“You Were The Only One I Could Count On.”

Sleep

As I sit here,

I think of all the pressing matters that are near.

They are like monsters...

Making me feel like any day now I will be slaughtered.

I wish someone could be my knight in shining armor.

But when I finally take time to ponder,

I realize mear wishes are nothing but a dream.

Giving me the urge to scream.

When I do to it’s just silent.

Making me wonder where all my strength and courage went.

I want to go to bed.

To curl up to the point where all you can see is my head.

I want to go to sleep...

To be selfish and never truly let anyone have my heart to keep.

“I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun.”

‘When we love God because we feel we should love Him, instead of genuinely loving out of our true selves, we have forgotten who God really is.’ -Francis Chan | See more daily motivational quotes at Jar of Quotes.

No... I never meant to say the things I said. I never meant to make you think that all I say is lies. I'm sorry for being so two-faced with you. I just have so many emotions that I want to show you that I try to show as many as I can. I'm sorry for never completely trusting you... I just feel that I can never fully trust anyone no matter how much I want to.

Thoughts of a Gemini writer

Human Interaction

We all need it. Whether we want to admit it or not. All of us interact with each other on a day to day basis. Whether it’s talking, living with them, seeing them around, or even texting them. Those who say they are lonely have experienced one of two things: they have had bad interactions time and time again and want to have a better experience or they lack human interaction. 

Interacting doesn’t mean you need to find those that are like you; it simply means interact with those that are willing to. We all know that sometimes we have those days where we just want to be left alone which is fine but eventually we interact with those around us again. 

When someone is neglected the right to interact with others is when they start to get depressed. The point that I’m trying to make is this: if you see someone down, talk to them. Don’t force yourself on them but by saying a simple “how are you” or even just “hello” can do the trick. Just by human interaction alone can cause those around you to have a brighter day.

“And I write and I write and I write and nothing says it all.”

– the story of my derailed heart

I’m Sorry

I'm sorry for all of the things I have done. It's never helped me or anyone. I'm sorry for lying to you. I've never purposely done what I do... I'm sorry for never going the extra mile... And only giving you fake smiles. I'm sorry for never telling you how I feel. I just hate "getting real..." Because to me, I feel like I can't trust anyone. And I know I "can't blame anybody when it's me" and "what's done is done." I'm sorry for never truly being happy... And always being so snappy. I'm so sorry for always doing things in slow motion. It's just that most of the time I'm void of any emotions. I'm sorry for making you think I don't care... But to be honest... All these fights with you are so hard to bear.

An excerpt from an unknown book:

It’s all your fault. You’re the one that pushed them away. You can never just let anybody in.

I cried as the words kept repeating in my head. They were right. It’s all my fault. I always do this. I have no one to blame but myself...

They were there for you. Why did you let them go? Why did you say all of those hurtful things? Don’t you care?

I do care.... But I just... I was just so afraid. I was afraid of losing them that I thought that I should just never have them in order for it to not happen. During that time I felt they just never cared.... I was so wrong. 

You’re a monster. A disgrace.

Those two sentences seem to be screaming at me in my mind as I look at myself in the mirror.

It would be better if you could just die. Everyone would just be happier without you.

As my once silent tears turn into loud sobs I contemplate whether or not I should finally give in. Holding the razer as it seems to be encouraging me to give it all the power it needs to carry out the deadly deed.

Nobody will be hurt when you leave. No one will be sad.

Right before I do the deadly thing a thought shoots across my mind...

Please.... Someone.... Anyone... Help

“Please. All I ask is that you live and give me a chance to show you this world isn’t as ugly as you believe.” Well. I’ve been told that before. Over and over again. I want to believe that they’re right, but every time I’m told this there is always someone there to just leave again.

‘Maybe they just don’t have the piece I’ve been looking for...’ I always persuade myself as I look into that box. That small, worn down box always makes me feel like it’s a constant reminder of what I’m missing out on and all of the bad things that have happened to me. 

It’s been sitting in the same place by the window ever since I was born. They say that when you’re born you have ten little shapes and that whoever has the same one as you is either your soulmate or is someone that you care about. As for me, I only came with five. Four blue circles and a scarlet broken heart. 

The four blue circles have been taken by family members and a friend that I care about but as for the scarlet broken heart, there has never been anyone that has that same piece. I’ve always been told never to show my pieces until I know they are the one... So far the people I thought were the ones never even came close to sharing that final piece.

I wish I never had that stupid piece. It just sits there. Toying with me; rubbing it in my face that I will never be fully happy. ‘Today, today is the day I am getting rid of it.’ As I grab the box I start to think back at the times I had been right about who’s pieces were the same as mine. How much joy it brought me.... and how if I threw away this one I will never be able to feel that way again...

I start to walk out of my apartment with the bow secured tightly in my hold. I fall down as I bump into someone.

“I’m so sorry-” I begin to say as I notice that the piece is on the floor along with the now opened box. The guy I now recognized to be my neighbor right across from me helps me pick it up. 

“Hey,” he says to me as he holds onto my piece, “I have the same exact one.” I look at him in shock as I watch him take off the necklace he was wearing.

Our pieces put together made a fixed scarlet heart.

Prompt 135

“Please. All I ask is that you live and give me a chance to show you this world isn’t as ugly as you believe.”