional, mental, and other criteria, I do not seek to define this term. It’s not my area of expertise, nor is it my concern. I know what I am, and I am content. I don’t place others in a box with me; I am happy in my own square. Instead, I stick to what I know: the facts and definitions of what a female is, which are based on biology—facts that have been studied with hard data for me to analyze.

Before I continue, I want to reiterate that I am a "cookie/diet" person. Everyone has the right to life, liberty, security, and the pursuit of happiness. I could never hate a stranger I’ve never met. I believe everyone, regardless of race, gender, identity, sexual preference, age, or other parameters, should have peace and public respect. No one should be actively threatened for their opinions within the boundaries of universal truths. For example, if you think someone should die for their sexual preference (excluding minors, as I do not tolerate pedophilia and believe it is something a person must address immediately), skin color, or religious belief/spirituality, that is an infringement on another person’s safety. With that said, I think transgender, nonbinary, and queer individuals should live their lives to the fullest. They are people too, just like anyone else, including me.

Back to my original topic: I can define a biological female in terms of biology. A female is one denoting the sex that can bear offspring or produce eggs, distinguished biologically by the production of gametes (ova). (Note: not all females are naturally fertile due to genetic variations.) Biological sex is an assigned label given at birth based on medical factors, including hormones, chromosomes, and genitals. These are measurable factors assigned at birth. Hence, terms such as AFAB (Assigned Female At Birth) and AMAB (Assigned Male At Birth) help medical providers give their patients the best treatment and diagnosis regardless of gender. Because, again, sex is not gender, and gender is not sex.

It is also significant to mention that the medical factors assigned at birth are not limited to genitals. This is important because, although rare, intersex persons are real. They exist. One of the things that used to irritate me during my undergraduate and high school years was that medical professionals knew of intersex persons, but they never had a significant amount of data on them to establish the medical boundaries of what could be classified as “normal” for them. It’s like knowing dragons exist but not being able to tell you more about them—like Hiccup with the Night Fury page in the first movie. Moreover, individuals with mixed chromosomes also occur, such as those with 25% XY and 75% XX. Even if their sex presents in a binary fashion, their DNA may be ‘abnormal,’ and they may categorize themselves however they please. I use the word 'abnormal' in a scientific manner, not as a slander, but merely because it literally translates as 'not normal.' One of the genes that defines sex presentation is the SRY gene (7).

If I harp on about DNA, I apologize, but as someone who has spent so much of her life studying this specific detail of human anatomy, I can't help but carry on. I have asked a few of my colleagues with PhDs and specialties in hormone activity, mainly about regulation, because I wish to be well-informed. At a basic level, everyone understands genetic variances and that traditional male and female individuals have different chromosomes—XY and XX, respectively. Otherwise, the genome is mostly identical, with differences in SNPs (single nucleotide polymorphisms) and epigenetics (the regulation of genes typically found in the non-coding regions of DNA). DNA influences the production of chemical structures found naturally in the body, including steroids.

I'm sure most people are familiar with steroids, whether from a "don't do drugs" perspective or in the context of cholesterol. Either way, your body produces various forms of natural steroids to help regulate biochemical pathways. The interesting part is that everyone's body produces all of the necessary steroids (at least every healthy body), just in varying amounts. If you notice that these steroids are similar looking, you're right. This similarity helps us classify them and understand their behavior. They are derivatives of each other, but their varying side chains allow them to bind to specific receptors.

Granted, 'binding' is a loose term because, due to Brownian motion and other physical laws, most molecules just float around. Binding depends on various factors such as the shape of the molecules and the energy of their interactions. Additionally, protein turnover rates (which may not directly be the steroid hormones, but affect growth hormones via the Hypothalamic-Pituitary-Adrenal [HPA] Axis, Hypothalamic-Pituitary-Gonadal [HPG] Axis, Insulin-like Growth Factor 1 [IGF-1] Pathway, Steroid Hormone Receptor Signaling, including the ER and AR pathway, and Cytokine and Growth Factor Pathways), which refer to the rate at which proteins are synthesized and degraded, can influence the availability of proteins for binding, though they are not directly related to binding specificity itself. Binding specificity relies more on the geometry and chemical groups themselves. (Long story short, molecules can float into a receptor, but they rarely stick around long enough for a reaction to occur unless it is the correct compound.)

Androgens are hormones that contribute to male traits and reproductive activities, although they are also present in females in smaller amounts. The main androgens include:

Testosterone: The most well-known androgen, produced primarily in the testes of males and in smaller amounts by the ovaries in females.

Dihydrotestosterone (DHT): A more potent androgen derived from testosterone.

Androstenedione: A precursor to both testosterone and estrogens, produced in the adrenal glands and gonads.

Androgens are responsible for male characteristics such as facial hair, a deep voice, and increased muscle mass. They also play a role in libido, bone density, and overall health in both males and females (8).

Estrogens are hormones crucial for the development and regulation of the female reproductive system and secondary sexual characteristics. They are present in both males and females but are typically found at higher levels in females. Key types of estrogens include:

Estradiol (E2): The most potent and predominant estrogen during the reproductive years.

Estrone (E1): The primary form of estrogen produced after menopause.

Estriol (E3): The weakest form, mainly produced during pregnancy.

Both androgens and estrogens are essential for maintaining a healthy and functioning body, though they operate in different amounts and have distinct functions in males and females. While individual hormone levels can vary due to genetic differences, standard distributions are often used to represent general populations. It’s important to note that athletes, for example, may fall outside these standard distributions in areas like skill levels and genetic traits such as height. Hormone levels also vary depending on the specific aspect being examined, and studies have established typical ranges for these hormones.

Estradiol (E2) is the estrogen most involved in muscle health and building in women. It plays a key role in muscle growth and maintenance by enhancing muscle protein synthesis and influencing muscle mass, especially during periods of hormonal change like menopause. I found this straightforward information on a website, but I’m hesitant to cite this since it doesn’t come from a formal medical paper or research journal.

Results are given in picograms per milliliter (pg/mL). Normal levels for estradiol (E2) are:

30 to 400 pg/mL for premenopausal women

0 to 30 pg/mL for postmenopausal women

10 to 50 pg/mL for men

While these values provide a general reference, I would not rely solely on this information without formal publication backing. For more reliable data, Frederiksen et al. have a formal publication that aligns with these numbers (1). However, it's worth noting that their research was published around 2019-2020, and the publication process can sometimes extend over several months. Additionally, the E2 levels measured in these studies refer to blood serum. Since estrogens and testosterone are also present in other tissues, such as muscle and genital tissues, these values should be interpreted with some caution.

Moving on to testosterone, here are the normal measurements according to a straightforward website I found (uncited here since it’s not from a medical or research journal):

Male: 300 to 1,000 nanograms per deciliter (ng/dL) or 10 to 35 nanomoles per liter (nmol/L)

Female: 15 to 70 ng/dL or 0.5 to 2.4 nmol/L

Fortunately, I found research that supports these values. For example, a study by S. L. Davison et al. measured androgen levels in 1,423 cis-women of varying ages, excluding those at the extremes of the distribution curve to minimize misjudgment (2). Their findings align well with the cited measurements of blood serum testosterone and provide additional details, such as measurement averages, ranges, and a box-and-whisker plot for various androgens. Their comprehensive analysis is quite impressive.

However, it is worth noting that Davison’s study is considered relatively old by research standards, having been published in 2005. Further supporting evidence can be found in research by Zitzmann et al., which also aligns with the previously mentioned male normal ranges (3). Additionally, Mohr et al. conducted a separate study on males that supports these general numbers (4). It should be noted that Mohr's study did not include men under 40 years of age, which may limit its applicability to younger populations.

Besides this point, what practical usage does this information have? These are just ranges of sex-specific hormones. However, when diving deeper into the performance enhancement effects of these hormones, particularly testosterone, we find a plethora of research dedicated to understanding its impact on athletic performance.

Testosterone affects physical abilities, with one of the main differences being height. For instance, Schappi (11) found that "women were, on average, 166.2 cm (SD 6.5) tall and men 179.2 cm (SD 6.5)." While this study was limited to a population in Geneva, its findings are consistent with data from Medical News Today and Our World in Data, both of which conclude that males are roughly 12-13 cm taller than females on average. Interestingly, this 13 cm difference is two standard deviations outside of the female average. Additionally, a person's wingspan is typically equal to their height, meaning that males not only have a height advantage but also a reach advantage when extending their arms overhead. However, height isn't everything; in some sports, like diving or gymnastics, excessive height can be detrimental.

Still not convinced? Let's talk about strength. Although this study is old, it highlights a well-documented difference. Bishop, Curton, and Collins found that "percentage mean differences in absolute strength between males and females of each group ranged from 75% to 173% for the curl and bench press strength measures, whereas differences for the lower-body strength measures were smaller, ranging from 20% to 64%" (12). This indicates that males are distinctly stronger in the upper body and only partially stronger in the lower body. It's important to note that these data reflect both non-athletes and collegiate swimming athletes, meaning the height categories align well with our previous discussion.

Now, let's touch on VO2 max, an important measure in endurance sports like running, where muscle mass and height may not play as significant a role. Recall the SRY gene I mentioned earlier, which is involved in the differentiation of male and female reproductive tissues. During the first six weeks of development, the reproductive tissues of males and females are identical. Around week seven in utero, the SRY (sex-related gene on the Y chromosome) initiates the development of the testes. In the absence of a Y chromosome and the SRY gene, ovaries develop instead. Fetal ovaries do not produce adequate amounts of testosterone, so the Wolffian ducts do not develop. Additionally, the absence of Müllerian Inhibiting Substance (MIS) leads to the development of the Müllerian ducts and female reproductive structures.

Testosterone also stimulates erythropoiesis, which results in a higher hematocrit (the proportion of blood volume occupied by red blood cells) in males compared to females (13). Erythropoiesis, the production of red blood cells (RBCs), plays a crucial role in determining VO2 max because RBCs are responsible for carrying oxygen from the lungs to the muscles during exercise. RBCs contain hemoglobin, a quaternary structured protein that binds to oxygen in the lungs and carries it through the bloodstream to the muscles and other tissues. The more RBCs you have, the more oxygen can, in theory, be transported to your muscles. During exercise, your muscles require more oxygen to produce energy. RBCs deliver this oxygen efficiently, enabling your muscles to sustain activity. VO2 max measures the maximum amount of oxygen your body can use during intense exercise (14). Since RBCs are responsible for delivering oxygen, the number and efficiency of RBCs directly influence your VO2 max. A higher RBC count generally means more oxygen can be delivered, potentially increasing your VO2 max.

In the past, some athletes have tried to enhance their performance by increasing their RBC count through methods like blood doping or using erythropoietin (EPO), a hormone that stimulates RBC production (14). Others prefer altitude training to stimulate the same effect. At higher altitudes, the body responds to lower oxygen levels by producing more RBCs to improve oxygen delivery. This adaptation can lead to an increase in VO2 max when the athlete returns to lower altitudes.

What’s the point of all this research? These numbers represent facts that were measured and observed. While research is ever-changing, these findings were scientifically validated at the time the data was collected. Is it the same today? Maybe, but that's why new research is always conducted—to update and refine our understanding of the facts.

So, if we establish that there are differences in testosterone levels, why is this important? Recently, while traveling, I met a young man named L. We began by discussing his interesting keychain, and our conversation soon expanded to broader topics. Eventually, we touched on my experiences and perspectives on a contentious issue I had been involved in on Tumblr. I shared my background with L and asked for his views.

L, who had no previous experience in sports but expressed a desire to participate, and I both developed similar theories on how to make sports more inclusive without the need to define categories such as "woman" or "man" or to address issues like non-binary participation. We proposed eliminating gender classifications altogether and instead focusing on identifying the 'strongest' or 'best' athletes based purely on performance.

I mentioned that increased muscle building due to androgen effects (as previously explained) would naturally favor individuals with XY chromosomes in muscle-reliant sports. Eliminating gendered sports entirely might render Title IX ineffective, which serves as a protective measure for sex equity in athletics, as well as the amendments to protect gender identity and sexual orientation. However, I will discuss my concerns with Title IX's clumping of these categories later.

L suggested exploring sports events that are more sex-specific, such as gymnastics, where events are designed to accommodate general differences in the center of gravity. He proposed categorizing events based on the center of gravity or allowing athletes to choose from a limited number of events (e.g., four out of eight). L also suggested that weightlifting could be divided into weight classes to ensure fairness.

