schxhjth
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Latest Posts by schxhjth
thinking about kevin mimicking jean (probably subconsciously) because he sees him healing and wants the same for himself.
except it never works.
he tries to learn how to cook but fails to manage anything presentable before he gives up. he learns about the bike and goes on long drives himself but it’s always in the raven car and he keeps having to pull over because it feels as though his hand is aching. he tries to go shopping with nicky but in the fitting rooms, it seems to him that black is the only color that suits his complexion. he thinks of jean’s trinkets but all the things that clutter his life are exy-related.
Listen, listen, I'm not saying Aldo and Thomas are bad ship, BUT I'LL BE DAMNED if I let my eldest daughter coded character (thomas) settle for someone who wouldn't even fight for him!!!! MEANWHILE THERE IS A LATINO KING WHO IS SOLEY DEVOTED TO HIM!!!!
This has been a post by the Vicent x Thomas gang
This isn't a serious post guys wait don't take me seriously wai-
Okay okay but that scene with Kevin and Jean in the kitchen really got me.
The "I can still hear him. Can't you?" and "best not to think at all" And then also the whole just casual use of alcohol as preemptive coping mechanism.
Like we see Kevin's breakdowns through Neil's eyes, his fear, his famous declaration after getting his tattoo covered in a drunken stupor. But from Neil's perspective, it's almost distant - if that makes sense? What we glean from Neil is only what can be physically observed and Kevin is reluctant to discuss anything that is not immediately necessary for Neil's safety or the success of the team.
But with Jean it feels so intimate and very humanizing. Jean has sunk so much of his trust and his life into Kevin, and to see Kevin fail to live up to those expectations is jarring through Jean's pov.
Even with all the panic and the drinking etc, Kevin is still idealized in Neil's perspective. He is Kevin Day, he is the queen of the court, Riko's number two. He may be a mess the minute he gets off court, but that hardly matter in the face who he is on court.
But for Jean, Kevin is just Kevin and everything else comes after. He is supposed to be "stronger than Jean" not because he is the number two or the son of exy or whatever, but because he is Kevin as Jean has known him since he was 14. He is Kevin who withstood Riko's abuse long before Jean got there and long after. Kevin who allowed a little sliver of softness to sneak through by asking jean to teach him his first language. Kevin who seems to slip into casual physical intimacy with Jean like it's nothing, grabbing coffee mugs and allowing Jean's knuckles to press against his palms. It is not the perception of Kevin as an exy player who is failing but it is Kevin himself, a very human self, that is failing.
I've always kinda felt as someone who adores Kevin, we never really got a conclusion to Kevin's whole arc. Like yes, he played against Riko and yes, he covered up his tattoo, but it's so clear that Kevin is still not entirely coping. There are so many loose ends left with his character at the end of the first trilogy.
We get to see Neil fumbling his way to a semblance of self-acceptance and hopefully we get to witness Jean slowly healing, but I don't think we're gonna get that with Kevin in a way that I personally would find satisfactory. Such is the plight of being a non-pov character I suppose. That is to say that I need all the crumbs I can get.
This story of Ralph meeting a real cardinal when they were filming Conclave in Italy who invited him to his chambers and lent Ralph real cardinal robes ajfkldajfksalfj I'm crying 😂😂😂
oh my favorite trope? two people who go through something so unique and agonizing and entirely beyond words that they have no choice but to create a bond that transcends all other types of love, thus acting as the sole point of understanding for the other person in a world that cannot fathom what they’ve been through
finally, and for the third time, here are the gals (and 1 nb pal) of the shadowhunter chronicles
see, the intriguing thing about kevjean is how insistent they both are that they aren't friends. they don't think anything is salvageable, that their friendship is in ruins because of what riko did and because of his ghost haunting them, but the way they treat each other is so explicitly tender that all their arguments fall flat.
it's about constantly reaching for the others hand.
everytime they are together their hands are reaching out to each other like anchors. in tsc this was such a sharp turn from kevin's behavior with the other characters because it was gentleness the likes of which we've only had glimpses of. in tgr, it was like they couldn't help themselves - immediately kevin took hold of jean's coffee mug, grabbed his wrist when helping him dress, jean teaching him how to cook, kevin taking jean's hand during the interview, jean stopping kevin's hand when he reached for more vodka.
it's about the way they talk to each other like they don't with anyone else.
