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Lucjusz (Luc)

Illustration courtesy of Teepi Guest

Poor Margret - 3

The Royal Residence Room was a huge domed ballroom-like space. Beams of light ricocheted off the purplish yellow walls. Mist swirled around the feet of the bewildered Esse and Kennen. Kennen was on his feet because he had lost his ability to fly. “Esse!” Kennen gasped. “I can’t fly!”

“Must be security.” Esse mused. She had busied herself reading the labels by the doors. “Here we are!” Esse said, pointing to a label that read ORDERER GEMMA ELIZABETH’S ROYAL RESIDENCE. She knocked on the door. The door opened. And Orderer Gemma stood in the doorway. “Esse! Kennen!” she said in surprise. “What are you doing here?” Esse explained the idea she had had to come here, and Kennen told about Sir Anerapell and Sir Nek VI. Orderer Gemma sighed. “Those two.” she said, shaking her head. “I’ll give you a real tour.”

After Orderer Gemma’s real tour, Kennen felt better and Esse had gotten over Sir Nek VI’s terrifying ness. They had gone home, and they had told Nurse Moss their adventures, and they had slept, and woken up, until it was Wednesday. On Wednesday, Kennen awoke in his office, which Orderer Gemma had told him and Esse would happen. As Kennen sat waiting for Esse to wake up, he studied the walls. They were, in fact, not covered in scribbles, but in words that were overlapped on each other. Kennen stared harder. There were only three sentences written. The first, over by the window, said

I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.

The second, all clustered around the door, said

Don’t go! Stay! Stay!

Each of these was followed by a number, such as 28, 35, or 57. The highest number Kennen could find was 118. But the strangest message of all was written almost everywhere in the room, overlapped many times. It read

My name is Annaig, look up. ^

Very, very slowly, Kennen raised his eyes up to the ceiling. And he saw them. The two eyes stuck in his ceiling, which were staring at him right now.

Hello, Kennen

Anniag said. And Kennen noticed new messages he never noticed before.

Hello, Davide

Hello, Yam

Hello, Chico

Hello, Leugim

Hello, Luiza

Hello, Aidalac

And many other names, covering the ceiling around the eyes. Which were still watching Kennen. Suddenly, the door opened and in strolled Esse. “Hey, Kennen. Happy Wednesday!” Esse said. “What’s so interesting about the ceiling?”

Rose Otterton

Illustration courtesy of Teepi Guest

Poor Margret - 4

“Yikes!” Esse said, following Kennen’s gaze upward to the ceiling. “Kennen, whose eyes are those? They’re humongous!”

“And they talk to me too.” Kennen told her.

“Really? Kennen, are you insane? Maybe we should call your sister, Heavenly Evenly.”

“No, Esse, look at the walls.” Kennen said.

“Yikes!” Esse said, looking around. “Kennen, did you do this?”

“No.” Kennen answered. “Annaig did.” Suddenly, Esse let out a little squeak. Kennen looked up.

Hello, Essy. Are you a friend of Kennen’s? My name is Annaig.

“Um.” Esse said. “it’s E-S-S-E.” Annaig corrected his mistake. Esse nodded approvingly. “He seems nice.” she told Kennen. Annaig drew a large heart around Esse’s name. “I think Annaig likes you too.” Kennen answered her.

Soon, Esse and Kennen had moved all of Esse’s work into Kennen’s Office. “The floor is too slippery.” Esse said. “Besides, I need more company to work happily.” Kennen’s job that day was to was to go through everyone’s files and see who had a criminal record. Esse’s was to go through the files of the people just moving to The Land of Nimm. “Hey,” Esse said, pulling out a file. “Here’s your sister.” Kennen leaned over to read. It said:

The File of:

Heavenly Evenly likes to eat at elevenly LALALALALA Pie. DODODO, NANANA, Tickle some type of fly Mamamel Pastamaker

“What in the world? Is that really her full name?” Esse asked.

“I never told you?” Kennen answered.

“Does she like pie?” Esse asked. Kennen shrugged. “I would think so. Can’t you look in her file?” he asked. Esse opened it. There on the first page it read:

Likes Pie:Yes/No/Limited

Job: NonDominant Animal Psychiatrist

“Huh.” Esse said. “The pie a bit of a strange thing to put in a file.” Kennen shrugged. “Not if you’re Heavenly Evenly.” he said.

