Latest Posts by mslunafox17 - Page 2

mistersbeard.tumblr.com presents : THE DDLG IDENTITY CRISIS: Figuring out who we are.


I get a lot of questions from people concerning something that I would like to call ddlg identity crisis.


This is something that happens when you know that you are into the lifestyle or attracted to it, but you can not quite figure out where you fit into it. You enjoy some elements of this… Some elements of that… But you can’t truly find your place because of the things that you see on other blogs, in other people’s postings and pictures, and the way that they act.


One way to get closer to the root of the answer you are searching for is a simple concept that is involved with in the lifestyle… And we will examine that concept in this post.


Regression vs. Role play


Focus: regression


Most commonly within this lifestyle, there exists something called a regression age. This is the age at which you regress to in some way in order to feel little or that place you feel that you are when you are in little space. Commonly, it is a time that you regress to where things were more innocent and fun… And this typically takes place before something rather traumatic like divorce of parents, sexual abuse, death of a close loved one, mental issues, or anything else that could drastically change the behavior and coping ability of your brain.



BDSM lingo: “Little space” - The moment(s) in which you feel like you are little or an age drastically well before your current adult age. In this head space, you are inclined to mentally and emotionally be in the head space of a variety of moments in your life, and may take on tendencies or actions of a younger time.



With all of that in mind we will move on and discuss a few of the common roles that exist within our lifestyle. By roles… I mean most simply, the way that you identify yourself.


Another thing to understand is that this lifestyle, being ddlg, CGL, whatever you would like to call it… Is a subculture of BDSM in itself.


DD/lg - Daddy Dom & little girl CG/l - Caregiver & little


Both of the cultures share the same elements and both of them differ greatly from one another at the same time. But the fact of the matter is that this lifestyle is a sub root of the original trunk, being the BDSM kink. A very adult lifestyle, for actual adults.
Therefore.. from the common standpoint, a little, middle, Prince, princess, and every other type of bottom in the relationship is submissive… While the daddy, Dom, and the one who tops or is in control, is by nature… dominant…. With the switch being a mix of both.

The little


In little space, this is an age of regression that is most commonly found to be between the years of 2 and 5..rarely later, and hardly ever earlier.. Littles enjoy pacifiers, stuffies, coloring books, being cared for completely, wearing clothing and accessories indicative of a toddler/little girl, not having to make any decisions, mental approach, taking baths, eating baby foods and foods geared towards little girls, and otherwise engaging in activities that a typical 2 to 5 year old would enjoy. Its my personal opinion that someone cannot regress anywhere before the age of 2 or 3, because your cognitive memory and science just doesnt support it.


The ABDL


The abdl (adult baby diaper lover) little is very closely related to the typical little and may at times identify at a younger age depending on who they are. They enjoy diapers, being diapered, and in some cases using their diaper.. wearing onesies or other baby related articles of clothing… and doing more babyish things.


This goes for both boys and girls…and others who identify as both, none, etc. Anyone of any gender identity can fill these roles.


And before you scoff at this idea, know this: Without ABDL, there would be no DDlg or CG/l. ABDL began the entire movement and without them we would not exist. So next time you encounter one, thank them and be grateful for their groundbreaking accomplishments in allowing our community to come to be.


The middle


The middle will typically and commonly identify their middle space, or their regression age, as being between the ages of 5 and 10. The middle still enjoys some elements of the little space… Such as coloring books, using little plates and silverware, having a bath being administered to them… But they typically do not go for diapers, pacifiers, or other things that toddlers or younger ages might enjoy.

The middle likes to be able to make a few decisions with supervision nearby… And she is confident that she can be on her own for short periods of time. She will typically dress a little bit older while still keeping that younger style at the same time. Very few middles still use a pacifier because in most cases they feel like they are little… but they are not drawn to those kinds of elements. Most middles still keep a stuffie… Though they may not keep an army of them nor do they need their stuffie all the time for comfort.

They may also occasionally revert back to little space having tantrums, playing with Daddy, or just basically finding a short amount of time to be in that space to engage in certain behaviors that satisfy them… But overall they spend their time in middle space when and if they regress.


The big/tween little/middle


Moving into an even older age bracket you will find the big little..tween little, who is basically between the ages of 10 and 15… And usually this is found within those adults who are in their late 20s or early 30s because they have progressed and grown inside.

Most commonly they will not enjoy coloring or really any kind of little elements outside of owning a stuffie or being cared for and told what to do… Given rules… And things of that nature.


Keep in mind… I speak from a point of commonality. Not every little or middle and whatnot will be as I have described, its just most common for them to be those ways… And at the roots all of these roles stem out of the submissive / slave role.


Submissives are most commonly found in roles such as health care, Children’s Services, and other places where they can help others greatly while still being under authority. They enjoy serving in great capacity.

The Dom/Master


The DOM is a most often a pure top(dominant) in the relationship and most typically and commonly operates himself with great discipline and strictness. Most of the time he will be very stern,cold, very to the point and exact, and will conduct himself in a manner in which he exudes complete control all of the time.

The Dom will typically not mess with a little but more so go for those who exhibit themselves to be pure submissives, slaves, and so on. He doesn’t so much enjoy shopping for little things, cuddling and talking about stuffies, or watching Disney movies… But more so goes for the adult nature of the relationship. He probably will not make you a bottle, change your diaper, or be very forgiving if you do something that a toddler would do.

He is more interested in stern discipline, stern structure, imposing himself in a way that proves and shows that he is an ultimate control, and will prefer total power exchange… sadism and masochism, etc.


Keep in mind that not all doms are like this, but rather I speak from the point of commonality.