"you've always known what i am." and "i can still hear him. can you?" and kevin's desperate "even with me?" when jean refused to talk about riko. its "california agrees with you." and "stay with me." and "you like the sound of your own voice too much to give this up." and "did you even read any of them or were you too busy fawning over his phot-" and "i will break it over your head" when kevin reached for more vodka.
it's the things they do for each other.
kevin's protective streak is uncommon enough that the interviewer chose to point it out. and kevin's only response was to put jean on the same level where people had previously been putting riko. "jean is the only brother i have left." that hurt jean because that's not how he feels about kevin, but in the long run that statement could work wonders for his reputation. kevin isn't baseless with the things he says, that was definitely calculated. even the "hannah. that is enough." was a harsher personality than he's ever shown the cameras. he sure kept his promise to jeremy there.
the way kevin fidgeted with the yellow wristband and turned over the postcards he'd given jean once only to see them destroyed. and then not hesitating to send another one so jean can have this at least (even though it was burnt away, he can always send more) he gave jeremy answers but stopped just short of exposing jean's secrets...the foxes see such cutthroat aggression from him because they're his teammates but in front of jeremy and jean it's so wonderful to see how much kevin truly cares.
and from jean's side it's the begrudging but deliberate care he shows kevin. god help him, he can't even hide it for a second because even jeremy noticed. it's like he tries to defy kevin but then all kevin has to do is ask and he shall receive. and the man knows it! but jean (and arguably neil) are the only ones who lash out when kevin self-destructs because "you're supposed to better than this." they want him to act like the pillar they've based their whole life around and seeing him in ruins is unnerving. the anger jean felt when he found out kevin was chugging vodka, the fight that ensued when they were both on edge but more importantly the easy way they moved past it.
it's inevitable that they say and do things that drive the other insane, but when it comes to, as jean put it, "unsubtle and idiotic devotion" they're always there for each other.
but they're not friends, no. and if you call them that they'll deny it till they're blue. but then again, their hands will always reach for each other in their own angered, careful, terrified or concerned manner.
this got super long but i enjoy their dynamic so much. i feel insane because this is how best friends who are deeply familiar treat each other; teasing jean about jeremy, pinching jean to clear his head, fixing his shirt for him and jean elbowing kevin when he wants answers and filling kevin's glass with tap water instead of filtered water out of annoyance. it's reminding me of one part of "using you" by mars argo:
Sure sure romantic pairings are fine and all. But more people should perhaps consider two characters loving each other to the point of incomprehensibility. To the point that there is no simpler way in english to define or describe it than just to say those characters’ names together, joined eternally by the vague conjunction ‘and’. There’s so many types of love and dependencies and emotions in general thrown in there that you can’t tell what colors they are anymore, they’ve just joined into a giant blobby mess that’s almost black, but when you look closer glistens with more colors than there are names for. Just a thought
no but really. riko's "lessons" on grief crumbling the second kevin finds out about riko's death though!!!! all of that suppression, all of the buried feelings, all of the time spent avoiding and hiding and concealing left to rise to the surface the second riko is dead!!!
i am convinced kevin freaks out in a way he's never freaked out before, in a way that sincerely shocks anyone who witnesses it, once he finds out riko is gone. in a way that subtly begs the question about inpatient care and an extended leave of absence and rehab. in a way that nobody else really understands because it was riko of all people to trigger this meltdown, but in a way that is genuinely terrifying
that codependency, even if undercut by relief that the abuse is over, does not go away without a freak out!!
-childhood in the nest anon
oh that's such a good point. Especially if Riko was successful in not letting Kevin mourn, if Kevin never really grieved his mother because Riko said, "You have me."
