Please Open This Fine Platter I Present To You

@whatcoloristhatcat

Unique coat colors on cats 🖤

Re blogging things at the speed of light to help the dbda Tumblr ecosystem and I found this gem. *inhale* YEESSSSDDSSSSSSS THIS IS SO EKWKWJEJDBRBDBDN I CAN'T

I’ve seen so many alive!DBD au’s where Edwin and Charles meet first, or Edwin and Niko/Charles and Crystal meet first, but I raise you: Rich Payne and Surname-Von Hoverkraft families meet first. They are industry RIVALS, okay? They DESPISE each other with a burning passion and trade thinly veiled insults back and forth at every event they meet.

(More under cut cause this shit is atrociously long.)

At first Edwin and Crystal ignore each other or send glares, following their parents lead, but then they get older and Crystal starts acting out to get her parents attention while Edwin starts distancing himself from his. Both of them get the idea of, “What if I get to know the Payne’s/Surname-Von Hoverkraft’s daughter/son? My parents would HATE that.” So a friendship is formed.

In the beginning it’s toxic bitch levels of fake on both their sides, good lord they can’t stand each other. One day Crystal’s drunk off her underage ass and just starts openly venting and Edwin — the always sober guy and no it’s not cause he cares that’s preposterous!! — meets her tit for tat. Because, c’mon. Of course they’d drop random trauma on each other like fun facts.

Anyways they’re proper friends now, still appear the same — arguing is their love language — but there’s a level of solidarity now. Insert Edwin getting sent off to St. Hilarion’s for another year — Crystal threatens him to write her back per usual — and his classmates pull the prank. Not sure what 73 years in hell would be here, I’ve seen so many interpretations but I think kidnapping and torture is accurate.

While that’s going on Crystal gets a new boyfriend at her school. Any guesses?? She writes Edwin about David and Edwin does not hold back, he’s part of the reason Crystal tries to break up — it doesn’t go well, not sure how yet — and she writes Edwin about what happened craving comfort. Usually postal’s pretty fast, they aren’t that far, but she doesn’t get a response one day in. Two. Three… She finds out her best friends been kidnapped AFTER a news article has been released.

Turns out her parents knew the entire time but neglected to tell her. Crystal stops speaking to them. It’s 73 days later before she gets anymore news outside of, “The Police Are Still Looking”, and it comes in the sign of a knock. She hadn’t got much sleep that night — didn’t most nights — so she’d been wandering around her kitchen aimlessly. (As you do.) When she heart a soft rap on her front door. Curious, and too tired to care about danger or consequence, she opens the door.

Crystal doesn’t recognize him at first, he’s shivering and there’s so much blood on his- his everywhere but then a very weak voice croaks, “Crystal.” She screams. And sobs. Because what else do you do when your friend had to escape himself after 73 days of captivity and torture and the first safe place he could think to go wasn’t the police, or hospital, but you? Her parents are awoken by her scream and come rushing down because what the fuck is going on? And it’s all a blur from there — she refuses to leave his side and Edwin clings to her like a limpet.

It takes awhile of recovery and physical therapy — and regular therapy — after that but Crystal is holding his hand nigh every session, she’s there to bring him books and bicker and provide a sense of normalcy. Crystal forgets David for awhile, the only one to occupy her thoughts being Edwin because she knows he’d do the exact same. The two also get the satisfaction of watching their parents actually try to be amiable after this, it’s so stilted and awkward and they revel in it. And, yes, the tabloids somehow get ahold of the fact that kidnapped Edwin Payne fought his way to the Surname-Von Hoverkraft’s doorstep instead of literally anywhere else. Rumors pop up about his and Crystal’s relationship and the two make a teir list of their favs and least favs. Secret love child/half-siblings is their favorite, secretly dating isn’t even on the board they hate it so much.