The Daddy/Mommy( daddy dom,caregiver, big)
The daddy finds his roots within the dom, but he has learned or cultured himself to be a lot more soft and forgiving. Typically he will enjoy things like cuddling, feeding you, catering to your needs, giving you a bath, buying you a stuffie and so on… While still instilling structure, rules and such, and other elements of the dom mental space into the relationship. A daddy is typically more nurturing and more lenient, understanding, and such. He will be strict but with limits… And is more prone to showing his soft side while still keeping control of the situation.


The daddy and the DOM and such are most commonly found in roles of management, self employment, military or law enforcement… construction and industry, and other places where they are either in control… Or have some form of control over others or themselves.


The switch

The switch is someone who enjoys a little bit of everything stated above. There are times when they prefer to be in control and top you… And there are other times when they prefer to be submissive and let go of that control to get their pleasure. There is no real set structure to the switch other than those elements of power reversal and trade. The switch can most commonly be found working in a position of authority or being responsible for something like family and the household at more times than others.

They are in so much control all of the time that they desire to let go of that control and be controlled themselves outside of where they are responsible.
and then there is simply role play… And this is where you enjoy the fetish side of the lifestyle, being the clothing/aesthetic, the actions, and other elements… But you do not feel that any of these roles are what you actually are. You simply engage in them for the kink and the playtime.


The Gemini

The Gemini crosses lines between one and the other because they are so closely related to each of the roles involve. They could be little/middle, middle/big, little/kitten, etc…


The kitten/puppy/pet

The kitten, puppy, etc… is a form of the lifestyle in which the submissive takes on the role of a pet, an animal spirit and so on. They typically desire to act like/regress to, and be treated like some form of animal pet.

I say it that way because that could range anywhere from being a kitten to being something large and unconventional. Its dependent on how they identity. They will also often own the associated gear or desire it… collars, ears, a tail, etc… when in playtime or their headspace, they will take on the mannerisms and behaviors of the pet they identify with.

And do keep in mind this is a surface level overview.

Because YES… you can be a daddy sometimes, a little sometimes and everything in between sometimes.

The only limits in this lifestyle are the ones you impose upon yourself.


So now that you have an understanding of the basic roles at the core of this lifestyle, where do you feel that you fit in?


Now I have figured out, but how do I address my partner?


One of the most common things that I get goes a little something like this:


Do I have to call him daddy? Can I call him something else? Can I use the term sir? Can a female be called daddy? Can my mommy be called daddy instead? Is she little… is she a princess? What about kittens and puppy play?


The simple fact is, you can do whatever you like and works for your relationship.


Whatever is comfortable for you is comfortable for you and that’s unique to your relationship. Daddy is simply a common catch-all term that is a little more specific and less generic than the caregiver term. Caregiver is typically used for those who dont want to gender conform, or take on the masculine pronoun associated with being dominant.


And since the most common aspect of this dynamic has to do with Daddy dom little girl… It just ends up becoming the generic term. But that’s okay if you want to call your daddy Sir, or something else of your choosing… And that’s something that should be discussed it together.


The other side of this is in females or mommies or what not calling themselves daddy. Which is totally fine of course. With today’s ever-changing exploration of our sexual selves along with an ever increasing list of gender identity, we tend to find that we are things other than what we thought we were earlier in our lives… Or those who identify as being pansexual, and what not.


If you are a female in the caregiver role and you feel like Daddy is a comfortable term for you then by all means use it… Because really when it comes down to it there’s no rules behind what you should be called. Nobody sat and wrote a grand rule book about everything and it was decided that everyone was going to follow it…


We simply fall into place along common means according to the culture and sub culture in which we live in. Once you get close to the basic area of finding where you fit in, thats when you can fine tune things to settle into your spot.





Thank you for enjoying and reading this. Reblog it if you feel others would benefit, and comment on where you find your identity. Hopefully you now have a more clear understanding of where it is you land.


- Mister

Mistersbeard.tumblr.com


Questions and conversation always welcome on my Snapchat: Mistersbeard

Mistersbeard.tumblr.com presents: THE MAD DADDY

At the heart of every man there are a few core elements that make up who he is. One of the largest elements is pride. A man’s pride can drive him to do many things, and it all depends on the way in which he handles and negotiates the feelings that come along with his pride.

Now don’t get me confused… 


There is a good pride but there is also a very bad pride. And that very bad pride can often lead to a disgusting and dark disease known as anger.

Anger is a daddy’s worst enemy and it is something that can make or break not only the man, but it can also make or break a little.

There are many characteristics and traits that make up a great little… And there are also some very well expected ones. At the same time, a daddy is made up of some expected traits, and when your little is seeking one out she expects that she will find certain elements and things within them that will make them a suitable daddy for her.

Anger, maliciousness, selfishness in a bad way, and other dark and disgusting character traits are not the things that she looks for… and so often, the angry or mad daddy will hide these things until he has her locked in. However, the mad daddy is also easily recognizable , as there are a few things about him that are unmistakable with even the slightest of detailed observation.

The mad daddy has very little patience, he has very little restraint with the way that he makes you feel when he’s making you feel down… His words his actions and his ability to combine the two to make you feel like the lowest form of anything are a pretty good sign that he is a mad daddy.


Have you ever heard the phrase “making a mountain out of a mole hill”…


The mad daddy is very good at this…

Examples: if you are not performing the way that he expects you to, doing as he says, giving him what he wants… he will blow the situation out of proportion. mad daddy gets angry for no reason.He gets angry over the littlest of things because in his heart he is a severe control freak and narcissist.

NOTE: Now, there is good narcissism and there is bad narcissism. And before you go off thinking that I’m saying that being a narcissist is good,slow yourself down and actually read what follows.

The phrase “it’s not bragging if it’s true” works well to separate and differentiate the two.

Good narcissism is confidence combined with patience. It’s building yourself up by recognizing what you’re good at, what you’ve done well, the accomplishments you’ve made… and then using self affirmation to gain confidence and strength through that. It’s looking in the mirror and telling yourself “Hey, I can do this!” And then doing it again. It’s about reminding yourself that you’ve got the ability to succeed, lead, achieve, etc in a way that brings on more positivity and possibility. This behavior also motivates others around you and improves them as well.