Overall, L's ideas were creative and thought-provoking, offering innovative ways to address fairness and inclusivity in sports. However...

I want to clarify that my comments about L are not meant to be critical of him personally. L has never participated in competitive sports, so his ideas about sports regulation are not informed by personal experience. For instance, Olympic weightlifting already uses weight classes for both males and females, making L’s suggestion to split events by weight class not a new concept.

To use an analogy (and I apologize in advance for this), if I were a programmer with no background in art, I might develop a program that generates artwork. While I could claim to have created art through the program, it would not make me an artist in the traditional sense, nor would it make my program the originator of any art movements. This comparison highlights that expertise in one field does not automatically translate to expertise in another. Artists of Tumblr, I am sorry I used your craft in vain, but I’m trying to make a point.

With this in mind, I asked L whether my viewpoints made me an "asshole" or a "transphobe." I strive for self-awareness and constantly reassess my perspectives to ensure they are fair and respectful. L, a fan of philosophy, reassured me that my views, while not aligned with his own, did not reflect poorly on my character. He appreciated that I had well-reasoned arguments and was open to discussing and understanding different perspectives. L valued my willingness to engage in dialogue and my intention to support an institution that is important to me while respecting others.

Thank you, L, for your thoughtful feedback and for contributing to a constructive discussion.

Shifting focus away from DNA-related topics, I'd like to discuss another area relevant to my perspective: college sports. College athletics vary in competitiveness and rewards and are governed primarily by two bodies: the National Association of Intercollegiate Athletics (NAIA) and the National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA).

The NAIA generally aligns with the competitive levels of NCAA Division 2 and Division 3, with Division 2 being more competitive than Division 3. NCAA Division 1 represents the highest level of competition, with the most demanding physical and legal requirements. Notably, Division 1 athletes often face legal issues related to the intense demands placed on them by coaches, including overworking that affects their academic performance and personal well-being.

For instance, Division 1 athletes frequently deal with legal contracts that dictate their commitment levels, including the number of hours they can be required to train during the offseason and academic breaks. These contracts, often presented as voluntary, are perceived more as mandatory. Athletes are expected to sign them, and while participation in collegiate athletics is a choice, the reality often feels like being caught between economic or physical hardship. With student debt already so high, the stakes are incredibly high for student-athletes.

I also want to touch on something that came up in a Tumblr discussion. I expressed my concerns that men might enter women’s events not out of genuine reasons but rather for athletic achievement. I was told I seemed paranoid and somewhat transphobic for thinking this way, but let me share a personal insight: very few people truly understand what it’s like to be a college athlete. I'll discuss the actual numbers later, but once you sign that contract, you lose a lot of autonomy over your own life.

Before college, I had a healthy body and made my own choices. But once under the coaching staff's control, they dictated everything—my weight, sleep schedule, dietary habits, and even how much sun I got. I had no say in these decisions; it was all up to them. Any college athlete would tell you the same.

Given the differences in hormones, genetics, and epigenetics that I’ve discussed earlier, a coach’s main goal is to win, often by any means necessary within legal boundaries. Transitioning is not off the table. The athlete’s role is to comply with the coach's demands or face the possibility of being released from the team. If you think I’m being dramatic, consider the media’s sexualization of college athletes. Some coaches will have their women drop to dangerous weights to gain attention from the male audience. You should probably look into Tennessee’s women’s teams. I’ve seen coaches who, desperate to turn around a losing streak to keep their jobs, might consider extreme measures, and since the legal case of Lia Thomas was won by her, this would not exclude pushing athletes to transition. Coaches have been known to dope athletes without their consent, track their location illegally, and manipulate their academic schedules to benefit their athletic careers. The latter happens far too often. But an athlete cannot argue—it’s so easy for the school to find a way to make you ineligible. With a long line of people happy to take your scholarship, you sit down and shut up.

How do I know? I was there. I’ve seen the situations that have happened. Very few of you have the same insight.

I bring up my experience as a student-athlete because I’ve faced the reality where a poor performance could jeopardize one’s ability to afford an education. You might wonder, "So what if you get cut from the team? You can just take out a loan or get an academic scholarship like anyone else." As I mentioned earlier, I was an accelerated student, which meant I qualified for significant academic scholarships—hundreds of thousands of dollars that would have covered tuition, board, housing, and more. If I had taken the academic scholarship, it would have deprived someone else who genuinely needed it. That would have been silly, especially since I had other means to fund my education.

Contrary to media portrayals, most athletes aren’t as academically challenged as they might seem. To participate in high school and collegiate sports, you must maintain a minimum GPA. And while sports outside the major men’s sports—like football, basketball, and baseball—don't offer much financial reward, the reality is frankly more stark from an insider’s perspective. For instance, Caitlin Clark, despite being a top draft pick, earns significantly less than a male athlete in a comparable position. This disparity is something most athletes are acutely aware of.

In many countries, sports like golf or tennis might offer better financial prospects, which could explain why over 60% of NCAA tennis players are international. The point I’m making is that many student-athletes pursue sports to avoid college debt. At least 90% of my teammates were in the same situation, with many majoring in pre-med or health-related fields. It’s almost like understanding the body’s functions can indeed enhance performance.

Sorry for the snark, but this is something that has bothered me throughout my college years. The persistent stereotype of college athletes has been evident from the moment I met my academic peers. Being unfairly judged and excluded based on preconceived notions about my extracurricular activities has been frustrating. I made it a point to excel academically, partly in response to this bias. Contrary to what some may believe, athletics often integrates cutting-edge research. For example, many training programs are designed to align with circadian rhythms—lifting in the morning when testosterone levels are highest and practicing in the afternoon when coordination and reaction times are optimized. It’s about applying principles of biochemistry and biophysics to enhance performance.

I want to discuss being a college athlete for another important reason. It seems reasonable to address the issue of lawmakers and other individuals making decisions about areas where they lack firsthand experience. Take, for example, women’s reproductive health and abortion. It’s a well-known issue where decisions are often made by those who don’t experience the consequences firsthand. Similarly, when it comes to transgender athletes in sports, the situation is analogous.

To illustrate, let’s look at some statistics. According to the NCAA, in the 2021-2022 year, there were over 520,000 collegiate athletes. This number is consistent with this link's  reports from the NCAA and NAIA combined. In high school, there were approximately 3,850,771 male athletes and 2,954,034 female athletes. It’s important to note that these figures might include multiple team members and varying grade levels, and some high school athletes participate in multiple sports.

The likelihood of playing at any collegiate level, not just Division 1, is much lower, with about 298,424 male athletes and 239,611 female athletes making the cut. This translates to approximately 7.74% of high school males and 8.11% of high school females having the opportunity to offer an informed opinion on this matter. According to theKids Count Data Center, in 2021, there were 258,418,544 people over the age of 18. This means that for every college athlete, there are roughly 500 individuals who can impact their experience.

This approach highlights an important issue: ensuring equality for nonbinary athletes. They deserve the opportunity to showcase their talents and pursue college sports without facing prejudice or having to conform to the standards set for men’s or women’s teams.

One key aspect of Title IX that many people may not be aware of is that college sports programs must reflect the sex distribution of the student body. When there is a significant imbalance in sex representation—such as more females than males at a school—the ratio of sports scholarships and teams must be adjusted accordingly. As a result, many universities are now adding more female teams to meet these requirements, rather than cutting male programs, which often generate more funding. Interestingly enough, I find it odd that the sex ratio is what influences gender opportunities in athletics, because as we’ve learned, sex is not gender and gender is not sex. Why does sex ratios influence gendered sports?

I propose creating a nonbinary category in sports, with Title IX regulations adjusted to reflect this inclusion. This would ensure that schools offer fully funded nonbinary athletics teams with the same benefits as traditional teams, including scholarships, housing, media coverage, and outreach programs. This way, a trans woman or gender-fluid athlete would not face issues related to hormonal treatments or eligibility, as they would have a designated team that understands their unique challenges. By doing so, we can provide a supportive environment where nonbinary athletes can thrive and connect with teammates who share similar experiences.

If I didn’t care about the well-being of nonconforming genders, I wouldn’t have invested hours researching NCAA guidelines and the CFR to develop solutions. I’m committed to finding resolutions rather than merely voicing complaints.

Now, you might be wondering if I’m advocating for a "separate but equal" approach. Let me clarify: as a Black woman in sports, I’ve experienced firsthand the disparities in treatment and opportunities. Women’s sports often receive far less attention and funding compared to men’s sports. The funding for most college sports programs primarily comes from men’s teams—football, baseball, and men’s basketball being major examples. Additionally, women’s games are frequently scheduled at inconvenient times, like mid-day on a Tuesday, while men’s games are typically held on Friday evenings, attracting more viewers and creating fewer conflicts with academic commitments.

Despite my frustrations, I was thrilled to see the South Carolina vs. Iowa women’s basketball game in 2024 become one of the most-watched college basketball games in ESPN’s history. It felt like a long-awaited recognition for women’s athletics. While the 9.9 million views from the previous year were a notable achievement, it’s clear that women’s sports still have a long way to go in terms of equality and visibility. I’m getting beside the point. Those who would argue that sports are completely based on being unequal, that there are those who are genetically taller or stronger than others, make the point of regulation seem completely unjust.

I assume everyone here is familiar with the standard distribution curve, or the normal z-distribution, which is based on deviation away from the ‘normal.’ Athletics can be understood within this framework. With the Olympics at the very right side of the curve, the top 0.1% of their sport. Top-performing college athletes are well beyond three deviations from the mean. In fact, they are so far above the curve that they are considered outliers. If we examine the case of Lia Thomas, I ran the numbers, comparing her swim performance to the previous top three medalists of the 500-meter freestyle for the 2016-2024 seasons. Lia almost fell perfectly on the mean for the top three medalists, even landing slightly higher within the first deviation of the previous gold medalists within the past eight years.

A "freak of nature" would fall into the +2 or +3 categories. This is also what helps tip off the NCAA about drug enhancement usage. Again, what really threw most of the nation off about Lia Thomas was that she won in her first year in the women’s category. But what fails to be recognized is that her numbers were in the normal range for winning. Granted, this led to other speculations about her being ‘too perfect’ in the category of normal, but that’s not the point nor does it have any data relevance. She did lose a valuable 15 seconds from her personal best after undergoing hormone therapy. I won’t call Lia, when she swam in the men’s category, a bad or prime athlete. Lia, like many athletes affected by COVID, had an extra year to compete, which happened to be her last year of collegiate athletics. Looking at Lia’s numbers and rank alone is not a good indicator of her potential as a swimmer. Lia was always a good swimmer in longer-distance freestyle, even before she transitioned. Looking at Lia’s ranking as a sophomore pre-transition, she was ranked 65th among males for the 200 free that season. For a sophomore, that is not bad at all. I personally ranked a bit higher my sophomore year, but there’s always the number of people in your sport to take into account. I would estimate that if Lia had continued to swim with the males without hormone therapy, she most likely would have been on the national podium nonetheless. What irks me is the lack of data that I can find on Lia’s junior season when she was undergoing hormone therapy while competing in the male category. I know many statements place Lia as ‘bouncing’ from a low-ranking male to a top-ranking female, but I don’t believe that is the case. If someone could point me to the data set, I would love to examine it. Regardless, Lia’s lower rank in her junior year would be explained by the lower levels of testosterone, mitigating towards that of an AFAB (assigned female at birth) woman. If Lia was an ‘average’ champion her senior year, then that low rank position in her junior year is where a women’s average national champion would rank among AMAB (assigned male at birth) men.

Now, someone correct me if I’m wrong, but I doubt that much of Lia’s shift in rank her junior year could be attributed to a change in technique. She did lose muscle mass and gained the typical body composition of a female. So, really the only significant alteration was her testosterone suppression. Clearly, testosterone does something. Granted, due to the private policy of athletes' health, I don’t think much of the public has access to her health records, including her T levels. But if they were under 5 nmol/L, the NCAA would not have allowed her to compete, which she did. So clearly, they were above that level. Regardless, Lia lost muscle mass and bone density post-hormone therapy. Granted, for a non-contact sport in water, how prized is bone density?