College!!! The two decide against anything super fancy. And by that I mean they move to America together to find some community college to go to because neither want to be reliant on their parents who took a whole ass kidnapping to pay attention to them. Anyways, they share a flat above Tongue & Tail butcher shop with Jenny as their landlord. Crystal works as a freelance artist and tarot card reader (She’s really good.) while Edwin works as the librarians — Maxine’s — assistant.

Charles and Niko meet differently, Niko’s actually advertising her need for a roommate and Charles — who also moved to America to get away from his dad — takes it up. Fast friends don’t have a thing on these two. Niko gushes about this pretty girl across from them and Charles is man enough to admit, yeah, their neighbors are pretty fine. Too bad they’re dating.

———

Anyways more highlights of this AU in no particular order:

Crystal and Edwin physically recoil when Niko says something like, “Wait, I thought you two were dating?” Edwin puts his hand to his heart, too stunned to speak. Crystal fake gags and goes, “Why does everyone think that?! HE’S GAY!!”

Edwin discovers his sexuality at one of the clubs Crystal drags him to when Thomas King — older then them by a few years — flirts with him and he Panics™️. Crystal drags him away with a scathing look toward Thomas and asks if Edwin’s okay. He blurts out, “I- I’m gay?!” and Crystal goes, “You didn’t know??!?”

David tracks Crystal down to America and it’s a whole thing for obvious reasons, also because she forgot to tell Edwin about it in full — too busy helping him. This is how Crystal’s abusive ex trauma gets aired. (Charles maybe reveals some shit about his dad here too.)

Edwin and Niko go on a little faux-date together — cafe, library, just a chill day and night out — but Edwin leaves his flip phone at home and Niko’s dies. (Yes he has a flip phone.💀💀) So Crystal’s panicked as shit, last time she couldn’t contact him he was literally KIDNAPPED and TORTURED. Charles tries to calm her down before simply offering to wait up with her. When Niko and Edwin get back Crystal breaks down like, “You can’t DO that!!” This is how Edwin’s kidnapping and torture trauma gets aired.

Charles has a near death experience at St. Hilarion’s a few days after Edwin’s kidnapping. Turns out they went at the same time but Charles was a year under him and they ran in very different social circles. He gets chucked into the freezing lake and stoned still but a teacher catches them all and sends him to the hospital.

Niko’s dad died and her mom sent her to America to get away from the sadness, she caught a really bad illness and also almost died. Charlotte Knight was her Nurse. (Unrelated but she has Poliosis, which turns parts of your hair white.)

Esther is a serial killer and uses her son, Monty, to lure people in. Very brain washed Monty here sorry guys. She kidnaps Edwin who has several trackers on him — after the Niko Night Out incident Crystal and Edwin spent a night sewing them into each others coats and shoes — and the police arrest Esther and Monty.

Payneland and Palasaki of course, but this would probably be focused on Edwin and Crystal’s friendship. Yes, Niko and Charles get a shovel talk. “You know I adore you Niko and whilst I do not think you’d intend any harm, I will have to do something drastic in the event that it happens.” “Okay listen here dipshit. I have full faith you won’t hurt Edwin but if you do, intentionally or not, I will have to castrate you.”

There’s more I forgot lmfao, this is too long already😭😭 If I made any spelling mistakes no I didn’t

thing came up in my mind so i have to write it:

charles snapped back to reality when he saw crystal’s manicured fingers waving in front of his face. “charles? what are you…” she began, turning around to follow his line of sight which extended just past her ear.

“ah,” she said, quirking an eyebrow when her eyes fell on edwin, nose deep in notes for the case he was working on, his eyes flitting back and forth on the parchment in front of him with fervor as thin, wire-rimmed glasses sat atop his nose.

“hm,” charles mumbled noncommittally, now leaning on his palm while he stared intently at the fluidity of the fingers that traced the lettering on the page.

“alright, spit it out,” crystal said, an amused roll of her eyes following the words.

“it’s just- it’s so fun to watch him when he gets like this. all caught up in his work. he’s so smart and good at everything. so… mm.”

“charles?”

“hm?” he asked, still not tearing his eyes away.