Some time later, Kennen found his first criminal record. “Hey, Esse, did you know that Emelea and her children have a criminal record?” he asked. Esse leaned over to see. “Well, I guess Luc never told me the story.” Esse answered. “Then I will.” Kennen began:

The Story of Emela’s Children

Once upon a time, there lived a girl named Emelea Grapis, one of the most criminal masterminds to this day. Emelea’s husband had run away after she threatened to drop 16 bananas on his head, leaving Emela with her two children. Their names were Heteb and Zoeabby. When Heteb was 16 years old, and Zoeabby was 3, Emelea launched the Great Kidnapping Thing. Queen Alissa lived in a beautiful palace on top of the hill, and because Emelea was the evil twin of her sister, Mistress Amelia, she was invited to live with Queen Alissa. Queen Alissa had three children; Aras, Tanyaasha, and Izzy, who were all kidnapped within a week. Here is how Emelea did it: Zoeabby, even though she was only three, could already speak fluently in English, Lithuanian, and German. So every night, Zoeabby would go through the hall outside Queen Alyssa’s part of the castle with her mother’s cloak on, and sing: “Aš miręs nuotaka aš sakau ‘boo!’ jums bus išsigandęs. BOO!” (the spell works better when said in Lithuanian. Besides, everyone there was from New Forkie, and so saying it in a language no one probably understood was a good idea.) Zoeabby would happily knock out anyone who was within three feet of her (this usually got a nosy princess listening at the door). Zoeabby would then grin and run off to get her mother. Emelea would take the cloak from Zoeabby, and go kidnap the nosy princess at the door. After the first three kidnappings, Emelea decided to kidnap all the other children in the building. She started with Queen Eneel’s children; Meuh and Raychell, and then to everyone else's children. Unfortunately, Emelea made the mistake of kidnapping Judge Anna’s granddaughter, and Judge Anna arranged a meeting with Neemzay, the genius of the castle, who was kidnapped soon after that, and working on means of escape. Judge Anna’s daughter, Queen Airuhbelluh, took a wild guess and got Heteb arrested. One of the queens, Queen Avarose, went insane and kidnapped Zoeabby. Emelea knew that she could either give herself up, and help the children, or run away and leave them. Emelea, knowing how a good parent should act, threw square-shaped dogs at anyone who tried to ride an elephant, and ended up escaping with her children as well (the kidnapped children were found two weeks later by Judge Anna and Inspector Ollie).

“Wow.” Esse said. “I had no idea.”

“Neither did I.” Kennen agreed. They continued while talking about Emelea’s children.

But soon after that, Kennen picked up a new file. “Hey Esse, look at this.” he said. Esse leaned over to see. The file read,

File of Lucjusz Bnmq Erty

“Oh.” Esse said. She looked confused and sad. “Luc has a criminal record? What does it say?”

“Yeah. About that. It’s weird because, you know, no one but us a Weasel Water lou are supposed to touch these but, well, I’ll just show you.” Kennen flipped open the first page and handed the file to Esse.

Status: Deceased LIVING!!!

Or else prove that he’s dead!

“Whoa.” Esse said. “So Luc isn’t a criminal. Who would do that?” Kennen shrugged. “Well, he sighed his name at the bottom.” Kennen said, showing her.

Helpful Comments by Ulul Iflandoonia

“WHAT?!” Esse said. “My Great-Uncle Crab wrote this? Uh!” Kennen looked puzzled. Esse explained for him. “My great-Uncle Crabulul is so rude. But somehow he became a critic, and since he’s a quickwolf, he’s made it his business to go everywhere people want him out of.”

“What’s a quickwolf?” Kennen asked.

“Quickwolves can go so fast, that they vibrate through walls and stuff like that.” Esse answered.

“Wow. So he got into our files?” Kennen said, leafing through the others to see if Crabulul had made any other comments. “Hey, um, Kennen, Annaig is talking to you.” Esse said. Kennen looked up.

Are you sure Luc really is dead?

“Well, um, yeah, right Kennen?” Esse answered.

“Well, yes, I saw it happen! Wait, no. I mean, I saw him go all limp but maybe…” Kennen said, thinking hard.

Maybe you should find out. If you go get supplies from Crabulul I can teleport you wherever you want.

“Oh, Annaig! I want to hug you!” Esse said, jumping up and down. “C’mon, Kennen, let’s go to Great-Uncle Crab!”