On the other hand….

Bad narcissism is what we call swagger combined with immaturity. It’s false confidence and wrongly directed pride in the form of manifesting a narcissist attitude because of ones own shortcomings and failures. It’s projecting negativity onto those around you… and then grinding them down with your false image and self idolatry. And at his core the mad daddy is all of this and has no business being in control of anyone.

The mad daddy will make you feel down by putting himself down…

It is a narcissistic disorder in which the person wants to turn himself into the victim, while at the same time making you feel like it’s your fault. This is a classic pattern amongst the mad daddy… And he will use it often in order to keep you in submission to him.

The mad daddy has a hard time showing compassion and expressing forgiveness when you make a mistake. 


He goes from 0 to 100 in an instant when he doesn’t get his way… Much in the way that an immature child will throw a fit if they do not get that toy they want at the store or their cereal is too warm or something just isn’t fitting in the way that they want it to be. Then he will spend an extended amount of time berating you and putting you down and making you feel like garbage while jamming his finger into your already open wound… while at the same time turning it around on himself to make himself look like the failure so that you will express your compassion towards him and forgive him at the same time that he is crushing you into the ground.

The mad daddy always gets his way while taking away yours.

If he wants to play video games or go out with his friends instead of cuddles or Skype.. Its happening. Raise a fuss about it and he pulls the victim card out of his deck about how he works so hard..he does this..he does that, and he never gets to do what he wants. When turned around… He uses that same card to make you feel guilty about what you want to do, because all he wanted was to spend time with you ….and you never take his feelings into consideration when making plans… And then he becomes not good enough for you… And you don’t love him… And he’s so alone.. Nobody understands.. Blah blah blah…

The mad daddy has serious codependency issues.

When upset, he will go on and on about how all his life he’s always been given the short end of the stick, how he doesn’t understand why people keep leaving him, how he can’t ever keep friends…. And of course, none of that is his failure… Its theirs.

The mad daddy is an abuser.

Abuse doesnt just come in the form of physical. He uses his hands, fists and cold callous words to hurt you… And When he’s finished he apologizes, following it up with a jab about how it was your fault. “I’m sorry I did xxx… But sometimes I get so frustrated when you xxx…” as well as the classic “because of you, I did this..” and “I didn’t mean to do that…I love You.. But you…” and so on.

We are the least inhibited and most honest with our actions and words when we are angry.

So you often find yourself unable to speak. unable to act. Unable to be yourself… And you end up conforming yourself to the person he wants to crush you into.

This isn’t submission…. Its slavery.

The mad daddy will eventually grind you down until you feel like you can’t leave…. Until you become a slave to his behavior and end up being the caregiver instead. And soon you find any act of aggression makes you instantly fearful… Instantly unable to function… Instantly shut down… Scared… You might even feel like if you leave… He will either kill you or himself.

But the mad daddy is also something else…

He’s an immature coward. A child in an adult body looking for the mother that never loved him enough… And he’s searching for a victim to take it out on. - A coward beats a woman in anger. - A coward makes empty threats. - A coward manipulates and destroys another human being while being consumed by his inferiority complex.

Love doesn’t break your nose. 


Love doesn’t break your bones. 


Love doesn’t leave you with a black eye. 


Mad daddy’s are a factory that produce broken littles.

You feel like you can’t escape. But you can. All it takes is that first step. Your submission is a gift. Not his right, not his privilege.

End your suffering. End your pain. End your slavery.

You feel like you can’t escape…. But you can.

Someone out there is waiting for you to reach out. You have the internet and resources in the palm of your hand.

The mad daddy is a stubborn rotten tree infesting the beautiful garden you know exists in your heart. ….Chop it down. Today. Right now. Save yourself.  Mistersbeard

Mistersbeard.tumblr.com

Snapchat: Mistersbeard

If you have been following me for a while or have read a great bulk of my writings, you would know and understand how much I harp on the role of the dominant in the relationship… And the difference between what’s important and what’s not.

But to summarize and recap, the most important parts of the role of the dominant come with being a great pillar of stability, strength, security, and trust in the life of their submissive. Things like sex and naughty time and the like take a backseat in favor of forward growth of not only the relationship… But the submissive as a whole.

I’ve talked about things like having a mission statement for your relationship… Where do you want to see it be in six months? A year? Five years? What is your purpose for being in the relationship if it isn’t growing together or fostering growth in each other? Because when the rubber meets the road that’s what it should be all about… The dominant helping the submissive to become something better today than they were yesterday. How you get there and the means in which you use to do so, is up to you and particular to the relationship. And it’s certainly much more important then getting your rocks off or finding a third playmate or having some kind of sexual gratification be put into place.

If you are in a relationship as a submissive and your dominant only cares about those last few things… You really should consider running as far away from that person as possible right now. Because they are not interested in you, they are interested in what you offered to them on a time to time basis that they need or want.

The role of the dominant

A dominants role in the life of their submissive in the relationship should be one of constant and forward growth. When you take on this role you are putting on a mantle that carries a gigantic amount of responsibility. You first need to understand their submissive Space and if you don’t I suggest that you begin with this link

https://mistersbeard.tumblr.com/post/186189647863/anonymous-wrote-hi-ive-been-really-confused

I do talk primarily about DDLG because that is the strength of my background, but what you have to understand is that DDLG is just a subculture of BDSM to begin with… So remove the specific label and content, and the simplicities of the content still applies to BDSM and relationships in general.