Like, what if the whole basis of Kevin's avoidance of grieving his mom was based on Riko saying, "So long as I'm here, you don't have to worry about her." Imagine every time he almost cried, every time he almost said I miss my mom out loud, Riko would grip his arm or his hand or his face and say something to the effect of, "Your grief is a waste of time and the only thing that matters is me, is us, is exy."
And then Riko's dead? And oh, he remembers this feeling that he'd only felt in vague bursts before, buried so deep he couldn't even be sure he felt it at all. The words, "Riko is dead," sound like "Your mom is dead". They found her body this morning. They found his body last night. There's nothing they could've done to save her. He was dead when the ambulance arrived.
It's like this doubled grief, all the things he'd never been allowed to feel for his mom suddenly coming back up, and like, these are feelings that Kevin thought he was too young to have felt. He thought he was too young to remember, he thought he was too young to understand but now he's reminded that, no, you felt it. You understood. You just weren't allowed to feel the monumental loss that you'd faced. You weren't allowed to work through this gnawing icy pain in your heart. And now that Riko's dead, you're allowed. You're free.
But now Riko's dead. Now Riko is dead, and his mom is dead, and fuck Riko for making him feel both of their deaths at the same time because he shouldn't exist in the same world that his mother does. The pain he feels for them both should be incomparable.
I like to imagine that for just a few moments after Kevin is told, he goes into shock, completely and utterly unable to function with the knowledge that Riko is dead.
"Riko killed himself last night," David says, and Abby is by his side for backup, for protection, for Kevin's safety. Betsy is on speed dial. "They won't tell me much, but they think it happened fast."
Maybe Abby nudges him because nothing he says will be okay, or good enough, or soft enough so as to not destroy Kevin. And he hears the words. He knew they were coming. They had to come, this was always going to happen. This was always how it was going to end. But his brain goes quiet and his hands go numb and he smiles a weak smile. He doesn't feel those words at all.
"Okay," He nods, like he's just been told that it's raining outside or he's wearing odd socks. "Thank you, Coach."
"Kevin, did you..." Abby's voice is soft as she reaches out. "Did you hear what David said?"
His eyes are empty, someplace far away, but his voice does not shake as he says, "I did."
For a while, maybe, they don't let him leave the room. He's quiet, disassociating, but not yet crying. Not yet throwing things around the room like David expected. Not yet begging for a bottle of vodka.
Does Renee come to the door first, or Neil? Does Abby answer the door because David asked her to, and what snaps him out of it? Is it Renee saying, "I called Jean. I told him to avoid the news," or is it Neil saying, "Have you told him yet?" that snaps him back into the real world, back to reality, to Jean can't find out, to Jean is alone, to Neil knows, to oh my god to this is real to Riko's dead and Riko's dead and Riko's dead.
Everything is familiar and nothing is the same. His body tells him he’s allowed to mourn his mom now, but he can’t handle it, and he can’t handle Riko being dead and Jean not knowing and Riko being dead and his mom isn’t here and he just. can’t. get his head around it. It’s all of a sudden messy and loud and confusing. He can’t let himself think about how Riko probably didn’t kill himself, he can’t ask himself why Neil knew before he did. He can’t believe it. If he believes it then it’s real and it’s his fault and who has him now? That was Riko’s job. To stop him from mourning so he could keep his eye on the prize and now he has it; They won the season. He put all his focus on exy, and look where it got him. All those lessons, all that burying of his feelings and compartmentalising to deal with it later hits him at once like a fucking truck and I think Kevin had the breakdowns of all breakdowns that day.
I think whatever happened to Jean on his own in that dorm room would’ve happened to Kevin, and more. He’s lucky that he wasn’t alone, I suppose, but it still doesn’t make it any easier. He’s tall, and he’s strong, and his head isn’t in the room when he’s throwing shit at the walls and screaming like it’ll help make things make sense. He doesn’t see where the chair lands. He doesn’t see who the books are thrown at. There is a chance that not one person in that room has ever seen anyone lose their mind so quickly, and intensely before. Because it’s not just Riko, it’s his mom, it’s his childhood, it’s his future, it’s his abuser, it’s his brother, it’s his identity and purpose and fuck, it’s Riko. Who is he without Riko?