Esse Iflandoonia

Illustration courtesy of Teepi Guest

Poor Margret

At first, Kennen didn’t know where he was. Then he remembered; sleepover with Esse at Nurse Moss’ house. Esse stood up and stretched. There were no need for beds in Nurse Moss’ house because the floor was so soft. Kennen pretended to be asleep. Esse changed and sat back on the floor. Checking the clock, Kennen had seen it was only 8:10. Nurse Moss woke at 9:30 on weekends. Suddenly Kennen realized: today was the day. This was Esse’s 13th birthday, or, her coronation of Assistant Secretary to Master Cameron and Mistress Amelia. Weasel Water Lou would be teaching her “the ways”. Even though work didn’t start until Wednesday, (and it was only saturday) Esse had been promised a private tour of the palace with Kennen. Kennen would be Esse’s assistant, making him the Assistant to the Assistant Secretary to Master Cameron and Mistress Amelia. Esse bounced over to Kennen to see if he was awake (you could bounce on Nurse Moss’ floor). “Kennen,” Esse whispered, poking Kennen’s wing. “Today is the day!”

“Hmm? What?” Kennen mumbled, opening his eyes and pretending to be tired. He honestly did want sleep. “I said today’s the day,” Esse repeated. “Now hop on my shoulder and we’ll go find Nurse Moss.”

“I can fly.” Kennen grumbled. Esse bounced out of the room, Kennen close behind her.

Flying into the kitchen, Kennen saw Nurse Moss preparing waffles. “Yummmmmmmmm.” Esse sighed. “Thanks, Nurse Moss.” Nurse Moss smiled. “Today’s the day!” she replied. “Hey, it’s my day too!” Kennen reminded her. “I know.” Nurse Moss said. “So I made you some seeds and berries. Raspberries, your favorite.” Kennen was awake now. With Kennen at the tabletop bird feeder, and Esse in her favorite cushiony chair, they munched their special breakfast. “Eat up!” Nurse Moss said to Kennen. “You’re too skinny!” Nurse Moss was always complaining about how skinny he was and NOT HOW PLUMP, MISS EVELYN FACE! His pale blue color made him look sort of sick. “You’ll want to hurry.” Nurse Moss said. “The tour starts in- goodness me! The clock stopped!”

“What!?” Esse cried, her fork clattering to the table.

“You have 20 minutes, so no walking.” Nurse Moss told them. “If we ask Doctor Lexie now, maybe we can borrow her MotorHuman360.” Doctor Lexie’s MotorHuman360 was not a human with a motor attached to it, nor a motor car that looked like a human. Doctor Lexie’s MotorHuman360 was simply a really fast guy named Niree who liked to say “vroom vroom.”.

“All right, let’s do it!” Esse said.

“Are you sure?” Kennen asked her. “You hate riding Niree.” Esse grimaced. “You told me that when you ride Niree, you feel too sorry for him, having to carry people around.” Kennen said.

“Well,” Esse considered. “We really should go now.” “Well then,” Nurse Moss said, standing up. “We better hurry before someone else asks.”

Soon, Kennen was flying behind Esse, who was on the back of a very pleased Niree, who loved talking to his riders. “How goes it, Miss If?” Niree said, using Esse’s nickname he gave her.

“Um, okay.” Esse gulped. Despite what Esse had told him, Kennen knew she was terrified. Because of Niree’s fast speed, Esse’s legs were flung out behind her, and she was clinging to Niree’s shoulders for dear life. Niree didn’t seem to notice anything that happened to his passengers. He couldn’t even really hear them. “Ah, yes, my grandmother lives there.” Niree responded. “We call her Grandma Lolch. Funny, isn’t it?”

“I, uh, yeah, um, okay.” Esse agreed. “Oh, yes, you’re right Miss If. That’s a great place to go camping. Grandma Lolch used to take me and R.A. there every winter.” Kennen sighed. Niree was nice, but kind of deaf.

Weasel Water Lou of the Peace in Carlos - 4

When Esse picked herself up, all was quiet and dark. Not even gunfire could be heard. It was also quite cold. “Luc? Luc?” Esse hissed. Esse felt a furry hand on her arm.