“have you ever heard of a competency kink?” she asked, trying to suppress a laugh.

“wh- a kink??? why are we talking about that???” he asked frantically, his eyes finally ripped away from the other man as a vibrant flush colored his cheeks, but his temporary lapse in attention didn’t last long as he caught edwin rolling his sleeves up and brushing his hair out of his eyes through his peripheral vision. charles’ own eyes fluttered as he muttered under his breath. “christ.”

crystal snapped in front of his face.

“pay attention, charles. a competency kink. it’s when you’re really attracted to when someone’s good at something.”

“yeah, sounds interesting,” he muttered, moving around her hand to keep his eyes fixed to where the end of edwin’s ballpoint pen was pinned between his teeth as he analyzed something on the page. charles made a weak noise when he saw it, his hand coming up to gently brush his bottom lip like he was imagining that it took the pen’s place in between those sharp teeth.

“charles, for fuck’s sake, i think you have one,” she says, the laugh finally erupting at the absurdity of his steely focus.

“what? no. isn’t that like… normal? it’s nice when someone’s good at something,” charles defended, a bit flushed.

“yeah, well, no one looks at someone like that unless they want to bone them while they talk about like- quantum physics or like literature or some shit,” she said plainly, the amused grin still prevalent.

charles made a noise like he had just been punched in the chest at the idea.

“and now you’re thinking about it, aren’t you? god dude, just- go get your man. we’re never gonna finish this conversation until you can say what you need to,” she said, wrinkling her nose.

“he’s not my-“ charles tried weakly.

“don’t care, go,” she said, pushing him forward.

he paused briefly, breathing in shakily before returning to his usual bravado seamlessly. “EDWIN!! what are you working on mate?” he called, grinning as he walked around the desk to look over his shoulder and discretely took his bottom lip into his mouth.

“i’m rather stuck on this piece of evidence, you see…” edwin delved into his explanation, charles’s pupils dilating with every word as his chest heaved.

“god, i’m so good at this. also, ew. i should leave.”

reblog to give warm bread to your mutuals

Source: merletails

on a scale of 1-10 how much do you recommend dead boy detectives

1million out of 10

Ok lets assess why you should binge it:

1. Gay (no need for further explanation)

2. Butt loads of trauma. You won't be disappointed

3. Good fandom, amazing fan art and fics

4. Character development isn't progressingx it's unfurling in this beautiful way that maked it seem like the characters have this personality in their core, and now they are slowing revealing it (like the actual personality doesn't change it just gets revealed I guess)

5.deely complicated and devoted relationship

6.cinematograohy is good

7. Main plotline is Edwardian think who is a reperessed gay and 100 ish years old technically serves cunt and bewitches everyone with his autistic mannerisms. Yes genuinely.

8. Lesbian relationship going on although the series is focused on the relationship between the two male MCs their relationship is not shoved into the shadows but doesn't take attention away from the main ship

9. Personalities are diverse and rich with plenty opportunities to discover more

10. Generally a well done unrushed series you can revel in. Word of advice is the first 2 episodes are a bit meh (personal opinion) but you get hooked episode 3 and you won't regret it.

I kicked my legs, giggled, squealed and rolled around on my bed. This is too much cuteness I have stopped working.

They’re in Lorb (Orb Love)

“Crystal?” Niko’s voice over the phone is a shaky whisper.

Crystal immediately juggles her keys and groceries to grab her phone properly. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Niko says quietly. “But something weird is happening.”

Crystal shoves her front door open with her shoulder as the FaceTime request dings. She drops the groceries in the foyer and accepts it. Instead of Niko’s lovely face filling the screen, it’s a shaky shot of the doorway to the office. “What am I looking at?”

“I don’t know,” Niko whispers. “That’s why I called you.” She steps forward and the phone camera almost immediately gives up in the face of very bright light. “Aw, you can’t see it.” The camera flips back to reveal Niko’s face bathed in the radiance. Crystal notes with some relief that Niko looks more awed than hurt.