If you really want to get into the chemistry of it, females with higher fat content float more easily due to buoyant forces. “In fact, it is the density of lean muscle tissue that differentiates it from fat. The density of mammalian skeletal muscle tissue is about 1.06 kg/L. This density can be contrasted with the density of adipose tissue (fat), which is 0.9196 kg/L” (Etchison). Normally, in any other sport, this is a hindrance, as fat adds to resistance via pulling in a downward motion, which your muscles would need to act counteractively to not only keep you up but also move forwards. Back to distributions, sorry for the weird tangent.

These physical attributes that are so valued in sports—heights, testosterone levels, skeletal structure—have distribution curves among females, or at most people have heard of as percentiles. This is a natural distribution. I don’t think I need to explicitly state that, in general, males are taller, stronger, and faster (due to testosterone). As a female athlete, these are facts I accept without feeling inferior. However, a height of 6’4” or 193 cm will land very differently on the distribution scale of males and females. I mean, Lia’s own teammates wrote a letter urging the school not to pick a fight with gender and sex, as they classified the two as separate and unrelated. While others wrote that Lia was a perfect example that transgender athletes should have an equal opportunity in a safe and positive environment (which I’m not disagreeing with), they are no longer biologically in the binary. Lia’s gender was not the same as her sex during her years of competition.

Next, my other issue with how Lia was regulated was that the NCAA measured her blood serum testosterone. "Evidence that the concentration of testosterone in the athlete’s serum has been less than 5 nmol/L (as measured by liquid chromatography coupled with mass spectrometry) continuously for a period of at least thirty-six (36) months before the date of application" (NCAA Guidelines 19.4.6.C.2). As we have already discussed, 5 nmol/L is already double the standard maximum amount for females, but half the amount males have.

Then let’s discuss the paradox presented. Clearly, testosterone plays a role in performance. However, Lia’s gender and hormones matched those of a female, even though other aspects of her sex did not match that of a biological female (genitals and chromosomes). However, if women’s sports shouldn’t be policed by hormones, genitals, or chromosomes, what defines the original intent of Title IX by the separation of sex? Even when cases in the past have disqualified cis women, whose genitals also align with their sex, if their hormones were too high—cases like Caster Semenya, Dutee Chand, Francine Niyonsaba, Margaret Wambui, and Annet Negesa. Did you know about those cases? Did anyone care then? The typical causes were hyperandrogenism, more common in women of African descent. As a mixed woman, I’m well aware of this. And how have those cases been handled before Imane Khelif? The IAAF, now World Athletics, required these women to either undergo surgery or take medication to bring those T levels down. So, do we go back and award those women their medals and prize money?

Taking this tail-chasing a step further, Lia Thomas didn’t undergo a sex change (understandable, as surgery and hormone therapy would be a lot while competing and preparing for law school), but we regulated her hormones. Her testosterone was just as natural as Imane Khelif’s. If hormones don’t define what a woman is, why was it okay in this case? To further complicate matters, Imane Khelif is a boxer, which is high-contact. Fine, sure, sports sometimes include contact; it’s just part of them. But as you read earlier, testosterone affects tissue, not just blood serum, strength, VO2 max, and other factors like bone density. It definitely affects net force for strikes. One major reason the sports were originally separated wasn’t because women didn’t deserve an equal stage, but to account for the natural differences in anatomy and physiology, such as net strike force and bone density.

People get hurt in contact sports nonetheless; however, those injuries occur along the standard curve due to natural differences between athletes. Without regulation, there is a shift in the curve that would make serious injuries far more common, with death being on the far-right side of the distribution.

Genetic differences and unfair genetic advantages occur all the time in sports. All the time. I was a Division I athlete; do you think I didn’t recognize that? That I wasn’t used to craning my neck up to talk with volleyball or basketball players? That is laughable. But even between the same sports, with men and women, there is a natural distribution. Females are 95% of the time shorter and less muscular. Swimmers, divers, runners, jumpers, throwers, rowers, basketball players, tennis players, fencers, and water polo players—it's all the same.

So, what do we regulate? Hormones? Chromosomes? Genitals? Gender? All of these are out of the question.

Once again, I propose an enhanced visibility program for equal opportunities for non-conforming individuals. The interpretation of Title IX is problematic. The LGBT+ community and others agree that gender is not the same as sex. But for some odd reason, gender and sexual orientation are protected under the title of sex. We should not pick and choose when definitions are convenient. We need to make a distinction and protect these categories individually with more specific definitions. Women: Chromosomes, genitals, gender, and hormones align. Men: Chromosomes, genitals, gender, and hormones align. Non-Conforming: None of the categories need to align.

This model would allow parents to feel more at ease about their children participating in primary education without worrying that their children’s opportunities are being stolen. Every category can have distinct role models. Yes, there can be a genderqueer Simone Biles. This reduces the backlash from societal norms. There would not need to be heavy regulation of sex or gender for the non-conforming group. Thus, they would not have to change to compete. And there would be respect for athletes who do not want to compete against non-standard competitors. Some athletes are fine with whoever is in the competition, while others are not, and whether we like it or not, we have to respect their wishes as well. They are people too, just like trans athletes.

Title IX, enacted as part of the Education Amendments of 1972, represents a critical piece of legislation designed to prevent discrimination based on sex in educational programs and activities receiving federal financial assistance (9). Since its enactment, Title IX's scope has broadened to incorporate evolving understandings of sex, gender, and sexual orientation, and I’m not opposed to protecting each category. This evolution reflects both judicial interpretations and regulatory updates aimed at providing comprehensive protections. However, this broadening also raises concerns about the implications of conflating sex, gender, and sexual orientation under a single legal framework.

Title IX mandates that no person in the U.S. shall be excluded from participation in, denied benefits from, or subjected to discrimination in any federally funded education program or activity based on sex. This includes provisions for ensuring non-discriminatory practices in areas such as athletics, admissions, and employment. Again, this is completely reasonable.

The phrase "Scope of Title IX" refers to the range and extent of Title IX's applicability, including its limitations and exceptions. It outlines the contexts in which Title IX's provisions apply, such as educational programs and employment practices. However, societal changes and legal developments have prompted a broader interpretation. Notably, the U.S. Supreme Court's 2020 decision in Bostock v. Clayton County recognized that discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity constitutes sex discrimination. This ruling has influenced the interpretation of Title IX, leading to protections that encompass sexual orientation and gender identity. This is where I have questions about the interpretation. As we have discussed several times, sex isn’t the same as gender, nor is sexual orientation. So why does this fall under the same category? We have early distinctions between the two by John Money in the 1950s and 60s. We also have the Transgender Rights Awareness movements of the 1960s and 1970s, which emphasized that gender identity is not strictly determined by biological sex. Let us not forget the academic development and recognition between the 1970s and 1980s, where gender studies emerged! Scholars like Joan Scott and Judith Butler explored and expanded the idea that gender is a social construct distinct from biological sex. Butler’s work, particularly in the 1990s, was influential in articulating gender as a fluid and socially constructed phenomenon.

I agree completely that the ruling in Bostock v. Clayton was a step in the right direction. Gerald Bostock being fired due to his sexual orientation was discriminatory. His being gay had no impact on his job performance as a child welfare coordinator. However, the court’s ruling that firing someone for being gay or transgender is inherently tied to their sex contradicts the concept that sex and gender are not related. It’s not about sex; it’s about presentation. They aren’t being discriminated against based on sex but rather on sexual orientation and gender identity. How do you know I care about this topic? You have me reviewing 172 pages of Supreme Court files….

So, to put it plainly, sexual orientation and gender identity need to be protected but should not be classified under Title IX as they are unrelated to sex discrimination, as seen in the code of federal regulations; 34 CFR 106.61(10). Additionally, Bostock’s case was related to employment, where it is clear that no sex difference would affect job performance. As an asexual individual, I find it important to recognize and protect distinct sexual orientations alongside gender identities. I was raised in an environment where it was firmly believed that women should be barefoot and pregnant on the farm, and homosexuals needed to ‘repent’. I think that’s all poppycock. But this regulation of Title IX doesn’t align with the previous information on sex and gender.

So now that that’s all said and done, let me review my arguments clearly: Gender and sex are not the same thing. Testosterone affects performance. We have cases that regulate gender as if it’s the same thing as sex and then contradict each other, such as Lia vs. Imane. Are we policing testosterone or not? Why is a large group not directly involved in this debate having such a significant influence over the voices that are actually affected? Title IX shouldn’t protect sexual orientation and gender identity because these topics are unrelated to sex. Finally, we need to address this issue by creating a third, non-conforming category that has equal rights and access to both male and female sports. And crocodile tears? I know this sounds silly, and nepotism happens, but doesn't it strike you as odd, that a trained fighter, some one who should be use to getting hit goes down in under a minute? I'm not saying she was or wasn't dramatic or not, but I am saying that's not normal.

Once again, I’m not an asshole, nor am I transphobic. I drink water and mind my business and, as so lovingly pointed out by other accounts, I do like to write fanfiction because I find it a good way to escape the real world. But if you think you can judge a person’s entire personality and intelligence based on a hobby, I seriously believe you should reevaluate yourself. Do I find the case of Imane suspicious? Yes, for the reasons previously discussed. Would I find the case of Imane suspicious if we had a third category for athletes to compete without needing to conform to the standards of each sex? No. Furthermore, I find it very disappointing that Russia’s whistleblowing on Imane, which could directly endanger her life, is unacceptable. Also, I enjoy learning. If you think I’m wrong in my stance, please, by all means, provide me with some papers to read so I can be better informed. Show me your data and how you’ve interpreted it. It’s important to communicate ideas so we, as a collective people, can move forward. As you might have noticed through my essay, I lean towards a moderate political stance and am always open to hearing other perspectives.

Last note: If you write an insulting or derogatory letter to me, just know I have siblings. “KYS”? “TERF”? Really? Please, get a little more creative with your insults; I want to feel something. I have a father who disowned me for believing it’s okay if people aren’t heterosexual. So, up your game. If you post a death threat with an anonymous tag, you should be ashamed of yourself. Your behavior is unbecoming, and you know it. If you’re going to hate me, do it with a tag; let everyone know you disagree with me. I wouldn’t hate you for it. In fact, I’ll ask for your opinion because I think understanding different viewpoints is important, and I want to see what you see. But if you hide, I cannot see you as anything more than a ‘liberal blue-haired’ screeching.

Hanne Frederiksen, Trine Holm Johannsen, Stine Ehlern Andersen, Jakob Albrethsen, Selma Kløve Landersoe, Jørgen Holm Petersen, Anders Nyboe Andersen, Esben Thyssen Vestergaard, Mia Elbek Schorring, Allan Linneberg, Katharina M Main, Anna-Maria Andersson, Anders Juul, Sex-specific Estrogen Levels and Reference Intervals from Infancy to Late Adulthood Determined by LC-MS/MS, The Journal of Clinical Endocrinology & Metabolism, Volume 105, Issue 3, March 2020, Pages 754–768, https://doi.org/10.1210/clinem/dgz196

S. L. Davison, R. Bell, S. Donath, J. G. Montalto, S. R. Davis, Androgen Levels in Adult Females: Changes with Age, Menopause, and Oophorectomy, The Journal of Clinical Endocrinology & Metabolism, Volume 90, Issue 7, 1 July 2005, Pages 3847–3853, https://doi.org/10.1210/jc.2005-0212

M Zitzmann, E Nieschlag, Testosterone levels in healthy men and the relation to behavioural and physical characteristics: facts and constructs, European Journal of Endocrinology, Volume 144, Issue 3, Mar 2001, Pages 183–197, https://doi.org/10.1530/eje.0.1440183

Mohr, Beth A., et al. "Normal, bound and nonbound testosterone levels in normally ageing men: results from the Massachusetts Male Ageing Study." Clinical endocrinology 62.1 (2005): 64-73.

Rostom M, Ramasamy R, Kohn TP. History of testosterone therapy through the ages. Int J Impot Res. 2022 Nov;34(7):623-625. doi: 10.1038/s41443-021-00493-w. Epub 2022 Jan 24. PMID: 35075296.