Esse snuggled up to Luc. He was usually warm, but even Luc was cold in the little room. Esse heard rats scurrying around in the dark shadows. A cold dark voice sounded nearby. “Which one of you is skilled in the art of nymph stories?” it asked. Esse let go of Luc as he stood up. “It-it was me. I knew the nymph stories.” he said. “You knew the stories of Queen Frida’s Dogs and Jennifer and Clara?” the voice asked.

“My-my parents helped me on Jennifer and Clara.” Luc stammered. All was quiet. A small chuckle sounded from the voice. “Don’t hurt them!” Luc cried. “And don’t hurt Esse either!”

Esse felt her cheeks turn red with embarrassment, but she was glad that Luc had said that. “I see.” the voice said. “Come here.”

“No.” Luc responded. “You are a stubborn little bear, are you not?” the voice chuckled.

“And what are you?” Esse asked, standing up too.

“Me? I am something you have never heard of, something you may one day wish to have, but will deny wanting right now.” the voice said mysteriously.

“And what is that?” Esse asked, crossing her arms defensively.

“I will tell you later, child. Now, let us see what you want.” the voice said.

“We want a way out of The Peace in Carlos. It is shrinking because for the Carlosians.” Esse told the voice.

“Ah, yes. The Running War, as they call it here.” the voice mused. “And how may I help you with that?”

“Can you answer a question?” Luc asked.

“It depends on the question.” the voice sang out.

“Is this house a gateway out of Carlos and The Peace in Carlos?”

The voice chuckled. “I’m glad you asked.” it said. “Look upon the door.” At once a flickering light lit the wall in front of Esse. A door was set into it the wall. It was made of steel and covered in strange symbols that definitely were not nymph writing.

“This, my children,” said the voice. “is the gateway to another world. To reach it, you must answer this question: What is my name?” And then Esse and Luc were no longer in the room. They were both standing under the window to Johnson & Johnson. The window was placed in it’s socket.

“Wow.” Esse said. It certainly was strange. “Did that even happen?”

“Yes.” Luc said certainly. “It must have. We meet tomorrow?”

“Yes.” Esse agreed. And they went their separate ways.

That night, Esse rushed to the museum. With her family asleep, she could go where she pleased. Esse thought back to when she wished she could enter an adventure. And here she was, in an adventure. She had decided to go back to the invisible house and locate the source of the voice. Esse didn’t know where Luc lived, so she couldn’t ask him to come along. Right?

Outside the Johnson & Johnson recreation, Esse took a running leap at the window. It popped out of the frame, and Esse took another running leap to get a hold of the frame to pull herself through the window. It was much harder without Luc.

Rushing to the little room with Weasel Water Lou’s painting in it, she licked her finger and entered Carlos. Once in Carlos, Esse rushed down the stairs to the room with the voice. Gunfire still sounded through the Carlosian streets even though it was late at night. She put her hand on the door. “Lucjusz Yu Iflandoonia and Quer Ty Iflandoonia.” Esse whispered. The door gave way. She stepped slowly into the dark room.

Maybe the voice wouldn’t notice. “Welcome back, Esse.” the voice said. “I’ve been waiting for you.” But the voice heard her anyway.

“I’m here to decode the door.” Esse said bravely. The light illuminated the door again. Esse knelt in front of the door. She ran her fingers along the symbols as if she could read it like braille. And Esse could. The symbols and their meanings blinked and buzzed inside her head. She murmured the meanings out loud. “Max… Nora… Nils… Su-Li… Ursula… Anica… Liesl.”

“Yes.” the voice murmured. “And who wrote that story?” Esse shuddered. But she knew the answer. She had to answer. “No one wrote the story. It is a true story.” Esse answered.

“And what is the title?” the voice asked, almost in a whisper.

“Queen Gretchen’s Choice.” Esse let out in a breath. And then she was no longer in the small room.

Everything was dark. All around was dark. There was no sky or ground. Esse was in dark, and only dark. She was floating in darkness. Suddenly, a movie seemed to play in front of her. A man and a woman at a wedding. The women was Nora. The man was Max. But there was just one thing. Max was a bear.

The scene changed. Nora and Max were now adopting a child. Two children. Two Earthen children. The African boy was Nils, and the Asian girl was Su-Li. The scene changed. And this time, there was another baby. This was no adoption. This was a real baby, one that Nora had given birth to. But the baby was strange. The baby was half human, and half bear. And then Esse was falling, falling. And everything was dark.