“Babe,” Crystal says patiently. “What’s going on?”

“There’s like a glowing orb. It’s all pretty colors. Like pink and blue. It’s sitting on Edwin’s desk and he’s not here. Neither of them are—“

“Yeah, no, they are,” Crystal sighs. “They’re Venn diagramming.”

Niko tilts her head in frame, puppyish confusion that makes Crystal just want to scoop her up and kiss her face all over. “What?”

“You know what a Venn diagram is.” Niko nods at her. Neither of them probably got enough school but they did go. “So the Venn diagram of ghosts who love each other is a circle,” Crystal explains, smirking a little. Edwin had been so mad the first time she said it, which only made it funnier.

"Ohhhhh," Niko says, eyes widening with understanding. "That's clever."

Crystal thinks she probably looks as smug as she feels. “They have a ghost form that doesn’t require them to exert as much energy. They’re just spirit orbs. Usually you only see spirit orbs floating faintly in the background, even if you have the Sight. They’re a low-energy form. Apparently, at some point, the boys figured out that if their orbs touch, they can meld together.”

“That sounds dirty,” Niko laughs.

“It probably is! Anyway, Charles and Edwin glow so fuckin’ brightly when they’re together. Sometimes it’s just a partial meld and sometimes they become one giant glowing orb. I usually like to check in with them, but don’t touch them. They can sense some things while in that form so I don’t want to bother them. I just don't like leaving them alone since it’s also a vulnerable time and I prefer to make sure no other ghosts intrude on them either. You know people show up at the office at all hours.”

“Soooooo…want to come over?” Niko asks, raising a perfect eyebrow. “Girls’ Night at the Ghost Orb?

“Sure,” Crystal laughs. “It’s a date. I’ll be right over. You want anything?”

“Bring some of the soda and the matcha we picked up last weekend. I was gonna stash some at the office anyway for when we have late nights.”

“Alright. Love you, babe. Don’t touch the orb and I’ll see you soon.” Crystal blows a little kiss to the camera and watches Niko’s face crease with delight. Niko blows her a kiss too and then signs off.

***

Crystal can see the bright light even through the door and contemplates whether a door shade might be helpful. She walks into the office humming.

For the second time today, she drops her grocery bag on the floor. She rips her headphones out and puts her hands on her hips. “What did I say about touching the orb, Niko?”

Niko looks up from where she is…well, spooning the ghost orb on the couch. She is so damn good at the puppy eyes that Crystal almost forgets that she asked a question. Almost.

“Babe, seriously!?”

“They almost fell off the desk!” Niko protests, pouting. “I had to catch them. And they glow more when I touch them.” She traces a gentle fingertip over the top curve of the orb nestled against her and it erupts in pink swirls over a dark blue background.

Crystal sighs. “Alright.” In fairness, the boys never specifically prohibited touching, it just seemed polite. And probably, they won’t mind because it’s Niko and both of them find her utterly charming; Crystal can’t even be offended by that because she also thinks her girlfriend is adorable. She rummages in the grocery bag for a soda and uses her keys to pry the lid off the bottle. She takes a sip and then motions at Niko. “Lift your head up.”

Niko moves obligingly, giving Crystal enough space to sit at the end of the couch before she drops her head into Crystal’s lap.

“See,” Niko says sweetly. “Now we’re all comfy.” She grabs the edge of her tunic top and uses it to scoop the orb up closer to her stomach. Helpfully, this also mutes the bright light, at least from Crystal’s point of view. She pulls her sunglasses out of her hair carefully and offers them to Niko, who grins up at her before sliding them on.

“You’re explaining this to Edwin when he stops being an orb.”

“Okay.” Niko nuzzles her cheek against Crystal’s thigh. “I have so many questions anyway. I want to know all about being a giant ball of light. Honestly, that sounds pretty cool. Do you think Edwin would let me take him around while he was an orb? What if his orb wants to go hang out at the beach or something? For like maximum ghost relaxation.”