If I keep going this will just end up far too long but oh lordy lord I think you’re absolutely right
tfc trailer would go so insanely hard because i'd end it with the bit on KF where the crowd all starts chanting KING KING KING and the camera cuts progressively faster between neil and kevin and andrew in the crowd and then right before riko steps onstage we get black screen and then the date the season comes out. Somebody give me infinite money i could DO IT
Kevin Day falls into Raven habits without even realizing it. Despite his best efforts to adjust to a normal life. He runs laps to keep himself awake because he's never quite adjusted to 24 hour days. He struggles to eat anything he perceives as unhealthy despite his dependence on alcohol. When he gets frustrated he plays with a brutality ingrained in him since he was old enough to hold a racquet. He refuses to go anywhere without Andrew, without a partner. Do you think when he wakes up in the middle of the night, to a dark room, he looks over at the other bed expecting Riko to be there? Do you think he traces the ghost of a 2 on his cheek, hidden beneath a chess piece tattoo, out of habit? Do you think despite being a fox he feels as though he'll always be one of them? That, despite it all, he'll always be a Raven?
Constantly obsessed with the concept of a man forced to be a myth. What do you do when every step you take is embedded into the text. Every word you say prose to read. You're part of something bigger than yourself. The narrative tugs you along like water currents. There is no time to rest, to be human. You must be great, you must be legend
‘Do Not Open’ is still one of my favorite episodes because of this absolute legend. He’s at the top of my list of badass people who survived encounters because they just ain’t with that shit.
An icon.
a specific detail i love in stories is when two characters who share a deep understanding of each other nevertheless only addresses each other by their title or last name, which somehow makes it even more intimate than if they were to just call each other by their first names. it’s about the veil of propriety, the false detachment and imposed distance, it’s about the restraint, the high esteem held in each other, the meeting-each-other-at-the-boundary-and-stop-before-crossing-it, making it even clearer they both KNOW where it is; all at once both full of yearning and of fond contentment
fandom talks a lot about kevin being a cult survivor and that shaping his personality & world view but a lot of the time the fact that he was also an abuse survivor on a personal level out of the conversation like even before riko broke his hand, he was very much abusing kevin, maybe not as blatantly and visibly as he was abusing jean, but it was still happening. that kind of persistent emotional and verbal abuse is so so damaging, and it can be even more insidious when it's coming from a "loved one." remember that at one point, kevin and riko considered each other family. they were children together, they loved each other. kevin loved and trusted riko as a brother, so when the abuse began mounting and mounting, it wasn't just coming from a teammate or coach, it was coming from someone he loves
i think sometimes people judge him way too harshly for his fear and coping mechanisms and attitude, but like. you can't ask someone who has suffered like that to be well-adjusted
forever in love with the fact that andrew minyard is a goalie. with the fact that his position is the final line of defense, the one who has everyone’s back, the dependable one. that he was there even before neil and kevin, even when everyone still saw him only as the monster.
in love with how andrew makes deals for defending the goal just like he made deals for defending kevin and aaron and neil, how he shares the position with renee just like he shared the responsibility of protecting the team with her.
in love with the way exy is as much of a lifeline for him as it is for neil even though he doesn’t share his love for it, the way he used his skills to help the people he loved—first getting aaron and nicky their scholarships, then helping kevin and neil—and also to stay close to them, to be sure he can protect them, positioning himself to always have their backs.
sometimes i randomly remember how insane maggie stiefvater was for making ronan lynch—a man that can create reality—a man of god, when he himself is a god of a man. then to take this man and have him be not only in love with, but a literal soulmate of a man named adam. parrish. adam parrish. who, mind you, lives above ronan's very own place of worship. and is the namesake of the first of mankind that the bible says god made from the literal dust of the ground (adam parrish: comes from nothing, hair "dusty" in color) and appoints him to care for the garden of eden (adam parrish: sacrifices himself to ronan's sentient forest). then has adam viewing ronan as a god and ronan saying "maybe he dreamt (created)" adam???? like who just fucking writes that and goes about their life?