So now what…

Then what you need to ask yourself as a Dominant… Who am I? Am I a leader? Am I a teacher or mentor? Or am I simply someone who likes to be in control? Because there’s a very strong difference between being a leader and a boss, which you can read about here to determine

https://mistersbeard.tumblr.com/post/183336420423/dominance-101-are-you-a-leader-or-a-boss-when

After you have done that and figured out something as simple as “ oh, this isn’t just about aesthetic’s and spanking and getting a great blowjob… I actually have to put in effort and work and grow a person” then that’s when you need to make the decision as to whether you can actually do that or not. Because if you can’t… Then please, get out of this lifestyle and stop polluting it and ruining people.

Submissive‘s have a lot of things in common. Littles have even more in common. And the majority of what they do and how they see you and what they do for you comes from experience in Life. They are searching for the one person who is going to bring stability to it all, who is going to make everything right and be there and give them a safe space for them to be themselves… what they are not looking for in most cases is just a guy who is angry at the way that his mother treated him all his life so he wants to take it out on any female who is gullible enough to fall into his trap’s.

So you as the dominant need to make a decision… Why am I going to be in this relationship? Why am I in this relationship? Why have I allowed this relationship to go on so long where I’m simply being an abuser and taking advantage of someone?

Because if you’re not putting rules into effect… If you’re not properly taking care of them… If you’re not seeing them grow in their own ways… if you’re not contributing to their advancement in life in anyway shape or form… Then what the hell are you really doing?

And the role of the submissive….

Why are you settling for the least possible relationship that you can fine? Why are you allowing yourself to believe that you were going to change him when you never will… Because people can only change if they really want to. Why are you still there after he’s made that 74th promise to you that he’s going to begin doing what you want him to do when the first 73 times he didn’t?

Did you know there’s over 8 billion people in the world? And the law of averages and statistics should tell you that at least a great portion of those people are into the kink or the lifestyle.

Get out from behind a screen and off the Internet… Go out to an actual event in your community. Find a munch.com would be a tremendous resource to you. Get a fetlife profile and keep it blank to avoid all of the fakes and abusers, all while you search for local events to go to… And then go to those events regardless of whether you have a friend to go with you or not. In most cases those events are going to be a safe place, and the people who attend them always attend them and they vet out the people who aren’t supposed to be there. They will recognize you as being a new person and they will protect you.

There is a world outside of Tumblr and Snapchat and the confines of having your face smashed into a screen all day. There are people out there just like you who want to connect with you and who are genuine and true. There is the one out there for you who’s going to treat you the way that you deserve to be treated… You just have to put in the effort in the work and have patience.

Loneliness and depression are two terrible things that make an ugly disease that ends up leaving littles and submissives used, abused, chewed up, and spit out.. it’s happening all over the place every day because it’s simply being allowed to happen… But the cycle of abuse and treachery can come to an end with simply believing in yourself and knowing that you are worth the work, worth the wait, and worth putting everything into in order to see you grow, be happy, and thrive as a person.

Having a strong base of friends helps with the loneliness and depression, and in order to find these friends you have to actually get out into your local community and make those friends. Its scary I know… but its completely worth it and will change your life. 

You cannot simply rely on someone that you are communicating with from thousands of miles away, or the person who is confining you to simply serving and seeing only them. You need to spread out and expand your horizons and actually grow beyond the 4 walls that make up your bedroom.

If the person that you have allowed to be in charge of you is dragging you along rather than leading you… Then it’s time to cut that rope and end your misery.

Your submission is a gift. It is no one’s right nor is it their privilege. It is yours and yours alone to give to whom ever you decide it should go to…

… And sometimes being alone is much better than being ignored.

Thank you for enjoying this writing. Feel free to like it, love it, and share it with others who you believe may benefit from it.

.

Daddy 101

You are a pillar of stability in the life of your little. The one she looks to for everything that is sacred and safe. You are the leader, mentor and teacher.

Always remember… Leading and teaching is not something you do to others…. its something you do WITH others.

Carry her along side you… don’t drag her behind you.

If you are around people long enough you get to start figuring them out before they have even had a chance to explain themselves to you. People in general have certain modes, methods, and other ways about them that are unchanging characteristics which reveal a good amount about the type of person that exists inside.

This becomes no different with people that exist with in our lifestyle and with enough training and practice, you can point these people out in every day vanilla life, knowing who is a part of the lifestyle and who is not.

But sometimes you can simply not smell the wolf’s breath beneath the sheep‘s clothing.

Today I will discuss some common things to look for when encountering a new person who claims them selves to be a dominant or master, and give you some cues and signs to watch out for while properly vetting them.

1.) there’s a lot of ignorance in over eagerness.

One common character flaw that an inexperienced dominant or so-called master will have, is to be overly eager about something. Most of the time it comes in the form of automatically expecting you to give them your servitude and submission. They will begin their conversations with pet names, and then immediately expect you to give them respect and entertain their every want and need right off the bat.

Meanwhile… the true dominant or master will take his time making sure that you are properly suited for him to fulfill your needs.

Now notice I did not say for you to fulfill his… because honestly, at the end of the day, your needs are his needs… And his need is to fulfill yours. But you may scoff and say “Mister, he is the dom, he deserves that right?”

Wrong answer.

Your beautiful submission is something that you alone should only give freely of yourself after you have properly vetted the person and made your decision that they should be able to both have such an immense responsibility, and then nurture it, care for it, and bring it to its blooming fruition in the end.

Way too often we make the mistake of both trying to dominate someone we don’t really know, and allow ourselves to be dominated by people we don’t really want.

That’s like simply looking at a shirt and deciding to purchase it without checking out its size, materials, or that it’s even the right cut and style for us. It’s like being handed some strange drink and told to drink it without even inquiring about what it is or what it tastes like… And then you usually end up sick and puking in the end.

2.) fake masters are never concerned about your needs or your consent.

A good friend of mine likes to recognize the fakes and then troll them in her messaging to them. Ultimately she will pose a question that goes something like “ if there were no limits what would you do to me?”