Crystal can’t help the way she looks at Niko, her heart almost bursting with love. “Yeah, baby, I bet for you he’d go on some kind of ghost orb vacation. Charles would be thrilled if you got him to take a break occasionally.” She tucks Niko’s heavy silken hair behind her ear. “Want a sip?”

“Is it the tamarind one?”

“No, regular cola. There’s a tamarind one in the bag if you want.”

“No. I’m comfy. Gimme a sip.”

Crystal holds the bottle to her mouth carefully, tipping it up in little bursts until Niko gets her fill. She bends down to kiss her, both of their mouths sticky-sweet and slick.

They spend hours there, sharing a drink and taking turns playing music on Crystal’s phone. It’s fun, both spending time with Niko and watching the orb change colors. Crystal knows that the deep blue is Charles and the pink is Edwin, the two of them mixed together in this form. She knows because she once caught Charles with Edwin’s orb tucked under his elbows while he sorted some small silver charms on the floor. He’d been talking to it before she walked in and when he looked up his face was nearly as pink as the orb cuddled in his lap.

There’s a slight buzzing noise and then Charles falls out of Niko’s grasp rather spectacularly. He grins up at them from the floor though, entirely unhurt. “Heya.”

“Charles?” Niko says, leaning up on her elbow. “Are you okay?”

“Aces, Niko, don’t worry. Gimme Edwin?”

Niko sits up to hand the orb to Charles and Crystal doesn’t think that she imagines the way it glows brighter in Charles’s careful hands. Charles stands and sets the orb on the desk.

“You guys okay?” Crystal asks. “No supernatural exhaustion from working cases while we sleep or something, right?”

Silently and neatly, Edwin replaces the orb and says, “We’re perfectly fine.” He shoots his cuffs and then rests his hands in his lap; he looks tidy perched on the desk, like a little doll, while Charles is leaning against it like he’d like to dive right back into Edwin again.

“Does it feel like sleeping?” Niko asks, taking Crystal's sunglasses off and hanging them from the collar of her shirt. “It looked relaxing.”

“It is.” Edwin softens a little, looking at where Niko is resting her head against Crystal’s shoulder. Crystal stretches her legs out, thinking maybe she’d like a nap too, all warm and cozy with her girlfriend. “However,” Edwin continues, ever the proper tutor, “it does not resemble sleep. It is, at best, a facsimile of lying on a grassy hillock and watching the clouds drift by. That is to say, restful, but still aware.”

“What does Charles feel like?” Niko asks and Crystal snorts.

“Warm,” Edwin answers instinctively and then makes an odd little motion. It looks like the cousin of a flinch, a nervous tic he hasn’t quite killed. He clears his throat. “Notably, though most ghostly existences do not include registering sensations from food or touching others, we can be interacted with by other supernatural beings. We mostly encounter hostile creatures or other ghosts. Though I have found most ghosts are as cold as they are long dead, Charles is strangely warm to the touch.”

Charles grins like he did that on purpose, the idiot.

Niko sighs. “Awwwwww, that’s so sweet. Is Edwin warm?” She looks at Charles expectantly.

“I think he’s pretty hot,” Charles says with a wink and Crystal throws the nearest pillow at him. He catches it, the asshole, and lobs it back.

“Hey,” Crystal says, batting it away from Niko’s face. “Leave her out of it.”

“Indeed,” Edwin says dryly, “it’s bad form to drag civilians into your fight. Come on, Niko, I had something to show you.”

Crystal hugs Niko tighter to her, grinning when Niko giggles. “You can’t steal my girlfriend. She already spent all afternoon spooning you two.”

Charles laughs at that.

“Sorry, should I define spooning for you?” Crystal teases Edwin.

He rolls his eyes and then offers Charles his hand. “I can figure it out very well. How exactly do you think people kept warm during the winter in my time?” He spins Charles into his arms, the slight height advantage he gained from sitting on the desk allowing him to wrap himself entirely around Charles like a smug octopus.