Etchison W. C. (2011). Letter to the editor response. Sports health, 3(6), 499. https://doi.org/10.1177/1941738111422691

National Center for Biotechnology Information (US). Genes and Disease [Internet]. Bethesda (MD): National Center for Biotechnology Information (US); 1998-. SRY: Sex determination. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK22246/

Kelly DM, Jones TH. Testosterone: a metabolic hormone in health and disease. J Endocrinol. 2013 Apr 29;217(3):R25-45. doi: 10.1530/JOE-12-0455. PMID: 23378050.

https://www2.ed.gov/about/offices/list/ocr/docs/tix_dis.html

https://www.ecfr.gov/on/2024-08-01/title-34/subtitle-B/chapter-I/part-106/subpart-D/section-106.41

Schäppi, J., Stringhini, S., Guessous, I., Staub, K., & Matthes, K. L. (2022). Body height in adult women and men in a cross-sectional population-based survey in Geneva: temporal trends, association with general health status and height loss after age 50. BMJ open, 12(7), e059568. https://doi.org/10.1136/bmjopen-2021-059568

Bishop, Phil & Cureton, Kirk & Collins, Mitchell. (1987). Sex difference in muscular strength in equally-trained men and women. Ergonomics. 30. 675-87. 10.1080/00140138708969760.

Nassar GN, Leslie SW. Physiology, Testosterone. [Updated 2023 Jan 2]. In: StatPearls [Internet]. Treasure Island (FL): StatPearls Publishing; 2024 Jan-. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK526128/

Robach, P., Calbet, J. A., Thomsen, J. J., Boushel, R., Mollard, P., Rasmussen, P., & Lundby, C. (2008). The ergogenic effect of recombinant human erythropoietin on VO2max depends on the severity of arterial hypoxemia. PloS one, 3(8), e2996. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0002996

Killing an entire breed based on the biased words of the media and some shitty people. I know a guy mawed by a golden doodle, crippled by the dog that can do no wrong. The news paper changed it to pit bull. Those are the shitty folks who are no better than Hilter, Trump or the KKK and every other genocidal shitwads. I was raised to have a gentle heart but fuck you.

Why do we blame the victims every time? They were baited as puppies, for the so fact that their locked jaws are powerful. That’s it. Can you imagine that? You’re physical traits that you were born with will sentence you to death?

My best friends’ pit bull held down a man who broke into my house with the intentions to rape me and possibly murder me. Pits were bred as a protection breed, and protect me she did.

You sick bastards are the monsters children have nightmares about. Killing without regard for life.

Every villain thinks they’re the hero. Well let me put this in a very neat perspective, that even imbeciles can understand; You’re still a killer. Shift the blame to the ones who made the monster. No one ever asks to be abused, starved, or killed for being born the way they are.

If you think killing any breed of dog for the sole fact they are of a “type” what’s going to stop you at just dogs? Why not people? Race? Gender? Economic Class?

I’d chose the Pit over you anyday, even if it bites.

You’re the monster.

Fix yourself.

Before you kill more.

WARNING: ANIMAL CRUELTY

Apparently people have been adopting dogs and either killing them themselves or dropping them to a kill shelter (and one even said they were flying them to poor Asian areas to be eaten) under the Twitter hashtag #pitbulldropoff

This is completely cruel and evil and word needs to get around about these demons so everyone knows what these demons are planning to do to dogs once they get ahold of them.

If you know someone or if you yourself is planning to give away a pitty by craigslist soon, DONT and wait for awhile!!!! They act like they’re going to adopt them and act all nice then they get rid of them, don’t be fooled!!

DM me for uncensored names!!!!!!!!

When I said Spider listens to music loudly in my fanfic series, this is what I mean.

Fluff

So I did a thing and started a fluff series for our TigerSeal boys.

Hello! I Just recently started developing Spider brainrot and I'm just now starting to interact with the fandom. I haven't even considered Aocorro as a thing before but can I just say that your series had me HOOKED? amazing, wonderful series, I'm loving it.

Greetings!

Sorry it's taken me forever to get back to you. But thank you so much! I'm really glad that our interaction wasn't a traumatizing one. This fandom can get a little scary sometimes.

Honestly, this pairing struck me over the head so randomly one day, and I immediately became obsessed. My poor roommates had to listen to me prattle on about my theories about Spider and Ao'nung getting together. I think they were just humoring my little delulu self.

I think their dynamic would be so perfectly slotted together. I know Ao'nung's original name was Nu'nung and Spider's was Javier, which had me thinking about Neytiri and Jake's Enemies to lovers trope, and I saw a lot of parallels. A na'vi with some serious distaste for humans or anything human related and an outcast that doesn't fit in anywhere? Um yes please.

But then I remembered the movie. After Neteyam died, I think, (at least I hope), Ao'nung won't be so prejudice against good humans and Avatars. Like his hate for the RDA will SPIKE. He lost a friend, and is overall probably traumatized from the three brothers battle, almost losing his life and his sister's will do that to anyone. But I think he'll give Spider a chance if the Sully claim him as theirs.

More so, shifting to Spider a little bit, Cameron wasn't kidding when he said Spider is the glue. The more I looked at this kid from different angles the more I fell down the rabbit hole. We don't see much of Jake's life on Earth, but we know it sucked, he was an alcoholic reject after he lost everything he had going for him, movie happens, we met Neytiri, a wonderful person and complex character who's lost a lot too but she still got something to fight for. Like Jake, we don't see too much of her life before their meeting. But together the pair make history, however it's also with Quaritch. We don't know about Quaritch and Paz, except that they loved Spider, and maybe just maybe they were trying to make a good life for their baby out there. Couldn't be much worst than the Earth Jake showed us right?

Now, we have a proper history. Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, We have the Sully family (which will take on the protagonist roles from A3 and onward) and we have Spider. Their parents took shit away from each other. Spider lost his entire family, and after FoP probably a chunk of sanity after the Neurosect. He's always been the reject. And the Sully siblings lost Neteyam, their grandfather, their ancestral home, their new home, and friends, and way of life.

I say this with no hate to Jake, love this babygirl mwah, but he lied straight to his kids faces and told them Spider would be fine. He's a marine, like Ardmore, he know being a kid will not save you if your in enemy hands. Like he's right, there wasn't anything he could do once Spider got to BridgeHead. That would be a suicide mission.

Spider probably doesn't have a lot of trust in the Sully's adults after A2. Like they are on the same side, they want the same thing, but Spider knows they will not hesitant to leave him. (As seen in the comics). (I actually have a theory going that in A3 or A4 once the family start getting chased again, Spider will immediately split from the pack and look to save himself, because in his mind the Sully's will be fine. They will not help me, which will cause Jake to freak out, like where is my SON?). Spider was treated more like a kid by the recoms than the other adults. I think it was Prager or Wainfleet trying to guide/comfort him after Quaritch goes down with Cupcake. (Which I lowkey hope we see some moments of Spider with them. Him with his Auntie and Uncles). Whatever...

My point is, the series is about the kids, them growing up in a time of war, their families hating each other, but they themselves love each other. Like if Romeo and Juliet were the 'only childs' of their familes that found solace in each other as siblings.

The history of their species and families are going to be additonal pressure points in the next couple of movies.

And I don't think there'll be times that they won't blame each other.

"Oh your mother was going to kill me!"

"Your dad burnt my hometree!"

"Did you forget your dad helped him?"

"You saved a monster"

"A monster that saved my life twice, more than anyone else did!"

Moving forward, I genuinely believe these other teens ( The Metkayina, and the wind-trader teen) are going to be a source of comfort for the siblings to express their grief and raging emotions to. We know for sure that going to their parents in this situation would lead to. A bias judgement in which they try to influence their children with their own emotions. Neytiri blaming Spider and Quaritch convincing Spider that the Sullys never cared about him. I know Spider didn't have anyone outside the Sully siblings to express himself too. As a scientist myself, all the other scientist I know aren't the best with emotions, or children. Besides, Spider doesn't want to be seen in a negative light with these pent up frustrations. Again, which is why I think he is going to latch the fuck onto new friends who don't have a judgement on his family history.

So looking at everyone else's interpretations of Ao'nung I see him as a learner of sorts. He's an asshole, sure, but he's starting to recognize he doesn't know people without seeing them. He likes testing boundaries, but has always lived a such comfortable life, that meeting a stray cat like Spider makes him feel serious things that make him mature a little more. Being with Spider is going to let him push and pull boundaries to his comfort level.

Spider doesn't take shit from anyone, but doesn't let himself open up. So I think he and Ao'nung could really balance each other out with their experiences. Ao'nung makes a snide comment that's a little too out of line, Spider's stomping on his toes. Spider refusing to eat or sleep till he feels like he's properly earned his keep? (Because stray cats have to fight a spot to sleep). Ao'nung's smothering him with love or picking him up and dragging him back to dinner.

So sorry with the long winded answer, but thank you. These two have lived rent free in my head for months and its driving me a little bit mad. So I just really want the community to see what I see and make some more fanart/fiction so I can sit back and just read it myself.

What about you? Got any ideas about those two?

“Mother, father, I’m marrying Jakesully’s eldest.”

“Neteyam??”

“The gold one.”

Back on my Bull

Soooo, y'all know how much I love cracked AUs right? And cracked ships? I mean, I did write a ship for a lesbian and a dead man... anyway, I almost want to go back to the feral-ness of the wattpad days. Oh yes, we are going there.

I lowkey want to write a highschool AU for the celebrities, and politicians of course, because nothing says American woman like reading an A/B/O-verse of Biden and Trump at two in the morning... regardless.

Back on my Highschool AU idea, the class divisions are between groups of ages. Like 20-30 is freshmen, 31-40 is sophomore, 41-50 is junior and 50-55 is senior. Any thing above 55 is graduated, anything below 20 is a 8th grade/middle schooler. MET gala is prom, Drake is that weird kid that can't take a hint and kinda creepy. Would Billie be the staple Goth girl? Taylor is... popular farm girl that wants to make it big in the city, sorry I don't make the rules. Pitbull is on the baseball team, but can free style rap anytime and anywhere making friends with literally everyone. Eminem is the town punk/anti-bully. What would be the Kardashins?

God forgive me. But seriously, I need help building this AU guys...

The explosion community is dying btw. Reblog to blow up the person you're reblogging this from

Scrapped TigerSeal Idea, But Cute Stand Alone.

  "One thing about me..." Tsireya hummed as she thought of a fact about her that not even her brother knew. This game was rather difficult, as Lo'ak had explained to her earlier. It was meant for more sky people friends to get to know each other better, as they don't spend nearly as much time with each other as Na'vi get to. But, it was a challenge she was more than willing to take if it meant she got to spend time with the Sully siblings. She had gotten to learn some interesting things so far, and a couple of things about her brother that she didn't know before, "Is that I dislike sea grass wraps on my feet."  

    "But your hands and face are fine?" Rotxo leans his head forward to stare at her incredulously. It was true, that she enjoyed caring for her body, proper amounts of sleep, strict balances of different foods, and she did put a lot of effort into caring for her skin.  But her feet? She was revolted at letting anything touch her feet. 

    "Yes, of course," She felt a bashful giggle work out of her. She supposed that was the point of the game, expressing things about yourself that you normally wouldn't, so others can learn about you. Even the silly little things. 

    "But that is the best part!" Neteyam blinked at her, his arm finally out of the awful sling. A small scar rose above the rest of his skin, lying not too far away from his heart. "Resting your tired feet from a day of proper labor?" 

    Tsireya couldn't help herself from blanching. Nope, nope, nope, she could feel the sogging plant between her toes already. Her stomach twisted in response to the thought. 

    "Absolutely not." She crinkled her nose. "Let's move away from the subject of feet, your turn!" She looked up to the rock the tawtute had perched himself on. She found it a little odd how he always was on top of things, but Tuk told her that's just how Spider was. Granted that wasn't the only thing...unique about the young male. However, Tsireya found herself enjoying Spider's company. He was thoughtful and open to the world, similar to Lo'ak and Kiri. He held a kind and protective demeanor, an observant eye like Neteyam. He was just as playful as Tuk. So she couldn't say all sawtute were bad, or good, she could tell that Spider was a child of Ewya, which made him a friend of hers. 

    "One thing about me is that my name means war relief or soldier's relief." He smiled as glanced over the group. Tsireya could feel her ears pricked which her curiosity. His name meant that? She didn't know sky people names had meaning. 

    "Hold up Monkey boy, when did you learn that?" Kiri twisted her head over her to glance at her brother. Her eyes held a serious intent. Tsireya noted the surprise from the rest of the Suli siblings. 

    "Yeah bro, when did you learn that?" Lo'ak placed a hand on Tsireya's knee as he leaned forward to look around her. 