Of course it’s a trap, but it’s also something of a weeding out process. A fake master will then launch into a laundry list of all of the things that he has planned… You know the scene that he has planned with you when he doesn’t even know how old you are, where you actually live, or what you’re actually into?

The same scene where he’s going to torture you and have sex with you into oblivion, while paddling you until you give up and cry mercy… Without ever discussing a SafeWord with you or even finding out if that’s what you’re into.

These are great signs of immaturity and ignorance.

A true master will carefully pose his words in such a way that makes you think and question him further on the subject, while also learning about you and what it is that you really want out of something like that. He would never go on a non-consensual rant having already planned it out, and will be more concerned about your needs for the scene than he is about his own.

3.) A true master or dominant is going to actually be uncomfortable with some things and push you back a little bit

It is a very common thing for Littles to be lonely and sometimes desperate. They have been burned so often and so many times that when they see a glimmer of hope amongst all the piles of garbage they ultimately go for it right away. This can also lead to acting out in ways such as sending nude pictures, being overly sexually aggressive, and just generally trying to get the person they are talking to to dominate them very quickly.

A fake master or dominant will then begin salivating and leap onto his prey without even giving it a second thought… exercising every false sense of security that he has about himself, while also slowly and unconsciously tearing the little apart again. He will only conduct himself in insular ways while getting what he wants and giving no thought to what the little actually needs.

A true dominant will put the brakes on and cool the situation down. He may actually be turned off by such behavior, thinking that the person on the other end has no value for themselves. A genuine master is going to look for someone who holds a certain set of traits and values that are important to him while also lightly testing the waters to see how that person behaves against how he believes they should.

Now that may seem a little bit self sided or picky perhaps… But we are talking about a real serious relationship here aren’t we? Otherwise you are just playing around and wasting each others time. Why would you not put in all of the effort and all of the time to properly vet the person and make sure that they are correct for you and your goals and ambitions?

4.) A true master or dominant is going to have goals in place and actively working towards them.

When you ask a person where they see themselves in five years, the answers are often very cliché but sometimes surprising. It can also be very tempting to believe yourself to be a person who is going to help the other person achieve those goals… Especially when you are a little. But ultimately a person will only change and will only accomplish things under their own self volition, a catalyst to that certainly helps, and does much more for a little who is being guided by a dominant than vice versa… But the fruition of a goal comes to place when the person actually puts in the effort.

The fake master or dominant will more than likely doing any number of the following: still be living with his parents or even a handful of roommates. He will be working a dead-end job, probably playing video games for hours a day, obsessed with drugs or getting messed up… or any combination of those things along with other activities that are getting him nowhere in life.

The man who lives without self-control and discipline is a man who walks a long road to shame and destruction.

Allow me to illustrate it for you in this way:

Let’s say that you signed up for the Armed Forces and went through Boot Camp, then you got deployed and your first day on the front lines of the battlefield the general in charge of you is sitting there on his phone snap chatting and browsing for memes and doesn’t really care about what’s going on.

He has no plan for how to win the battle, and is only thinking about getting his next meal or something else that is selfish and lacking in any kind of interests outside of his own bubble. When asked what you should do to accomplish the victory… He gets confused or doesn’t know, doesn’t have any real plans… or even makes up reasons for why they are going to fail and blames them on you.

You are almost guaranteed to die on the battlefield.

What kind of general would that be and how long would he last in the Armed Forces?

The person that you give your submission to and whom you put in charge of your life should be a pillar of stability and discipline. They should be able to guide you properly without overstepping their boundaries, and they should be a great leader while staying far from being a boss. And I understand it… If they are newer or maybe less experienced they should still always be wanting to learn and grow and to self evolve. They should have interest in going to munches and meetings within the local scene, they should have interest in watching videos about the lifestyle and reading blogs and trying to be a better master or dominant for you, they should have an interest in improving themselves so that they will be able to help you improve your self as well.

Is your daddy or Dom or master doing these things? And if not are they only making excuses as to why they aren’t?

Kind of tells you where their priorities are doesn’t it… And they are definitely not with you.

And of course there are many other things that I could speak on but these are the most common signs and red lights for you to look out for while you are properly vetting the person that you are going to give your beautiful gift of submission to.

And as a reminder I always recommend a period of at least six weeks before you make that decision. That way you have the proper time to talk to the person on the other end, learn about them, know what they do on Thursday mornings at 9 AM or how they like to sleep… Know their favorite food or movie… know them as a person before you turn your self over to them as their property.

Thank you for reading and enjoying this post. Feel free to share with others and reblog if you feel they may benefit from it.

Mistersbeard

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Snapchat: Mistersbeard

Anonymous wrote:

Hi! I’ve been really confused about something so I was hoping you could help. My daddy has been really distant lately, not texting for days when we can’t see each other and when we do see each other it just seems like he wants to get in my pants….which is fine but I haven’t been able to be little for ages now because every time I find myself slipping and I tell him, he just ignores it and makes me worry that he doesn’t want to take care of me. But he told me he did so….I don’t know. I just feel bad for even bothering him most of the time, and the last thing I want to do is be little around him if it bothers him. I feel lost and I don’t know what to do. You probably won’t read this and that’s okay, but thank you anyway!!

Little space can be something of a mystery to most Doms and Daddy‘s… And perhaps it’s because little space is different for each and every little who goes into it. What works for some does not work for others, and the way that one conducts themselves in little space can be completely different from another.

However there are a few commonalities in a little space and how to get your little into it, how to provide it for her, and how to nurture and grow it. But let’s not put the cart before the horse, and begin where we should… At the beginning.

Little space in relation to regression

Therapists and psychoeducators have been using regression therapy for ages in order to figure things out about their patients. The art of psychoanalysis goes all the way back to Sigmund Freud who really mastered the technique and saw in his patients that using hypnotherapy could cause them to be able to re-count past traumas and memories in order to resolve those things. What he also figured out is that by implementing this form of therapy, his patients would “time travel” mentally and emotionally… regressing and becoming stuck in those pockets of time. Their behavior and headspace or state of mind often being there as well as they did so.