i think maybe the reason so many people see kevin as a coward in comparison to neil is because... they are approaching the year the series takes place from vastly different mindsets. neil has already come to terms that he's running out of time. he knows he'll be dead by the end of the year and he has nothing to lose. he is, in comparison, unafraid/brave/whatever you want to call it, because he has already accepted the inevitability of death and so... there's nothing else to be afraid of.
but kevin – kevin is desperate to live. he's finally out of the nest and facing his first chance at a real life, and that means he has everything to lose. he has a new family, he has his father, he has a very precarious chance at freedom, and he has an abuser who is actively trying to sabotage all of that. to him, any act of defiance has the potential to take everything he has, including his life. you can't judge his character through the same lens as neil because it's entirely incompatible with him.
neil has nothing to lose and kevin has everything to lose, of course he's going to seem "cowardly" in comparison
im so much more interested in a hoo that lets Percy keep the status and power he'd left off with in the Last Olympian and explores how he grapples with that instead of immediately forcing him back into the role of the underdog at the expanse of his prior development. Let the fact that he alone has the title the "Savior of Olympus" mean something. Let the fact that he is the sole survivor of the great prophecy mean something. Let the Curse of Achilles mean something. Let us see how it's a curse and how it could warp his sense of self. Let Percy be on a completely different playing field than the rest of the seven (or even the other children of the big three at this point) and show us how it alienates him.
i was thinking about it and although esra does travel back to '41 successfully (albeit a little later than intended) and is reunited with halit, 1979!halit never sees esra again.
he says that "let's hope we succeed this time" but really he means "you"... bc sure esra may go back in time and reunite with halit but this version of him is just going to have this one day with her bc she's not coming back to the 70s.
so when he's closing that hotel room door behind him, halit is walking away from her forever — forced to go on living knowing she's gone to a different time with a different halit on a different path.
these scenes with '79 halit just keep pulling me in bc selahattin did such a phenomenal job here communicating the THIRTY-EIGHT years halit has spent alone, in this hellscape of a timeline. you can just see it in his eyes, what he has had to do, what he's felt, how he's survived purely to do the right thing...with some distant hope that he will see esra again
iactuallycan'tdothis!!!!😭😭
okay okay okay…….
kevin day is 100% one of the loneliest people in the entire world. this is pretty much accepted. he grew up in an abusive household, the property of a family of monsters that didn’t bother to teach him how to be compassionate. the only affection or tenderness he likely received was from jean, who only gave it when kevin had been physically harmed, so there’s a good chance kevin equated kindness with pain. kindness with a punishment, whether psychological or physical. whether his pain or someone else’s.
oh? they’re joking around with me? this equals pain, yes? riko will make sure this equals pain.
so, let’s say he goes out of his way to avoid interactions with his new teammates, because with those interactions comes pain.
dan grins at him, asks him if he wants to go for lunch, but there’s the sharp slap of riko’s open palm against his cheek. renee smiles softly at him but all he can see his jean’s blood smeared across his fingers. matt nudges him with his elbow, asks him if he wants to play some video game, but there’s the heavy boot of riko’s heel on the back of his neck. allison isn’t so much kind as ‘your cheekbones could cut glass and your ass is the 8th wonder of the world’, but there’s the excruciating pain of every bone in his hand shattering.
then some fucko comes along, who grew up with the same lessons, the same punishments, the same strange vein of compassion and empathy. and suddenly, it’s all different. because he’s accepted, he’s a part of them. his past hasn’t made him unlovable, what he’s done hasn’t made him impossible to care about.
maybe - maybe. maybe kevin can have that too. kevin can have love, can have friends, can have a family. kevin can have kindness (or whatever andrew’s version of kindness is) and not have it be synonymous with pain.