    "Spi-ter means war relief?" Ao'nung's tongue was a little thick on the other's name, well, all theirs were. The other teen's name was definitely not Na'vi. The syllables and sounds just didn't sound right together. Thus she often, like her brother and friend frequently butched his name just a little. Tsireya, did feel bad about it. 

    "Ah...No" Spider rubbed the back of his head. He rolled his head side to side with his shoulder swaying as well, his five fingers almost touching each other as his upturned palms were held close to his body. Tsireya had deduced the movement as an unsure body gesture, she had only seen Toruko Makto, and the dreamwalker that visited after the Battle at Three Brothers do it before.

    "So, Spider isn't actually my name, it's a nickname." Tsireya needed to blink, she had been staring for a bit too long. His name wasn't Spider? "My name is Miles Javier Socorro, but rarely anyone uses my middle name." His name was Meilys? 

    "Now I'm confused, why don't you use your real name?" Rotxo folded his arms and looked at Spider with some skepticism. Tsireya could understand. It was a lot to take in. Why wasn't his family name Tshaka? or Tsykeitan?  What was a middle name? 

    "So I'm adopted like Kiri, and my birth parents died in the battle of Hallelujah Mountains," Kiri was nodding along, however, Tsireya noticed how Kiri's face went solemn. Tsireya glanced at Lo'ak for some type of answer. Yet his face was drawn tight as well, his eyes downcast at the rock below them. Tsireya was hoping that Neteyam would be more upbeat, but his face was hard, ear pinned back with distaste. 

    "They were bad people though, they attacked the Na'vi. I was only a week old at the time. My Dad, or at least his memories, were put into a dreamwalker's body. He's the one who led the burning of the Anerui village, and the hunt against the Tulkun and the one who held you hostage on the ship." Spider's voice grew quiet. He was ashamed. "His name is Miles." 

    "Miles means war, doesn't it?" Neteyam spoke, his eyes trained on Spider's folded, defeated-looking body. Like just telling them that had exhausted him.  Spider nodded languidly.

    "Miles is from the dead language called Latin, it technically means solider or warrior, but it's been so well associated with war, that it can be used as the word in some cases." Tsireya's mouth was dry and hot. Who could find war so beautiful, that one would name a baby after it?

    "My mother's name, Paz Soccorro, in Espanol, her...tribe's native language," Spider glanced at Ao'nung and gave a weak smile, Tsireya felt something in her chest untwist as Ao'nung gave his own reassuring smile back. When had she started feeling sick? "Means Peace relief." 

    "War and peace, huh?" Lo'ak barked with a disbelieving laugh. Tsireya could share the sediment. That was truly ironic. 

    "What does Quaritch mean Spider?" Kiri asked, her voice wobbling from the topic of the nightmare that made their family flee their home. Spider sighed, how could Tsireya feel his saddened soul from one gust of breath? His family name, his ancestors, had cursed him by giving his name to be of violence. 

    "Quaritch is thought to be of Slovak origin, which means a smith, or a special maker of something," Spider rolled and rested his back on the rock. His face was no longer visible to her, but Tsireya was certain that Miles, (Spider?) wasn't proud. His tongue flicked the sky people's word out easily before returning to the mother's tongue. 

    "So his name would be war maker," Rotxo concluded. Tsireya rubbed her thumb between her fingers. Sawtute names had meaning, deep meaning, it spoke of their ancestors and their actions. 

    "What does Tsykek's name mean?" Tsireya found herself asking before she could stamp the thought down. Spider sat up and glanced at her. 

    "His full name is Jacob, Jake is his nickname. And it means to follow, or one who seizes. Some believe that it means deceiver. It's Hebrew, the language I mean." Tsireya watched Lo'ak jaw relax and open. His enchanting eyes were wide as he gazed at his older brother. 

    "Does dad have a middle name too?" 

    "It's Oscar." Spider grinned as Lo'ak started cackling, and Tsireya found herself laughing along with them. As much as she respected the warrior, sky people names sounded awfully silly. 

    "Kiri, your turn!" 

"One thing about me..." 

Prompt: Aonung is terrible at courting Spider.

It’s not that Jake isn't happy Spider is finally getting some attention… He is! He knows how lonely the kid has been feeling lately. It was hard to watch him so depressed. They never talked about it but Jake knows he probably didn’t have the best of times with the RDA. Jake knows them. He knows what they’re capable of. And he found the kid bruised and looking very tired. What happened with Neytiri on the ship clearly didn’t help their relationship. His mate had always disliked Spider, even though the kid tried really hard to fit in.

He was afraid settling up with the Metkayina would be hard for Spider. It was, at the beginning. They were very distrustful of humans and Jake couldn’t exactly blame them. But eventually, they warmed up to him and Spider even made some friends.

And Jake was happy for the kid.

Until he wasn’t anymore.

There was one thing he hadn’t anticipated. That no one had anticipated to be honest. The effect of human pheromones on young Na’vi… Spider was growing into a man and the hormones his body was producing in immense quantities were particularly effective on coming of age Na’vi… Making him extra attractive all of a sudden.

And the courting began.

It was cute at first when the Metkayinia girls offered Spiders weaved items and flowers. Spider didn’t really get it and was very confused at first. But it was cute and Jake was glad the boy was being noticed. This would do some good to his ego and Eywa knows the boy needs the boost. But when males began to bring extra fish for Spider or impress him with their skills, Jake couldn’t help but frown. It’s not that he disapproves of males courting each other - he’s not from the twentieth century after all! But there were obvious physical differences between the Na’vi and Spider that had Jake slightly worried. The girls were already taller than Spider and would get much bigger with time. But girls were less scary than those young warriors in training. Sure, they were bigger and stronger but there was something about the broad male bodies and their large items that positively terrified Jake for Spider safety..

As selfish as it was, he secretly hoped those courtship gifts wouldn’t go anywhere and that the young Metkayina were only interested in Spider because of the hormones he was releasing and the fact that he was exotic. It was selfish to think this way, he knew it… Lo’ak and Tsireya were courting and Kiri had caught the eye of Rotxo. And Jake was happy for his kids. Tsireya was kind and a good balance to Lo’ak’s fiery temper. And Rotxo loved Kiri for all she was.

So wishing that Spider’s suitors would get bored early in the process was not exactly nice.

But Jake wasn’t stupid. Courtship was not just about gifts. When a courtship was accepted and succeeded, it led to activities Spider’s human body was absolutely not suited for. Jake didn’t want to think about it - out of respect for Spider. But watching yet another bulky boy bring Spider his catch of the day and give the human a look that couldn’t be described as anything but suggestive, Jake saw red.

Fortunately, Spider didn’t seem interested - or he probably didn’t really understand. And Jake was relieved.

But then, Tonowari’s son, Aonung, of all people, decided to join the list of suitors and the young male took things to the next level, courting Spider the manly way. If the other Na’vi had been rather shy and offered a couple of gifts before backing away, Aonung did not and his courting methods were rather… questionable at best - aggressive and really not effective from Jake’s opinion.

The young Metkayina almost buried Spider under a mountain of fish daily, knocking the poor human into the sand once after throwing a much, much too large fish his way and Spider remained stuck under the weight of the thing, only the tip of his fingers popping from the sand, desperately wiggling to get free.

He also took Spider on his Skimwing for a ride that was, as far as Jake was concerned, everything but romantic. The young Na’vi sped up a bit too much, way too eagerly, and Spider’s light human weight was promptly ejected and crashed into the sea in a flash of tangled blond hair.

When he decided to take Spider for a swim, he led him to a shallow creek that was only shallow for Na’vi. When Spider jumped off the Skimwing, expecting to wade into the water, his feet touched only nothingness and Aonung saw the boy disappear at the bottom of the spring in a loud Blouf. Aonung pulled him back to the surface, but gripped him too hard and bruised a rib with his much superior strength, leaving Spider to be bandaged and bed ridden for three weeks.

This was the worst courting Jake had ever seen. But the real worst was that Spider had no idea Aonung was trying to court him at all. For Spider, Aonung was either trying to get him killed or befriend him the Akula way.

Breakdown.

Hello lovelies. I write to you from my SUV as it has decide it’s having the breakdown of the day, not me, in the middle of the freaking highway.

I speak as these may possibly be my last words, for I am in Florida, and Florida drivers are idiots that kill people.

It’s hot, and muggle-never mind the Tow truck is here. Thank you God.

Fuck, he just almost got hit.

pray for us.

-Mayfast.

“Mother, father, I’m marrying Jakesully’s eldest.”

“Neteyam??”

“The gold one.”

Chapter 3 Fuckers

Oh dear, Sorry, that came off so aggressive. Point is, I added a new chapter to Of Lambs and wolves, it's close to where I want it to be as a narrative and I must thank SPFab for their amazing beta reading. I hope you all enjoy it.

Also, when the fluffy mini series hits, can you guys make a suggestions on how Jake would coach Ao'nung into wooing Spider? Because I can see so much humor in that.

Avatar Headcanons (FIGHT ME)

1.) Because of their tails, Na'vi are really bad at shooting upside down. Like you know human trick shots where we can just comfortably dangle upside down to make a shot, yet, their tails' sense of balance it throwing them all off. Think of a cat's tail, it corrects them while they are upside down.

2.) Na'vi have different waves of light that they can see in. Like you know how bugs see in different waves, or dogs hear in different frequencies?

3.) Their enhanced senses are something the RDA uses dramatically for war. Like think about the Flash Bang potential here? A weapon that only throws off Na'vi. That means avatars have slight protection from them because of their human DNA, or when Jake gets word that these are gonna be used, he has Spider come along as their human coverage.

4.) There are poisonous foods to Na'vi that humans can eat. Like something that would stop their hearts, Spider can just casually snack on. That's like watching someone eat deadly nightshade for breakfast.

5.) Na'vi aren't meant for long periods of starvation. Not like humans are. Have you seen how lean they are?? There isn't a fat deposit on these guys, and they are BIG. They need food to keep going. So they can go without eating for a week, max.

6.) There are human pheromones that they can't smell and there are Na'vi pheromones that human's can't pick up. I mean, smells are chemical structures allow us to recognize something and pick up the smell. So if the chemical make up of environments for humans and Na'vi are different than it makes sense that there are smells that they/we can't even pick up. OR EVEN BETTER, the smells are all off. Like if we give them an earth flower for them to smell, and to them it comes off as the smell of rotten eggs. IMAGINE.

7.) Na'vi don't thermoregulate like we do. Thus why there isn't a big need for clothes. Granted, it's be weird, cause that's where most of our calories go towards, straight up thermoregulation.

8.) Human's are better at reading body language between the two species. Human's don't have a tail or ears to give away feelings, and we're taught from a young age to control our RBF, eyebrows and flushing. So we typically pay more attention to the posture of another person. So humans can pick out little details better.

9.) Na'vi are better are regulating their emotions. Or at least dealing with them. I know their brains have 3 lobes or something, while ours have 4. But I just have a feeling that since they have response to another creature in their brain, that they have a better specialize area in the brain for dealing with emotion.

10.) No tumbling or gymnastics for the Na'vi. I was thinking about it. And it's a lot of circular movement and I genuinely think their queue would hit stuff or disorientate them if swung around too much. Like, I know we saw the Metkayina teens do all that diving, and Neytiri's roll on to the boat, but like. She just did that, onto her brain organ. God that had to have HURT.

Thank you for listening to my silliness.

Crack Post Cause it made me giggle as I work on my TigerSeal.

It's Lo'ak and Ao'nung in the red string of fate universe just warning you.

But imagine this, only humans have a red string of fate. Jake still had his when he entered his Na'vi body which messed with him for awhile because was Neytiri for him or Tommy???

Anyway, only Jake's kids with five fingers have the string, not Neteyam and not Tuk. Kiri and Lo'ak both asked about their red-string when it appeared when they turned five. Jake explained how it work, and also explain to Spider cause he had a red string as well.

Years down the line, when the Sully's get to the Metkayina tribe, Lo'ak sees his string ending. He's thrilled! For a moment, he think it leads to Tsireya, but she moves as her brother comes by her side...and surprise surprise his string is tied to Ao'nung. He's fine with it in the beginning, however, then Ao'nung starts making those asshole comments and Lo'ak is already done with this guy.