Regression therapy specialists believe that we have three states of mind, and that certain events or memories can be stored in the states that we cannot access on our own… so with the proper kind of attention and assistance, those states of mind can be opened up, memories can be accessed, and parts of our past life are allowed to come to the surface.

This form of therapy and the methods used to achieve it all involves providing a relaxed and safe space.

It’s not much different in our lifestyle. Whether it is subspace, little space, or any other kind of headspace or state of mind, the submissive needs to feel relaxed… Safe… And above all, that they can trust you.

One of the most common things that I would hear from Littles who struggle to find their little space is that they cannot rely on their daddy or Dom to get them there, and those who are single cannot find it themselves. Or they end up going so long that they feel that they are either not little anymore or that they have simply lost their little side.

With enough prying and the proper questions however, I soon and usually come to find out that it has more to do with stress… being busy… current life events, and other high pressure or unsafe things that are happening at the time.

To make it simple… They do not have a safe space in order to find that part of themselves.

Most commonly, Littles will regress in some form to find their little space and most Littles have a “little age.” Now notice that I said most and most commonly.

Because there is a certain portion of our community that is simply in it for the kink. There is a certain portion who age play, and they do not get into the mental or emotional aspect of that part of the lifestyle. They might just simply enjoy acting out the parts and fantasizing in their own way.

So with all of that in mind, the main point is that the Dom or Daddy in the relationship has to be able to provide that safety and security in order to guide his submissive to find their proper headspace.

In the same way… a single submissive must be able to eliminate the stress and what not of their lives in order to be able to claim that space properly.

When we do not feel safe, we cannot relax. Without being able to relax, we cannot allow ourselves to let go. And without being able to let go we will not be able to feel enough contentment to be able to enjoy that part of ourselves.

Understand where little space comes from

As we grow in life our brain is constantly evolving and growing with us up to a certain age. Along the way through our developmental years, certain things can happen to us that alter the course of our brain or even affect it in such a way as to get it hung up or stuck on certain times and events.

Those who suffer from great depression often use these events and times to capitalize and maximize their faults and failures while piling everything from blame to wrath upon themselves.

Someone who has a major trauma event may keep that event stored at the forefront of their mind and revisit it often… Thus keeping themselves from making personal progress.

I say all of that in order to say this: it is my belief that a littles “little age” is a block of time that sits somewhere near a major shock or hard change event in their life. Their little space exists somewhere just before an event of great change or trauma or likewise. It exists in a time just before because that is the last time that they felt truly innocent or safe in life. Perhaps it’s the death of a family member, a sexual trauma, or any number of things that made a sudden and large dramatic impact on their lives.

On the flipside, it can also be a time in life that existed before a long string of abuse. This could be mental, physical, emotional or a combination… Domestic violence, perhaps a creepy uncle, the list is endless but you get the point.

So in understanding where your Littles little space comes from, you are better able to understand what first created it… And then what triggers it as well. In parallel to those things, you are also able to be more properly educated and able to handle the things that caused it to begin with…

Have you ever noticed your little shut down or go quiet or revert to a negative head space after something simple and ambiguous that you did? They can’t explain it to you… And you can’t figure out why.

It may be that you are committing a behavior that makes them feel either unsafe or that was traumatizing for them in the past and they cannot verbally express that to you because they end up hyper regressing in that moment.

Your little needs their little space just as much as she does that therapy spanking that you like to give her.

Think in your own life the things that allow you to relax outside of your relationship. Perhaps you like to play video games, perhaps you play cards with your friends, maybe it’s camping on the weekends or your bowling league… Whatever the activity or mood or moment, these are things that allow you to relax, blow off steam, and ultimately reset yourself.

Little space is no different for the little.

They not only crave the space, but they actually need it in order to feel complete and themselves. Otherwise you may end up finding some frustrating consequences and circumstances on your hands if you as the dominant are not able to provide this for them.

And I know that you’ve heard me say that a couple of times now… That you provide it. And because that’s the way it is.

As the dominant in their life, they depend on you to be the pillar of stability and everything that is safe and sacred in their lives. They give you their submission and in return expect that you will keep them safe and protect them among other things… That you will provide their needs, whether it be in making their decisions, choosing their clothing and so on… which includes giving them the absolute safest of care possible.

The onus is on you not only to provide the space but to recognize when it’s needed without them having to ask. How you come to that conclusion is really up to how your relationship ebbs and flows.

For some, little space can be sexual.

And there is a long-standing debate within the community as to whether little space should include sexual aspects and activities or not. But if you get to the root of the issue, some Littles get sexual in their little space because their little space was triggered by a sexual trauma to begin with.

Where things get stigmatized, skewed, and twisted out of control by those who are ignorant and uneducated is that they see our lifestyle as pedophilia, or sick or whatever because of the kink and Age play aspect of it… and the way it’s portrayed in media and pornography. But what’s to be understood is that most of those who are serious and active in the community recognize that their submissive is an adult and in no way shape or form would they see them otherwise. I’m not saying that the creeps out there don’t exist… They certainly do, but I don’t believe that they would last very long in a real ddlg kink community.

This is very much an adult lifestyle, that features adult kink, with adults who are participating in adult activities… and there is no place for children or those who are attracted to them.

I am also not at all a fan of mixing sexual activity with little space. I do not believe that it is good for either of the people in the relationship, nor do I believe that it is healthy for any kind of self evolution in the little. But that’s just my opinion and a matter of debate no matter who is talking about it.

Little space should be a safe place of refuge where your little can freely express herself and be who she is without fear of dark clouds, worry, anxiety and so on… it should be a place where that sweet tender caregiver side of your daddy space is allowed to shine through and and appropriately wrap your little up in an emotional, mental and sometimes physical blanket of security and love.

