Writing Is Exactly Like This

(Spoilers)

Pain Of Knowing

(This is based on the amazing show The Mysterious Benedict Society, the newest episode.)

Happiness. Unlimited pure joy. A flash of light and it was gone. Guilt, sadness, self-hatred, grief, betrayal, all emotions he greeted as though they were old friends. Wave after wave of crushing emotion enveloped his mind, turning it numb. He should tell the others. He should tell them that it worked and he was free. He should’ve, but he didn’t. It was too much, too much too soon. Despite himself, he missed the fake happiness. The way it calmed his mind even as he fought against it. He missed the way it erased the pain of knowing. Knowing what was happening was wrong, that his brother was the one who caused it all. Knowing he was being manipulated, put in place and moved around like a chess piece on a board, but not having the strength to stop it. Simply gone. Gone with a wave of a hand and a smile. He would tell them. He would tell them when every thought in his mind didn’t claw at him, when the near constant weight on his chest lessened. He would, soon. Just not now.

I hope you liked it! Sorry for any mistakes I made! I’m open to constructive criticism so feel free!

good things will happen 🧿

things that are meant to be will fall into place 🧿

I don't think some of you should be coming down on Aziraphale so hard for his decision and I'm going to point out something not enough people take into consideration.

Just think of the circumstances he was in. He got offered a deal that could fix pretty much every single problem they have and that could consequently make both him and Crowley incredibly happy.

At least that's how he sees it. It all comes crashing down once he realises that that's not what Crowley wants. That it's not that easy for them to have that perfect life. Having that opportunity and then it being ripped right out of his hands. Just look at how giddy he was when he was telling Crowley, after which he straight up went into denial and refusing to listen to what Crowley has to say, because this. would. have. solved. everything.

But... it's not what Crowley wants. And it's not as if he can make him go with him to Heaven (thank god) because he's not that kind of person. He's not possessive or controlling. And more than anything he loves Crowley and up until that moment he had the perfect means to make him happy. And now it's gone.

So not only does he have this earth shattering realisation about Crowley and what he wants he also now has to deal with what he himself wants. Now if anyone knows how it feels to be in such a stressful and agonising dilemma over something, you will probably feel and emphasise with Aziraphale pretty hard in this scene. Because this is where old coping mechanisms start to hit. This is where he falls back on something reliable, something he can trust will make the right decision, and that is his old belief that Heaven is to be obeyed and that it can do no wrong, that is still so ingrained in his instincts and decision making. This is where his trauma comes into play.

And he fights it.

How fucking strong do you have to be to be able to fight your own gut feeling, that has been trained and created for millions of years. He actively tries to tell the Metatron "no" multiple times, shame that the Metatron is a master manipulator and doesn't let him the opportunity, but he still does it nonetheless.

(This is the part I wanted to point out) This boy had to make a life changing decision that would determine how he would spend the rest of eternity itself. And he didn't even have 10 minutes to make it.

He had only minutes to make this decision. Imagine the sheer soul-shattering heart-rending turmoil that has been going on inside him. The sheer panic and dread he was probably feeling.

And despite what millenia of training and what his thoughts and logic were telling him, he still followed his heart, he still chose Crowley... until the Metatron sensed exactly that and told him about the Second Coming.

Well, now that made things much simpler. His happiness or the universe. And he sacrificed himself. Again...

And to top it all off, he had to fucking smile. He has just lost everything he loves, earth, the bookshop, crepes... and Crowley. No. No, it's more than that. After Crowley's confession he realised he lost everything he never even had. Utterly and completely alone. And he cannot dare shed a tear. How. Fucking. Strong. Do you have to be to be able to do that.

Do you think that Alastor doesn’t like Lucifer because he blames Lucifer for the extermination? Maybe he genuinely thinks he’s a better dad because he thinks Lucifer failed at his job as ruler?

Cuddling is good and valid and not inherently romantic and can be completely platonic reblog if you agree.

CAN ALINA AND MAL STOOOOOOP BEING SO LOVEY DOVEY FOR TWO SECONDS PLEASE!!!!! I LOVE THAT YOUR IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER BUT WHYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!! I WANT THE CROOOOOWS BAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I know Alastor can open up portals and has a ton of other powers, but what if he could conjure more than just giant tentacles? What if a giant mouth that can just reach up and eat people. I don’t think this is an actual thing because I haven’t seen anything on it. If he gets most of his power from a shadow realm, why not conjure a giant cat or something. (R.I.P Vox lol 😂.)

(Sorry if that was all over the place.)

I just had a thought. What if after everything and when (hopefully) the Metatron is away, Aziraphale is asked to be the voice of God? BUT he chooses Crowley instead? Just a thought.