Cue the scene with the fistfight and Lo'ak later tells his Dad that he found the end of his string, he's just a dick. Jake tells him to apologize and what not, but then Ao'nung invites Lo'ak to go hunting with them.

Lo'ak getting all kinds of twisty feelings in his gut, cause oh, maybe the string is right. The ONLY reason Lo'ak agreed was because he thought Ao'nung was actually trying to be nice, like the string fated them to be.

Whomp Whomp, he is still left out in the ocean.

Now he's a wet, upset cat with a broken heart.

IDK where to take it from there, but like, I was thinking about the movie again, and I was like, Lo'ak, c'mon, have some sense. You're better than this. Then the thought struck me.

HeadCanon Ash Na’vi Edition

So, as we approach our our third movie of the Avatar Franchise, everyone’s been making some thoughts on what they hope to see and etc. So naturally I want to pitch in.

Ash Na’vi are supposedly made of the outcast of other tribes right?

What if their iknimaya is a little different? - I’ve seen the idea of their teens surviving a full year on their own before be allowed back into their clan, “carving their own path if you will”. - Maybe that’s part of the rites? Being outcasted. As their ancestors were. - So if being cast out by your first tribe leads to your ‘Spiritual’ death, finding the home within the Ash clan becomes your second, or third birth.

Moving on to angst because I love angst like a crackhead loves meth,

Spider, just being cast out by Jake and Neytiri in a hot flash of anger, they are not over Neteyam’s death, Lo’ak feeling betrayed in a way, and Kiri feeling so confuse because that’s her brother, while all Tuk can do is watch her family fall apart again. [I don’t think this would happen, I just like being Delulu, all characters here are complex and have trauma and a griefcase] . Spider breaking down in a Windertrader’s arms or another Ash Na’vi (who was latest outcast) because he feels like he’s lost everything. After grieving his heart out and having a well deserved breakdown with someone holding him, Spider hears his friend whisper “Welcome home brother.”

If you're reading this...

go write three sentences on your current writing project.

Chapter 3 WIP (Unbetaed)

Crumbs for the the TigerSeal and SeaMonkey fans. So if you've been wondering where I've been, I got diagnosed with epilepsy. So I got put on some meds that make me hella tired. Like all the time. I would sleep 15 hours a day if you let me. So it's been a struggle to get this next chapter up and rolling. But I'm close to finishing it. Afterwards I'll send it to my Beta (I feel so cool saying that), then I'll get it all posted on AO3, God bless that site.

Enjoy~

__________________________

“Jake Sully,” Somehow, he’s been expecting this all night. But he still wishes he could have another day to mentally prepare himself. He throws a casual look over his shoulder to spot Ao’nung behind him, glancing at him almost shyly.

            “Yes?” He sighs. He doesn’t want to give him the wrong impression, he’s started liking Ao’nung more. After he got over the Metkayina calling his daughter a freak, picking a fight with his kids, and almost killing Lo’ak. But hey, everyone makes mistakes, right?

            “I want to court Spider.” He’s blunt and staring Jake in the eyes. Almost like it’s a challenge, like he’s ready to fight. Jake can almost appreciate the little spitfire, but after the tongue lashing from Norm and Max earlier…he’s caught between a rock and a hard place.

            “Yeah?” He acknowledged with some gravel in his voice.

            “…Yes.” The other held some confusion in his eyes. His blue eyes wandering over Jake’s slumped form, trying to get a read on him. “I don’t know what I’m doing though.” This draws a snort out of him. Took a big man to admit when he’s lost. Maybe Ao’nung is maturing.

            “How so?” He raised an eyebrow and patted the ground beside. He had decided to take a little detour back to the center beach, where the adults are still celebrating, after laying Tuk down for bed. He was going to send Spider, Kiri and Lo’ak to sleep when he got back, but he wanted to give them a little more time with their friends. Now the current bane of his existent came and found him.

The younger man sat down on the beach as Jake observed the sky. “I… I don’t … There’s a lot.” Ao’nung breathed after a moment. His shoulders slumping, mirroring Jake’s posture.

“Well, find your first question.” He laughed, turning to watch Ao’nung roll his eyes, tail twitching as he digs his fingers through the sand.

“Is Spider old enough to be courted?” He questions after a moment. His gaze fixated on the sand below him and his ears are pinned back, distraught. Jake can almost feel pain. Dating someone younger than you can be a risky game, especially when they’re a different species with different aging practices.

“Dating.” Jake corrects him and looks up at the sky again. Finding the star that supposedly his first home orbits around. “We call it dating. And yes, he’s old enough to go on dates with you.” Norm’s going to tear him a new one. Max will stitch him up just to tear him a second one.

“It’s where you do courting practices, but you don’t mate even if you think your ready, at least not yet, he’s not old enough for sex, okay?” It feels dirty coming out of his mouth, like ash and acid. Yet, he needs to set some boundaries, some lines in the sand. He’s the only one here who understands how human teens work, kind of.

“Okay.” Ao’nung nods, good, he sounds accepting.  “How do I court the human way?”

“Why do you want to do it the human way?” Jake finds himself suspicious. Not that anything Ao’nung says doesn’t make sense, but why is he going so left field for someone’s who’s so different from him. Jake had to learn the Na’vi way, because he was on Eywa’eveng. Ao’nung doesn’t need to go out of his way to learn another culture.

“He’s ashamed to be human.” Ao’nung tells him after a moment of internal debate. He’s confident in his answer, sounds like he and Spider have already had a conversation. “I don’t want Spider to be ashamed of what he is, or who he is. So, I want to prove to him that I accept all of him. Even the parts he doesn’t like so much.”

            He’s not exactly sure how to feel about this. It’s a lot for his jar head to take in. Ao’nung trying to do this the right way. And shouldn’t Jake want the best for Spider? Someone who wants to make him happy and feel like he belongs? Still, shouldn’t that have been him? What if Spider end up with Daddy issues and acts out later in life? He could get self-destructive, well more self-destructive, or codependent on Ao’nung.

            “Humans are different from Na’vi, Ao’nung, you know this. From how they look, to how they show affection.” He grabs Ao’nung by the shoulder, needing the other to look him in the eye. “They can’t form a tsaheylu, ever. Are you okay that?” Because he doesn’t want Ao’nung to regret his decision ten years down the line and start resenting his baby. It would be unfair to both of them.

            “With him, I don’t need one.” Ao’nung clasps a hand over his forearm. The grip just as tight as his hand on the Metkayina’s shoulder. “I want him the way he is.”

            It soothes a part of his soul. Jake’s gone through most of his life without a bond. But after experiencing it, he’s not sure he could go back. It was like an addiction. The peace of mind his mate gave him. A safe space that only he and she were allowed to curl up into. Ao’nung would never have that.

            “If you’re serious about this, I need to warn you that humans don’t mature until twenty-five. That means he’s still changing a bit, figuring out who he is.” Jake retracts his hand and throws it over his bend knee. “I wouldn’t change being with Neytiri for anything, but I was twenty-two when she and I bonded. I was still figuring out my place in the world, but she helped me through it. Spider may not be the same person he is now.”

            He notices the way Ao’nung closes his eyes and smiles. “Then he is like the sea. It’s never same.”

A little Aonung/Spider I've been working on... (not proofread)

Warning: T rated for this one but might go up to M or E rated when finished (I might add a first time moment at the end of this)

Aonung has had enough.

Can’t they mind their own business?

Yes, he knows Spider is different from him, in more than one way. But he has accepted it. So why do they have to make such a big fuss and be so weird about it?! Three talks! He’s already had to suffer three talks! With their worried expressions and not so subtly allusions he might hurt Spider with his size and his weight, as if he were some sort of horrible brute. It makes him sick, this image they have of him… of them and his love.

Yes, he’s aware making Spider his official mate will be… a conundrum. He’s not stupid. He’s seventeen. He passed his Rite. He’s an adult now. Spider has no Kuru to make the bond with him. He couldn’t even pass his own Rite, being unable to ride a Tsurak like a Na’vi. Jakesully said that Spider can be considered an adult in human standards but the tribe will never validate it - not really. And Spider is small. Child sized. He reaches Aonung at the waist and Aonung isn’t stupid. He noticed how incredibly much larger he is and what it means. Yes, he’s scared. But he knows that adorable tawtute is the one. Did he ever think his mate would be a tawtute? No! But that’s what happened. And now, he’s determined to take things as they are and not as he wishes they were.

He will make this work.

He knows he can, somehow.

That Avatar - Norm - was a great help. He owes him a lot. He’s the one who told him about human physiology and how Spider’s body works. It was probably the only interesting talk he’s had so far… So much better than all the fearful warnings he got from his father, Toruk Makto and even his mother. Neytiri was… her whole sort of weird. That woman is terrifying - poor Toruk Makto. But Norm was different. Norm was… trying. He was instructive. 

Aonung wants the evening to be perfect. 

He has spent hours preparing everything while Spider was held busy by his very supportive sister. When Lo’ak understands why Tsireya insisted they needed to weave twenty five new nets when most of the used nets seem to be perfectly fine, he might get angry. But that’s an ordeal for another day. Right now, his priority is to finish having things ready when Spider returns to his shack. He hopes the boy will not find him intruding or strange… He has no idea how to court a Sky Person. He knows Spider was born and raised among Na’vi but he still has his own things about him that Aonung can barely start to understand. 

It took Spider months to understand the young Na’vi was courting him at all. 

He accepted the gifts but with an expression that even Aonung translated as confused. It was only when Kiri told him that Spider had no idea Aonung was courting him at all that he decided to communicate with words and Aonung confessed that he was indeed interested in the tawtute. He thought it would finally settle everything down but then Spider rejected Aonung’s courtship and it hurt. Because Aonung wasn’t expecting to be rejected.

It could have ended right then and there but Aonung was not one to give up and he persisted. He liked this cute but fierce little tawtute and was determined to win him over. It took a moment but Spider eventually confessed his fears and Aonung did his best to reassure him. Yes, they were different species but he was sure they could make this work, somehow.

Then, his parents - and the Sullys - decided to step in and discourage him, arguing that he was going to hurt the little human with his large body and that this relationship had to stop before it even got started.

But Aonung doesn’t care. He knows he can make this work. He knows he can.

Which is why he finds himself currently preparing a pik’nik right in the middle of Spider’s shack, not really knowing if what he’s doing is the right thing at all.

The door of the shack suddenly depressurizes and the metal clicks.

A few seconds later, Spider’s voice rises into the windowless room.

“Hey Nung, Reya said you were looking for me… Why are you in the dark-”

He stops right at the threshold, his sentence finishing itself in the air. Aonung feels his heart beating in the back of his throat. His tail goes rigid behind him and his ears fall backwards. Spider is blinking at him with the most dumbfounded expression he has ever seen on his face, eyes wide, lips parted and Aonung does feel like a fool, his immense body knelt as it can in the middle of the room on a blanket that is already too small for him and that forces more than half of his body on the cold metal floor to leave enough space for the small human to fit. He tried to reproduce as best as he could the pictures Norm gave him but couldn’t find any candles like they had and he didn’t want to risk burning the whole place with a torch so he settled for bioluminescent plants that he put in jars instead. It doesn’t give that warm orange light, the plants basking the room in dim hues of pink and blue that reflect on the walls around them and the floor. He harvested Spider’s favorite human edible fruit and took some bread, vegetables and dippings that he arranged in bowls, as well as swamp nectar and prune juice.

For long seconds, Spider just stays there, watching the display in front of him, stunned and at a loss for words. It doesn’t help alleviate Aonung’s nervousness in the least.

“What… What is that?” Spider eventually asks.

Aonung’s ears flicker. Did he do something wrong? Did he miss something in his… reproduction of tawtute culture?

“It’s uhm… A… pik’nik,” he says, trying to pronounce the foreign word correctly.

Spider blinks, “Oh!”

“You know them, right?” Aonung presses, feeling more and more anxious that his idea completely missed the point.

“Only from Norm and Max’s stories. I never really… had one before…” His face takes on that adorable pink color Aonung loves so much, “But… why?” he asks and he sounds like he has no idea why Aonung went through all that trouble.

“For you,” Aonung explains.

“Me?” Spider repeats as if the concept of someone doing something like this for him is an impossibility.

“Yes, you. Please, come sit with me.”

Spider blinks and wobbles on his legs, joining Aonung on the blanket. He swallows. Aonung smiles. It’s one of the first times he can see Spider without his mask. What a beautiful sight. He takes a deep breath from his own mask. 