Weasel Water Lou of the Peace in Carlos

Esse awoke on the lovely morning of November the fifth. Hoping something exciting was going to happen, she stuck her head out the window by the foot of her bed. A breeze was blowing, gently nudging the fluffy white clouds across the sky. The breeze picked up, blowing Esse’s long magenta hair into her face. Esse blew it back out.

A few people walked on the streets below, laughing and talking. Esse pulled her head back into her room. It felt like Spring. That’s how it always felt in The Peace in Carlos. Peaceful weather was always around. Right now it was Autumn, so every day was just the right temperature for a sweater or a light jacket. Esse sighed. November the fifth seemed to be like every other day in November. Nothing exciting.

“Were you hoping for bizarre weather again?” Esse’s older sister asked. As Esse turned around, her sister rolled her eyes. Esse stuck out her tongue. “Stop it, Elian.” Esse said.

They headed down to breakfast. Everyone else was already there. “You two have to work on getting up earlier and faster.” Their mother, Mrs. Iflandoonia said. “It was all Esse’s fault.” Elian said. “It was not!” Esse said back. “You two.” Mrs. Iflandoonia said, shaking her head. “Esse, go put your hair up.” “Mom, I told you, I hate putting my hair up!” Esse complained.

Esse had the longest hair in the school: two feet, three inches. Illtyd said it looked like a chocolate fountain except magenta because of its color. Illtyd liked food, so he described Esse’s eyes as spinach colored. Her skin, he said, was just normal (On Puffolpuddels [The planet Esse lives on] that is bright blue).

“C’mon!” Illtyd called to them. “Mommy is making eggs and roast beef!” Esse sat down next to him. Illtyd smiled. He had always believed that Esse had The Magical Powers of the Bonnet. The Bonnet’s Son was a book that Illtyd was reading right now. Illtyd was six years old, but a very advanced reader for his age.

“Is today a school day?” Ty asked. “Yes, Ty. But it’s Friday, so people can play with you tomorrow.” Mrs. Iflandoonia said. “You’re lucky you’re only three years old.” Demitri, Esse’s ten year old brother, said between mouthfuls. Ty clapped her hands. Mrs. Iflandoonia sighed. Demitri and Sverre Jon (the twins of the family) had taught Ty to do that whenever she heard someone say, “You’re lucky you’re only three years old.”

After they finished breakfast, Mrs. Iflandoonia was moving quickly. “Esse, you and the twins have to be on the bus in twenty minutes. Go pack your stuff. Esse, don’t forget your Science homework. You also have a test today!” Esse rushed upstairs planning to meet her brothers at the door in five minutes. She ended up dropping the contents of her satchel all over the floor, and become late enough that Mrs. Iflandoonia yelled up at her.

Finally, Esse and the twins were out the door. “Bye!” Ty called after them. She was still finishing her eggs.

At school, Esse was mulling over her Science test. She understood the question, but how would she explain it? Oh well. It was just one question anyway. Esse snuck a peek at Price’s paper. Price had written: “The Carriage War started in 809, just after Aliprand Shekhar took power. Esse wrote: “The Wagon War started in 810, just before Aliprandi Sheephair lost power. That should get her at least half credit.

After Lunch, Mr. Oliverst had everyone sit at their desks instead of coming to the large table at the front of the room. “Today, class, I have a special announcement.” he said. “The Museum of Time and Space has selected the top History students to see the first Dental Floss exhibit, featuring dental floss through the years! The special students selected are Miss Winterpegg, Miss Yinyi, Miss Iflandoonia, Miss Sandy, Mr. Herlbemmer and Mr. Lik. You will all be going next Tuesday during English, free time, and the beginning of dismissal. Please note you will have English homework that day. Also, please stay after school. Today.”

Esse groaned, and she heard a few others groan too. Mr. Oliverest ignored them, as he was so used to doing. Esse did well in History because she had to. Mrs. Iflandoonia made her. Not so she could go to a Dental Floss exhibit and miss homework time (not that she liked doing homework, but doing it late was even worse).

After math class, Esse and the others stood around Mr. Oliverst’s desk to hear what he had to tell them. A few people were excited; Mr. Oliverst certainly was. Esse wasn’t. She really didn’t like History.