Thank you for reading and enjoying. Feel free to re blog for others who need it.

Further education:

The new daddy dom survival kit part one: https://mistersbeard.tumblr.com/post/182659779408/the-ddlg-daddy-survival-kit-part

part two: https://mistersbeard.tumblr.com/post/182633415838/ddlg-daddy-survival-kit-part-2-previously-in-our

part three: https://mistersbeard.tumblr.com/post/182608439803/the-ddlg-daddy-survival-kit-part-one-i-often

the consequences of neglect: https://mistersbeard.tumblr.com/post/182582298108/daddy-101-the-consequence-of-neglect-and-now-we

The safe word: https://mistersbeard.tumblr.com/post/177835509358/mistersbeard-ddlg-101-the-safe-word-today-in.- Mister

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Listen to the beard, bows and BDSM podcast on spotify or wherever you enjoy fine podcasts: https://open.spotify.com/show/63aNShbd4hVN4eBkwJtwz9

Mistersbeard.tumblr.com presents: RULES.

One of the most basic core elements of a relationship in this lifestyle comes in the form of having a rules list.... And it should seem pretty simple to put together, right?

One would be surprised at how many times recently that I have been approached with a question about this simple concept. I have spoken about it all in posts before regarding other subjects, but I have not have a dedicated post about it until now.

So, let’s dive right in and examine ways in which you can implement rules into your relationship… Why you need them… And why they are important.

Why are rules important?

One of the largest things that your little desires and craves in the relationship is structure. You are the pillar of strength and stability in their life, and as such they look to you for all things in keeping structure in place while providing them discipline and safety.

So when there is a lack of rules, it can end up causing the feeling of a lack of purpose. And with the lack of purpose... frustrations and other problems can end up manifesting within their lives and the relationship as a whole.

In society we have common rules that keep us all disciplined and in line. Don’t drive on the wrong side of the road, don’t punch random people on the street, don’t eat something if it’s been on the floor for more than five seconds… All of our societal rules are in place to provide us as human beings with structure, stability, and overall discipline to keep us safe and secure.

In the same way… Rules in your relationship provide the necessary elements to keep your little happy and healthy.

Pre-disposed issues

As a daddy or Dom, your submissive will ultimately end up coming to you with some kind of pre-disposed issues or problems in their life. There is a lot of psychological and mental things that I could get into but at the end of the day and skipping all of that, you just have to realize that as the authority figure in their life in whatever form or fashion you are, they need you to guide them and help them along the way.

So as you go to put together some of your rules, there are a few key elements that are general to almost every little, submissive, and relationship.

Littles often have trouble with the following;

- remembering to eat or drink enough water.

- Remembering to brush their teeth and their hair, proper hygiene

- Remembering to take their medication

- Remembering to clean up after themselves

- Keeping a proper bedtime

- Being on time for things like work and school and appointments

- Speaking politely to people along with proper grammar and dictation

- Dressing themselves well

These are some of the most common issues and problems that they face, so it’s very easy to fashion rules around those things if they feel that they need to do so.

Things like setting bedtimes, setting times to eat, deciding how many ounces of water to drink per day, how many times per day they should bathe or shower, what times they are allowed to do certain things… All of these can translate into things that will provide them with structure, while allowing you to be dominant over them while improving their lives and watching them evolve.

Some of these require your active involvement and some of them merely become passive routines. Either way they both can be done in such a way that creates an intimacy in your relationship and allows the two of you to become closer.

Whatever you end up deciding in terms of rules… They need to be mutually agreed-upon and discussed. You should always have a reason why, and it should always be something that creates a bigger benefit for your submissive than it does for you.

Now that’s not to say you can’t have some rules that are for fun…

One very common rule that many use in their lifestyle relationship is no self pleasure without permission.

Now you ask me what the benefit is in that… So allow me to explain.

Certain rules and elements can be set up to create a Pavlovian environment.

The concept of Pavlov‘s dog, or really any kind of actions that are involved in training creatures involves a system of performance and reward. Scientists and researchers have long studied creatures and their behaviors in regards to being triggered by certain stimuli… Pavlov‘s dog found that every time it heard a certain stimuli like a ringing bell or the footsteps of his masters assistant… The dog knew that it was time for them to be fed.

I have two dogs which I trained to know the feeding time comes two times a day with a certain action. My life being a routine as it is, the dogs have come to recognize my actions and acclimate their behavior to them. They now automatically get into place and sit down next to each other and wait for a command… Which doesn’t even have to be verbal at this point.

The dogs conduct themselves according to what they have been trained and accustomed to do, and in turn .... they get a reward.

(And by no means am I associating your submissive as a dog, multiple studies and scenarios like this have been done on humans as well)

I once had a sub who even a year or so after we had parted, admitted to me that to that day the sound of jingling keys would trigger her to sit up straight, place her hands together, emotionally gain confidence.... and become turned on and wet.

This was because during our time together I wore a large ring of keys that I modified to jingle with every movement I made... and I always wore them when we were together. After a certain time, she psychologically tuned into and began to associate the sound of the keys to the actions and environment she was in... and subconsciously acted accordingly when the sound would come

The main point of seeing all that is to provide the concept that action often ends up creating reaction.

Back to the no pleasure without permission rule: a submissive who has to ask to pleasure themselves will find comfort in being told that they’re allowed to and then extra comfort in the gratification that comes afterwards.

They will actually end up looking forward to asking for permission in order to be able to get what they want, because it creates a structure in their life… And then the reward of pleasuring themselves which in turn also satisfies their Dom, is up making that gratification even more so valuable to them.

In a similar fashion you can implement rules like bathroom or potty time. The act of having to ask to go potty and then the passive micro dominance that follows can be beneficial to both people in the relationship. The dominant gets to control the action, and the submissive gets to fulfill a request.