“Is that… swamp nectar?”

“Yes.”

“Where did you get it?”

Aonung smirks, “I’m the Olo’eyktan son. It comes with privileges!” he says, sounding shamelessly smug and proud of himself.

Spider chuckles and his face flushes again.

They begin to eat, talking about their day. Spider is always shy at first but when Aonung starts speaking with him, he suddenly opens up and can no longer be stopped, going on and on and on about the fish they saw and the nets they weaved and how Lo’ak kept growling the whole time. Aonung smiles and chuckles, watching him. There are so many colors on him when he speaks. It’s like the words are dancing on his skin, each one of them a different emotion that lights him up in so many different shades. His own human bioluminescence. It’s fascinating.

Spider suddenly realizes that Aonung is staring at him intensely. He stops talking and frowns, looking self-conscious again.

“What?” he asks, pouting a little.

Aonung smirks, “You’re beautiful,” he whispers.

Spider swallows, his Adam apple bobbing as he does. Aonung blinks at him. Slowly, he cups his face. His hand is so much bigger, it encircles his head completely. His heart starts beating faster. It’s the first time he can touch his beautiful face, the first time he finally has access to that masterpiece held behind a glass for so long. Gently, he swipes his thumb under Spider’s eye. The skin is so soft.

“Sevin,” he whispers.

Spider swallows again. His eyes are huge. His lips tremble. A breath passes through them, hitting Aonung’s hand with its warmth. He blinks at the tall Na’vi. Aonung bends down slowly toward him. Spider’s breath hitches through his nose and fills his lungs with too much air, making his throat tickle with the need to cough. 

Their lips touch for the very first time.

Aonung has already kissed his mask a few times already but nothing compares to this. Spider’s lips are warm and tiny against his. Aonung’s mouth takes almost all of Spider’s lower face and he adjusts his angle not to smother the human and free his nose, making Spider’s chuckle in the kiss. Yes, that size difference is really awkward. But Aounung wouldn’t change it for the rest of the world and laughs. Spider wraps his small arms around Aonung’s neck, his fingers digging into the thick curls. The Na’vi moans at the gentle contact. Slowly, he opens his mouth and pokes the tiny lips with the bit of his tongue, requesting entrance. Spider shakes against him but parts his lips nonetheless and Aonung touches the tip of a tiny tongue and it feels like a spark of electricity. His braid is heavy on his lap. From the corner of his eyes, he sees his Kuru open and the tendrils reach up, desperate to touch the tawtute. 

The kiss deepens. Spider’s hand cups Aonung’s face. Aonung strokes the soft skin of Spider’s cheek with the back of his fingers. The kiss is slow, careful. Aonung knows that he can’t push the fragile human and he doesn’t want to. This feels so nice, kissing him and touching him like this. Spider tastes like fruit and Swamp nectar. He’s delightful. 

They part. Spider gives him a shy smile and looks down. His lips are a bit swollen and pink. He looks adorable and so much more edible than any of the food on that blanket. Aonung keeps his hand on his face and kisses the tip of his nose gently, making Spider chuckle.

Their eyes meet.

They’re both breathing hard and deep.

Their bodies are hot, heart racing behind their rib cages.

Gently, Aonung lays a soft kiss on Spider’s cheek before diving into the warm crook of his neck. The human’s reaction is immediate. Goosebumps suddenly cover his skin and he moans loudly, tilting his head. Ok, so the neck is very sensitive for humans. Good to know! He gently sucks on the skin, mindful to keep his teeth away and not leave any mark. But that skin is so soft and tender.

“Nung!” Spider whines.

Aonung pulls away and returns to face him with a playful smirk.

“My cute little tawtute is sensitive!” he gently mocks.

Spider turns beet red again but looks down in haste.

“Spi?” Aonung asks, “What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” he’s suddenly anxious - he did try to be as gentle as he could.

“What?! No! Of course not!”

Aonung relaxes at that.

“Then, what is it?”

He touches Spider’s cheek again, marveling at the softness of that skin he can never feel against his fingers. With his other hand, he takes his mask and breathes deeply in it, the intensity of the kiss having left him a little too dazed for his own good.

Spider shrugs, “Nothing… I just…” shyly, he looks up at the Na’vi, “I just like you, I guess…” he’s quick to look down again.

Aonung feels his heart miss a beat. Here, just the two of them in the confinement of this tawtute shack, in that strange colorful darkness, it feels so much more intimate than in the open of the sea. It fits them. It makes them belong.

“I like you too,” he says, “So much, Ma Spider.”

Spider nibbles his bottom lip, not looking at Aonung. He’s adorable. He smiles and bends down to kiss him again just as gently as the first time. He tastes fruit and swamp nectar again. His mouth is so warm and wet. He loves it. His fingers sink into Spider’s dreads, then on his shoulders, brushing against the blue painted patterns on his skin - he wonders if Spider will let him paint him. His hands find their way down Spider’s arms and onto his waist. The skin is so hard there. There are so many muscles. He’s really beautiful.

His ears fall backwards.

He can feel himself… react. But he won’t give his parents reason. He can control himself. He knows he can. Spider’s is more important than any heat. 

“Can I… see you?” he asks in a whisper.

Spider looks up in haste, “What?”

Aonung’s tail swipes nervously behind him, “Can I look at you… I really want to see you, Ma Spider.”

“I’m right here,” Spider babbles.

“Without your Tweng,” the Na’vi specifies with a smirk, “I want to touch you. All of you. If you allow me."

Spider’s eyes widen and he thinks he’s going to faint.

Pookie, make them kiss now😈😈😈

I mean Aonung and Spider, make those two being clumsy and idiots in love and they kiss and im happy and everything is happy and we are happy and the world is happy and-

Just make them kiss please.

Something about spiders first kiss being with his mask on is so romantic to me

I know you are accepting requests (ignore this if im wrong, and im sorry)

Can you please draw more Spider x Aonung?

Aonung trying to court monkey boy

Spider being really annoyed 😒

Modern Aocorro high school au: what if Spider was a harpist in his high school orchestra and Ao'nung was down bad about it.

Spider was already your classic high school heart throb. He was popular, buff, handsome, a little rough around the edges, yet still a total sweetheart.

For Eywa's sake, he carpooled his siblings to school or rode his skateboard to school, volunteered around town 24/7, used reusable straws, he'd hand his pocket change to anyone in need, and was known for getting into fights with bullies in the parking lot.

Not to mention that he had the prettiest golden curls and brown eyes anyone had ever seen (at least in Ao'nung's opinion).

So to say Ao'nung was crushing, hard, was probably the understatement of the century, and could you even blame him? The guy was perfect, an angel, and it was driving him insane.

He'd catch himself staring during gym practice, marveling at his muscles, cheeks flushing, or in the locker room when he took his shirt off to change, his heart pounding away in his chest.

he thought he couldn't be even more down bad for that boy than he already was, his confident personality rendered null and void when he was around, his tongue caught in the back of his throat, unable to do so much as squeak at him… until the day he caught him in the orchestra room, practicing.

Now, he had heard Spider was in orchestra and had even seen him rolling around some large black case around the school before, but he'd never actually caught what he played.

But walking past that half-opened door was how he found out the love of his life wasn't only a sweet handsome hunk of a guy, but he played the harp, the instrument of an angel.

The sheer audacity of this boy was getting out of hand, he swore to Eywa, he was gonna kill him one of these days with his impossibly hot antics.

He stands and watches as Spider presses up against his harp, eyes focused on his sheet music, hair tied up in a messy bun but a single golden curl hangs he keeps blowing out of his face, and his fingers strum along the strings, working the muscles throughout his hands and arms.

The sound of gentle music flowed from the gap in the door, and it sounded just as pretty as Spider looked, soft and sweet, but still robust, still full of base and bravado. It was so fitting.

Watching Spider's face quirk with focus and frustration and pride as he worked through the song made the other's heart swoon, he swore it must be palpating or maybe skipping beats. He just knows it wasn't beating right, especially as he rubs his hand over his chest and feels how heavy it beats against his ribs.

And thats when Spider just so happens to turn to see who was gawking at him from the hallway, and instead of telling him to stop staring or throwing a pissed-off glance like Ao'nung is sure most other's would do if they caught someone staring like he had been, Spider just smiled.

"Like what you hear?" he quipped, leaning forward to turn the page of his music binder.

"Y-Yeah, yeah, you're... amazing," he choked out an answer, coughing into his fist to try and cover up the stammer in his voice and the blush on his cheeks.

"You flatter me," he replied, sitting back and looking Ao'nung right in the eye before he looked away with an even brighter smile, and it was like his skin was set on fire by just that single glance. "Are you gonna come in or are you gonna keep standing out their like some weirdo?"

"Oh, I-I wouldn't want to bother, I was j-just passing by,"

"It's free period, it's why I'm in here all by my lonesome," he puts on a fake pout and bats his lashes in his direction for show, "keep my company yeah? I'm sure you've got nothing to do if you've already spent so much time staring."

He moved his bag off the chair next to him before patting it.

"Sit," his tone was warm and inviting and his eyes were soft and almost pleading, so he did, with a deep breath, he sat next to the other boy.

He managed to be even prettier up close, and Ao'nung had to tear his eyes away so he didn't make a fool of himself. He decided to turn his attention to the harp. It was beautiful, made of a soft, warm-toned wood, intricately carved and painted with the image of flowers he couldn't name off the top of his head.

"She's a beauty isn't she?" Spider asked

he only nodded at first, before feeling the urge to touch, his hand moving before he could think better of it, but he managed to stop himself before he made contact with he wood.

"Can I?" he asked, quite pitifully, finally making his own eye contact with the blonde. Eywa save him, he was too pretty, it was unfair. He felt butterflies tickling his stomach and his head getting fuzzy. Why didn't he run when he had the chance?

"Go ahead," he answered with a huff of laughter.

He tried to steady himself as he stroked a hand down the curved wood that he saw resting against Spider's chest earlier when he was playing, feeling the warmth from the other boy's skin still clinging to the wood.

His fingers sought out the strings Spider's rested on moments ago, the metal threading bit into his flesh ever so slightly when he ran his fingers down them.

"I catch you staring all the time y'know, you're not very good at hiding it."

Ao'nung feels his heart drop through the floor and into the stone-cold basement beneath them. Fuck. He fucked up, he fucked up so bad, Spider must think he's a freak-

"It's cute."

"What?" he didn't mean to ask that out loud, but when he did, he said it far too loud.

Spider just laughs at him, gently and without malice, his eyes crinkling into almost nothing, his cheeks going a little red, his nose scrunching a little. Ao'nung feels his heart swell.

"Oh, it's never subtle, especially since you turn bright red, and the second you realize I'm looking back, you turn tail and run away like you have the devil on your heels," he pauses to wipe the tears from his eyes, "It's just cute, adorable even. I kinda like having a not so secret admirer."

"You don't think I'm some total freak?"

"Nah dude.... who's to say I'm not staring back?" he said nonchalantly.

Ao'nung was sure his brain was melting, cause he just found out his crush might like him back? Potentially. And that was just simply mind-boggling, cause, he wasn't gonna sell himself short, but he never thought he could be on Spider's radar.

They hung out with different people, and he used to be an ass to his siblings before he transferred to be here, and sure he apologized and made up with them, he always seemed to hold a bit of a grudge.

"You are?" he had to ask.

"Mmmmmm, maybe a little," he replied with a cheeky grin plastered on his face. "I will admit, at first it was because I was trying to make sure you weren't being an ass, but, things might be changing."

Ao'nung nodded to himself, clearing his throat, trying to decipher what that could even mean. Was Spider saying he was starting to like him too? did he have a shot with him?

"Listen, the bells about to ring, so why don't I give you this," he pulled a pen from the spine of his binder, tearing the corner off of one of his sheet music, which felt oddly intimate, and wrote something down on it, before handing it to him.

It was his number. Spider just gave him his number.

"Text me? we can start gettign to actually know each other, and maybe you could start joining me in here during free period, I could give you some lessons on the harp if you'd like?" now Spider sounded a little sheepish.

Which somehow made Ao'nung feel a bit more confident, so for the first time in seemingly forever, he answered Spider with some level of confidence.

"Yeah, I'd like that, I'd like that a lot."

"Good, good, I'd like that too."