Charles beams at them, thoroughly pleased to be tangled up in Edwin. Crystal can’t help smiling too. It took so long for them to admit their feelings, and then even longer to show even a hint of those feelings in front of her. This level of cuddling is only a few months old and it’s utterly adorable. She presses her cheek to Niko’s hair and inhales her sweet perfume.

“Why don’t you just bring the book here?” Niko asks Edwin. “Then we could all be warm and cozy.”

Edwin makes a considering face. “I could. Where will I keep Charles? You two are taking up two thirds of the couch.”

“Oh that’s easy,” Niko says, looping an arm around Crystal’s neck to pull herself into Crystal’s lap properly. Crystal wraps an arm around her waist instinctively, holding her steady as she wriggles herself into her best position.

“Very well,” Edwin says indulgently, as though this is a great favor and he won’t delight in cuddling Charles. “Shall I read out loud to you?”

“Yes,” Charles hums just as Niko echoes him.

Edwin’s mouth twitches into a smile. “Very well. Move over then.”

Edwin picks up the book from his desk, a small one with a green fabric cover and gold-edged pages; he settles on the other half of the sofa and waits expectantly for Charles to sit on his lap.

With their legs tangled together, he hands the book to Charles so he can wrap his arms around Charles and hook his chin over Charles’ bony shoulder. Niko tucks her feet under Edwin’s ghostly thigh and he smiles at her.

Crystal closes her eyes as Edwin begins to read; she won’t admit it, but his voice and Niko’s warm weight in her lap are more than enough to send her off to sleep in a heartbeat.

This is about Dead Boy Detectives but also applies elsewhere:

I know it can be hard to just talk to random people you meet about things you’re passionate about, but legit it works. If you can push past the social anxiety (I know it’s hard, I struggle with it too) you’ll be surprised how receptive people can be!

One of the best things we can do to up the chances of getting the show renewed is to get the views up, and while rewatches are great, more and newer viewers are even better. So whenever I can, I’ve been talking the show up to everyone I see.

I just checked my car in for service and the gal taking my info was STOKED when I told her about it because she was looking for a new show to watch. Grabbed her phone and added it to her Netflix list as I was standing there.

The little old lady who does safety inspections at work apparently loves Halloween and all things spooky.

The new security guard mentioned his husband and was excited when I told him about how refreshing the queer normalization is in the show (and showing him a pic of Lukas Gage as the Cat King definitely didn’t hurt either).

The head of Facilities has been watching Doctor Who since the first episode in the 60s and was intrigued by the quirky, campy aspects of it.

There are so many aspects to this show, so many angles of interest, you’ll be surprised how quickly you can sell people on it sometimes!

For me, the ‘opener’ I’ve found most effective is something along the lines of “Hey, I know this is super random, but do you like Sci-fi/fantasy/spooky stuff?” From there, a yes leads into “There’s this show I absolutely love called Dead Boy Detectives on Netflix, you should check it out!” And a bit of info on the show. (It’s about two ghosts that solve supernatural mysteries! It’s fun and weird and funny and so well made!) If there’s time, I’ll pull up the trailer or the teaser for them to watch. Far more often then not, they’re interested.

And if they say no? “Yeah, the genre’s not for everyone. But if you know anyone who does like it, you should have them check out Dead Boy Detectives, it’s super good.”

They may or may not be interested. They might watch it or they might not, could recommend it to others or forget about it completely. But they definitely won’t do any of that if they don’t know it exists.

Right now, I know of 21 people that I’ve told about the show who have come back and told me they loved it. 7 of those have also told me they told their friends and family about it and they’re now watching it too. (And those are just the ones who’ve come back to me about it- there could be even more!)

If there’s one thing I learned from being on a competitive Gish team for a decade, it’s that you never know who will say yes when you ask them something random!

It can be scary to put yourself out there. I really, truly get that. But if you’re able to push past it, it’s truly an effective way to spread the word.

“What is this?  Hum must be something for Maru to climb into.”  AND “something for Hana to squish Maru down into.”