“You will have partners as you go through the Dental Floss exhibits so you don’t get lost. Here they are: Mr. Herlbemmer and Miss Iflandoonia, Mr. Lik and Miss Sandy, and Miss Winterpegg and Miss Yinyi. Please do not complain, there is no switching partners. Good day.” A few people groaned again. Esse didn’t. She was hoping that her partner, Price, would just ignore her. Price usually did. On the bus ride home, Esse heard Price and Takahiro talking.

“We don’t have to go with our partners. We can just hang out together.” Price was saying. “Yeah, they're just girls. Why would they care?” Takahiro agreed. Esse snorted. Takahiro’s partner, Difgih, was probably one of Esse’s least favorite people. No, Esse was not going to spend two and a half hours with Difgih Sandy even if it meant wandering around by herself. This wouldn’t actually be too hard, because Difgih didn’t like Esse either.

“How was school?” Mrs. Iflandoonia asked Esse at dinner. Elian had just given a long story about how boring and easy the IQ Test for Advanced Students was. “It was good.” Esse said. “I got selected to go to the new Dental Floss through time exhibit before it’s even opened. I’m Price’s partner.” “Which one’s Price?” Mr. Iflandoonia asked. “Her boyfriend.” Demitri said through a mouthful of pizza.

“Price Herlbemmer.” Esse answered. “Remember? You had such a long conversation with Mr. Herlbemmer last PTA Meeting that you had a sore throat for a week. And Price is not my boyfriend.”

“Oh, yeah. Him. Is the kid better than the parent?” Mr. Iflandoonia asked.

“Luc! They are both wonderful people!” Mrs. Iflandoonia scolded.

The Christian

Illustration courtesy of Teepi Guest

Breton Wager - 5

Breton was very tired all morning. The first half of the Thursday school day was less than pleasant. He didn’t even bother skipping through any of it.

Breton reached English class at 12:11 pm that day, and he was not feeling in the mood. Sixth period’s job was to write a chronological and sequential paragraph about what they had done so far that day. So far, Breton had tried to sleep and had been interrupted no less than thirteen times by none other than Christian. Sixth period was no exception.

Breton’s eyes were feeling droopy. Very droopy. He could barely keep them open as he rested his head down onto his desk. He was about to drift off into sweet, sweet slumber . . .

“My Day, by Christian Aubry. There! What do you think, Breton? Breton! Breton!” Christian was forcfully shaking Breton to the point where he almost fell out of the chair. “Breton! What do you think of the title of my piece? My Day, by Christian Aubry. Isn’t it studious?”

“Mhm,” Breton agreed tiredly. There were many times when Breton wished he was in fifth period English. This was one of them.

“I was thinking I could start out with the breakfast I had this morning: bacon, with eggs (over-easy), and three ounces of orange juice! A ate it while surveying my vast lawn (which is visible from my dining room window).”

One reason that Breton wished he was in fifth period English was that Rose was there and Christian was not. Even if he didn’t sit beside Rose, at least he wouldn’t be sitting to the right of Christian.

“And then after breakfast, I walked to school. Wait, even better, I’ll say I walked to Field High School! Doesn’t that just sound scholarly?”

A second reason Breton wished he was in fifth period English was that fifth period English had written a compare and contrast paragraph. Breton had the perfect idea for one of those. It could be, The Similarities and Differences Between Christian Aubry and His Puppet Counterpart, by Breton Bauerbecken.

“After arriving at school, the bookish boy (that’s me!) made his way to his first period class, where he used his academic brain to construct an A+ model in first period Science class!”

One similarity between the two entities was their efinity to bother Breton when he very much didn’t want to be bothered. A second similarity was the fact that both creatures were constantly trying to get him to agree with whatever words happened to spill out of their speaking gullets.

“Second and third period went just as well for the intellectual teen, and as he sauntered from class to class, he began to think ahead to Friday, when he would dress as the noblest of birds for the First Ever Annual Field High School Masquerade Ball!”

A third similarity between Christian and his puppet pal was the fact that they only seemed to be around him because he was possibly famous. Neither of them knew that he was actually a time walker, but they both knew that Ashley Sonjan was his aunt.

“At the Friday Masquerade Ball, the learned young man would amaze the beautiful Nashaadh Sonjan and finally free her from the filthy Roosevelt Otterton!”

Really, the only difference between the two was that one was a narcissistic sixteen year old boy, and the other was boastful, sloppily constructed children’s toy.

“What a hero he is, that brainy Christian Aubry!”

Too bad he was in sixth period English.