They were both smiling now. The bell rang. They both hesitated to break eye contact.

"I'll text you, promise." Eywa, he was making promises. Already. He really was a hopeless sap. But it felt right when Spider huffed a laugh at it, a hand coming up to cover his smile a little. He was flattered.

"You better, stalker," Spider laughed, finally starting to pack up his stuff.

"Rude," he faked a gasped, lingering in the door, knowing he had to get to class, and he needed to let Spider pack up so he wouldn't be late himself, but wanting to let the moment last just a little longer.

"I think staring is rude, but I think I'll give you a pass, so long as you stop running away when I catch you, deal?"

"Deal."

"And you have to meet me here tomorrow."

"I will, it's a date," the words slipped out of his mouth without thinking about how it could be interpreted, "oh, not like-"

"It's a date" Spider repeated.

Ao'nung found he could only nod. It's a date. Even if it wasn't like that, it was still nice to think about. a date with an angel.

"Now go, before you're late, wouldn't want you to get in any trouble." Spider crossed his arms and jutted out his hip like he was some disappointed mom or something.

"Right, bye Spider."

He waved goodbye. It was corny and childish, but he waved. Spider waved back. He had his number clutched tightly in his other palm. Spider had his phone clutched in his hands as if he couldn't wait for the message to come any longer.

"Bye Stalker."

He has a feeling he's gonna have to get used to that nickname, but as he rounds the corner, his chest still feeling warm and full of butterflies, he doesn't think he minds all that much.

One Day...

Just you wait, one day I will make enough money to be commissioning artists left and right...

It probably won't even be NSFW, something like wholesome, like forehead kisses. And I will see an artist with the most lovely shading or divine style and I will pull up like, "Hey... Do you take commissions? If so can I ask for $2000 picture of X & Y holding hands, please? Take your time though, no rush. I'll pay up front too."

Just you wait....

What's in a Name? (UnBetaed Ficlet)

“So, that’s my name?” His fingers hover over the wet sand, terrified to mess up the pretty lines and loops and dots in the shore. It was clean and spread out evenly. He let his eyes wonder over word again.

It was his name, but it’s seeable, not spoken. That’s his name. There on the ground for anyone to see if they wanted. However, it was just shared between them. On the East side of the village, where people hardly go. It’s between ocean blue skin and mellow brown eyes. Hidden in their soft words, and distinctive physiques. Tucked under their forms as a tan pinky points at the symbol. It’s amid their souls. Him and Spider.

“Yep, although we can get rid of this apostrophe if you want,” The elder’s smallest finger taps at the dot between the circle and the next symbol, it looks like the curve of a net falling into the water. Spider’s other hand floats in the air next to his larger, pinky less one. It makes him appreciate the difference and similarities between them. The careful articulation of the digits, and soft pads. But the striking color contrast when he slips the elder’s fingers between his own.  Even when it’s a little awkward to feels a digit on each side of his fingers, or when his hand swallows Spider’s smaller one. Ao’nung welcomes the soft squish of the other’s skin and sensitivity of his slimmer palm, “I just think it makes it look cooler and emphasizes the direct change of morphemes.”

“I like it.” He does, mainly because of the way Spider’s dark eyes reflect the bright sun when he gets to explain the organization of the symbols, letters, and how he’s putting them together to form a visualization of Ao’nung’s name. He looks so excited. His blonde hair glows like syuratan. Ha, imagine that, syuratan that glows during the day.

They were on the shore, kneeling on the semi-wet sand. Sea water occasionally licking at their toes. Ao’nung couldn't help but be captivated by the sight of the human’s long, blonde curly hair. He’s never stood before someone with such salient hair, He marveled how every strand seemed to catch the light, creating a halo of golden warmth around his head.

A gentle breeze played with Spider’s curls, causing them to dance and shimmer. The way his hair framed his face, accentuating his features, it made his stomache twisted wonderfully. Spider’s hair was different, thinner. So thin, that sometimes, the strands allowed the golden curls to puff up just a bit when they were dry. Like now. He watched as Spider’s ran his fingers under his hair, pulling it back from his face, and he couldn't help but feel an urge to cup one hand along the other’s jaw while the other caress the loose, undreaded hair.

It truly was yellow-yellow. It was like an endless current of yellow. Some strand darker than others, and the pieces would weave themselves in and out of each other. The other glanced over his sand shaded shoulder, turning to him with a smile, blunt teeth showing off and, his deep, murky water eyes sparkling with joy. Eyes delighted at seeing him. He returned the smile, feeling the fangs tug at his bottom lip.

            “What about your name?” He queries with a serene hum. He feels the need to bump his head against the gold mane, letting his tough skin feel the slick and smooth glide of the blonde ocean beside him. His does such, feeling the soft tufts along his cheek. It tickles his nose as the curls rub against it. He smells of an odd mixture of something bitter, ocean salt and hard metal. It’s a weird comfort, but he tends to enjoy weird things.

            “Which one?” There’s a small pressure resting on his wrist. He cracks an eye, just widen enough look at Spider’s other hand resting on top of it. His tan look so bright on his blue. He feels held as they lean on each other. “Miles or Spider?”

            “Your name.” He repeats gently. Sighing and feeling the flyaways brush against his skin as they move with his breathe, dancing with the air before falling back onto his cheeks.

            “Okay.” A saccharine utter hummed back.

            Spider leans away from him to put his finger into the sand. Carefully tracing his own symbols into the ground. There’s a similar number of symbols underneath Ao’nung’s name. But it’s dot is on top of a line instead of between symbols.

            “I like it.”  He answers, resting his chin on Spider’s fluffy hair.

Does this Happen to Anyone Else?

Long story short, got stuck with a psychology class I didn’t want to be in, Child and Adolescent Development. I fucking hate that class. But like… it’s improved my writing?

Seriously, when writing through the eyes or about anyone with a traumatic childhood, or even mildly neglectful parents, little things matter. For example, my favorite traumatized noodle, Spider Socorro, should be by many definitions VERY FUCKED UP. However the JC hasn’t shown those parts yet.

At a first glance, yeah, he’s a cool character and kind of a stereotypical stray cat close friend. Whatever, however when you take a deep diver into the psychology end of it. He was basically raised in a daycare, has a insecure resistant attachment style, son of a villain, no actively-engaging family (blood related), isolated from peers until who knows how long, and probably very behind on various socioemotional markers. In perfect theory, that screws someone up, for life.

Now, I’m not saying psychology defines everyone and is always right (cough cough Freud cough). But this class has given me tools to more accurately assess a character’s mind, reactions and decisions. Holy shit do I love that.

But again, just curious if it’s normal for that to happen to writers or if they end up getting personality contradictions.

Not a big shipper, but Aocorro/Sounung is such a curious dynamic. Like having a tough bully meet an even tougher guy who’s been through it all and getting a crush on him, it’s kinda cute 🤭

.

(Do not repost my artwork on any other platform, with or without credit. I DO NOT give my consent to do so and I will find it🤭)

and if i asked you to draw Spider n Ao’nung literally just being wholesome like Ao’nung kisses Spider’s forehead or smth then what…..

Then i could shamely give u this 👉👈🥺🥺🥺🥺

And this ^^^

They judging me for spend so long without drawing them 👉👈🥺

Also, can i share tattoo artist spider headcanon?? I think its cute 😔❤️‍🩹

Anyway, guys sorry for being soooo inactive, i was passing through a time ☠️

I will post this now, and still be inactive this next week, cause tomorrow start the strike for palestine demanting a ceasefire, until 25, so i will only be posting and reposting about Palestine

Byee

Little Blurb while I Work On the Next Part of My Aocorro Series...

Note: This is all subject to change. Just wanted you guys to know I am, in fact still working on it.

---------------

“…” The thought is catching on the younger’s tongue, Jake sees it. He sees how the little twitches around his mouth get snuffed by a second thought. “Am…Am I in trouble?”

It’s not what he was expecting. Is he really all worked up over some paint? He feels whatever tension building up in his temple fade away.

“No,” The word falls gently, because why would Spider be in trouble? He’s learning, and exploring and expressing himself, the way kids are suppose to. “Why would you think that?” He takes another hit of the mask. Heavier air filling his lungs properly.

“It’s just that, you came over this morning after yesterday,” Spider’s thumb rubs over his mug’s handle and he looks way, “You’d just never said anything about the paint yesterday, sir.” The bitterness lingers over his tongue and slips down his throat, wrapping around it. Another twitch his eyes barked at him for his son to call him sir. Like he was an officer, or a drill sergeant. Not his fucking Dad.

It takes him a moment to just look at his baby. Eye’s still heavy with bags, and matted hair. He smaller hands wrapped around the warm mug like it’s the only thing protecting him from the big bad scary wolf sitting across from him. Maybe Spider really feels like it is.

The head tension is back with a vengeance now as guilt berates him. Spider thinks him wanting to spend time with his son alone, is to punish him. Eywa forgive him. That’s…that’s not what he meant to do.

“I’m sorry bud, I shouldn’t have just pulled this out of the blue,” Spider’s lips flatline and he realizes maybe that wasn’t the best word choice, “But I just wanted to…spend more time with you.” The bouncing knee cuts its movement and Jake can see the way he tightens his grip on the mug. He brown eyes still looking out the window beside them.

“…Thank you for, uh, trying” The sigh was less out of annoyance, or exhaustion, and more of not knowing what to say, tittering off towards the end. Those warm brown eyes shyly meet his. “I appreciate it.” Somehow, with the gentle orbs focusing in on him again, he can tell the words are forced, no matter how sincere they sound. No matter how pleading those eyes look at him, he can tell somewhere in his soul, Spider’s just telling him what he thinks Jake wants to hear.

He's failed before he could even try.

“Can I ask you a question?” He perks up as the words echo the hallow shack. He feels a prick in the back his neck. Spider wants to ask him something?

“Of course,” He trails off, almost letting some form of affection slip. Would Spider’s be okay with petnames or silly nicknames? Would it annoy him like Lo’ak?

He smells fire as Spider collects his words a bit more, eyes glazing over before refocusing in cycles as he mouth twitches to open before closing again. Jake’s stomach twists. What has his kid so worked up that he feels like he can’t even speak around him?

“It’s it true that your old call sign was Cerberus?” Air knocked right out his lungs. Who taught him that? Who told him that? Who let his kid know what he had been? What he vowed to never return to? Who told Spider about his time with the marines. Who told him about what happened in Venezuela. Who- “You don’t have to answer.” Spider’s meek, his eyes widen as he’s staring right at him. Jake lowers his lips, covering his bared teeth. He barred his fangs at his fucking baby. He blinks, before blinking again. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck

He stood as the heavy thumps echoed in his head, reaching over the table to calm his baby that he just snarled at. The other throws himself backward, coffee filling the air as the boy scrambles away. The chair is skewed on the floor, the mug rolling away from his child. Coffee stains grow on his shirt, eyes wide with fear.

He pulls back immediately, realizing he's scaring his son. His ears pull back, vainly trying to shut the echoes up.

‘That boy knows everything.’ Didn’t he scream that months ago when they took off?

THUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMP

He watches as Spider hyperventilates, his body starting to shake. First in the hands, then his lungs as he draws breath, growing from his shoulders to his torso and to his twitching feet. His head twitches left, twice, pulling him forward and back. Yerik's eyes stare at him from across that river. Blood in the water, and down his nose. The iron scent coats the room so fast as it dribbles thickly over his lip. Lamb to the slaughter, he felt a heavy weight settle in his chest, suffocating him with the iron tang of blood and the acrid scent of spilled coffee.

Jake is taut, his son is on the floor freaking out and bleeding. Your fault. Spider was not like this before they left. Your fault. Spider was not scared of him, certainly never flinched at a raised arm. Your fault. Spider never had nosebleeds. Your fault. He knew what the RDA would do to a prisoner. Your fault. Hadn’t he done that to prisoners too? Your fault. Spider didn’t know his name was Cerberus before then. Your fault. No one knew that. Your fault.

The kid knows everything.

_________________

Yes, yes, yes, I know. Not very Aocorro here. But little Jake & Spider interaction for the soul huh? Anyone huh? No? Okay. Anyway, there will be cutesy Spider/Ao'nung stuff at the end, probably a forehead kiss, because GOD. @lovermyme, their art is so fucking good! He makes me feral with his depictions of Spider and Ao'nung.