How I do it: when the submissive asks to go potty, I look at the clock and round up to the nearest quarter. If they don’t have to go that bad at the moment, make it the nearest half hour. The psychological effects alone are beautiful in and of themselves. It gives the Dom control, and it sets a rule all in itself for the sub. Now in addition to needing to pee, and having had to ask, they now have to meet a time requirement while dealing with their discomfort. Stay away from number two though... and stay away from this rule if they have a history of UTI problems.

Things the rules should never interfere with;

- Family. Whenever it comes to a family event or some thing involving the submissive’s family, you should absolutely not interfere in that. Keeping the safety in your submissive’s life is priority number one and anything that you do the compromises that will end in disaster.

- Their work. In a similar fashion as family you cannot interfere in their work or set a rule that would cause them to get in trouble at work or lose their job.

- Their health. You should never do anything or implement a rule that causes them to feel shameful about their body, or that would harm them in some kind of way. Making your submissive starve or eat something that’s dangerous or something of that like his cruelty and abusive.

- And as I said, rules should be talked about and mutually agreed-upon. Ultimately your submissive knows what’s best for them, and your rules should be set up in a way in which helps them to grow and become better.... while keeping in mind that they may be changed, deleted, or otherwise modified later according to needs..

Enforcement

One of the larger reasons that a relationship ends up failing is due to the consequences of neglect and frustration. These things come because of the lack of enforcement of the rules by the dominant in the relationship.

As stated before, structure is one of the biggest things that submissive desires with in the relationship and if the person who is in charge of them begins to fail in providing that when it’s expected, the submissive will begin acting up and causing problems which is the harbinger of disaster. Before you know it... you’ve made your once lovely and obedient submissive into a brat.

So to put it simply… If you do not plan on putting in the effort to continuously enforce and keep up with making sure that your submissive is adhering to and following the rules, don’t set them in the first place and don’t get yourself into this type of relationship.

Someone who sets of rules and then does not enforce them is equal to someone who abuses someone. Because an expectation of structure and then a lack of structure causes emotional and mental anguish… Which then in turn causes an effect on the submissive for lengths of time well beyond what your relationship will last.

It also removes their trust in you, their respect for you, and their obedience to you.

A submissive who has structure and stability in their life ends up being a happy submissive… And a happy submissive equals a happy dominant.

Just don’t be surprised if they purposely break a rule every now and again... it’s not them being mean, it’s them giving you a wake up call and saying pay attention.

Thank you for enjoying. Feel free to re blog for others to benefit from.

- Mister

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Snapchat: Mistersbeard

I think a lot of Doms or “Doms” if you will... look at the concept of ownership in the lifestyle as though it were some kind of status. As if one takes great status for “owning” their submissive as though they were a collectible or a trophy on their mantle.... a head mounted to a plate on the wall...

And there’s much lugubriousness in displaying yourself in such a way.

To consider that ownership means you treat that which is yours as some kind of trinket or novelty object, it’s detestable at its core.

True ownership in this lifestyle?

It’s taking control of your maturity. Is owning not someone as property, but owning up to your shortcomings and limitations and not compensating by abusing another individual either physically, mentally, emotionally or all three.

It’s realizing what an incredible responsibility it is to actually care for someone else and grow them when you recognize they can’t do it on their own... and not only being there for them when they’re obedient, but also navigating your own patience, strength and willpower when they’re not.

It’s about wearing the very heavy albeit sacred and prestigious mantle as their owner, master, caregiver, Dom etc...and realizing not that it was your right to have it, but that it was graciously given to you as a sign of their trust in you.... trust that says “when I’m sad they will be there.”.... “when I’m hurting they will make it better”.... “when the monsters come, they will be my knight in shining armor and chase them away”... that mantle isn’t some kind of status you brag about in locker rooms as though you’d triumphed in some kind of conquest ... it’s not a notch in your belt... is the highest rank you could hold, given to you by a queen who sometimes feels like a peasant who needs a hero.

It’s not taken by you... it’s chosen for you by one who designated you out of all others to be their lighthouse in a raging dark sea called life.

If you only drive the car and never wash it... never polish it... never clean it or check it’s fluids or fill it with what it needs to move forward... if you constantly crash it or ding it... if you leave it parked in the rain with the windows down... if you only use it when you feel like... ignore it... abuse it... or treat it like less than it’s worth.... it’s not going to last you very long. Because ownership is about so much more than simply turning a key and expecting it to do everything you want it to do.

Ownership is not about calling yourself daddy... or master.. or sir or Dom...

It’s about BEING those things. Fulfilling expectations. Owning up to your mistakes. Realizing your limitations.... taking control of yourself in mind, body and spirit... and loving someone with the utmost of your ability and being while guiding, growing, providing safety and security and being the example for that other person.

Thank you for enjoying this post. Feel free to re-blog it for others to also benefit from. Also be sure to check out my personal links below and perhaps subscribe. Thank you.

Mister - Mistersbeard.tumblr.com

Search for “beard bows and bdsm” wherever you find great podcasts to hear my voice and learn things.

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Art by Luis Royo

Art by Luis Royo

For my whole life, I didn’t know if I even really existed. But I do, and people are starting to notice. Joker (2019) dir. Todd Philips

4 days until 420 but let's be honest this whole month has been hazy. Hope everyone is stocked, if not feel free to go to @portal_foxez for some details on how you can get ready for 420/2020 in these crazy times! #Happy420 #4202020 #medibles #thcgummies #portalfoxez #mmjpatient #mmj #hashoil #washingtonmmj #wammj #staylifted #cannachef #stonerchicks #puffpuffpass https://www.instagram.com/p/B_EN2ZRgWasm5gN8BG6hLmOCsvqp1FfiJfNzAo0/?igshid=1xi3i73y3saqz

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